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Oct. 30th, 2009 02:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyJared is trying to simultaneously text his roommate, Amanda, about downgrading their cable because neither of them watch anything beyond basic (except for Bridezillas, which they should not watch--getting rid of the cable would probably go a long way toward saving them from themselves) and also cross a busy street, which he knows is monumentally stupid and borderline suicidal, but he gets bored waiting for lights to change. He needs more stimulation in his life.
In any case, he's not paying any attention to the outside world, except seeing if other people are crossing the street out of the corner of his eye, because there's safety in numbers, and he'll have some human shields between him and the cars, so he's taken completely by surprise when someone says, "Jared?"
He's not that far from campus, so he figures it's some student he knew before he graduated, and turns absently.
It hits him like a punch in the neck; he suddenly can't breathe, and he's fourteen again, small and awkward and unsure.
"It's Jared Padalecki, right?" asks the guy, who is absolutely Jensen Ackles.
He's grown, which makes sense, since Jared hasn't seen him in fucking years, but it's still kind of amazing. In high school, Jensen was pretty--babyfaced and skinny, with the non-threatening, boyband kind of good looks. He's gotten firmer, clearly works out more, and there's stubble on his face, patchy over his jaw.
He's clearly grown up and changed, but somehow he's still the single hottest person Jared has ever seen.
"Yeah," he manages, shaking his head and feeling a grin split his face. "Jesus, Jensen?"
"Hey," says Jensen. He laughs and looks up to meet Jared's eyes. "Holy crap, you got tall. What have you been eating?"
"Red meat. Lots of it. And babies, when I can get them."
Jensen laughs again, stronger. He has lines around his eyes when he does it, etched in deep. Jared wants to touch them. He wants to run his fingers all over Jensen's face.
Jared hasn't been pining away with love for Jensen for eight years or anything. He's just remembered Jensen Ackles, the one who got away, his first love. And it's annoying, because he and Jensen clicked so well, because Jensen was so nice and funny and hot, and there had been just enough there that Jared could, in retrospect, convince himself he could have had Jensen. He's had other boyfriends, but he's never had that hot rush he had with Jensen, the highs and lows so extreme he wanted to beat his head on something til feelings went away. He figured most of it was just being in high school, but seeing Jensen again, he's pretty sure that, no. Most of it was Jensen.
"Are you in New York?" Jensen asks. "Do you live here?"
"Yeah," says Jared, "out in Queens."
"Are you--you're out of college, right?" asks Jensen, clearly trying to do the math in his head.
"Yeah, I went to NYU. Graduated in June."
"Oh yeah?" asks Jensen. "I'm actually at Tisch."
Jared wants to ask Jensen about a billion questions, and it occurs to him that a crowded street isn't actually the place for this, and it doesn't have to be.
"Hey," he says, "I'd really love to catch up, and this is really an awkward spot. You want to grab dinner?"
Jensen smiles. "Yeah, love to."
*
Jared knows a great burger place not too far away, and he and Jensen head over. Jared has trouble not just looking at Jensen all the time--he's really remarkably attractive, and he's Jensen. Jared really liked Jensen in high school, far beyond the physical, and all his stupid fourteen-year-old feelings are reasserting themselves, because Jensen is gorgeous, and remembers him, and is willing to have dinner with him.
"So, you're at Tisch?" Jared asks, settling into their booth.
"For acting, yeah," says Jensen. He looks embarrassed about it.
"That's awesome," says Jared, meaning it. "Broadway dreams?"
Jensen laughs. "Not for the stage. I actually--I'm more interested in directing, but I also really like teaching."
"You were a really awesome director," says Jared. "And teacher."
"Thanks. I'm actually--I've got a play opening up off-off-Broadway in a couple weeks. My directorial debut."
"Seriously?" asks Jared. "Dude, that's amazing!"
"My friend Sean wrote it," Jensen explains. "It's surprisingly good, given, you know, amateur writer, amateur director, actors we pretty much found on the street--"
"I'm sure it's awesome. When's the premiere? I should check it out."
"You wanna go? Seriously?"
"Well, the last play I saw that you directed was totally kickass," says Jared, grinning at him. "Although that's mostly because some freshman stole the show, but, you know, whatever."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, definitely the star of the show. I can, uh--if you wanna give me your e-mail or something, I can send you the details."
"Yeah, definitely. But let's eat first, man, I'm starving."
"Gotta maintain that height, huh?"
"Yeah, if I don't eat enough burgers I'll actually shrink," Jared teases.
"I'd believe it," Jensen says.
The waitress comes by and they order, and there's comfortable silence for a minute.
"So, what are you up to?" Jensen asks after the waitress drops off their waters.
Jared snorts. "God, don't ask."
"What?" asks Jensen, looking amused.
Jared shakes his head. "Just, y'know. I majored in English, right? Like mother like son? But my job prospects are not working out. I'm working in a bookstore. Which, cool, don't get me wrong, but it's not really a career path. I was working there during school."
"Man, don't worry about it," says Jensen. "My first job out of college was at a Kroeger in Dallas. My mom actually got me one of those 'Yes, I am a college graduate, paper or plastic?' buttons."
"You ever notice your entire motivational technique is 'I suck more than you'? I'm thinking you might have some self-esteem issues."
"Oh, fuck you," says Jensen, laughing. "I'm done trying to help with your problems."
"No, no, you're totally inspirational. Tell me more about how much your life sucks."
Jensen grins. "So, you got any aspirations?"
"I kind of want to be a professor," says Jared. "But I'm not sure about grad school."
Jensen nods. "Yeah, it's a commitment. And money, of course."
"Fucking money. Jesus. I want to take a little time off, anyway."
"Yeah, for partying all the time, college is pretty tiring," says Jensen, with this wicked little smile Jared wants to kiss.
"Whatever," he manages, tone lofty. "I was a good kid. On the straight and narrow."
"Or the gay and narrow," Jensen points out dryly.
"Like the straight and narrow, but more fabulous," says Jared with a wink. Jensen flushes a little.
"Of course it is."
*
Jared isn't the kid he was in high school--he recognizes when people are checking him out, he knows how to flirt, and he actually understands what to do in order to get laid. He gets what his dick does, and what other people's dicks do, and is just generally older and wiser.
So he knows that Jensen is definitely checking him out, definitely flirting with him, and he honest-to-god thinks it's a possibility that this could end with him getting laid. Maybe not tonight, granted, but--this is his second chance. This is when he gets to make up for that night when he really should have done something.
But now he can. He can just ask Jensen out, and if Jensen says no, it's not the end of the world. He'll get resolution, after eight fucking years.
They're hanging around outside the restaurant, Jared writing down his e-mail and trying to figure out how to see if Jensen would maybe be interested in a real date, when Jensen's phone rings.
He pulls it out and glances at the display. "Hey, gimme a sec," he says, flashing Jared a grin. "Hi," he says to the phone. "Having dinner with a friend from high school," he tells the caller, still smiling. "Yeah, it's been great. Yeah. I could do something tomorrow. I'll call you when I get home. Bye." He's flushing when he hangs up, and Jared cocks his head. "My boyfriend," he says, looking at the phone and not Jared.
Jared feels like he's falling. Jensen is gay, or at least bi--he's interested in guys, and that's pretty much all of Jared's teenage dreams coming true. But he has a boyfriend, which means Jared can't ask him out, because he's taken.
