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Oct. 30th, 2009 02:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyJared Padalecki decides to change his life on February 24.
He announces it to Tim and Colin on the 25th, after he's already done it, so that he can't wuss out.
"So some people," he starts, glaring at Tim, "think my love for Jensen Ackles is embarrassing and pathetic."
"It's embarrassing and I feel pathos," says Tim, who has been doing SAT prep and mostly sounds like a tool these days.
"Right," says Jared. "Anyway. He's graduating at the end of the year, and I have to admit that it'll be really sad if I don't say more than three words to him before then."
"What three words did you ever say to Jensen Ackles?" asks Colin.
"One time, I was in cutting through the senior hallway going to gym, and I bumped into him, and I said 'oh, excuse me.'"
"And then he blushed for the whole rest of the day," says Tim. "It was kind of cute, in a really sad way. Like a three-legged puppy."
"Will you guys shut up?" asks Jared. "I have a plan to stop being a pathetic loser."
"That'll be the day."
"Fuck you both," says Jared. "Do you want to hear this or not?"
"I guess," says Colin. "I'm morbidly curious."
"So, the spring play. Jensen's one of the directors this year. And I'm going to try out. So, you know, he has to talk to me a little. Even if it's just to tell me to get off the stage because I suck so much."
"You probably will," says Tim.
"But it's not actually a bad plan," Colin grants. "I mean, he's a big enough theater geek that he got picked for student directing. He's got to be at least a little gay, right?"
"Exactly," says Jared. "I'm glad stereotyping is alive and well, douchebag."
"You're the one who wears pink all the time," says Colin.
"Anyway," says Jared. "Tryouts are next week, so here's hoping Jensen Ackles and I are headed toward romantic bliss."
"If for no other reason than then you'll shut up about him," Tim agrees.
"You'll regret being this bitchy when I'm a rich, famous actor with an amazingly hot boyfriend."
"Yeah, yeah," says Tim. "I'm cringing, here, Padalecki."
*
Jared has been in love with Jensen Ackles ever since he saw him in the fall musical. They did Kiss Me, Kate and Jensen was pretty much the best thing Jared had ever seen. He feels like a stupid high school cliche, the freshman in love with the popular senior. It's not like Jensen is the captain of the football team or anything (although the football captain actually is dating a freshman, so maybe he'd be better off that way), but he's got a lot of friends, and there are all these girls who go to all his performances and cheer really loud for his bows. Jared does too, but he cheers really loud for everyone and is just generally enthusiastic, so no one's really noticed that he spends about 90% of his day trying to figure out a way to make Jensen Ackles love him.
He's never really done any acting before, but he likes theater and he's seen a lot of movies, so he feels pretty sure he can scrape his way through. And even if he doesn't, Jensen Ackles will know who he is for one shining moment.
The play's called Arcadia, and Jared reads it over the weekend and figures he has a shot at getting cast as the kid who barely has any lines. Someone's gotta do it. Still, the cast is pretty small, and while there weren't a whole lot of names on the signup sheet, he wouldn't be shocked if he just got shunted off for being a freshman. There's a whole lot of seniority involved in high school theater, he knows, and chances are good Jensen will just cast his friends in all the parts.
Still, Jensen is graduating in three short months, and then leaving Jared's life forever. He'll hate himself if he doesn't do something.
*
By Tuesday, audition day, Jared is stressed to all hell, but since he's already told Tim and Colin he's going to do it, he can't really back out of the audition. And the only thing worse than Jensen Ackles knowing him as "that guy who sucked at auditions" would be Jensen Ackles knowing him as "that guy who chickened out of auditions."
"You're going to be fine," says Missy. Missy is Jared's helpful friend, which is why she wasn't the first person he told about the Jensen plan. Missy would be supportive no matter what he did, whereas Tim and Colin will mock him forever if he fails. "Remember the sixth grade play? You were really good in that!"
"I had three lines. Everyone had three lines. It wasn't even on the stage. It was just for our parents."
"Still. They were good lines."
Jared laughs. "Thanks, Missy."
She glances over at the senior table, where Jensen is laughing at something Rachel King is saying. Jensen looks really good when he laughs. He has incredibly white teeth and a gorgeous smile. Jared actually hates him a little. He's the kind of person who should not be possible.
"You think he's dating her?" asks Jared, kind of miserably. Rachel is very pretty. She's Jensen's co-director, and apparently she's always cast as his love interest when they're in plays together. And, of course, everyone agrees that she's sweet and funny and a generally great girl. Jared's even talked to her a little, because she's the TA for his English class, and she's never been anything but helpful and friendly.
Missy shakes her head. "If anyone was dating him, we'd know. You know Kelly Olsen?"
"From history?"
"Yeah. She's got a huge crush on him--not like you, but pretty epic--and she's way more of a stalker. She says he hasn't had a girlfriend since eighth grade."
"Really?" asks Jared. He knew he'd never heard about Jensen having a girlfriend, but he doesn't really like asking anyone about it directly. Jared might be one of the only openly gay guy in the school, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about being subtle with his feelings.
"Promise."
Jared grins.
Missy knocks her knee against his under the table. "Look on the bright side--no matter how that audition goes? Your afternoon is listening to Jensen Ackles talk."
Jared considers that for a minute. "Man," he says, shaking his head, "this is why you're totally my best friend, Missy."
*
"Hey guys," says Jensen. He's alone on the stage, wearing really hot jeans and a button down shirt. Jared wonders if drooling throughout his audition will hurt his chances of getting a part. "My lovely assistant director Rachel is passing out your lines. There's one speech if you're a guy, one if you're a girl. We figured this'd be kind of an equalizer, you know? Go easy on us, it's our first day doing this," he says with a self-deprecating smile. There's a smattering of laughter, which Jared joins in on, and Jensen seems to relax a little. "So, we're gonna start at three. Feel free to read the lines over, take a walk, take a nap, whatever. We're going alphabetically by last name--first to try out is Adams, last is Yang. If you're real curious to see when you go, you can come up and ask me. Otherwise, let's just have a good time, yeah?"
Jared glances over the male lines--they're from Septimus, no surprise, and Jared can't imagine getting that role, but he likes the guy. He's got style. It's not that long, and he's not gonna memorize it anyway, so he figures he might as well go over and ask Jensen when he's going. For completely legitimate reasons.
Jensen's sitting on the stage, talking to a senior whose name Jared thinks is Will, but he looks up when Jared comes over.
"Hey," he says, giving Jared a smile, and Jared hopes he doesn't fall over or something. Puberty is already making him clumsy; puberty and Jensen Ackles' smile might be a fatal combination. "Wanna know when you're going?"
Jared manages his best grin back. Jared is actually a fairly attractive guy--yes, he's only fourteen, but whatever. He's a fairly attractive fourteen. A lot of the girls in his grade were very sad when he came out. It's not inconceivable that Jensen might think he's cute. "Yeah," he says. "The suspense is killing me."
"What's your name?" asks Jensen. "Don't think we've met."
"Jared Padalecki."
"Right, Padalecki, I remember that one," says Jensen, grinning. "I'm Jensen Ackles." He actually, honest to god, holds out his hand, and Jared shakes it. It's one of those "I'll never wash this hand again" moments.
"Nice to meet you."
"Freshman?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah. That obvious?"
"I just know pretty much everyone else," Jensen says. "You're going lucky seventeen, after Jodi O'Neill."
Jared nods. "Okay, thanks."
Jensen looks like he's about to say something else, but someone comes up behind him.
"Hey, Ackles, tell me when I'm going," says whoever it is, and Jared moves out of the way as Jensen's attention shifts.
"I don't want you in my play, Erickson, just get out now," Jensen shoots back, and Jared sneaks out into the hall to look over his lines. He figures it would be awkward to spend the whole prep time staring longingly or something.
A while later, Jensen sticks his head out the door. "Hey, Jared? We're about ready to start. Anyone else out here?"
"Haven't seen anyone," says Jared. He stands up and wipes his hands on his jeans.
Jensen smiles. "Nervous?"
"A little. First audition."
"Don't worry. Worst case scenario, you don't get cast until next year. It's not a big school for drama, so unless you totally suck you're gonna get something soon."
"I'm so reassured," says Jared, and Jensen laughs. It's an awesome feeling, making Jensen laugh.
"Come on. Just between you and me? Brenden Erickson is trying out as a joke. There is no way you're going to be as bad as him. So you won't be the worst one."
"Now I'm going to feel really crappy when I'm worst."
Jensen laughs again. "I'll stop trying to help now."
Jared grins. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that."
*
Brenden Erickson does his entire audition like he's William Shatner, and everyone who goes after him is clearly more relaxed. No one seems stellar to Jared; he recognizes some people who were in the musical, knows some in passing and even a few by name, but for the most part, this isn't his crowd. He's always been comfortable in front of people, though, and when it's his turn he thinks he projects pretty well (god knows he can be loud), emotes decently, and looks comfortable. He feels like he was definitely better than some people (even people who were not Brenden Erickson), and didn't feel that much worse than anyone.
"Okay!" says Rachel, once Eileen Yang finishes her soliloquy. "Thanks for trying out, everyone. We had a totally awesome turnout, and with the exception of Brenden, you all did great."
"Bite me!" Brenden yells from next to Jensen. Everyone laughs.
"So, we're gonna try to have the cast list up early next week, assuming Jensen can make himself help me after his birthday rager."
Jensen groans.
"He's not gonna know his own name after that," says Brenden. "You only turn eighteen once."
"Anyway," says Rachel firmly. "Check back next Monday for the cast list. Thanks again, everybody!"
Jared starts filing out with everyone else, but Jensen grabs his arm as he passes.
"Good job," he says, giving Jared a warm smile. "Really."
Jared flushes dark red. "Thanks," he says.
"See you," Jensen says, and it sounds like he means it.
Maybe Jared's got a chance after all.
*
"I can't look," says Jared on Monday, burying his face in Colin's backpack.
"Then I guess you're never gonna know," says Colin remorselessly, "cuz I'm not telling you."
"You're cruel and unusual," says Jared. "I can't believe you call yourself my friend."
"I can stop if you want. Honestly, you're kind of embarrassing me right now."
Jared takes a deep breath. "I already met my goal. More than three words. Everything after this is gravy, right?"
"If it makes you feel better, yes."
Jared raises his head, steels himself, and goes over and checks the list.
He scrolls down, heart sinking as he doesn't find his name, and then there it is, second from the bottom: Valentine Coverly: Jared Padalecki.
His name's even spelled right.
"Holy shit," says Jared. "Holy shit."
"What?"
"I have lines. Like, more lines than other people. Not a ton, but--I'm kind of a person! Holy shit!"
"Congratulations," says Colin. "I've dreamed of this day for so long."
"You are an awful friend and I hate you."
"I know you do. But seriously. Congrats, Padalecki. That's pretty cool."
Jared scans the sheet again, picking out a few names he knows from the cast, checking the rehearsal times for this week--it looks like he's going to be after every day.
"This is the best thing ever," says Jared, staring at Jensen's name at the top of the sheet.
"Do we need to have an emergency meeting to pick out what you're going to wear tomorrow?"
"Shut up," says Jared absently, but he can't work up any kind of real heat. Life is just too good.
*
There were about thirty-five people auditioning, and the cast is down to twelve. Jared feels a little self-conscious about it--the more he looks at it, the bigger his role feels, and he can't quite wrap his head around the idea that he really was better than other people, that he was picked for something that might possibly be the fifth largest role.
