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Feb. 10th, 2010 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglySo, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wanttobeatree wanted a modern-day Sherlock Holmes AU where they were Supernatural fanboys and Holmes spent a lot of time trolling and being dumb. So, you know. That sounded good to me. Really, it's kind of like my Sweets/Castiel fic (fake fandom_wank posts included), but, you know, with a fandom I have never written before.
As Seen On Urban Dictionary
Holmes/Watson (ish), R
Warnings: dissing on Dean/Castiel (by Holmes), trolling, stupidity, images.
*
"Troll," reads Watson. "One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument." He flicks his eyes to Holmes. "The second definition is not 'Sherlock Holmes,' I assume only because you don't go by your real name in fandom."
Holmes snorts. "Maximum discussion and interest, Watson, honestly."
"If you wanted discussion, you would post to discussion forums."
"Livejournal is a discussion forum."
Watson sighs. "I'm not going to defend you here, you realize."
"Of course not. You'll see from the wank report that it's my job to defend you. They're very clear about it."
"I have a chapter to finish tonight," says Watson. "Will you be able to stay out of trouble while I work?"
"Of course," says Holmes. "You don't have to watch me at all times, Watson."
Watson snorts, but turns back to his computer.
"Oh, really," says Holmes. "This is ridiculous."
"I'm not listening," says Watson.
"I don't understand the point of writing incest if one is only going to normalize it. It's no fun if they simply--"
"I'm putting in my headphones now, Holmes."
*
me: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/22598319.html
John: you astound me, Holmes
me: I am rather astounding
I'm glad you recognize it
John is busy. You may be interrupting.
me: really, Watson
passive aggressive much?
*
Holmes first met Watson at college, at the anime club. Holmes had joined when they were watching the complete works of Miyazaki, which he enjoyed, and stayed when they started watching Dragonball Z, which he enjoyed mocking. Watson's girlfriend at the time had been into anime, but Watson's interest in her was waning, and so, he was happy to mock right along with Holmes.
It was the beginning of a relationship that could be described by many adjectives, some of them positive.
*
"It's simply my belief," says Holmes, "that to take the series in a Dean/Castiel direction is a cop out."
"I think having a gay angel is probably as revolutionary as having gay incest," says Watson, without looking up. He has to have this part up by midnight, and Holmes still hasn't betaed it.
"Not the way the canon presents it. After all, Dean having sex with Anna wasn't particularly blasphemous, was it?"
"You know that neither of these pairings will ever become canon, don't you?"
"More's the pity," says Holmes. "Eric Kripke has such a fantastic story here, if only I was writing it."
"This is why people hate you, Holmes."
"I always thought it was just jealousy."
*
To date, as far as Watson knows, there have been 15like_jesus_son/dr_watsup fics written. Eight of them contain graphic m/m sex, four of them contain graphic f/f sex (because the writers didn't believe that Holmes and Watson were actually men), and two of them were written by Holmes himself, when Watson was dating quiet_contrary and Holmes wanted to break them up.
Watson saw right through him, but, to be honest, he'd been looking for a way out of that relationship anyway.
*
"You already have a Dean amulet," says Holmes. "But we don't have food for this month. Can you figure out the problem here, Watson?"
"This one is nicer," says Watson.
"Did you buy me that Sam shirt I liked?"
"No, it was ugly. I'm waiting for a better one."
Holmes makes a noise of disgust. "But you bought yourself the Dean one."
"It wasn't ugly."
"Sam Winchester is not ugly, Watson. Frankly, I'm disgusted by your implication."
"I didn't imply that. You inferred it."
"Don't be pedantic, Watson."
Watson snorts. "Really, Holmes. This coming from you?"
"It's cute on me," says Holmes. "It's just sad on you."
*
*
"We can hitchhike," says Holmes, with a surprising air of desperation.
"Or," says Watson, "we could take the bus, be sure we'll arrive, and share a bed."
"It isn't just sharing a bed, Watson," says Holmes. "It's sharing a room with fangirls."
"You are a fangirl, Holmes. And it's Mary and her friends."
"Given the circumstances of your breakup, I would think Mary would be less than thrilled by our sharing a bed in her room."
"She knows you wrote that story, Holmes."
"She told me it was hot and she wanted to see more," says Holmes, looking perturbed.
"Exactly," says Watson. "She's giving us a discount on the room," he adds.
"Tell her I still can't support Dean/Castiel."
"I'll let her know."
*
The bed is very small.
Holmes inspects it. "This is a cot."
"There are three of us to a bed," says Mary. She looks smug. "There isn't any room for you."
"Three-on-one sounds like an excellent ratio to me," says Holmes, with a half-hearted leer. He has trouble genuinely flirting with Mary. He's just not that into her.
"No," says Mary. "You and John can share the cot." She smiles. "It will build character."
"I have plenty of character," says Holmes, scowling. "But you're right. Watson is rather two-dimensional." He gives her a look. "The Castiel of the real world, if you will."