"You're," he manages, gesturing a little, "uh."
"Gay?" Jensen supplies, smiling faintly. "Yeah."
"Oh," says Jared.
If Jensen's gay, he must have known what signals he was giving, what signals Jared was sending out, but he's taken.
Jared kind of just wants to cry.
"Can I get your number?" Jensen asks, a little hesitantly. Jared wonders if everything he's feeling is all over his face, and he pastes on a smile.
"Yeah," he says. He starts rattling it off, and Jensen laughs halfway through. "What?"
"That's the same number you had in high school," he says. "I've still got it."
Jared stares for a second. "What?"
"They just keep importing my contacts," says Jensen. "I never clean them out, I guess." He hits a few buttons, and Jared's phone rings. "And now you've got me." He grins. "I'll e-mail you about the show."
"Yeah," says Jared, "please." Jensen starts to wave and say goodbye, and suddenly Jared isn't willing to just leave it there. Even if he can't ask Jensen out, he can do something. Anything. "Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I work on campus, pretty much. Nearby, anyway. That's where the store is. So we should grab lunch sometime."
Jensen grins, his teeth flashing white in the growing darkness. "No, that'd be awesome. We definitely should."
"It was really great to see you again," says Jared impulsively, and he reaches out to give Jensen a hug.
The last time he hugged Jensen, he was a scrawny fourteen-year-old, smaller than Jensen, and he felt like Jensen was surrounding him, warm and solid. It's not worse now--he still just loves the feel of Jensen in his arms, and Jensen hugs back a little slowly, but strong.
Jared hugs everyone these days--it's his most natural greeting and farewell to his friends, and it shouldn't be a good deal. But pretty much everything about Jensen damages his calm.
Of course, all things considered, it shouldn't surprise him that Jensen makes him feel like he's fourteen again.
"So I'll call you," says Jensen, flashing him another brilliant smile as he lets go.
"Yeah," says Jared. "See you, Jensen."
"See you."
*
Jared's first impulse is to go home and bitch to Amanda, but he's never really explained Jensen to Amanda. He thinks he's probably mentioned him in passing, but it would take a while to really delve into just how fucked up he's feeling over this. He wants someone who will immediately understand.
Tim picks up on the third ring. "What do you want, Padalecki?"
"Jensen Ackles has a boyfriend."
There's a long pause. "Jensen Ackles. As in that dude you were in love with freshman year."
"Yes."
"And spent all of sophomore year moping about."
"Yes."
"Why are you talking about Jensen Ackles?"
Jared runs his hand through his hair. "I was coming home from work, and I ran into him. Or he found me, I guess. And--we had dinner, and I was going to just suck it up and ask him out, but then just when I was going to try, he got a call, and it was his boyfriend."
"Wow," says Tim. "Your life, Padalecki."
Jared laughs. "So he's gay. He's still really hot, in case you were wondering. And we still get along like a house on fire. I'd pretty much think it was my birthday, except he's got a boyfriend."
Tim clucks his tongue. "Okay. So--you guys had dinner."
"Yeah."
"You thought he was interested?"
"Yeah! I mean--I'm pretty good at this flirting thing by now."
"Right," says Tim. "Did he say I love you or anything when he hung up the phone?"
"No," says Jared.
"Okay. My theory? He's not that into this guy."
"Yeah?"
"He didn't mention the guy once. He didn't do a mushy phone call. And, I'm straight, but you're hot, Jared. There's no way he's not into that."
Jared laughs. "Gee, thanks."
"You're gonna hang out with him more?"
"Yeah. He still had my number from high school."
"Give it a week, Jared. You're totally gonna finally bone Jensen Ackles."
"Thanks, Tim. You're a real friend."
"Better believe it."
*
Jared met Amanda sophomore year in his Nineteenth Century Literature course, and they've been friends ever since. She was smart enough to minor in English and major in chemistry, so she has a pretty good job in a lab somewhere, even if she works ridiculous hours and sometimes smells like disinfectant.
"Want to hear a depressing funny story?" he asks her when she gets home.
"Is it more depressing or more funny?"
"I dunno," says Jared. "It's not over yet."
"Okay, tell me."
"I ran into the guy I was in love with freshman year of high school, and he's just as hot as he was, just as awesome as he was, we get along great, he's gay, and he has a boyfriend."
"Wow," says Amanda. "I'm going with more depressing."
"Yeah, I was kind of leaning there too."
"Are you gonna see him again?"
"As much as possible."
Amanda ruffles his hair. "Oh, sweetie."
*
Jensen calls him three days later while he's at work and leaves a voicemail asking if he wants to do lunch sometime this week.
"Hey!" says Jensen, picking up on the second ring.
"Hey," says Jared, feeling himself start to smile. "Sorry, phone's not really the fastest way to get in touch with me when I'm at work. I only have it on breaks."
"It's cool. I'm kind of going crazy trying to set up all my last-minute play stuff, and I could really use a break."
"Yeah, I'd love to get together," says Jared, and then realizes that's entirely too accurate to his feelings. "When's good for you?"
"You free tomorrow?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah, that'd be great."
They set up a place to meet, and Jared grins for the rest of the day.
*
Jensen is perfect. It's actually a little annoying, how great he is. Jared thought he was good in ninth grade, when he was the incredibly nice senior who helped him out with his lines, but it's even better when Jensen treats him like an equal, someone he can relate to on his own level. Not that Jensen ever made him feel like a kid, exactly, but he was always aware of himself as being outside of Jensen's friends.
Now, though, the age difference is barely noticeable, and he and Jensen click like crazy. They've read the same books, love the same movies, even have some of the same favorite restaurants. Jared spends about ninety percent of time trying not to just lose control and kiss the guy, but it's pretty hard.
Probably the only thing saving Jensen from Jared's uncontrollable hormones is the fact that Jensen is actually really busy. He texts Jared with various updates from the set, bitching about how his lighting technician is a tool and his leading lady keeps hitting on him, and Jared sends him mocking texts back and tries not to think about how much he isn't over Jensen Ackles.
So far, it's pretty much the worst second chance ever.
*
"His friend wrote it?" Amanda asks dubiously.
"Come on," Jared wheedles. "You have to come!"
"No, I don't."
"Look," says Jared. "He told me he got me two comp tickets for me and my boyfriend, or whoever. You need to come and show that I am really, totally single."
"Because nothing shows you're single like showing up with a girl?" asks Amanda.
"When you're me it does. He knows I'm gay."
"Why can't you just go alone?"
Jared pouts. "Come on, please? I know you're curious to see him."
"Mostly because I don't think it's actually possible for anyone to be as hot as you say he is."
"But he is," says Jared. "And you really, really want to see it."
Amanda sighs. "Damnit, you're right, I kind of do."
Jared grins. "We're going to have tons of fun."
"And if we don't, you're going to take me out, get me drunk, and maybe hook me up with a cute straight boy."
"Done and done," says Jared. "I love you."
"Yeah, you better. The things I do for your sex life."
*
Jared understands Amanda's hesitance, he does. Jensen has assured him that the play is "surprisingly not painful," but they've both been burned before by plays written by their friends that they have to pretend to like. Junior year, Richie wrote and performed probably the single most horrible one-man show Jared has ever seen, and most of his friends are convinced they have PTSD from it.