"Hi everybody!" says Rachel. Jensen is wearing glasses, which is unfair, and a black long-sleeved shirt under a soft-looking gray t-shirt with jeans. He fills it all out really well, and Jared wonders how he never finds anything that looks that good on him. It just doesn't happen. "Congratulations on making the play! We're really excited, and we hope you are too."
"If you haven't gotten a chance to pick up your copy of the script yet, you can get them in a minute," says Jensen, "but first we're gonna cover a little of our rehearsal format. The play's at the end of April, so we have about two months before everyone has to know their lines and look good in their costumes."
"If you've read the script, you know that the play's got two different sets of people. Pretty much you have the 1800s cast--that's Mary, Jim, Michael, Kurt, Evan, Eileen, and Ian--and the modern day cast--Erin, Leslie, Paul, and Jared. Mitchell, you're kind of special, your character actually appears in both time periods, so you need to keep an eye on scenes even more than everyone else."
"Since we've got two directors and two casts, we're dividing our focus," says Jensen. "Rachel's going to be the primary director for the 1800s cast, and I'll be primary on the modern cast. This week, everyone's called every day, so if you're in the first cast, be prepared to get to know Rachel a lot better. Otherwise you're stuck with me."
"And we're just gonna flip a coin for Mitchell," says Rachel, with a smile at the kid so he knows she's joking.
"In a minute, we're gonna let you get your scripts if you don't have them and just do a basic, no frills read-through. But first, since I don't know everybody, and I'm guessing no one else does either, we're gonna do some icebreaker games." There are a few good-natured groans, and Jensen laughs. "I know, I know. I don't like them either. Just shut up and get in a circle. We'll start off easy. Everyone tell us their name, their grade, their role, and their pornstar name. Which is first pet's name and first street you lived on, if you didn't know."
"Jensen will start," says Rachel, "because his pornstar name is totally ridiculous and everyone else will feel better about theirs."
"Thanks," says Jensen dryly. He grins and waves anyway. "In case you don't know, I'm Jensen, I'm a senior, I don't have a role, and my pornstar name is Pudgy Midway. Yeah, yeah, shut up."
Rachel laughs. "Rachel, senior, Felix Oak."
"Erin," volunteers the girl next to her, who's playing Hannah, Jared's pretty sure, "I'm a junior, I'm playing Hannah Jarvis, and, um--Pongo Washington?"
They keep going, and Jared tries to keep up. It's mostly seniors, as he suspected, but it's definitely not every senior who tried out, and they're not all in huge parts. Jared is almost positive Ian from his math class is the only other freshman, but there's someone from every grade. A pretty good spread.
"Hi," he says, when it comes to him. "I'm Jared, I'm a freshman, I'm playing Valentine, and my pornstar name is Thumper Longwood."
"Bullshit," says Jensen, and then flushes when he realizes what he said. "I mean--seriously?"
Jared laughs. "No joke," he says, holding up his hands. "My older brother--he'd kill me for telling you this--was a huge Bambi fan, and he talked our parents into getting him this fat, ugly bunny, and he named it Thumper. And I lived on Longwood Street in San Antonio til I was five."
"I really hope no one can beat that," says Jensen, still laughing. "But we definitely have a new champion. Congratulations, Jared. It's a dubious honor."
Jared thinks if it would keep Jensen smiling at him like that, he'd be willing to change his name to Thumper Longwood.
*
It turns out theater is actually fun. Jared's intentions in joining might not have been completely (or at all) pure, but as it turns out, it's kind of his thing. He likes slipping into Valentine, even just in the read-through, and the other kids are fun, kind of goofy and cool, for the most part. He gets the impression the girl playing Thomasina might be a bit of a diva, but the guy playing Septimus seems good at teasing her down, and they make a good team.
They don't make it all the way through before the last bus leaves, so Jensen tells them they'll pick up tomorrow before breaking into their groups and releases them.
"Hey, Jared!" he says as Jared's grabbing his backpack, and Jared turns. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"
Jared blinks. He's a little concerned about the bus, but he figures Jensen doesn't want to get stranded at the school either, so he shrugs on his bag and trots over.
"Yeah?"
"I just wanted to check in about the math and stuff."
"Huh?"
"Valentine's kind of got a lot of technical stuff," Jensen clarifies. "I mean, Thomasina and Septimus do too, but Mary and Jim have taken physics and calc and stuff, so they said they were set. You didn't seem bad in the read-through or anything," he adds quickly, "I just did some Shakespeare over the summer, and I know how important it is to really understand what you're saying."
"I mostly get it," says Jared hesitantly. "I did some research on, like, wikipedia for stuff I didn't get, but I didn't know I was Valentine then so I didn't really focus on his stuff."
Jensen looks surprised. "You read it before?"
Jared blushes. "Um, before auditions, yeah. I wanted to be prepared."
Jensen grins. "No, that's awesome, seriously. I just--if you ever need help figuring anything else, don't hesitate to ask. I know it can be embarrassing, but, seriously, I didn't get a lot of this when I first read it."
Jared smiles a little hesitantly. "Okay, thanks."
"That goes for anything," he says. "If you're ever having trouble, let me know. I know it can be embarrassing to ask in front of everyone."
"I appreciate it," says Jared.
Jensen glances at the clock. "I don't think you missed the bus, but you'd probably have to run for it. I can give you a ride if you want."
Jared stares. Jensen Ackles is offering him a ride. He's going to be in Jensen Ackles' car. Admittedly, Jensen probably isn't going to fuck him in the back seat like he has occasionally fantasized, but it's closer than he ever thought he'd get to that particular daydream. "I don't want to be a bother," says Jared, because his mama raised him right.
"Seriously, no problem," says Jensen. "The late bus sucks, I know."
"Yeah," says Jared. "A ride would be great, then."
Jensen smiles. "Let me just grab my bag."
Jared follows Jensen backstage and says bye to Rachel with him. He's nervous, more nervous than he had been at any other part of rehearsal, and he wonders if Jensen lives anywhere near him. He's really excited for Jensen's car, but he doesn't really want to put Jensen out.
"So, you're from San Antonio?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah, originally," says Jared. "We moved around a lot. But I've been promised we're staying in Washington until I finish high school."
Jensen nods. "I'm actually from Dallas. Well, Richardson, but yeah. Texas."
"Seriously? Man, you don't sound it at all."
"And you do?"
"I moved when I was five. How old were you?"
"Eleven. The cold was a shock, let me tell you."
Jared laughs. "We went from San Antonio to Maine. I nearly died."
"I kind of like it now," says Jensen. "This one's mine," he adds, gesturing to a beat-up white station wagon. Jared must make a face, because Jensen tosses him a smile over his shoulder. "I know it doesn't look like much," he says, "but it's all mine, which counts for a lot. And it runs great. Just, you know, looks like shit."
"I didn't say anything," says Jared.
Jensen puts his backpack into the back seat. Which Jared guesses means they won't be fucking there. He regretfully throws his own bag in next to it and climbs into shotgun.
"So, where do you live, anyway?"
"Imperial Drive?" he says.
"Yeah? Awesome. That's on my way home, I'm on Hemlock."
"Cool," says Jared.
Jensen starts the car and glances behind him as he backs out. Once they're out of the spot and driving, Jensen looks back at him. "So what made you try out for the play?"
Jared can't actually answer the question totally honestly, so he shrugs. "I was kinda curious. My mama's an English teacher, she's always telling me to appreciate literature more."
"She is? She doesn't teach here, does she?"
"No, she's across town. I didn't wanna go to school where she taught," he admits, flashing a grin at Jensen.
"Yeah, I guess that could be awkward. You having fun so far?"
"Yeah, everyone seems really cool. And I like the play."
Jensen nods. "Me and Rachel went back and forth for a while on it, because, y'know, the jokes get kind of obscure, and there's all the physics and stuff, but in the end, we really like it."
"You guys seem really close," says Jared, as casually as he can.
Jensen shoots him an amused look. "Don't tell me you're going for her too."
"Huh?"
"Brenden did his whole Shatner thing because he has this epic, hopeless crush on Rachel," says Jensen. Jared tries not to wince. "She won't give him the time of day."
"Oh," says Jared, trying to sound natural. "No, actually, I'm gay."
That gets him another look, very surprised. "Really?"
Jared shrugs. "My friend Tim says I should lisp more, but my friend Tim is kind of a horrible person."
Jensen laughs at that, a little nervously. He glances back over at Jared. "Sorry, I'm just surprised. I haven't really met a lot of guys who are out in high school, I guess. Especially freshmen."
Jared shrugs. "This girl wouldn't stop asking me out in eighth grade. I figured I might as well turn her down with a bang."
"I guess that's one way to do it," Jensen agrees. He turns stops at a light, and turns to give Jared a full, real smile. "Thanks for telling me."
Jared flushes and smiles back. "You're welcome, I guess. But it's really not a secret. Or, I don't try to make it one. I wear a lot of pink."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, that's very unsubtle of you."
Jared tries not to feel too disappointed that Jensen didn't respond with a "hey, I'm gay too!" or similar, but then a song he loves comes on the radio, and it turns out Jensen loves it to, and the conversation moves fast and easy and he doesn't have time to think.
*
"How's the play going, honey?" his mother asks at dinner the next week.
Jared grins. The play is, in fact, awesome. He likes his costars--Erin is a riot, and Jensen is actually a pretty awesome director. They alternate days for being on the stage; when the modern cast is on stage, trying to get a feel for blocking and how the scenes will look, the 1800s cast is running lines in another room. The last scene has people from both eras, so they'll run that together.
He spends a lot of time with Jensen. He might get Jensen to explain lines that he totally understands, just because he likes Jensen explaining things to him, and it's an excuse to talk to him more. Plus, they got into the habit of talking after rehearsal, and Jensen always offers him a ride home afterward, even if the bus hasn't gone yet.
"It's really great," Jared says honestly, letting his grin through. "Everyone's really cool. It's going really well."
His mother nods. "We're all very excited to see it." She looks at him calculatingly. "And who's the boy who drove you home?"
Jared flushes, and wishes he didn't show the color so much. "Jensen," he says, struggling to not sound like the lovesick teenager he is. "He's the director."
"Mm hm," says his mother, smiling. Jared kind of wants to die.
"Is he cute?" asks Megan.
"Shut up, Megan," he mutters.
"He's totally cute," Megan crows. "Do you liiiiike him?"
Jared can feel his face burning.
"Megan," says his father sharply. "Be nice to your brother."
Jared is so glad Jeff is already at college, and not here to help Megan mock him.
"You should invite him in next time," says his mother, smiling. "Or for dinner."
"I'm not asking him for dinner," says Jared, glaring at her. "He's a senior. He's just being nice. He was helping me out with a few of my lines and I missed the bus. That's all."
He knows it's true, but it hurts to say it out loud. He isn't delusional--he knows Jensen is just a really nice guy who has no interest in him at all. No matter how many fantasies he has about Jensen getting overcome with lust and kissing him backstage right before he has to go on, and then afterward asking him out and kissing him more, he knows they're fantasies.
He just doesn't like to think about it too much.
His mother rubs his shoulder. "Well, if you ever want to try it out, you can always blame it on me. Tell him your kooky mama wants to thank him for giving you a ride home, and see what he says."
Jared sighs. "I'll think about it, mama. Promise."
She smiles at him. "I'm glad you're having fun, honey."
"Yeah, me too."