Mary sighs loftily. "Samgirls."
*
"Pinch me, Holmes."
Holmes, obligingly, gooses Watson's ass.
"Not there!"
"You should have specified," says Holmes. "Calm down. He's only an actor."
"Only an actor? Holmes, this is Jensen Ackles."
"All he's going to do is sign your shirt."
"You don't think he'd sign my body, do you?"
"Watson, we've starved for this. I'd prefer not to be kicked out now. Get a hold of yourself."
"You already had quite the hold of me," Watson hisses.
The girls in front of them go up in a gaggle, and they catch a glimpse of Jensen Ackles. Live and in person.
Holmes is, admittedly, a Samgirl, but he still feels a swoon coming on.
*
The physics of it are rather daunting.
"I'll lie down first," says Holmes. "If there's room, you can slot yourself in."
"Why don't I lie down and you slot yourself in?" asks Watson.
"You're larger."
"Exactly. You'll fit more places."
"That's vulgar, Watson. I'm not going to dignify it with an answer."
"Shut up and go to sleep," says Watson. "We have the tour of the set tomorrow."
"And the actor Q&A," says Holmes. Watson has an arm around him. It's unfortunately necessary. Holmes doesn't know how else to manage.
"Please don't embarrass me in front of Jensen Ackles, Holmes."
"Who, me?"
*
"Before I get to the real question, I have to ask--how extensive is your knowledge Etruscan linguistics?"
Jared Padalecki is a fantastic actor, because his smile doesn't falter. "Sorry? I don't think I heard that."
"Etruscan linguistics," says Holmes. "I suppose any Tyrsenian language would be--"
"Sit down, Holmes."
*
"You're poking me, Watson."
"No, I'm not."
"I can feel something digging in to my thigh."
"No, you can't."
"Are you sure you're not currently aroused?"
"I think I would notice."
"What if I wiggle a little?"
"Holmes, I want to sleep."
*
me: how's the ex?
Mary: as expected
me: the living embodiment of the rps spirit?
Mary: they had a pillow fight earlier
Holmes used tactics adopted from General Robert E. Lee
John punched him in the mouth
me: but no sex?
Mary: Holmes keeps hitting Watson with a banana and asking if he's happy to see him
it's only a matter of time
*
*
me: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/2354719.html
John is busy. You may be interrupting.
John: Holmes, I'm working.
me: so am I
it's hard to be this cool
John: I'm very proud of you
shut up
wanttobeatree wanted a modern-day Sherlock Holmes AU where they were Supernatural fanboys and Holmes spent a lot of time trolling and being dumb. So, you know. That sounded good to me. Really, it's kind of like my Sweets/Castiel fic (fake fandom_wank posts included), but, you know, with a fandom I have never written before.As Seen On Urban Dictionary
Holmes/Watson (ish), R
Warnings: dissing on Dean/Castiel (by Holmes), trolling, stupidity, images.
*
"Troll," reads Watson. "One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument." He flicks his eyes to Holmes. "The second definition is not 'Sherlock Holmes,' I assume only because you don't go by your real name in fandom."
Holmes snorts. "Maximum discussion and interest, Watson, honestly."
"If you wanted discussion, you would post to discussion forums."
"Livejournal is a discussion forum."
Watson sighs. "I'm not going to defend you here, you realize."
"Of course not. You'll see from the wank report that it's my job to defend you. They're very clear about it."
"I have a chapter to finish tonight," says Watson. "Will you be able to stay out of trouble while I work?"
"Of course," says Holmes. "You don't have to watch me at all times, Watson."
Watson snorts, but turns back to his computer.
"Oh, really," says Holmes. "This is ridiculous."
"I'm not listening," says Watson.
"I don't understand the point of writing incest if one is only going to normalize it. It's no fun if they simply--"
"I'm putting in my headphones now, Holmes."
*
me: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/22598319.html
John: you astound me, Holmes
me: I am rather astounding
I'm glad you recognize it
John is busy. You may be interrupting.
me: really, Watson
passive aggressive much?
*
Holmes first met Watson at college, at the anime club. Holmes had joined when they were watching the complete works of Miyazaki, which he enjoyed, and stayed when they started watching Dragonball Z, which he enjoyed mocking. Watson's girlfriend at the time had been into anime, but Watson's interest in her was waning, and so, he was happy to mock right along with Holmes.
It was the beginning of a relationship that could be described by many adjectives, some of them positive.
*
"It's simply my belief," says Holmes, "that to take the series in a Dean/Castiel direction is a cop out."
"I think having a gay angel is probably as revolutionary as having gay incest," says Watson, without looking up. He has to have this part up by midnight, and Holmes still hasn't betaed it.
"Not the way the canon presents it. After all, Dean having sex with Anna wasn't particularly blasphemous, was it?"
"You know that neither of these pairings will ever become canon, don't you?"