Still, there is no way in hell Jared is missing Jensen's official directorial debut, no matter how much ass it sucks, so he and Amanda brace themselves, agree that they will do whatever shots they need after the show, not before, and take themselves down to the dive that Jensen's premiering in.
On their way, Amanda decides Jared owes her the whole sordid story of their non-relationship, so Jared explains in actual detail, blushing the whole time because there is nothing as embarrassing as a high-school crush. Amanda mocks him less that his friends did at the time, which is refreshing.
"Did you talk to him at all after the cast party?" she asks.
Jared shrugs. "We'd pass in the hall, you know? He'd say hi, I'd say hi. But there wasn't--he was a senior, we never saw each other, really. We were in different classes, different parts of the building. I went to his graduation, but I didn't manage to find him there."
"Still, he remembered you and wanted to talk to you. So it could be worse. My freshman year I had a crush on a junior named Mike who wrote a lot of really bad poetry that I thought was deep. I went through a two-year goth phase trying to attract him, he never figured out I existed, and I'm pretty sure he's gay now."
"So that was the start of your illustrious career as a fag hag?" asks Jared, dropping his arm around her shoulder.
"It's not too late for me to turn around and leave you, you know," she says. "I could just desert you at Jensen's big opening."
"You're too curious to meet him now."
"I think he'd pretty much have to be a supermodel to be as hot as you say he is."
"It's not just that he's hot."
"Right, right," says Amanda, patting his stomach. "He's your one true love."
"Shut up," says Jared weakly. "I hate you."
*
Jensen told him it probably wouldn't be too crowded, but Jared still isn't entirely surprised when he gets there and finds it kind of packed. He has a sneaking suspicion that Jensen undersells himself a little. Especially given when he mentioned to his friend Krista in the theater department that he knew Jensen Ackles, she squealed a little and said he was amazing and omigodsocool. Jared's not really sure how legend of Jensen has spread to Krista, but it makes him really fucking happy and proud.
Amanda perks up a little when she sees the people, apparently deciding that in this case, the masses must be right. Jared has to admit he'd be much more worried by an empty theater.
As it turns out, the play really is decent. It's a three-man show about a depressed convenience store clerk and the boyfriend/girlfriend team who have chosen him as the target of their first stickup, and it's kind of a bizarre black comedy farce that ends up being damn funny. Jared is glad beyond words that he won't have to lie to Jensen about his opinion of the show, and when the actors come out for a bow at the end, he whoops so loud he actually draws some stares.
Amanda admits, as they wait in the hall outside to see Jensen, that it was a fun play and she's glad she went, which Jared takes as a win for Team Ackles. He tries not to dwell to much on the fact that Team Ackles is a legit thing for him. That's a little concerning.
Jensen slips out kind of quietly once the actors have already come out and started getting hugs and adoration from their friends, and kind of hangs out by the wall, looking on with a fierce and adorable pride. Jared drags Amanda over his way.
"Holy shit," she whispers, as it becomes clear where they're headed. "Is that him?"
"I told you," he sing-songs, and then grins as Jensen looks up and sees him. "Hey!"
"Hey!" says Jensen, pushing away from the wall. "Thanks for coming, man!"
"Dude," scoffs Jared, pulling him in to a quick hug. "Like I'd miss your big premiere."
Jensen dims a little at that, and Jared cocks his head. "It's nothing," says Jensen quickly.
"Clearly," says Jared dryly.
"Just Mack couldn't come," he says. "Something came up at work, I guess."
Mack is Jensen's boyfriend. Jensen doesn't talk about him a lot, but Jared has learned that they've only been together for a couple months, and that Jensen's older brother, who works with Mack, set them up. Jared has some hopes that Jensen is primarily dating Mack to make his brother happy, but he hasn't had it confirmed.
Still, even if he wants Jensen and Mack to break up (as soon as humanly possible, in fact), he doesn't really like the idea that Mack is being a dick.
"What, seriously?"
Jensen shrugs. "He's coming tomorrow. It was just kind of short notice, threw me off."
Jared squeezes his shoulder. "I'm sorry, man, that really sucks. But the play was awesome, seriously. You did a great job."
Jensen grins. "Thanks. Always glad to find a fan."
"Dude, did you hear the crowd? I think you've got a lot of fans."
"Mostly family and friends."
"Yeah, whatever."
Amanda clears her throat behind him, and Jared flushes and realizes he totally forgot about her. Jensen kind of kills his brain. "Hey, so, this is my roommate Amanda, who took pity on my pathetic single ass and agreed to come with me. Amanda, this is Jensen."
"Nice to meet you," says Jensen, reaching out and shaking her hand. "Any friend of Jared's pathetic ass is a friend of mine."
Amanda laughs. "It really was a great show. I had a lot of fun."
"Thanks," says Jensen. "We did too. And thanks for coming, guys. It really means a lot to me," he says, mostly to Jared.
"Hey, any time you have a show, I'll be there opening night, comp tickets or no. Just give me the dates."
Jensen ducks his head and smiles. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Hey, Ackles! Get over here!" someone calls, and Jensen laughs.
"My adoring public sounds like it wants to kick my ass," he says. "Jared, you want to grab lunch sometime next week? You know, once my life is my own again."
"Yeah, any time, man. Just tell me when."
"Cool," says Jensen. He waves as he weaves through the crowd. "Thanks again for coming, guys."
They're outside before Amanda speaks again. "You've got it really bad."
"I know."
"But, honestly--I think he does too."
Jared glances over. "Yeah?"
"He couldn't stop looking at you, Jared. It was kind of adorable."
Jared huffs a laugh. "Yeah, well. He's got a boyfriend."
"Not for long, I bet," says Amanda simply.
"Still want that drink?"
"After that talk? I'm buying you a beer. You can make it up to me when he dumps his boyfriend for you."
Jared wants to feel bad at the prospect of Mack potentially getting his heart broken, but--Jared totally had dibs here. He was just out of the game for a while.
*
"So your run's over now?" Jared asks.
"Pretty much," says Jensen. "We weren't exactly a big deal, in terms of the theater world. But we got a couple nice writeups and a few of the cast got named as people to watch, so it actually went over really well, I think."
"Were you one of them?" Jared asks, kicking Jensen's ankle under the table.
Jensen flushes. "Possibly."
"Up-and-coming director to watch?"
"Shut up."
"How is that something that warrants a shut up?"
"It's just weird," says Jensen. "My dad was actually an actor, and I always kind of figured I'd follow in his footsteps. But directing is really cool."
"You ever think about movies?"
Jensen shrugs. "I thought about moving to LA for a while, but live theater, you know? There's nothing like it. And I really love it. When you finish a show and it's awesome and you hear the crowd? It wouldn't be the same with movies."
Jared nods. "I get it. Man, I'm still not sure anything has ever felt as awesome as the end of that first Arcadia show, you know? I still know like half my lines."
Jensen laughs. "You keep up with the acting at all?"
"Through high school, yeah. I actually directed senior year."
"Of course you did," says Jensen. He grins. "College?"
"A little," he says. "But I got to be more of a cheerleader than a participant."
"Yeah, I heard you cheering opening night," says Jensen.
"What can I say, I've been blessed with a voice that carries."
"And the rest of us are suffering for it."
"You're such a jerk, Ackles. I have no idea why I'm hanging out with you again."