*
"Is there, like, a step two to this plan?" asks Tim.
"Don't be a jerk," says Missy, throwing her pen at him.
"No, I'm really curious," says Tim. "All your plan really seems to be doing is getting you more obsessed with Jensen Ackles."
"It's not my fault!" says Jared. "How was I supposed to know I'd get cast and he'd be awesome?"
"Chances were pretty good he'd be a douche," Colin agrees.
"But he's--god," says Jared. He falls forward until his forehead hits the carpet. "He's better."
"Yeah," says Tim. "So--are you going to do anything?"
"Like what? Confess my stupid, freshman crush and tell him how he's awesome and perfect and have him let me down easy? He would, too. He wouldn't even have the decency to be a jerk about it."
"How dare he," says Colin.
"Look, Jared," says Tim. "I'm not actually trying to be an asshole here right now--" Missy snickers, and he shoots her a glare. "But you seriously have nothing to lose. He's graduating in May. If you don't say anything, you're always gonna wonder."
Jared glances over at him. "That was surprisingly helpful of you."
"Shockingly, I don't actually like watching you suffer, dude," he says mildly. "And, seriously. It's kind of depressing watching you moon over him. Not funny anymore."
Jared pulls himself off the carpet to give him the finger.
"Yeah, I'm with Tim on this one," says Missy. "Worst case scenario, you're that pathetic freshman he laughs at."
"Yeah, that's not at all terrifying," says Jared. He shakes his head. "I can't do anything while the play's going," he points out. "Because then the worst case scenario also involves really awkward rehearsals and--no."
"So after?" Missy prompts.
Jared swallows. He's never seriously considered the idea of doing something. Not something serious, like asking Jensen out, or confessing, just weird, stalkery things, like auditioning for his play and staying late to get rides home. Nothing real. "Sure," he says. "After."
*
"You are so lucky you get to wear something normal," says Eileen. Their costumes have come in, and she's got a giant dress that's kind of cool, in an objective way. He can see how it would suck to wear.
"I get a suit for the last scene," he points out.
"It doesn't weigh more than you," she grouses, but she's smiling.
"I could see if Jensen and Rachel would let me put weights in the cuffs or something," he says. "If it'd make you feel better."
"I don't think we really want the comedic climax of the show to be your pants falling down," says Jensen, walking by. He stops to scrutinize both of them. Jared feels himself squirming under Jensen's gaze. After a long minute, he nods. "Looking good, guys. Jared, can you try your regency suit too?"
"Will do," Jared grins, and Jensen salutes as he leaves.
"God," says Eileen, "he's so cute."
Jared swallows and fights for something that doesn't sound either crazily possessive or completely infatuated. "Seriously," he says. "It's inhuman."
Eileen giggles. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so."
"I think he has a fanclub."
"I think I'm in it," she says. She cocks her head at him. "He seems to like you."
Jared's stomach relocates itself to somewhere around his toes. "He's been helping me sound smart," he says. "Apparently I could be better at faking it."
"Oh, shut up," says Eileen fondly. "You're really good, Jared. There's a reason you got such a big part."
"I figured it's just cuz I'm such a big guy."
"There are no big parts, just big actors?" she asks. "I think I like the other version better."
"Just cuz you're so short," Jared says easily.
"Padalecki," Jensen says, sticking his head in, "if you're not changed in three minutes, I'm changing you myself."
Jared's entire body turns red, he is fairly confident, and Eileen giggles.
"Kill time, Jared," she says, as she heads to her own dressing room, and Jared is so tempted.
*
Before Jared knows it, it's spring break, and Jensen and Rachel are giving them firm instructions to practice even if they don't have rehearsal, because they have two weeks before opening once break ends.
"Hey, Padalecki," says Paul, who plays Bernard, as Jared is trying to leave. "You going anywhere for break?"
"San Antonio to visit my grandma," says Jared. "Why?"
"Me and Erin were thinking the four of us and maybe Jensen could get together for a quick line run-through sometime over the break," says Paul. "Y'know, so we don't embarrass ourselves when we get back. If you're gonna be back for the weekend, it'd be cool if you could make it."
Jared nods. "We're actually getting back Thursday night," he says. "So I could do whenever after that."
Paul nods. "Gimme your number and I'll give you a call. Last year I didn't do shit over break and the director kicked my ass when I got back. Figure we can save Jensen and Rach the trouble."
Jared laughs. "Anything that keeps my ass safe is fine by me. Let me know."
"Have a good break, kid," says Paul, and Jared waves.
"Want a ride, Padalecki?" Jensen asks, as Jared grabs his stuff.
"Do I ever not want a ride?" asks Jared.
Jensen grins. "You are kind of a mooch."
Jared shrugs unrepentant. "You keep offering."
"Clearly I'm kind of a pushover."
"Match made in heaven," says Jared, without thinking. He kind of wants to die.
Jensen just laughs.
*
Jared's hanging out with his brother on his grandma's porch, shooting the shit, when his phone rings with an unknown number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jared?" it takes him a minute to place the voice, and then he does and nearly falls out of his chair. "It's Jensen."
"Yeah, um," he says inanely. "Hi," he says, getting out of his chair. Whenever Jared is nervous on the phone, he paces. It gets the nervous energy out. Jeff raises his eyebrows at him. "What's up?"
"Paul wanted me to call you about rehearsing? We were thinking Saturday afternoon at his place."
"Oh," says Jared. "Yeah, that's--where does he live?"
"Middle of nowhere," says Jensen. "I can give you a ride if you want to come. That's why he had me call."
Jared tries to not think about the way he has Jensen Ackles' number. The more time he spends with Jensen, the less he's Jensen Ackles, but it's kind of inescapable. Jensen Ackles is calling him.
"Yeah," says Jared. "If it's not too much trouble, that'd be great. I don't wanna be the loser whose mom drops him off."
Jensen laughs. "How's Texas treating you?"
"Hot and dry," says Jared. "But the barbecue is to die for."
Jensen groans. "Don't make me jealous. Jesus. Now I'm thinking about it."
Jared grins. "What, can't find any decent meat in Washington?"
"I hope you know that I hate you very much," says Jensen. "You should know that."
"Don't be jealous," says Jared.
"I'm gonna dream of it tonight," says Jensen, and Jared's heart flips over at the idea that he has any influence on Jensen's dreams. "So, I'll get you around one on Saturday?"
"Sure," says Jared. "See you then."
"See you," says Jensen.
Jared grins kind of stupidly as he saves the number into his phone.
"Friend of yours?" Jeff asks, and Jared startles. He'd totally forgotten his brother was even there. And then the question sinks in, and it's even weirder, because--he kind of is. Yeah, he and Jensen don't hang out and watch movies or play video games or anything, but Jensen says hi to him in the halls and rags on him and they joke around, and Jared somehow didn't put two and two together.
"Yeah," he says, kind of shocked.
"Got a crush on him?" asks Jeff innocently.
"I hate you."
"Is he cute?"
"He is so far beyond cute," says Jared, collapsing back into his chair and closing his eyes. "I'm fucked."
"Clearly," says Jeff. "Tell me about him."
Jared glances over, but Jeff looks interested and a little concerned, so Jared closes his eyes again and thinks about Jensen. "He's directing the play."
"That why you did the play?"
"Maybe," Jared admits. "I mean--I didn't really think I'd get it. I just thought it was kind of pathetic that I had this huge crush on him and I'd never talked to him or anything."
"And?"
"And he's really, really awesome," Jared admits. "He's funny, and he's nice, and he's just--you know how sometimes, you think someone's hot, but then you meet them and you don't click at all? It was like exact opposite. And he's a senior, and I'm--I mean, I don't think I suck or anything, but I don't even know if he likes guys. He doesn't have a girlfriend, but--"
He feels Jeff's hand on his shoulder, warm and solid. "I'm sorry, JT," he says simply. "Wish I could tell you what to do, but, man. That's just--there's no way to know."
"He's really nice," says Jared. "It's not just to me. He's great to everyone. He's a good guy." He swallows. "Tim says I've got nothing to lose. I mean--he's graduating."
"Tim'd sing a different tune if he was gonna do the losing," says Jeff.
Jared laughs. "Might be true."
"Just go with your gut," says Jeff. "And remember--I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's high school. Everything feels like the end of the fucking world."
Jared laughs. "Yeah, I guess."
*
Jared is looking for socks when the doorbell rings on Saturday at a quarter to one. In general, Jared's found that teenage boys are late more than they are early, so he hadn't really expected Jensen to arrive before he was ready.
He's charging downstairs at top speed when, to his horror, he hears his mother say, "Oh, hello, you must be Jensen."
"Yes, ma'am," says Jensen, "I'm here to pick up Jared."
"Well, he's upstairs, getting ready, why don't you come in and have a seat?"
Jared would rather go to rehearsal naked than leave Jensen unguarded in his house, so he runs back to his room, grabs the first two socks he finds, and tramples down the stairs.
"Jared Padalecki," says his mother sharply as he bursts into the living room, "what have I told you about running down the stairs?"
Jared flushes. "That I'll fall and break my neck."
Jensen grins at him, and Jared's stomach does a little swoop at seeing Jensen Ackles in his house. "Hey, Jared," he says.
"Hey," says Jared, unable to keep from grinning back. "Give me just a second."
He rushes to the kitchen to grab some tupperwear and stuffs it in his bag, and then pulls on his shoes.
"Are you leaving already, honey?" his mother asks, the picture of innocence.
"Sorry, mama," says Jared, without remorse, "but we don't wanna be late."
"Well, it was very nice to meet you, Jensen," his mother says easily. "And thank you so much for helping Jared out with the play."
"It's my pleasure," says Jensen. "He's doing really well."
Jared flushes. "Bye, mama," he says pointedly, and Jensen follows him out.
When they get to the car, he offers Jensen a bashful smile. "She'll really talk your ear off if you let her," he explains.
Jensen laughs. "I think moms are supposed to be embarrassing, Jared. She seemed nice."
"Yeah," says Jared. "To you." He settles in to shotgun and waits until Jensen is buckling in to say, too casually, "Oh, hey."
"Yeah?" asks Jensen.
Jared roots around his backpack and hands over the tupperware. "Got you something."
Jensen inspects it, and his face lights up in understanding. "Barbecue? Seriously?" he asks, grin a mile wide.
Jared shrugs, pleased and a little bashful. "My grandma made some extra," he says. "I figured you'd appreciate it."
"Jesus, yes. This is awesome, Jared, thanks so much."
Jared grins. "Glad you like it."
"I'm barely holding back from sticking my face in it right now," Jensen admits. "But I think I can wait."
His smile warms Jared down to the tips of his toes for the rest of the day.
*
"Okay guys," says Rachel. "We have one week, and then we have hell week, and then we open next Thursday. Which hopefully isn't news to anyone."
"Wait, since when are we doing a play here?" asks Mary. "I was told this was detention." Jim laughs and elbows her.
"The set should be finished by this Friday," says Jensen, kneeling down to knock on the stage. "But it's pretty much all run-throughs from here. If you're rusty, don't worry, we'll beat it out of you."
"We have three shows, and the cast party is at Jensen's, after the last one."
"If you need directions or a ride," says Jensen, eyes flicking to Jared, "you can let one of us know. And you can tell your parents it's alcohol free and my parents will be home."
"When's the real cast party then?" asks Paul.