"More's the pity," says Holmes. "Eric Kripke has such a fantastic story here, if only I was writing it."
"This is why people hate you, Holmes."
"I always thought it was just jealousy."
*
To date, as far as Watson knows, there have been 15
like_jesus_son/dr_watsup fics written. Eight of them contain graphic m/m sex, four of them contain graphic f/f sex (because the writers didn't believe that Holmes and Watson were actually men), and two of them were written by Holmes himself, when Watson was dating quiet_contrary and Holmes wanted to break them up.Watson saw right through him, but, to be honest, he'd been looking for a way out of that relationship anyway.
*
"You already have a Dean amulet," says Holmes. "But we don't have food for this month. Can you figure out the problem here, Watson?"
"This one is nicer," says Watson.
"Did you buy me that Sam shirt I liked?"
"No, it was ugly. I'm waiting for a better one."
Holmes makes a noise of disgust. "But you bought yourself the Dean one."
"It wasn't ugly."
"Sam Winchester is not ugly, Watson. Frankly, I'm disgusted by your implication."
"I didn't imply that. You inferred it."
"Don't be pedantic, Watson."
Watson snorts. "Really, Holmes. This coming from you?"
"It's cute on me," says Holmes. "It's just sad on you."
*
*
"We can hitchhike," says Holmes, with a surprising air of desperation.
"Or," says Watson, "we could take the bus, be sure we'll arrive, and share a bed."
"It isn't just sharing a bed, Watson," says Holmes. "It's sharing a room with fangirls."
"You are a fangirl, Holmes. And it's Mary and her friends."
"Given the circumstances of your breakup, I would think Mary would be less than thrilled by our sharing a bed in her room."
"She knows you wrote that story, Holmes."
"She told me it was hot and she wanted to see more," says Holmes, looking perturbed.
"Exactly," says Watson. "She's giving us a discount on the room," he adds.
"Tell her I still can't support Dean/Castiel."
"I'll let her know."
*
The bed is very small.
Holmes inspects it. "This is a cot."
"There are three of us to a bed," says Mary. She looks smug. "There isn't any room for you."
"Three-on-one sounds like an excellent ratio to me," says Holmes, with a half-hearted leer. He has trouble genuinely flirting with Mary. He's just not that into her.
"No," says Mary. "You and John can share the cot." She smiles. "It will build character."
"I have plenty of character," says Holmes, scowling. "But you're right. Watson is rather two-dimensional." He gives her a look. "The Castiel of the real world, if you will."
Mary sighs loftily. "Samgirls."
*
"Pinch me, Holmes."
Holmes, obligingly, gooses Watson's ass.
"Not there!"
"You should have specified," says Holmes. "Calm down. He's only an actor."
"Only an actor? Holmes, this is Jensen Ackles."
"All he's going to do is sign your shirt."
"You don't think he'd sign my body, do you?"
"Watson, we've starved for this. I'd prefer not to be kicked out now. Get a hold of yourself."
"You already had quite the hold of me," Watson hisses.
The girls in front of them go up in a gaggle, and they catch a glimpse of Jensen Ackles. Live and in person.
Holmes is, admittedly, a Samgirl, but he still feels a swoon coming on.
*
The physics of it are rather daunting.
"I'll lie down first," says Holmes. "If there's room, you can slot yourself in."
"Why don't I lie down and you slot yourself in?" asks Watson.
"You're larger."
"Exactly. You'll fit more places."
"That's vulgar, Watson. I'm not going to dignify it with an answer."
"Shut up and go to sleep," says Watson. "We have the tour of the set tomorrow."
"And the actor Q&A," says Holmes. Watson has an arm around him. It's unfortunately necessary. Holmes doesn't know how else to manage.
"Please don't embarrass me in front of Jensen Ackles, Holmes."
"Who, me?"
*
"Before I get to the real question, I have to ask--how extensive is your knowledge Etruscan linguistics?"
Jared Padalecki is a fantastic actor, because his smile doesn't falter. "Sorry? I don't think I heard that."
"Etruscan linguistics," says Holmes. "I suppose any Tyrsenian language would be--"
"Sit down, Holmes."
*
"You're poking me, Watson."
"No, I'm not."
"I can feel something digging in to my thigh."
"No, you can't."
"Are you sure you're not currently aroused?"
"I think I would notice."
"What if I wiggle a little?"
"Holmes, I want to sleep."
*
me: how's the ex?
Mary: as expected
me: the living embodiment of the rps spirit?
Mary: they had a pillow fight earlier
Holmes used tactics adopted from General Robert E. Lee
John punched him in the mouth
me: but no sex?
Mary: Holmes keeps hitting Watson with a banana and asking if he's happy to see him
it's only a matter of time
*
*
me: http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/2354719.html
John is busy. You may be interrupting.
John: Holmes, I'm working.
me: so am I
it's hard to be this cool
John: I'm very proud of you
shut up