"Should've pretended not to recognize me," says Jensen, stealing one of Jared's fries. "Or, you know, not asked me to dinner."
"Guess I kind of like you," says Jared. It comes out more genuine than he means, and Jensen looks at him for a long minute before he responds.
"Yeah," he says, voice a little tight. "Weirdo."
*
Jared starts to worry that he's seriously fucked things up when he barely hears from Jensen for the next week. He sends a few texts which get unenthusiastic responses, and feels too self-conscious to ask Jensen to get lunch or anything like that.
"Maybe he figured it out," he tells Amanda, sighing.
"What, that you like him?"
"Yeah."
"Jared, I hate to break this to you, but if he doesn't already know from the way you follow him around like a lost puppy, nothing will ever tip him off. Subtle is not your middle name."
Jared groans. "Well, maybe he thought he could ignore it before, and now he thinks I'm going to be weird about it and try to win him over or something."
"Maybe you're insane," Amanda suggests.
Jared opens one eye and glares at her. "That could also be true," he relents after a minute.
"Just a theory," she says, patting him on the head.
*
Jared practically does a jig when he gets an e-mail from Jensen on Tuesday asking if he wants to do dinner sometime this week. He replies that Thursday's good for him, and Jensen promptly tells him that's fine, and says they can meet at his place. He sends directions too, and Jared tries to clamp down on the part of his brain that's telling him Jensen's place is really exciting! Because it's not like Jensen is asking him over for sex or anything. They have to meet somewhere, so it might as well be Jensen's.
Jensen opens the door wearing a black button down that makes every part of his chest look amazing and jeans that fit him so well Jared thinks they should either be illegal or mandatory. He's honestly not sure which. All he really knows is that he should get some kind of medal for not jumping Jensen Ackles, because this shit is ridiculously hard, and Jared deserves some recognition for his efforts.
"Hey, Jared, come on in," says Jensen, rushing out his words. "It's not much, but it works for me."
Jensen's got a pretty small apartment--joint kitchen and living space, what he assumes is a bedroom, and a bathroom--but it's nice and looks lived it, and there's an amazing sense of Jensen in it, and absolutely no sense of Mack.
"It's nice," he says honestly. "Living on your own must be cool."
"Sometimes I miss having roommates around," Jensen admits, fiddling with a mug he finds on the table, "but mostly I'm a lot happier, yeah."
Jared nods. "Yeah, I love Amanda, but sometimes I wish I had my own place." He glances over and sees Jensen looking at him strangely, almost nervous, and raises his eyebrows. "You okay there?"
Jensen laughs. "That obvious?"
"Hate to break it to you, but you're kind of a crappy actor."
Jensen rubs the back of his neck, not meeting Jared's eyes or rising to the barb. He lets out a long breath and then looks up, and some small part of Jared is struck again by how cool it is that Jensen Ackles has to look up to him. "I broke up with my boyfriend," he says finally. "Last week."
Jared blinks, swallows, looks down at Jensen. He knows what he's supposed to say here--sorry, what happened, are you okay--but the words get stuck in his throat. He doesn't really know how to be just a good friend to Jensen. He doesn't know how to work without a motive.
The way Jensen's looking up at him, though, he doesn't feel like Jensen wants him to say that either.
He licks his lips, trying to figure out how to speak, and he sees Jensen track the motion, and he just--he gives up.
Jared steps in and leans down in the same second Jensen reaches up and fists his hands in Jared's shirt and pulls him in, and they come together exactly on the same page, Jared fitting his lips against Jensen's, mouth already open as they kiss.
It's like every stupid, adolescent feeling Jared has ever had explodes in a second, because it's better than he ever thought it could be when he was little. He'd never kissed anyone in ninth grade, never knew how good it come be, couldn't even comprehend how amazing it would feel to have Jensen pulling him closer on every breath, kissing him like it's all he's ever wanted too.
Jared knows the couch is somewhere vaguely behind him and he manages to back into it and hit his knees against the seat, falling back and pulling Jensen into his lap when he feels like his legs might give out. Jensen follows eagerly, kissing down Jared's neck as Jared whimpers. Jensen's hands are roving over his belly, under his shirt, and Jared barely even knows where his own hands are, trying to touch every part of Jensen at once.
Hysterically, some part of him acknowledges that, holy shit, Jensen really did ask him over to have sex. And then he realizes there's a really good chance he's about to have sex with Jensen Ackles, and he manages to gain enough control of his hands to unbutton Jensen's shirt and push it off. He's still got a t-shirt under it, and he disentangles them enough that he can throw that off too, leaving Jensen's hair impossibly ruffled, his lips red and puffy, and his jeans still illegally hot.
"Jesus Christ," Jared mutters, surging up to kiss Jensen again, and Jensen laughs a little into it, pulling away just a second later to pull Jared's own shirt off. When he comes back down, he angles it just right so their dicks rub together through their jeans, and while Jared had no doubt Jensen was enjoying this, he's really enjoying the proof of it.
Jensen thrusts down against him, grinding against Jared, and it's hot as all fuck and feels amazing. Still, no matter how much Jensen makes him feel like a teenager all over again, there is absolutely no way he's going to come in his pants without getting his hands on Jensen.
He pops the button on Jensen's jeans and yanks his fly down, abandoning finesse because he's worried if he doesn't touch Jensen Ackles' dick in the next two minutes, he might actually die.
"Fuck, Jared," Jensen mutters, sucking a kiss into Jared's neck. "God, yes, please."
Jared grins and turns his head to catch Jensen's lips, pushing his hand down into Jensen's boxers and feeling the hard length of his dick under his fingers. He slicks his hand up with precum and starts jerking Jensen off in earnest, trying to memorize the feel of it, to figure out everything Jensen likes. Jensen is one of those guys who really doesn't want to be loud, and he keeps making little noises into Jared's mouth, choked off gasps and whimpers. It's the hottest thing Jared has ever heard in his life, and he pulls away from kissing Jensen just so he can hear better. Jensen's forehead drops against his shoulder as he fucks into Jared's hand. The closer he gets, the louder he gets, and by the time Jared's really working him hard, jerking him relentlessly, he's begging for it, every other word out of his mouth "Jared" or "please."
He groans as he comes, thick spurts on Jared's hand, and then rolls off Jared, looking kind of wrecked. Jared smirks and waits until he's sure Jensen's watching before he licks his hand.
"Jesus," says Jensen. "Fuck."
Jared's about to undo his fly and jerk himself off when Jensen shakes his head and seems to regain some of his brain.
And then he smirks.
"Anyway I could talk you into fucking me?" he asks, kind of casual, like he doesn't know Jared has been fantasizing about fucking him and/or being fucked by him since he was fourteen.
"Uh," says Jared. "Yes? Please?"
Jensen pushes himself off the couch and kicks his jeans and boxers all the way off. Jared is momentarily unable to even think about following suit, because Jensen is that hot. It's actually kind of scary.
"Come on," says Jensen. "Bedroom." His eyes flick down to Jared's crotch. "Or can you not walk with that thing?"
Jared immediately gets with the program.
*
"God, I should've just kissed you at the cast party," Jared says. Once he's said it, he wonders if it's really the perfect post-coital line, but given that he and Jensen just had totally amazing sex, he thinks it's okay if he's a little brain dead.
Or completely.
Jensen laughs next to him, and Jared thinks it's never sounded better. "Yeah, I really wanted you to."