"Me and your mom are having that after," says Jensen. "If you've got a girlfriend or a boyfriend," and Jared's probably imagining Jensen looking at him this time, "feel free to bring them to the cast party, but other than that, let's keep it to cast and crew only. My house is not that big."
"All right, any questions?" asks Rachel. When no one has a smartass comment, she claps and grins. "Then let's get costumes and get rehearsing, okay?"
Jared wanders over to Jensen before he goes to the changing room and says, "So, I've got a ride anywhere I need to go, right?"
Jensen glances up, amused. "Within reason, yeah. I've got you covered for tech week and the cast party."
"You're the best director ever," he says.
"That hurts," says Rachel mildly, but she's smiling. "Go change, Jared."
"This is why," says Jared, with a put-upon sigh. "Jensen isn't a slaver driver."
"Maybe if he was, you'd be changed by now," says Rachel.
"The whole world's against me," says Jared with a sigh.
"Just the parts that want the play to not crash and burn," Jensen says, and Jared grins and does as he's told.
*
Hell week really doesn't seem so bad to Jared. Yes, he's after school late every day, and during all scenes he's not acting he's painting or being used to lift heavy objects, but it's kind of fun. It's weird to realize that he likes this--that he enjoys the play entirely outside of Jensen, that he's going to try out again next year (well, not for the musical, but for the winter and spring plays), and that he thinks it would be really cool if he got to direct in his senior year.
It's strange to think that theater is actually something him and Jensen have in common.
"So when's the show?" asks Colin.
"Tomorrow," says Jared. "Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You just have to come to one."
"We have to come to one?" asks Tim.
"Oh, shut up," says Missy. "It's gonna be good, right, Jared?"
"I like it."
"I read some of it," Colin offers. "It's kind of pretentious."
"No wonder Jared likes it."
"You don't have to come, jerk," says Jared. "It's not like I care about my art or anything."
"You really like this stuff, don't you?" asks Tim, looking at him critically.
"And?"
"And I thought it was all about Jensen."
"It evolved," says Jared. "Anyway, this is the last two months of my life, so if I didn't like it, I probably would have killed myself. So the least you can do is come for one night, dickwad," he says, kicking Tim in the ankle.
"Ow, Jesus, of course I'm coming. Like I actually wouldn't. You love this shit."
"Yeah," says Jared, grinning and ducking his head because it's true. "It's really--it's so cool."
*
"Okay," says Rachel. "Everyone take a deep breath."
The gathered circle of actors and crew obeys, and Jensen grins at them.
"So, first show. Look, you guys know your lines. If you forget one, just take a deep breath, and, seriously, don't picture the audience in their underwear. It's really a bad idea."
"Just take a second. If it gets too long, someone else'll help you out. So just have fun," says Rachel.
"You guys have been awesome," says Jensen, "and we've had a great time directing you. So let's just do some awesome shows and kick ass!"
"Jensen," says Mrs. Hendricks, the faculty supervisor, in a weary tone.
"I mean," says Jensen, grinning at her, "kick butt."
"Kick whatever you can find," Paul offers, and Jared laughs along with everyone else, feeling the nervousness living in his chest.
He kind of likes the feeling.
*
Jared doesn't forget any lines, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world, taking a bow with everyone else and pouring into the prep room, embracing everyone he can find. He picks Eileen up and spins her around as she laughs, and then hands her off to Paul, watching her blush as he gives her a bear hug.
He hears a quiet laugh behind him, and when he turns, Jensen's there, and before he has a chance to think about it or get nervous, Jensen is saying, "Great job, man," and hugging him.
Jensen's a couple inches taller than him, warm and firm, and he smells amazing, and Jared would really just like to live here.
"You too," he murmurs, putting his arms around Jensen hesitantly. "It was awesome, Jensen."
Jensen pulls back and grins, clearly about to say something, but there's a whoop behind them, and Tim jumps on his back.
"Dude!" he says, kissing Jared on the cheek sloppily. "You were awesome!"
"Jesus Christ, you're going to kill me," says Jared. "Get down, asswipe." He glances back at Jensen, but he's already gone to wrestle Eileen away from Paul, and Jared tries not to feel disappointed. Missy and Colin come over and hug him and congratulate him too, and then his parents are coming too, and he loses Jensen somewhere in the crowd.
Whatever, he figures. It's the first day. He's got two more days of Jensen hugs. And they're going to be awesome.
*
"So, this cast party," says Missy.
"Hm?" asks Jared.
"Clearly the cast party is when you should make your move," she says.
"What's my move, exactly?"
"Whatever you want it to be," says Missy. "Kiss him. Ask him out."
"Confess your undying love," Colin suggests.
"Just do something," says Tim. "I don't want you being a sad sack all next year about how you totally missed your chance with your one true love."
"No one wants that," Missy agrees. "And--I think it'll go okay."
"I'll think about it," says Jared. "I'm not going to--" he reconsiders. "I'm going with my gut. I'm not going to, like--tell him I want his letter jacket or something."
"He doesn't have one," says Colin. "He does theater."
"I know!" Jared says, too loudly, and he hadn't realized before that he was upset. "Look," he says, seeing the surprised looks from his friends. "I just--I can't talk about this, okay? I know I'm always talking about him, and I'm sorry, I just--I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to tell you guys to say to help me, or what you can do, so I'll just--shut up and he'll give me a ride to his party and who knows what'll happen there. I'm not going in with a plan. I just want to have fun with my friends. All of them."
"That's actually kind of mature," says Tim, after a pause. "I think."
"Yeah, it was kind of hard to tell," Colin agrees. "But we'll shut up."
"Break a leg tonight, Jared," says Missy. "No matter what you do after."
"Yeah," says Jared. "I think I can handle that."
*
"I thought your boyfriend was going to come," says Jensen. Jared was kind of dozing before he spoke, coming down off the adrenaline high of performing and the heady feeling of Jensen hugs.
"Huh?" he asks, zoning in. "Who?"
"Your boyfriend," says Jensen. "Um, the blond guy? I don't know his name. He jumped you after the first show."
"Tim?" asks Jared. He can't help laughing. "Oh god. Oh no. I would never date Tim. He's a total douche. And he has this epic love going on with my friend Missy. And just--wow. No."
"Oh," says Jensen. "Sorry, I just--assumed, I guess."
"I'm actually single," says Jared.
"Huh." He laughs a little. "I just--figured maybe you were out because you had someone. The only other guys I know who were out, they were dating each other, and they didn't want to hide it. So--yeah, sorry."
"I'm not offended or anything," says Jared. "But, nah. Single loser here."
"Hey, I resemble that remark," says Jensen.
It's not like Jared hadn't figured out Jensen was single, but it's still different to hear him say it and confirm it.
"Is anyone bringing someone?" asks Jared, unsure what else to say.
"Rachel's bringing her boyfriend. I think Paul's finally gonna make his move on Eileen."
"Thank god," says Jared. "That should've happened weeks ago."
Jensen laughs, kind of strangely. "Yeah, tell me about it."
They pull in to Jensen's house a while later. Jared's never seen it before. It's not particularly remarkable--smallish and white, kind of cute, blue shutters on the windows, a porch with a swing on the side. A dog runs over and greets them as they get out of the car, and Jared lets himself be sniffed and gives ear rubs.
"Should've warned you, sorry," says Jensen.
"Nah, it's cool," says Jared. "I love dogs. We moved too much to have one of our own. What his name? Her name?"
"Her name. Telly."
"Hey, Telly," says Jared, grinning at the dog and scratching under her chin. "Who's a good girl, huh?"
Jensen snorts. "God, you would be a babytalker. Come on, let's go inside and see how it looks."
"Is that you, Jensen?" asks a woman from another room when they get inside.
"Yeah, I told everyone else to give us til ten," says Jensen. "I've got Jared with me."
The woman comes in to greet them. She looks a little like Jensen, Jared gets--he has trouble really seeing the connection between people and their relatives a lot of he time, but she has his eyes and a nice smile.
"Nice to meet you, Jared," she says, extending her hand. "I'm Donna. You were great in the play."
"Thank you, ma'am," says Jared, shaking. "It's very kind of you to say."
"He's cute," says Donna, to Jensen. She turns back Jared. "What are you, a freshman?"
"That's right."
"Did you tell him it gets better?" she asks her son.
Jensen gives Jared a shit-eating grin. "Didn't want to lie to him, mama."
Donna laughs. "That's right, Jared, it doesn't get any better than this."
Jared laughs too, but inside he feels melodramatic and stupid. Because this might be the last night he ever really talks to Jensen Ackles. After this, he might never feel like Jensen's friend again in his life, and it's bittersweet and scary, thinking like that.
In high school, he reminds himself, everything feels like the end of the world.
*
The party is mostly people just hanging out and eating and playing video games, which is fine by Jared, because he likes both those things. But watching Mary annihilate Evan at Tekken is only fun for so long, and he finds his attention wandering.
As usual when his attention wanders, he looks for Jensen, and is surprised not to find him. He makes an excuse about going to the bathroom and goes out into the unfamiliar house. He feels antsy and too small, like he should be taking everyone's advice and doing something, but he doesn't know how. He pokes through the dining room, looks at family photos in the stairwell, even goes to the bathroom, just for the hell of it.
In the kitchen, he finds Eileen and Paul making out, Eileen pushed up against the wall and Paul bending to reach her lips, and wishes he'd never left the safety of the TV room. Even coming in by accident, he feels like he's committing some unforgivable sin.
He leaves before they notice him, flees through the first door he sees and finds himself on the porch, cheeks flaming in the cooler outdoor air, with Jensen in the porch swing.
"You okay?" he asks. "You look kind of spooked."
"I walked in on Eileen and Paul working it out," says Jared. Jensen laughs. "What are you doing out here?"
"Thinking," says Jensen, looking out into the yard. "It's just weird. I did my first play when I was a freshman. The musical." He laughs again, quietly. "Man, I had the worst stage fright. My mom thought it'd help. It's just--weird, finishing off the last show I'll ever do for high school."
"I can go," Jared offers.
"Nah," says Jensen. "I mean, if you want, but I don't mind. Have a seat, hang out."
Jared sits next to him on the swing. "Are you gonna do acting stuff for college?"
"I'm not planning on majoring," he says. "But I want to still do plays. I like it."
"You're really good," Jared offers.
"At directing. You've never seen me act."
"I saw Kiss Me, Kate," Jared offers. "And Noises Off."
Jensen looks surprised. "Really?"
Jared shrugs. "I like seeing plays."
"You gonna keep going?" Jensen asks, turning on the swing so they're facing each other better. "With acting, I mean."
"Yeah," says Jared. "Definitely. This has been awesome."
"I'm glad. You're really good. Way less nervous than I was my first play."
"Yeah, well, I had a good director," says Jared, but it comes out kind of serious. And Jensen smiles, but he doesn't stop looking and Jared, and Jared realizes this is it. This is his moment. This is when he's supposed to do something, say something, lean in and kiss Jensen, anything.
He licks his lips, swallows, so fucking nervous, unsure what his move is, and then there's a soft woofing noise from next to them, and Telly the dog sticks her head on the swing between them.
"Hey, girl," says Jared softly, and pats her on the head. "What's up, Telly?"
Jensen laughs softly, like an exhale. "You really do love dogs, huh?"
"Yeah," says Jared. "She seems like a great one."
"Definitely."
The moment's gone, and Jared knows, with a painful certainty, that this was it. He's never going to really talk to Jensen Ackles again.
It's over.
Part Two.
