(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

I'm hoping to post A LOT OF FIC today for help_haiti. Here's the first! Leverage, gen, Hardison tries to convince Eliot and Parker that video games are cool, for katestamps.


As soon as they arrive, Eliot and Parker realize this isn't a normal meeting.

"Where's Nate?" asks Eliot.

"This isn't a meeting for Nate," says Hardison.

"But Nate's in charge," says Parker.

"This isn't a job. This is about you two, and your little problem."

"I don't have a problem," says Eliot.

"I don't have a little problem," says Parker.

Hardison switches on the screen. "Video games. You two got this weird prejudice against video games, and I think it's time for that to stop."

"You called us in here on a Sunday morning to talk about video games?" asks Eliot. "Do you have a death wish, Hardison?"

"Listen, not liking video games, it's like--not liking movies, man. It's lumping them all together, and I promise there's something for you."

"Why would I want to play a game where I beat someone up when I could just go and beat someone up?" asks Eliot.

"Can I make real money from video games, or just fake money?"

"Because it's fun," says Hardison, pointing to Eliot, "and that depends on the game," he says, pointing to Parker. "See, that's what I'm saying! We have got to get past these kinds of baseless generalizations! It's just a matter of finding the game for you."

*

"Okay," says Hardison. "First step is making your person. It can be anybody."

"Can it be Nate?"

"Yeah, it can be Nate! Or me or you or some made-up person. This is the beauty of The Sims, you can make anybody. My favorite family is from Dr. Who."

"Dr. Who?"

"It's a show--look, never mind. You want it to be Nate, make Nate."

"What's it going to do?"

"It's going to have a life."

"Because you don't?" asks Eliot.

"Because it's fun. What's wrong with fun, Eliot, tell me that."

"I like fun. This is lame."

"You haven't even played yet, man. See, this is what I'm talking about with the prejudice. You haven't even tried it and you're already saying it sucks."

"That's because I know it sucks."

"I'm going to give Nate a really big nose," says Parker. "And an ugly shirt."

"See? Getting into the spirit of things! I like it. Eliot, you should learn from her."

"Is there a game that lets me punch you?"

"I think I can come up with something."

*

"So I take a remote--"

"Wiimote."

"I'm not saying that, it's stupid. I take a remote and I punch with it, and it's like I'm punching you?"

"Pretty much," says Hardison.

"And why wouldn't I just punch you?"

"Because we're friends, and that would hurt."

"That's the point, Hardison."

"Look, we're wiiboxing. If you don't like it, we can try something else."

"Why would I wiibox when I can just box?"

"We're about to find out, if you'll just shut up and play."

"I'm getting Nate a job in the criminal career!" calls Parker from the computer.

"Good job, Parker!"

Eliot sighs.

*

By the end of the day, Eliot has admitted that Wii Sports are not as fun as real sports, but are fun for mouth breathers who don't have any real friends.

"If I don't have any real friends, what are you doing here?" asks Hardison.

"Shut up."

"Nate's a bank robber!" says Parker.

"You have created a monster," hisses Eliot.

Hardison grins. "Yeah. I know."