"Well, you should have kissed me! No fair making the fourteen-year-old make the first move."
"Oh god, don't say that shit. You're making me feel like a pedophile."
"Yeah, save us from the horrible four-year age gap."
"You just sound so young."
Jared rolls onto his side so he can kiss Jensen. If he's allowed to kiss Jensen whenever he wants (and he's pretty sure he is), he is damn well taking advantage of it. Jensen doesn't seem to mind.
"Well, I definitely had technicolor fantasies about fucking you at fourteen, so I was clearly old enough."
"Jesus," says Jensen. "Seriously?"
Jared laughs. "Yes, Jensen. I have definitely wanted to do that for eight years."
"Hope it was worth the wait."
"Hmm," says Jared, kissing him again. "Not sure. Might have to do it again to be absolutely sure."
Jensen laughs and rolls away. "Remember dinner? That meal I invited you over to have? Let's do that."
"You know you're supposed to wait until after dinner to put out, right? There's protocol here."
"Yeah, well," says Jensen, rolling out of bed and winking as he pulls on his boxers, "you're not the only one who's been waiting for this, Padalecki."
It's not like Jared hadn't figured out Jensen had a thing for him, but it's still awesome to hear, and he grins as he pulls on his own clothes. "Yeah?"
"Rachel was about ready to throttle me for not making a move," says Jensen. "Apparently I was pathetic and you were a sure thing."
"I was definitely a sure thing," Jared grants. "I only tried out because I had a huge crush on you. I didn't even think I'd get a part."
Jensen laughs. "Okay, new plan. Let's never tell anyone how pathetic our get together story is. We're coming up with something better."
Jared kisses him. "Deal." He considers for a second. "Well, almost."
*
"So," says Tim, "you're seriously telling me all your childhood dreams came true and you're dating Jensen Ackles? And if you'd just manned up in ninth grade, you could've been dating him for eight years?"
"Pretty much. Still no pony, though, so it's actually just most of my childhood dreams."
"You aren't going to call me up with details of how awesome your sex life is, right?"
"Like you did after you finally hooked up with Missy junior year?"
"I'm asking you to be a better person than me, yeah."
"I'm always a better person than you," Jared says absently, checking his e-mail. He's got a new one from Jensen and he grins. "But yeah, I have no desire to tell you the details of my sex life."
"Good," says Tim. "But it's good, right? Your life in general?"
Hey, Jensen's e-mail says, direct and to the point as always, you free for dinner and then the rest of the night tonight? I've got big plans.
He grins. "Yeah. My life in general rules."
In any case, he's not paying any attention to the outside world, except seeing if other people are crossing the street out of the corner of his eye, because there's safety in numbers, and he'll have some human shields between him and the cars, so he's taken completely by surprise when someone says, "Jared?"
He's not that far from campus, so he figures it's some student he knew before he graduated, and turns absently.
It hits him like a punch in the neck; he suddenly can't breathe, and he's fourteen again, small and awkward and unsure.
"It's Jared Padalecki, right?" asks the guy, who is absolutely Jensen Ackles.
He's grown, which makes sense, since Jared hasn't seen him in fucking years, but it's still kind of amazing. In high school, Jensen was pretty--babyfaced and skinny, with the non-threatening, boyband kind of good looks. He's gotten firmer, clearly works out more, and there's stubble on his face, patchy over his jaw.
He's clearly grown up and changed, but somehow he's still the single hottest person Jared has ever seen.
"Yeah," he manages, shaking his head and feeling a grin split his face. "Jesus, Jensen?"
"Hey," says Jensen. He laughs and looks up to meet Jared's eyes. "Holy crap, you got tall. What have you been eating?"
"Red meat. Lots of it. And babies, when I can get them."
Jensen laughs again, stronger. He has lines around his eyes when he does it, etched in deep. Jared wants to touch them. He wants to run his fingers all over Jensen's face.
Jared hasn't been pining away with love for Jensen for eight years or anything. He's just remembered Jensen Ackles, the one who got away, his first love. And it's annoying, because he and Jensen clicked so well, because Jensen was so nice and funny and hot, and there had been just enough there that Jared could, in retrospect, convince himself he could have had Jensen. He's had other boyfriends, but he's never had that hot rush he had with Jensen, the highs and lows so extreme he wanted to beat his head on something til feelings went away. He figured most of it was just being in high school, but seeing Jensen again, he's pretty sure that, no. Most of it was Jensen.
"Are you in New York?" Jensen asks. "Do you live here?"
"Yeah," says Jared, "out in Queens."
"Are you--you're out of college, right?" asks Jensen, clearly trying to do the math in his head.
"Yeah, I went to NYU. Graduated in June."
"Oh yeah?" asks Jensen. "I'm actually at Tisch."
Jared wants to ask Jensen about a billion questions, and it occurs to him that a crowded street isn't actually the place for this, and it doesn't have to be.
"Hey," he says, "I'd really love to catch up, and this is really an awkward spot. You want to grab dinner?"
Jensen smiles. "Yeah, love to."
*
Jared knows a great burger place not too far away, and he and Jensen head over. Jared has trouble not just looking at Jensen all the time--he's really remarkably attractive, and he's Jensen. Jared really liked Jensen in high school, far beyond the physical, and all his stupid fourteen-year-old feelings are reasserting themselves, because Jensen is gorgeous, and remembers him, and is willing to have dinner with him.
"So, you're at Tisch?" Jared asks, settling into their booth.
"For acting, yeah," says Jensen. He looks embarrassed about it.
"That's awesome," says Jared, meaning it. "Broadway dreams?"
Jensen laughs. "Not for the stage. I actually--I'm more interested in directing, but I also really like teaching."
"You were a really awesome director," says Jared. "And teacher."
"Thanks. I'm actually--I've got a play opening up off-off-Broadway in a couple weeks. My directorial debut."
"Seriously?" asks Jared. "Dude, that's amazing!"
"My friend Sean wrote it," Jensen explains. "It's surprisingly good, given, you know, amateur writer, amateur director, actors we pretty much found on the street--"
"I'm sure it's awesome. When's the premiere? I should check it out."
"You wanna go? Seriously?"
"Well, the last play I saw that you directed was totally kickass," says Jared, grinning at him. "Although that's mostly because some freshman stole the show, but, you know, whatever."
Jensen laughs. "Yeah, definitely the star of the show. I can, uh--if you wanna give me your e-mail or something, I can send you the details."
"Yeah, definitely. But let's eat first, man, I'm starving."
"Gotta maintain that height, huh?"
"Yeah, if I don't eat enough burgers I'll actually shrink," Jared teases.
"I'd believe it," Jensen says.
The waitress comes by and they order, and there's comfortable silence for a minute.
"So, what are you up to?" Jensen asks after the waitress drops off their waters.
Jared snorts. "God, don't ask."
"What?" asks Jensen, looking amused.
Jared shakes his head. "Just, y'know. I majored in English, right? Like mother like son? But my job prospects are not working out. I'm working in a bookstore. Which, cool, don't get me wrong, but it's not really a career path. I was working there during school."
"Man, don't worry about it," says Jensen. "My first job out of college was at a Kroeger in Dallas. My mom actually got me one of those 'Yes, I am a college graduate, paper or plastic?' buttons."
"You ever notice your entire motivational technique is 'I suck more than you'? I'm thinking you might have some self-esteem issues."