He announces it to Tim and Colin on the 25th, after he's already done it, so that he can't wuss out.
"So some people," he starts, glaring at Tim, "think my love for Jensen Ackles is embarrassing and pathetic."
"It's embarrassing and I feel pathos," says Tim, who has been doing SAT prep and mostly sounds like a tool these days.
"Right," says Jared. "Anyway. He's graduating at the end of the year, and I have to admit that it'll be really sad if I don't say more than three words to him before then."
"What three words did you ever say to Jensen Ackles?" asks Colin.
"One time, I was in cutting through the senior hallway going to gym, and I bumped into him, and I said 'oh, excuse me.'"
"And then he blushed for the whole rest of the day," says Tim. "It was kind of cute, in a really sad way. Like a three-legged puppy."
"Will you guys shut up?" asks Jared. "I have a plan to stop being a pathetic loser."
"That'll be the day."
"Fuck you both," says Jared. "Do you want to hear this or not?"
"I guess," says Colin. "I'm morbidly curious."
"So, the spring play. Jensen's one of the directors this year. And I'm going to try out. So, you know, he has to talk to me a little. Even if it's just to tell me to get off the stage because I suck so much."
"You probably will," says Tim.
"But it's not actually a bad plan," Colin grants. "I mean, he's a big enough theater geek that he got picked for student directing. He's got to be at least a little gay, right?"
"Exactly," says Jared. "I'm glad stereotyping is alive and well, douchebag."
"You're the one who wears pink all the time," says Colin.
"Anyway," says Jared. "Tryouts are next week, so here's hoping Jensen Ackles and I are headed toward romantic bliss."
"If for no other reason than then you'll shut up about him," Tim agrees.
"You'll regret being this bitchy when I'm a rich, famous actor with an amazingly hot boyfriend."
"Yeah, yeah," says Tim. "I'm cringing, here, Padalecki."
*
Jared has been in love with Jensen Ackles ever since he saw him in the fall musical. They did Kiss Me, Kate and Jensen was pretty much the best thing Jared had ever seen. He feels like a stupid high school cliche, the freshman in love with the popular senior. It's not like Jensen is the captain of the football team or anything (although the football captain actually is dating a freshman, so maybe he'd be better off that way), but he's got a lot of friends, and there are all these girls who go to all his performances and cheer really loud for his bows. Jared does too, but he cheers really loud for everyone and is just generally enthusiastic, so no one's really noticed that he spends about 90% of his day trying to figure out a way to make Jensen Ackles love him.
He's never really done any acting before, but he likes theater and he's seen a lot of movies, so he feels pretty sure he can scrape his way through. And even if he doesn't, Jensen Ackles will know who he is for one shining moment.
The play's called Arcadia, and Jared reads it over the weekend and figures he has a shot at getting cast as the kid who barely has any lines. Someone's gotta do it. Still, the cast is pretty small, and while there weren't a whole lot of names on the signup sheet, he wouldn't be shocked if he just got shunted off for being a freshman. There's a whole lot of seniority involved in high school theater, he knows, and chances are good Jensen will just cast his friends in all the parts.
Still, Jensen is graduating in three short months, and then leaving Jared's life forever. He'll hate himself if he doesn't do something.
*
By Tuesday, audition day, Jared is stressed to all hell, but since he's already told Tim and Colin he's going to do it, he can't really back out of the audition. And the only thing worse than Jensen Ackles knowing him as "that guy who sucked at auditions" would be Jensen Ackles knowing him as "that guy who chickened out of auditions."
"You're going to be fine," says Missy. Missy is Jared's helpful friend, which is why she wasn't the first person he told about the Jensen plan. Missy would be supportive no matter what he did, whereas Tim and Colin will mock him forever if he fails. "Remember the sixth grade play? You were really good in that!"
"I had three lines. Everyone had three lines. It wasn't even on the stage. It was just for our parents."
"Still. They were good lines."
Jared laughs. "Thanks, Missy."
She glances over at the senior table, where Jensen is laughing at something Rachel King is saying. Jensen looks really good when he laughs. He has incredibly white teeth and a gorgeous smile. Jared actually hates him a little. He's the kind of person who should not be possible.
"You think he's dating her?" asks Jared, kind of miserably. Rachel is very pretty. She's Jensen's co-director, and apparently she's always cast as his love interest when they're in plays together. And, of course, everyone agrees that she's sweet and funny and a generally great girl. Jared's even talked to her a little, because she's the TA for his English class, and she's never been anything but helpful and friendly.
Missy shakes her head. "If anyone was dating him, we'd know. You know Kelly Olsen?"
"From history?"
"Yeah. She's got a huge crush on him--not like you, but pretty epic--and she's way more of a stalker. She says he hasn't had a girlfriend since eighth grade."
"Really?" asks Jared. He knew he'd never heard about Jensen having a girlfriend, but he doesn't really like asking anyone about it directly. Jared might be one of the only openly gay guy in the school, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about being subtle with his feelings.
"Promise."
Jared grins.
Missy knocks her knee against his under the table. "Look on the bright side--no matter how that audition goes? Your afternoon is listening to Jensen Ackles talk."
Jared considers that for a minute. "Man," he says, shaking his head, "this is why you're totally my best friend, Missy."
*
"Hey guys," says Jensen. He's alone on the stage, wearing really hot jeans and a button down shirt. Jared wonders if drooling throughout his audition will hurt his chances of getting a part. "My lovely assistant director Rachel is passing out your lines. There's one speech if you're a guy, one if you're a girl. We figured this'd be kind of an equalizer, you know? Go easy on us, it's our first day doing this," he says with a self-deprecating smile. There's a smattering of laughter, which Jared joins in on, and Jensen seems to relax a little. "So, we're gonna start at three. Feel free to read the lines over, take a walk, take a nap, whatever. We're going alphabetically by last name--first to try out is Adams, last is Yang. If you're real curious to see when you go, you can come up and ask me. Otherwise, let's just have a good time, yeah?"
Jared glances over the male lines--they're from Septimus, no surprise, and Jared can't imagine getting that role, but he likes the guy. He's got style. It's not that long, and he's not gonna memorize it anyway, so he figures he might as well go over and ask Jensen when he's going. For completely legitimate reasons.
Jensen's sitting on the stage, talking to a senior whose name Jared thinks is Will, but he looks up when Jared comes over.
"Hey," he says, giving Jared a smile, and Jared hopes he doesn't fall over or something. Puberty is already making him clumsy; puberty and Jensen Ackles' smile might be a fatal combination. "Wanna know when you're going?"
Jared manages his best grin back. Jared is actually a fairly attractive guy--yes, he's only fourteen, but whatever. He's a fairly attractive fourteen. A lot of the girls in his grade were very sad when he came out. It's not inconceivable that Jensen might think he's cute. "Yeah," he says. "The suspense is killing me."
"What's your name?" asks Jensen. "Don't think we've met."
"Jared Padalecki."
"Right, Padalecki, I remember that one," says Jensen, grinning. "I'm Jensen Ackles." He actually, honest to god, holds out his hand, and Jared shakes it. It's one of those "I'll never wash this hand again" moments.
"Nice to meet you."
"Freshman?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah. That obvious?"
"I just know pretty much everyone else," Jensen says. "You're going lucky seventeen, after Jodi O'Neill."
Jared nods. "Okay, thanks."
Jensen looks like he's about to say something else, but someone comes up behind him.
"Hey, Ackles, tell me when I'm going," says whoever it is, and Jared moves out of the way as Jensen's attention shifts.
"I don't want you in my play, Erickson, just get out now," Jensen shoots back, and Jared sneaks out into the hall to look over his lines. He figures it would be awkward to spend the whole prep time staring longingly or something.
A while later, Jensen sticks his head out the door. "Hey, Jared? We're about ready to start. Anyone else out here?"
"Haven't seen anyone," says Jared. He stands up and wipes his hands on his jeans.
Jensen smiles. "Nervous?"
"A little. First audition."
"Don't worry. Worst case scenario, you don't get cast until next year. It's not a big school for drama, so unless you totally suck you're gonna get something soon."
"I'm so reassured," says Jared, and Jensen laughs. It's an awesome feeling, making Jensen laugh.
"Come on. Just between you and me? Brenden Erickson is trying out as a joke. There is no way you're going to be as bad as him. So you won't be the worst one."
"Now I'm going to feel really crappy when I'm worst."
Jensen laughs again. "I'll stop trying to help now."
Jared grins. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that."
*
Brenden Erickson does his entire audition like he's William Shatner, and everyone who goes after him is clearly more relaxed. No one seems stellar to Jared; he recognizes some people who were in the musical, knows some in passing and even a few by name, but for the most part, this isn't his crowd. He's always been comfortable in front of people, though, and when it's his turn he thinks he projects pretty well (god knows he can be loud), emotes decently, and looks comfortable. He feels like he was definitely better than some people (even people who were not Brenden Erickson), and didn't feel that much worse than anyone.
"Okay!" says Rachel, once Eileen Yang finishes her soliloquy. "Thanks for trying out, everyone. We had a totally awesome turnout, and with the exception of Brenden, you all did great."
"Bite me!" Brenden yells from next to Jensen. Everyone laughs.
"So, we're gonna try to have the cast list up early next week, assuming Jensen can make himself help me after his birthday rager."
Jensen groans.
"He's not gonna know his own name after that," says Brenden. "You only turn eighteen once."
"Anyway," says Rachel firmly. "Check back next Monday for the cast list. Thanks again, everybody!"
Jared starts filing out with everyone else, but Jensen grabs his arm as he passes.
"Good job," he says, giving Jared a warm smile. "Really."
Jared flushes dark red. "Thanks," he says.
"See you," Jensen says, and it sounds like he means it.
Maybe Jared's got a chance after all.
*
"I can't look," says Jared on Monday, burying his face in Colin's backpack.
"Then I guess you're never gonna know," says Colin remorselessly, "cuz I'm not telling you."
"You're cruel and unusual," says Jared. "I can't believe you call yourself my friend."
"I can stop if you want. Honestly, you're kind of embarrassing me right now."
Jared takes a deep breath. "I already met my goal. More than three words. Everything after this is gravy, right?"
"If it makes you feel better, yes."
Jared raises his head, steels himself, and goes over and checks the list.
He scrolls down, heart sinking as he doesn't find his name, and then there it is, second from the bottom: Valentine Coverly: Jared Padalecki.
His name's even spelled right.
"Holy shit," says Jared. "Holy shit."
"What?"
"I have lines. Like, more lines than other people. Not a ton, but--I'm kind of a person! Holy shit!"
"Congratulations," says Colin. "I've dreamed of this day for so long."
"You are an awful friend and I hate you."
"I know you do. But seriously. Congrats, Padalecki. That's pretty cool."
Jared scans the sheet again, picking out a few names he knows from the cast, checking the rehearsal times for this week--it looks like he's going to be after every day.
"This is the best thing ever," says Jared, staring at Jensen's name at the top of the sheet.
"Do we need to have an emergency meeting to pick out what you're going to wear tomorrow?"
"Shut up," says Jared absently, but he can't work up any kind of real heat. Life is just too good.
*
There were about thirty-five people auditioning, and the cast is down to twelve. Jared feels a little self-conscious about it--the more he looks at it, the bigger his role feels, and he can't quite wrap his head around the idea that he really was better than other people, that he was picked for something that might possibly be the fifth largest role.