"Oh, fuck you," says Jensen, laughing. "I'm done trying to help with your problems."
"No, no, you're totally inspirational. Tell me more about how much your life sucks."
Jensen grins. "So, you got any aspirations?"
"I kind of want to be a professor," says Jared. "But I'm not sure about grad school."
Jensen nods. "Yeah, it's a commitment. And money, of course."
"Fucking money. Jesus. I want to take a little time off, anyway."
"Yeah, for partying all the time, college is pretty tiring," says Jensen, with this wicked little smile Jared wants to kiss.
"Whatever," he manages, tone lofty. "I was a good kid. On the straight and narrow."
"Or the gay and narrow," Jensen points out dryly.
"Like the straight and narrow, but more fabulous," says Jared with a wink. Jensen flushes a little.
"Of course it is."
*
Jared isn't the kid he was in high school--he recognizes when people are checking him out, he knows how to flirt, and he actually understands what to do in order to get laid. He gets what his dick does, and what other people's dicks do, and is just generally older and wiser.
So he knows that Jensen is definitely checking him out, definitely flirting with him, and he honest-to-god thinks it's a possibility that this could end with him getting laid. Maybe not tonight, granted, but--this is his second chance. This is when he gets to make up for that night when he really should have done something.
But now he can. He can just ask Jensen out, and if Jensen says no, it's not the end of the world. He'll get resolution, after eight fucking years.
They're hanging around outside the restaurant, Jared writing down his e-mail and trying to figure out how to see if Jensen would maybe be interested in a real date, when Jensen's phone rings.
He pulls it out and glances at the display. "Hey, gimme a sec," he says, flashing Jared a grin. "Hi," he says to the phone. "Having dinner with a friend from high school," he tells the caller, still smiling. "Yeah, it's been great. Yeah. I could do something tomorrow. I'll call you when I get home. Bye." He's flushing when he hangs up, and Jared cocks his head. "My boyfriend," he says, looking at the phone and not Jared.
Jared feels like he's falling. Jensen is gay, or at least bi--he's interested in guys, and that's pretty much all of Jared's teenage dreams coming true. But he has a boyfriend, which means Jared can't ask him out, because he's taken.
"You're," he manages, gesturing a little, "uh."
"Gay?" Jensen supplies, smiling faintly. "Yeah."
"Oh," says Jared.
If Jensen's gay, he must have known what signals he was giving, what signals Jared was sending out, but he's taken.
Jared kind of just wants to cry.
"Can I get your number?" Jensen asks, a little hesitantly. Jared wonders if everything he's feeling is all over his face, and he pastes on a smile.
"Yeah," he says. He starts rattling it off, and Jensen laughs halfway through. "What?"
"That's the same number you had in high school," he says. "I've still got it."
Jared stares for a second. "What?"
"They just keep importing my contacts," says Jensen. "I never clean them out, I guess." He hits a few buttons, and Jared's phone rings. "And now you've got me." He grins. "I'll e-mail you about the show."
"Yeah," says Jared, "please." Jensen starts to wave and say goodbye, and suddenly Jared isn't willing to just leave it there. Even if he can't ask Jensen out, he can do something. Anything. "Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I work on campus, pretty much. Nearby, anyway. That's where the store is. So we should grab lunch sometime."
Jensen grins, his teeth flashing white in the growing darkness. "No, that'd be awesome. We definitely should."
"It was really great to see you again," says Jared impulsively, and he reaches out to give Jensen a hug.
The last time he hugged Jensen, he was a scrawny fourteen-year-old, smaller than Jensen, and he felt like Jensen was surrounding him, warm and solid. It's not worse now--he still just loves the feel of Jensen in his arms, and Jensen hugs back a little slowly, but strong.
Jared hugs everyone these days--it's his most natural greeting and farewell to his friends, and it shouldn't be a good deal. But pretty much everything about Jensen damages his calm.
Of course, all things considered, it shouldn't surprise him that Jensen makes him feel like he's fourteen again.
"So I'll call you," says Jensen, flashing him another brilliant smile as he lets go.
"Yeah," says Jared. "See you, Jensen."
"See you."
*
Jared's first impulse is to go home and bitch to Amanda, but he's never really explained Jensen to Amanda. He thinks he's probably mentioned him in passing, but it would take a while to really delve into just how fucked up he's feeling over this. He wants someone who will immediately understand.
Tim picks up on the third ring. "What do you want, Padalecki?"
"Jensen Ackles has a boyfriend."
There's a long pause. "Jensen Ackles. As in that dude you were in love with freshman year."
"Yes."
"And spent all of sophomore year moping about."
"Yes."
"Why are you talking about Jensen Ackles?"
Jared runs his hand through his hair. "I was coming home from work, and I ran into him. Or he found me, I guess. And--we had dinner, and I was going to just suck it up and ask him out, but then just when I was going to try, he got a call, and it was his boyfriend."
"Wow," says Tim. "Your life, Padalecki."
Jared laughs. "So he's gay. He's still really hot, in case you were wondering. And we still get along like a house on fire. I'd pretty much think it was my birthday, except he's got a boyfriend."
Tim clucks his tongue. "Okay. So--you guys had dinner."
"Yeah."
"You thought he was interested?"
"Yeah! I mean--I'm pretty good at this flirting thing by now."
"Right," says Tim. "Did he say I love you or anything when he hung up the phone?"
"No," says Jared.
"Okay. My theory? He's not that into this guy."
"Yeah?"
"He didn't mention the guy once. He didn't do a mushy phone call. And, I'm straight, but you're hot, Jared. There's no way he's not into that."
Jared laughs. "Gee, thanks."
"You're gonna hang out with him more?"
"Yeah. He still had my number from high school."
"Give it a week, Jared. You're totally gonna finally bone Jensen Ackles."
"Thanks, Tim. You're a real friend."
"Better believe it."
*
Jared met Amanda sophomore year in his Nineteenth Century Literature course, and they've been friends ever since. She was smart enough to minor in English and major in chemistry, so she has a pretty good job in a lab somewhere, even if she works ridiculous hours and sometimes smells like disinfectant.
"Want to hear a depressing funny story?" he asks her when she gets home.
"Is it more depressing or more funny?"
"I dunno," says Jared. "It's not over yet."
"Okay, tell me."
"I ran into the guy I was in love with freshman year of high school, and he's just as hot as he was, just as awesome as he was, we get along great, he's gay, and he has a boyfriend."
"Wow," says Amanda. "I'm going with more depressing."
"Yeah, I was kind of leaning there too."
"Are you gonna see him again?"
"As much as possible."
Amanda ruffles his hair. "Oh, sweetie."
*
Jensen calls him three days later while he's at work and leaves a voicemail asking if he wants to do lunch sometime this week.
"Hey!" says Jensen, picking up on the second ring.
"Hey," says Jared, feeling himself start to smile. "Sorry, phone's not really the fastest way to get in touch with me when I'm at work. I only have it on breaks."
"It's cool. I'm kind of going crazy trying to set up all my last-minute play stuff, and I could really use a break."
"Yeah, I'd love to get together," says Jared, and then realizes that's entirely too accurate to his feelings. "When's good for you?"
"You free tomorrow?" asks Jensen.
"Yeah, that'd be great."
They set up a place to meet, and Jared grins for the rest of the day.