"Hi everybody!" says Rachel. Jensen is wearing glasses, which is unfair, and a black long-sleeved shirt under a soft-looking gray t-shirt with jeans. He fills it all out really well, and Jared wonders how he never finds anything that looks that good on him. It just doesn't happen. "Congratulations on making the play! We're really excited, and we hope you are too."
"If you haven't gotten a chance to pick up your copy of the script yet, you can get them in a minute," says Jensen, "but first we're gonna cover a little of our rehearsal format. The play's at the end of April, so we have about two months before everyone has to know their lines and look good in their costumes."
"If you've read the script, you know that the play's got two different sets of people. Pretty much you have the 1800s cast--that's Mary, Jim, Michael, Kurt, Evan, Eileen, and Ian--and the modern day cast--Erin, Leslie, Paul, and Jared. Mitchell, you're kind of special, your character actually appears in both time periods, so you need to keep an eye on scenes even more than everyone else."
"Since we've got two directors and two casts, we're dividing our focus," says Jensen. "Rachel's going to be the primary director for the 1800s cast, and I'll be primary on the modern cast. This week, everyone's called every day, so if you're in the first cast, be prepared to get to know Rachel a lot better. Otherwise you're stuck with me."
"And we're just gonna flip a coin for Mitchell," says Rachel, with a smile at the kid so he knows she's joking.
"In a minute, we're gonna let you get your scripts if you don't have them and just do a basic, no frills read-through. But first, since I don't know everybody, and I'm guessing no one else does either, we're gonna do some icebreaker games." There are a few good-natured groans, and Jensen laughs. "I know, I know. I don't like them either. Just shut up and get in a circle. We'll start off easy. Everyone tell us their name, their grade, their role, and their pornstar name. Which is first pet's name and first street you lived on, if you didn't know."
"Jensen will start," says Rachel, "because his pornstar name is totally ridiculous and everyone else will feel better about theirs."
"Thanks," says Jensen dryly. He grins and waves anyway. "In case you don't know, I'm Jensen, I'm a senior, I don't have a role, and my pornstar name is Pudgy Midway. Yeah, yeah, shut up."
Rachel laughs. "Rachel, senior, Felix Oak."
"Erin," volunteers the girl next to her, who's playing Hannah, Jared's pretty sure, "I'm a junior, I'm playing Hannah Jarvis, and, um--Pongo Washington?"
They keep going, and Jared tries to keep up. It's mostly seniors, as he suspected, but it's definitely not every senior who tried out, and they're not all in huge parts. Jared is almost positive Ian from his math class is the only other freshman, but there's someone from every grade. A pretty good spread.
"Hi," he says, when it comes to him. "I'm Jared, I'm a freshman, I'm playing Valentine, and my pornstar name is Thumper Longwood."
"Bullshit," says Jensen, and then flushes when he realizes what he said. "I mean--seriously?"
Jared laughs. "No joke," he says, holding up his hands. "My older brother--he'd kill me for telling you this--was a huge Bambi fan, and he talked our parents into getting him this fat, ugly bunny, and he named it Thumper. And I lived on Longwood Street in San Antonio til I was five."
"I really hope no one can beat that," says Jensen, still laughing. "But we definitely have a new champion. Congratulations, Jared. It's a dubious honor."
Jared thinks if it would keep Jensen smiling at him like that, he'd be willing to change his name to Thumper Longwood.
*
It turns out theater is actually fun. Jared's intentions in joining might not have been completely (or at all) pure, but as it turns out, it's kind of his thing. He likes slipping into Valentine, even just in the read-through, and the other kids are fun, kind of goofy and cool, for the most part. He gets the impression the girl playing Thomasina might be a bit of a diva, but the guy playing Septimus seems good at teasing her down, and they make a good team.
They don't make it all the way through before the last bus leaves, so Jensen tells them they'll pick up tomorrow before breaking into their groups and releases them.
"Hey, Jared!" he says as Jared's grabbing his backpack, and Jared turns. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"
Jared blinks. He's a little concerned about the bus, but he figures Jensen doesn't want to get stranded at the school either, so he shrugs on his bag and trots over.
"Yeah?"
"I just wanted to check in about the math and stuff."
"Huh?"
"Valentine's kind of got a lot of technical stuff," Jensen clarifies. "I mean, Thomasina and Septimus do too, but Mary and Jim have taken physics and calc and stuff, so they said they were set. You didn't seem bad in the read-through or anything," he adds quickly, "I just did some Shakespeare over the summer, and I know how important it is to really understand what you're saying."
"I mostly get it," says Jared hesitantly. "I did some research on, like, wikipedia for stuff I didn't get, but I didn't know I was Valentine then so I didn't really focus on his stuff."
Jensen looks surprised. "You read it before?"
Jared blushes. "Um, before auditions, yeah. I wanted to be prepared."
Jensen grins. "No, that's awesome, seriously. I just--if you ever need help figuring anything else, don't hesitate to ask. I know it can be embarrassing, but, seriously, I didn't get a lot of this when I first read it."
Jared smiles a little hesitantly. "Okay, thanks."
"That goes for anything," he says. "If you're ever having trouble, let me know. I know it can be embarrassing to ask in front of everyone."
"I appreciate it," says Jared.
Jensen glances at the clock. "I don't think you missed the bus, but you'd probably have to run for it. I can give you a ride if you want."
Jared stares. Jensen Ackles is offering him a ride. He's going to be in Jensen Ackles' car. Admittedly, Jensen probably isn't going to fuck him in the back seat like he has occasionally fantasized, but it's closer than he ever thought he'd get to that particular daydream. "I don't want to be a bother," says Jared, because his mama raised him right.
"Seriously, no problem," says Jensen. "The late bus sucks, I know."
"Yeah," says Jared. "A ride would be great, then."
Jensen smiles. "Let me just grab my bag."
Jared follows Jensen backstage and says bye to Rachel with him. He's nervous, more nervous than he had been at any other part of rehearsal, and he wonders if Jensen lives anywhere near him. He's really excited for Jensen's car, but he doesn't really want to put Jensen out.
"So, you're from San Antonio?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah, originally," says Jared. "We moved around a lot. But I've been promised we're staying in Washington until I finish high school."
Jensen nods. "I'm actually from Dallas. Well, Richardson, but yeah. Texas."
"Seriously? Man, you don't sound it at all."
"And you do?"
"I moved when I was five. How old were you?"
"Eleven. The cold was a shock, let me tell you."
Jared laughs. "We went from San Antonio to Maine. I nearly died."
"I kind of like it now," says Jensen. "This one's mine," he adds, gesturing to a beat-up white station wagon. Jared must make a face, because Jensen tosses him a smile over his shoulder. "I know it doesn't look like much," he says, "but it's all mine, which counts for a lot. And it runs great. Just, you know, looks like shit."
"I didn't say anything," says Jared.
Jensen puts his backpack into the back seat. Which Jared guesses means they won't be fucking there. He regretfully throws his own bag in next to it and climbs into shotgun.
"So, where do you live, anyway?"
"Imperial Drive?" he says.
"Yeah? Awesome. That's on my way home, I'm on Hemlock."
"Cool," says Jared.
Jensen starts the car and glances behind him as he backs out. Once they're out of the spot and driving, Jensen looks back at him. "So what made you try out for the play?"
Jared can't actually answer the question totally honestly, so he shrugs. "I was kinda curious. My mama's an English teacher, she's always telling me to appreciate literature more."
"She is? She doesn't teach here, does she?"
"No, she's across town. I didn't wanna go to school where she taught," he admits, flashing a grin at Jensen.
"Yeah, I guess that could be awkward. You having fun so far?"
"Yeah, everyone seems really cool. And I like the play."
Jensen nods. "Me and Rachel went back and forth for a while on it, because, y'know, the jokes get kind of obscure, and there's all the physics and stuff, but in the end, we really like it."
"You guys seem really close," says Jared, as casually as he can.
Jensen shoots him an amused look. "Don't tell me you're going for her too."
"Huh?"
"Brenden did his whole Shatner thing because he has this epic, hopeless crush on Rachel," says Jensen. Jared tries not to wince. "She won't give him the time of day."
"Oh," says Jared, trying to sound natural. "No, actually, I'm gay."
That gets him another look, very surprised. "Really?"
Jared shrugs. "My friend Tim says I should lisp more, but my friend Tim is kind of a horrible person."
Jensen laughs at that, a little nervously. He glances back over at Jared. "Sorry, I'm just surprised. I haven't really met a lot of guys who are out in high school, I guess. Especially freshmen."
Jared shrugs. "This girl wouldn't stop asking me out in eighth grade. I figured I might as well turn her down with a bang."
"I guess that's one way to do it," Jensen agrees. He turns stops at a light, and turns to give Jared a full, real smile. "Thanks for telling me."
Jared flushes and smiles back. "You're welcome, I guess. But it's really not a secret. Or, I don't try to make it one. I wear a lot of pink."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, that's very unsubtle of you."
Jared tries not to feel too disappointed that Jensen didn't respond with a "hey, I'm gay too!" or similar, but then a song he loves comes on the radio, and it turns out Jensen loves it to, and the conversation moves fast and easy and he doesn't have time to think.
*
"How's the play going, honey?" his mother asks at dinner the next week.
Jared grins. The play is, in fact, awesome. He likes his costars--Erin is a riot, and Jensen is actually a pretty awesome director. They alternate days for being on the stage; when the modern cast is on stage, trying to get a feel for blocking and how the scenes will look, the 1800s cast is running lines in another room. The last scene has people from both eras, so they'll run that together.
He spends a lot of time with Jensen. He might get Jensen to explain lines that he totally understands, just because he likes Jensen explaining things to him, and it's an excuse to talk to him more. Plus, they got into the habit of talking after rehearsal, and Jensen always offers him a ride home afterward, even if the bus hasn't gone yet.
"It's really great," Jared says honestly, letting his grin through. "Everyone's really cool. It's going really well."
His mother nods. "We're all very excited to see it." She looks at him calculatingly. "And who's the boy who drove you home?"
Jared flushes, and wishes he didn't show the color so much. "Jensen," he says, struggling to not sound like the lovesick teenager he is. "He's the director."
"Mm hm," says his mother, smiling. Jared kind of wants to die.
"Is he cute?" asks Megan.
"Shut up, Megan," he mutters.
"He's totally cute," Megan crows. "Do you liiiiike him?"
Jared can feel his face burning.
"Megan," says his father sharply. "Be nice to your brother."
Jared is so glad Jeff is already at college, and not here to help Megan mock him.
"You should invite him in next time," says his mother, smiling. "Or for dinner."
"I'm not asking him for dinner," says Jared, glaring at her. "He's a senior. He's just being nice. He was helping me out with a few of my lines and I missed the bus. That's all."
He knows it's true, but it hurts to say it out loud. He isn't delusional--he knows Jensen is just a really nice guy who has no interest in him at all. No matter how many fantasies he has about Jensen getting overcome with lust and kissing him backstage right before he has to go on, and then afterward asking him out and kissing him more, he knows they're fantasies.
He just doesn't like to think about it too much.
His mother rubs his shoulder. "Well, if you ever want to try it out, you can always blame it on me. Tell him your kooky mama wants to thank him for giving you a ride home, and see what he says."
Jared sighs. "I'll think about it, mama. Promise."
She smiles at him. "I'm glad you're having fun, honey."
"Yeah, me too."
*
"Is there, like, a step two to this plan?" asks Tim.
"Don't be a jerk," says Missy, throwing her pen at him.
"No, I'm really curious," says Tim. "All your plan really seems to be doing is getting you more obsessed with Jensen Ackles."
"It's not my fault!" says Jared. "How was I supposed to know I'd get cast and he'd be awesome?"
"Chances were pretty good he'd be a douche," Colin agrees.
"But he's--god," says Jared. He falls forward until his forehead hits the carpet. "He's better."
"Yeah," says Tim. "So--are you going to do anything?"
"Like what? Confess my stupid, freshman crush and tell him how he's awesome and perfect and have him let me down easy? He would, too. He wouldn't even have the decency to be a jerk about it."
"How dare he," says Colin.
"Look, Jared," says Tim. "I'm not actually trying to be an asshole here right now--" Missy snickers, and he shoots her a glare. "But you seriously have nothing to lose. He's graduating in May. If you don't say anything, you're always gonna wonder."
Jared glances over at him. "That was surprisingly helpful of you."
"Shockingly, I don't actually like watching you suffer, dude," he says mildly. "And, seriously. It's kind of depressing watching you moon over him. Not funny anymore."
Jared pulls himself off the carpet to give him the finger.
"Yeah, I'm with Tim on this one," says Missy. "Worst case scenario, you're that pathetic freshman he laughs at."
"Yeah, that's not at all terrifying," says Jared. He shakes his head. "I can't do anything while the play's going," he points out. "Because then the worst case scenario also involves really awkward rehearsals and--no."
"So after?" Missy prompts.
Jared swallows. He's never seriously considered the idea of doing something. Not something serious, like asking Jensen out, or confessing, just weird, stalkery things, like auditioning for his play and staying late to get rides home. Nothing real. "Sure," he says. "After."
*
"You are so lucky you get to wear something normal," says Eileen. Their costumes have come in, and she's got a giant dress that's kind of cool, in an objective way. He can see how it would suck to wear.
"I get a suit for the last scene," he points out.
"It doesn't weigh more than you," she grouses, but she's smiling.
"I could see if Jensen and Rachel would let me put weights in the cuffs or something," he says. "If it'd make you feel better."
"I don't think we really want the comedic climax of the show to be your pants falling down," says Jensen, walking by. He stops to scrutinize both of them. Jared feels himself squirming under Jensen's gaze. After a long minute, he nods. "Looking good, guys. Jared, can you try your regency suit too?"
"Will do," Jared grins, and Jensen salutes as he leaves.
"God," says Eileen, "he's so cute."
Jared swallows and fights for something that doesn't sound either crazily possessive or completely infatuated. "Seriously," he says. "It's inhuman."
Eileen giggles. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so."
"I think he has a fanclub."
"I think I'm in it," she says. She cocks her head at him. "He seems to like you."
Jared's stomach relocates itself to somewhere around his toes. "He's been helping me sound smart," he says. "Apparently I could be better at faking it."
"Oh, shut up," says Eileen fondly. "You're really good, Jared. There's a reason you got such a big part."
"I figured it's just cuz I'm such a big guy."
"There are no big parts, just big actors?" she asks. "I think I like the other version better."
"Just cuz you're so short," Jared says easily.
"Padalecki," Jensen says, sticking his head in, "if you're not changed in three minutes, I'm changing you myself."
Jared's entire body turns red, he is fairly confident, and Eileen giggles.
"Kill time, Jared," she says, as she heads to her own dressing room, and Jared is so tempted.
*
Before Jared knows it, it's spring break, and Jensen and Rachel are giving them firm instructions to practice even if they don't have rehearsal, because they have two weeks before opening once break ends.
"Hey, Padalecki," says Paul, who plays Bernard, as Jared is trying to leave. "You going anywhere for break?"
"San Antonio to visit my grandma," says Jared. "Why?"
"Me and Erin were thinking the four of us and maybe Jensen could get together for a quick line run-through sometime over the break," says Paul. "Y'know, so we don't embarrass ourselves when we get back. If you're gonna be back for the weekend, it'd be cool if you could make it."
Jared nods. "We're actually getting back Thursday night," he says. "So I could do whenever after that."
Paul nods. "Gimme your number and I'll give you a call. Last year I didn't do shit over break and the director kicked my ass when I got back. Figure we can save Jensen and Rach the trouble."
Jared laughs. "Anything that keeps my ass safe is fine by me. Let me know."
"Have a good break, kid," says Paul, and Jared waves.
"Want a ride, Padalecki?" Jensen asks, as Jared grabs his stuff.
"Do I ever not want a ride?" asks Jared.
Jensen grins. "You are kind of a mooch."
Jared shrugs unrepentant. "You keep offering."
"Clearly I'm kind of a pushover."
"Match made in heaven," says Jared, without thinking. He kind of wants to die.
Jensen just laughs.
*
Jared's hanging out with his brother on his grandma's porch, shooting the shit, when his phone rings with an unknown number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jared?" it takes him a minute to place the voice, and then he does and nearly falls out of his chair. "It's Jensen."
"Yeah, um," he says inanely. "Hi," he says, getting out of his chair. Whenever Jared is nervous on the phone, he paces. It gets the nervous energy out. Jeff raises his eyebrows at him. "What's up?"
"Paul wanted me to call you about rehearsing? We were thinking Saturday afternoon at his place."
"Oh," says Jared. "Yeah, that's--where does he live?"
"Middle of nowhere," says Jensen. "I can give you a ride if you want to come. That's why he had me call."
Jared tries to not think about the way he has Jensen Ackles' number. The more time he spends with Jensen, the less he's Jensen Ackles, but it's kind of inescapable. Jensen Ackles is calling him.
"Yeah," says Jared. "If it's not too much trouble, that'd be great. I don't wanna be the loser whose mom drops him off."
Jensen laughs. "How's Texas treating you?"
"Hot and dry," says Jared. "But the barbecue is to die for."
Jensen groans. "Don't make me jealous. Jesus. Now I'm thinking about it."
Jared grins. "What, can't find any decent meat in Washington?"
"I hope you know that I hate you very much," says Jensen. "You should know that."
"Don't be jealous," says Jared.
"I'm gonna dream of it tonight," says Jensen, and Jared's heart flips over at the idea that he has any influence on Jensen's dreams. "So, I'll get you around one on Saturday?"
"Sure," says Jared. "See you then."
"See you," says Jensen.
Jared grins kind of stupidly as he saves the number into his phone.
"Friend of yours?" Jeff asks, and Jared startles. He'd totally forgotten his brother was even there. And then the question sinks in, and it's even weirder, because--he kind of is. Yeah, he and Jensen don't hang out and watch movies or play video games or anything, but Jensen says hi to him in the halls and rags on him and they joke around, and Jared somehow didn't put two and two together.
"Yeah," he says, kind of shocked.
"Got a crush on him?" asks Jeff innocently.
"I hate you."
"Is he cute?"
"He is so far beyond cute," says Jared, collapsing back into his chair and closing his eyes. "I'm fucked."
"Clearly," says Jeff. "Tell me about him."
Jared glances over, but Jeff looks interested and a little concerned, so Jared closes his eyes again and thinks about Jensen. "He's directing the play."
"That why you did the play?"
"Maybe," Jared admits. "I mean--I didn't really think I'd get it. I just thought it was kind of pathetic that I had this huge crush on him and I'd never talked to him or anything."
"And?"
"And he's really, really awesome," Jared admits. "He's funny, and he's nice, and he's just--you know how sometimes, you think someone's hot, but then you meet them and you don't click at all? It was like exact opposite. And he's a senior, and I'm--I mean, I don't think I suck or anything, but I don't even know if he likes guys. He doesn't have a girlfriend, but--"
He feels Jeff's hand on his shoulder, warm and solid. "I'm sorry, JT," he says simply. "Wish I could tell you what to do, but, man. That's just--there's no way to know."
"He's really nice," says Jared. "It's not just to me. He's great to everyone. He's a good guy." He swallows. "Tim says I've got nothing to lose. I mean--he's graduating."
"Tim'd sing a different tune if he was gonna do the losing," says Jeff.
Jared laughs. "Might be true."
"Just go with your gut," says Jeff. "And remember--I know it feels like the end of the world, but it's high school. Everything feels like the end of the fucking world."
Jared laughs. "Yeah, I guess."
*
Jared is looking for socks when the doorbell rings on Saturday at a quarter to one. In general, Jared's found that teenage boys are late more than they are early, so he hadn't really expected Jensen to arrive before he was ready.
He's charging downstairs at top speed when, to his horror, he hears his mother say, "Oh, hello, you must be Jensen."
"Yes, ma'am," says Jensen, "I'm here to pick up Jared."
"Well, he's upstairs, getting ready, why don't you come in and have a seat?"
Jared would rather go to rehearsal naked than leave Jensen unguarded in his house, so he runs back to his room, grabs the first two socks he finds, and tramples down the stairs.
"Jared Padalecki," says his mother sharply as he bursts into the living room, "what have I told you about running down the stairs?"
Jared flushes. "That I'll fall and break my neck."
Jensen grins at him, and Jared's stomach does a little swoop at seeing Jensen Ackles in his house. "Hey, Jared," he says.
"Hey," says Jared, unable to keep from grinning back. "Give me just a second."
He rushes to the kitchen to grab some tupperwear and stuffs it in his bag, and then pulls on his shoes.
"Are you leaving already, honey?" his mother asks, the picture of innocence.
"Sorry, mama," says Jared, without remorse, "but we don't wanna be late."
"Well, it was very nice to meet you, Jensen," his mother says easily. "And thank you so much for helping Jared out with the play."
"It's my pleasure," says Jensen. "He's doing really well."
Jared flushes. "Bye, mama," he says pointedly, and Jensen follows him out.
When they get to the car, he offers Jensen a bashful smile. "She'll really talk your ear off if you let her," he explains.
Jensen laughs. "I think moms are supposed to be embarrassing, Jared. She seemed nice."
"Yeah," says Jared. "To you." He settles in to shotgun and waits until Jensen is buckling in to say, too casually, "Oh, hey."
"Yeah?" asks Jensen.
Jared roots around his backpack and hands over the tupperware. "Got you something."
Jensen inspects it, and his face lights up in understanding. "Barbecue? Seriously?" he asks, grin a mile wide.
Jared shrugs, pleased and a little bashful. "My grandma made some extra," he says. "I figured you'd appreciate it."
"Jesus, yes. This is awesome, Jared, thanks so much."
Jared grins. "Glad you like it."
"I'm barely holding back from sticking my face in it right now," Jensen admits. "But I think I can wait."
His smile warms Jared down to the tips of his toes for the rest of the day.
*
"Okay guys," says Rachel. "We have one week, and then we have hell week, and then we open next Thursday. Which hopefully isn't news to anyone."
"Wait, since when are we doing a play here?" asks Mary. "I was told this was detention." Jim laughs and elbows her.
"The set should be finished by this Friday," says Jensen, kneeling down to knock on the stage. "But it's pretty much all run-throughs from here. If you're rusty, don't worry, we'll beat it out of you."
"We have three shows, and the cast party is at Jensen's, after the last one."
"If you need directions or a ride," says Jensen, eyes flicking to Jared, "you can let one of us know. And you can tell your parents it's alcohol free and my parents will be home."
"When's the real cast party then?" asks Paul.
"Me and your mom are having that after," says Jensen. "If you've got a girlfriend or a boyfriend," and Jared's probably imagining Jensen looking at him this time, "feel free to bring them to the cast party, but other than that, let's keep it to cast and crew only. My house is not that big."