*
Jensen is perfect. It's actually a little annoying, how great he is. Jared thought he was good in ninth grade, when he was the incredibly nice senior who helped him out with his lines, but it's even better when Jensen treats him like an equal, someone he can relate to on his own level. Not that Jensen ever made him feel like a kid, exactly, but he was always aware of himself as being outside of Jensen's friends.
Now, though, the age difference is barely noticeable, and he and Jensen click like crazy. They've read the same books, love the same movies, even have some of the same favorite restaurants. Jared spends about ninety percent of time trying not to just lose control and kiss the guy, but it's pretty hard.
Probably the only thing saving Jensen from Jared's uncontrollable hormones is the fact that Jensen is actually really busy. He texts Jared with various updates from the set, bitching about how his lighting technician is a tool and his leading lady keeps hitting on him, and Jared sends him mocking texts back and tries not to think about how much he isn't over Jensen Ackles.
So far, it's pretty much the worst second chance ever.
*
"His friend wrote it?" Amanda asks dubiously.
"Come on," Jared wheedles. "You have to come!"
"No, I don't."
"Look," says Jared. "He told me he got me two comp tickets for me and my boyfriend, or whoever. You need to come and show that I am really, totally single."
"Because nothing shows you're single like showing up with a girl?" asks Amanda.
"When you're me it does. He knows I'm gay."
"Why can't you just go alone?"
Jared pouts. "Come on, please? I know you're curious to see him."
"Mostly because I don't think it's actually possible for anyone to be as hot as you say he is."
"But he is," says Jared. "And you really, really want to see it."
Amanda sighs. "Damnit, you're right, I kind of do."
Jared grins. "We're going to have tons of fun."
"And if we don't, you're going to take me out, get me drunk, and maybe hook me up with a cute straight boy."
"Done and done," says Jared. "I love you."
"Yeah, you better. The things I do for your sex life."
*
Jared understands Amanda's hesitance, he does. Jensen has assured him that the play is "surprisingly not painful," but they've both been burned before by plays written by their friends that they have to pretend to like. Junior year, Richie wrote and performed probably the single most horrible one-man show Jared has ever seen, and most of his friends are convinced they have PTSD from it.
Still, there is no way in hell Jared is missing Jensen's official directorial debut, no matter how much ass it sucks, so he and Amanda brace themselves, agree that they will do whatever shots they need after the show, not before, and take themselves down to the dive that Jensen's premiering in.
On their way, Amanda decides Jared owes her the whole sordid story of their non-relationship, so Jared explains in actual detail, blushing the whole time because there is nothing as embarrassing as a high-school crush. Amanda mocks him less that his friends did at the time, which is refreshing.
"Did you talk to him at all after the cast party?" she asks.
Jared shrugs. "We'd pass in the hall, you know? He'd say hi, I'd say hi. But there wasn't--he was a senior, we never saw each other, really. We were in different classes, different parts of the building. I went to his graduation, but I didn't manage to find him there."
"Still, he remembered you and wanted to talk to you. So it could be worse. My freshman year I had a crush on a junior named Mike who wrote a lot of really bad poetry that I thought was deep. I went through a two-year goth phase trying to attract him, he never figured out I existed, and I'm pretty sure he's gay now."
"So that was the start of your illustrious career as a fag hag?" asks Jared, dropping his arm around her shoulder.
"It's not too late for me to turn around and leave you, you know," she says. "I could just desert you at Jensen's big opening."
"You're too curious to meet him now."
"I think he'd pretty much have to be a supermodel to be as hot as you say he is."
"It's not just that he's hot."
"Right, right," says Amanda, patting his stomach. "He's your one true love."
"Shut up," says Jared weakly. "I hate you."
*
Jensen told him it probably wouldn't be too crowded, but Jared still isn't entirely surprised when he gets there and finds it kind of packed. He has a sneaking suspicion that Jensen undersells himself a little. Especially given when he mentioned to his friend Krista in the theater department that he knew Jensen Ackles, she squealed a little and said he was amazing and omigodsocool. Jared's not really sure how legend of Jensen has spread to Krista, but it makes him really fucking happy and proud.
Amanda perks up a little when she sees the people, apparently deciding that in this case, the masses must be right. Jared has to admit he'd be much more worried by an empty theater.
As it turns out, the play really is decent. It's a three-man show about a depressed convenience store clerk and the boyfriend/girlfriend team who have chosen him as the target of their first stickup, and it's kind of a bizarre black comedy farce that ends up being damn funny. Jared is glad beyond words that he won't have to lie to Jensen about his opinion of the show, and when the actors come out for a bow at the end, he whoops so loud he actually draws some stares.
Amanda admits, as they wait in the hall outside to see Jensen, that it was a fun play and she's glad she went, which Jared takes as a win for Team Ackles. He tries not to dwell to much on the fact that Team Ackles is a legit thing for him. That's a little concerning.
Jensen slips out kind of quietly once the actors have already come out and started getting hugs and adoration from their friends, and kind of hangs out by the wall, looking on with a fierce and adorable pride. Jared drags Amanda over his way.
"Holy shit," she whispers, as it becomes clear where they're headed. "Is that him?"
"I told you," he sing-songs, and then grins as Jensen looks up and sees him. "Hey!"
"Hey!" says Jensen, pushing away from the wall. "Thanks for coming, man!"
"Dude," scoffs Jared, pulling him in to a quick hug. "Like I'd miss your big premiere."
Jensen dims a little at that, and Jared cocks his head. "It's nothing," says Jensen quickly.
"Clearly," says Jared dryly.
"Just Mack couldn't come," he says. "Something came up at work, I guess."
Mack is Jensen's boyfriend. Jensen doesn't talk about him a lot, but Jared has learned that they've only been together for a couple months, and that Jensen's older brother, who works with Mack, set them up. Jared has some hopes that Jensen is primarily dating Mack to make his brother happy, but he hasn't had it confirmed.
Still, even if he wants Jensen and Mack to break up (as soon as humanly possible, in fact), he doesn't really like the idea that Mack is being a dick.
"What, seriously?"
Jensen shrugs. "He's coming tomorrow. It was just kind of short notice, threw me off."
Jared squeezes his shoulder. "I'm sorry, man, that really sucks. But the play was awesome, seriously. You did a great job."
Jensen grins. "Thanks. Always glad to find a fan."
"Dude, did you hear the crowd? I think you've got a lot of fans."
"Mostly family and friends."
"Yeah, whatever."
Amanda clears her throat behind him, and Jared flushes and realizes he totally forgot about her. Jensen kind of kills his brain. "Hey, so, this is my roommate Amanda, who took pity on my pathetic single ass and agreed to come with me. Amanda, this is Jensen."
"Nice to meet you," says Jensen, reaching out and shaking her hand. "Any friend of Jared's pathetic ass is a friend of mine."
Amanda laughs. "It really was a great show. I had a lot of fun."
"Thanks," says Jensen. "We did too. And thanks for coming, guys. It really means a lot to me," he says, mostly to Jared.
"Hey, any time you have a show, I'll be there opening night, comp tickets or no. Just give me the dates."
Jensen ducks his head and smiles. "I'll keep that in mind."
"Hey, Ackles! Get over here!" someone calls, and Jensen laughs.
"My adoring public sounds like it wants to kick my ass," he says. "Jared, you want to grab lunch sometime next week? You know, once my life is my own again."