"All right, any questions?" asks Rachel. When no one has a smartass comment, she claps and grins. "Then let's get costumes and get rehearsing, okay?"
Jared wanders over to Jensen before he goes to the changing room and says, "So, I've got a ride anywhere I need to go, right?"
Jensen glances up, amused. "Within reason, yeah. I've got you covered for tech week and the cast party."
"You're the best director ever," he says.
"That hurts," says Rachel mildly, but she's smiling. "Go change, Jared."
"This is why," says Jared, with a put-upon sigh. "Jensen isn't a slaver driver."
"Maybe if he was, you'd be changed by now," says Rachel.
"The whole world's against me," says Jared with a sigh.
"Just the parts that want the play to not crash and burn," Jensen says, and Jared grins and does as he's told.
*
Hell week really doesn't seem so bad to Jared. Yes, he's after school late every day, and during all scenes he's not acting he's painting or being used to lift heavy objects, but it's kind of fun. It's weird to realize that he likes this--that he enjoys the play entirely outside of Jensen, that he's going to try out again next year (well, not for the musical, but for the winter and spring plays), and that he thinks it would be really cool if he got to direct in his senior year.
It's strange to think that theater is actually something him and Jensen have in common.
"So when's the show?" asks Colin.
"Tomorrow," says Jared. "Thursday, Friday, Saturday. You just have to come to one."
"We have to come to one?" asks Tim.
"Oh, shut up," says Missy. "It's gonna be good, right, Jared?"
"I like it."
"I read some of it," Colin offers. "It's kind of pretentious."
"No wonder Jared likes it."
"You don't have to come, jerk," says Jared. "It's not like I care about my art or anything."
"You really like this stuff, don't you?" asks Tim, looking at him critically.
"And?"
"And I thought it was all about Jensen."
"It evolved," says Jared. "Anyway, this is the last two months of my life, so if I didn't like it, I probably would have killed myself. So the least you can do is come for one night, dickwad," he says, kicking Tim in the ankle.
"Ow, Jesus, of course I'm coming. Like I actually wouldn't. You love this shit."
"Yeah," says Jared, grinning and ducking his head because it's true. "It's really--it's so cool."
*
"Okay," says Rachel. "Everyone take a deep breath."
The gathered circle of actors and crew obeys, and Jensen grins at them.
"So, first show. Look, you guys know your lines. If you forget one, just take a deep breath, and, seriously, don't picture the audience in their underwear. It's really a bad idea."
"Just take a second. If it gets too long, someone else'll help you out. So just have fun," says Rachel.
"You guys have been awesome," says Jensen, "and we've had a great time directing you. So let's just do some awesome shows and kick ass!"
"Jensen," says Mrs. Hendricks, the faculty supervisor, in a weary tone.
"I mean," says Jensen, grinning at her, "kick butt."
"Kick whatever you can find," Paul offers, and Jared laughs along with everyone else, feeling the nervousness living in his chest.
He kind of likes the feeling.
*
Jared doesn't forget any lines, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world, taking a bow with everyone else and pouring into the prep room, embracing everyone he can find. He picks Eileen up and spins her around as she laughs, and then hands her off to Paul, watching her blush as he gives her a bear hug.
He hears a quiet laugh behind him, and when he turns, Jensen's there, and before he has a chance to think about it or get nervous, Jensen is saying, "Great job, man," and hugging him.
Jensen's a couple inches taller than him, warm and firm, and he smells amazing, and Jared would really just like to live here.
"You too," he murmurs, putting his arms around Jensen hesitantly. "It was awesome, Jensen."
Jensen pulls back and grins, clearly about to say something, but there's a whoop behind them, and Tim jumps on his back.
"Dude!" he says, kissing Jared on the cheek sloppily. "You were awesome!"
"Jesus Christ, you're going to kill me," says Jared. "Get down, asswipe." He glances back at Jensen, but he's already gone to wrestle Eileen away from Paul, and Jared tries not to feel disappointed. Missy and Colin come over and hug him and congratulate him too, and then his parents are coming too, and he loses Jensen somewhere in the crowd.
Whatever, he figures. It's the first day. He's got two more days of Jensen hugs. And they're going to be awesome.
*
"So, this cast party," says Missy.
"Hm?" asks Jared.
"Clearly the cast party is when you should make your move," she says.
"What's my move, exactly?"
"Whatever you want it to be," says Missy. "Kiss him. Ask him out."
"Confess your undying love," Colin suggests.
"Just do something," says Tim. "I don't want you being a sad sack all next year about how you totally missed your chance with your one true love."
"No one wants that," Missy agrees. "And--I think it'll go okay."
"I'll think about it," says Jared. "I'm not going to--" he reconsiders. "I'm going with my gut. I'm not going to, like--tell him I want his letter jacket or something."
"He doesn't have one," says Colin. "He does theater."
"I know!" Jared says, too loudly, and he hadn't realized before that he was upset. "Look," he says, seeing the surprised looks from his friends. "I just--I can't talk about this, okay? I know I'm always talking about him, and I'm sorry, I just--I don't know what to do, and I don't know what to tell you guys to say to help me, or what you can do, so I'll just--shut up and he'll give me a ride to his party and who knows what'll happen there. I'm not going in with a plan. I just want to have fun with my friends. All of them."
"That's actually kind of mature," says Tim, after a pause. "I think."
"Yeah, it was kind of hard to tell," Colin agrees. "But we'll shut up."
"Break a leg tonight, Jared," says Missy. "No matter what you do after."
"Yeah," says Jared. "I think I can handle that."
*
"I thought your boyfriend was going to come," says Jensen. Jared was kind of dozing before he spoke, coming down off the adrenaline high of performing and the heady feeling of Jensen hugs.
"Huh?" he asks, zoning in. "Who?"
"Your boyfriend," says Jensen. "Um, the blond guy? I don't know his name. He jumped you after the first show."
"Tim?" asks Jared. He can't help laughing. "Oh god. Oh no. I would never date Tim. He's a total douche. And he has this epic love going on with my friend Missy. And just--wow. No."
"Oh," says Jensen. "Sorry, I just--assumed, I guess."
"I'm actually single," says Jared.
"Huh." He laughs a little. "I just--figured maybe you were out because you had someone. The only other guys I know who were out, they were dating each other, and they didn't want to hide it. So--yeah, sorry."
"I'm not offended or anything," says Jared. "But, nah. Single loser here."
"Hey, I resemble that remark," says Jensen.
It's not like Jared hadn't figured out Jensen was single, but it's still different to hear him say it and confirm it.
"Is anyone bringing someone?" asks Jared, unsure what else to say.
"Rachel's bringing her boyfriend. I think Paul's finally gonna make his move on Eileen."
"Thank god," says Jared. "That should've happened weeks ago."
Jensen laughs, kind of strangely. "Yeah, tell me about it."
They pull in to Jensen's house a while later. Jared's never seen it before. It's not particularly remarkable--smallish and white, kind of cute, blue shutters on the windows, a porch with a swing on the side. A dog runs over and greets them as they get out of the car, and Jared lets himself be sniffed and gives ear rubs.
"Should've warned you, sorry," says Jensen.
"Nah, it's cool," says Jared. "I love dogs. We moved too much to have one of our own. What his name? Her name?"
"Her name. Telly."
"Hey, Telly," says Jared, grinning at the dog and scratching under her chin. "Who's a good girl, huh?"
Jensen snorts. "God, you would be a babytalker. Come on, let's go inside and see how it looks."
"Is that you, Jensen?" asks a woman from another room when they get inside.
"Yeah, I told everyone else to give us til ten," says Jensen. "I've got Jared with me."
The woman comes in to greet them. She looks a little like Jensen, Jared gets--he has trouble really seeing the connection between people and their relatives a lot of he time, but she has his eyes and a nice smile.
"Nice to meet you, Jared," she says, extending her hand. "I'm Donna. You were great in the play."
"Thank you, ma'am," says Jared, shaking. "It's very kind of you to say."
"He's cute," says Donna, to Jensen. She turns back Jared. "What are you, a freshman?"
"That's right."
"Did you tell him it gets better?" she asks her son.
Jensen gives Jared a shit-eating grin. "Didn't want to lie to him, mama."
Donna laughs. "That's right, Jared, it doesn't get any better than this."
Jared laughs too, but inside he feels melodramatic and stupid. Because this might be the last night he ever really talks to Jensen Ackles. After this, he might never feel like Jensen's friend again in his life, and it's bittersweet and scary, thinking like that.
In high school, he reminds himself, everything feels like the end of the world.
*
The party is mostly people just hanging out and eating and playing video games, which is fine by Jared, because he likes both those things. But watching Mary annihilate Evan at Tekken is only fun for so long, and he finds his attention wandering.
As usual when his attention wanders, he looks for Jensen, and is surprised not to find him. He makes an excuse about going to the bathroom and goes out into the unfamiliar house. He feels antsy and too small, like he should be taking everyone's advice and doing something, but he doesn't know how. He pokes through the dining room, looks at family photos in the stairwell, even goes to the bathroom, just for the hell of it.
In the kitchen, he finds Eileen and Paul making out, Eileen pushed up against the wall and Paul bending to reach her lips, and wishes he'd never left the safety of the TV room. Even coming in by accident, he feels like he's committing some unforgivable sin.
He leaves before they notice him, flees through the first door he sees and finds himself on the porch, cheeks flaming in the cooler outdoor air, with Jensen in the porch swing.
"You okay?" he asks. "You look kind of spooked."
"I walked in on Eileen and Paul working it out," says Jared. Jensen laughs. "What are you doing out here?"
"Thinking," says Jensen, looking out into the yard. "It's just weird. I did my first play when I was a freshman. The musical." He laughs again, quietly. "Man, I had the worst stage fright. My mom thought it'd help. It's just--weird, finishing off the last show I'll ever do for high school."
"I can go," Jared offers.
"Nah," says Jensen. "I mean, if you want, but I don't mind. Have a seat, hang out."
Jared sits next to him on the swing. "Are you gonna do acting stuff for college?"
"I'm not planning on majoring," he says. "But I want to still do plays. I like it."
"You're really good," Jared offers.
"At directing. You've never seen me act."
"I saw Kiss Me, Kate," Jared offers. "And Noises Off."
Jensen looks surprised. "Really?"
Jared shrugs. "I like seeing plays."
"You gonna keep going?" Jensen asks, turning on the swing so they're facing each other better. "With acting, I mean."
"Yeah," says Jared. "Definitely. This has been awesome."
"I'm glad. You're really good. Way less nervous than I was my first play."
"Yeah, well, I had a good director," says Jared, but it comes out kind of serious. And Jensen smiles, but he doesn't stop looking and Jared, and Jared realizes this is it. This is his moment. This is when he's supposed to do something, say something, lean in and kiss Jensen, anything.
He licks his lips, swallows, so fucking nervous, unsure what his move is, and then there's a soft woofing noise from next to them, and Telly the dog sticks her head on the swing between them.
"Hey, girl," says Jared softly, and pats her on the head. "What's up, Telly?"
Jensen laughs softly, like an exhale. "You really do love dogs, huh?"
"Yeah," says Jared. "She seems like a great one."
"Definitely."
The moment's gone, and Jared knows, with a painful certainty, that this was it. He's never going to really talk to Jensen Ackles again.
It's over.
Part Two.