"Yeah, any time, man. Just tell me when."
"Cool," says Jensen. He waves as he weaves through the crowd. "Thanks again for coming, guys."
They're outside before Amanda speaks again. "You've got it really bad."
"I know."
"But, honestly--I think he does too."
Jared glances over. "Yeah?"
"He couldn't stop looking at you, Jared. It was kind of adorable."
Jared huffs a laugh. "Yeah, well. He's got a boyfriend."
"Not for long, I bet," says Amanda simply.
"Still want that drink?"
"After that talk? I'm buying you a beer. You can make it up to me when he dumps his boyfriend for you."
Jared wants to feel bad at the prospect of Mack potentially getting his heart broken, but--Jared totally had dibs here. He was just out of the game for a while.
*
"So your run's over now?" Jared asks.
"Pretty much," says Jensen. "We weren't exactly a big deal, in terms of the theater world. But we got a couple nice writeups and a few of the cast got named as people to watch, so it actually went over really well, I think."
"Were you one of them?" Jared asks, kicking Jensen's ankle under the table.
Jensen flushes. "Possibly."
"Up-and-coming director to watch?"
"Shut up."
"How is that something that warrants a shut up?"
"It's just weird," says Jensen. "My dad was actually an actor, and I always kind of figured I'd follow in his footsteps. But directing is really cool."
"You ever think about movies?"
Jensen shrugs. "I thought about moving to LA for a while, but live theater, you know? There's nothing like it. And I really love it. When you finish a show and it's awesome and you hear the crowd? It wouldn't be the same with movies."
Jared nods. "I get it. Man, I'm still not sure anything has ever felt as awesome as the end of that first Arcadia show, you know? I still know like half my lines."
Jensen laughs. "You keep up with the acting at all?"
"Through high school, yeah. I actually directed senior year."
"Of course you did," says Jensen. He grins. "College?"
"A little," he says. "But I got to be more of a cheerleader than a participant."
"Yeah, I heard you cheering opening night," says Jensen.
"What can I say, I've been blessed with a voice that carries."
"And the rest of us are suffering for it."
"You're such a jerk, Ackles. I have no idea why I'm hanging out with you again."
"Should've pretended not to recognize me," says Jensen, stealing one of Jared's fries. "Or, you know, not asked me to dinner."
"Guess I kind of like you," says Jared. It comes out more genuine than he means, and Jensen looks at him for a long minute before he responds.
"Yeah," he says, voice a little tight. "Weirdo."
*
Jared starts to worry that he's seriously fucked things up when he barely hears from Jensen for the next week. He sends a few texts which get unenthusiastic responses, and feels too self-conscious to ask Jensen to get lunch or anything like that.
"Maybe he figured it out," he tells Amanda, sighing.
"What, that you like him?"
"Yeah."
"Jared, I hate to break this to you, but if he doesn't already know from the way you follow him around like a lost puppy, nothing will ever tip him off. Subtle is not your middle name."
Jared groans. "Well, maybe he thought he could ignore it before, and now he thinks I'm going to be weird about it and try to win him over or something."
"Maybe you're insane," Amanda suggests.
Jared opens one eye and glares at her. "That could also be true," he relents after a minute.
"Just a theory," she says, patting him on the head.
*
Jared practically does a jig when he gets an e-mail from Jensen on Tuesday asking if he wants to do dinner sometime this week. He replies that Thursday's good for him, and Jensen promptly tells him that's fine, and says they can meet at his place. He sends directions too, and Jared tries to clamp down on the part of his brain that's telling him Jensen's place is really exciting! Because it's not like Jensen is asking him over for sex or anything. They have to meet somewhere, so it might as well be Jensen's.
Jensen opens the door wearing a black button down that makes every part of his chest look amazing and jeans that fit him so well Jared thinks they should either be illegal or mandatory. He's honestly not sure which. All he really knows is that he should get some kind of medal for not jumping Jensen Ackles, because this shit is ridiculously hard, and Jared deserves some recognition for his efforts.
"Hey, Jared, come on in," says Jensen, rushing out his words. "It's not much, but it works for me."
Jensen's got a pretty small apartment--joint kitchen and living space, what he assumes is a bedroom, and a bathroom--but it's nice and looks lived it, and there's an amazing sense of Jensen in it, and absolutely no sense of Mack.
"It's nice," he says honestly. "Living on your own must be cool."
"Sometimes I miss having roommates around," Jensen admits, fiddling with a mug he finds on the table, "but mostly I'm a lot happier, yeah."
Jared nods. "Yeah, I love Amanda, but sometimes I wish I had my own place." He glances over and sees Jensen looking at him strangely, almost nervous, and raises his eyebrows. "You okay there?"
Jensen laughs. "That obvious?"
"Hate to break it to you, but you're kind of a crappy actor."
Jensen rubs the back of his neck, not meeting Jared's eyes or rising to the barb. He lets out a long breath and then looks up, and some small part of Jared is struck again by how cool it is that Jensen Ackles has to look up to him. "I broke up with my boyfriend," he says finally. "Last week."
Jared blinks, swallows, looks down at Jensen. He knows what he's supposed to say here--sorry, what happened, are you okay--but the words get stuck in his throat. He doesn't really know how to be just a good friend to Jensen. He doesn't know how to work without a motive.
The way Jensen's looking up at him, though, he doesn't feel like Jensen wants him to say that either.
He licks his lips, trying to figure out how to speak, and he sees Jensen track the motion, and he just--he gives up.
Jared steps in and leans down in the same second Jensen reaches up and fists his hands in Jared's shirt and pulls him in, and they come together exactly on the same page, Jared fitting his lips against Jensen's, mouth already open as they kiss.
It's like every stupid, adolescent feeling Jared has ever had explodes in a second, because it's better than he ever thought it could be when he was little. He'd never kissed anyone in ninth grade, never knew how good it come be, couldn't even comprehend how amazing it would feel to have Jensen pulling him closer on every breath, kissing him like it's all he's ever wanted too.
Jared knows the couch is somewhere vaguely behind him and he manages to back into it and hit his knees against the seat, falling back and pulling Jensen into his lap when he feels like his legs might give out. Jensen follows eagerly, kissing down Jared's neck as Jared whimpers. Jensen's hands are roving over his belly, under his shirt, and Jared barely even knows where his own hands are, trying to touch every part of Jensen at once.
Hysterically, some part of him acknowledges that, holy shit, Jensen really did ask him over to have sex. And then he realizes there's a really good chance he's about to have sex with Jensen Ackles, and he manages to gain enough control of his hands to unbutton Jensen's shirt and push it off. He's still got a t-shirt under it, and he disentangles them enough that he can throw that off too, leaving Jensen's hair impossibly ruffled, his lips red and puffy, and his jeans still illegally hot.
"Jesus Christ," Jared mutters, surging up to kiss Jensen again, and Jensen laughs a little into it, pulling away just a second later to pull Jared's own shirt off. When he comes back down, he angles it just right so their dicks rub together through their jeans, and while Jared had no doubt Jensen was enjoying this, he's really enjoying the proof of it.
Jensen thrusts down against him, grinding against Jared, and it's hot as all fuck and feels amazing. Still, no matter how much Jensen makes him feel like a teenager all over again, there is absolutely no way he's going to come in his pants without getting his hands on Jensen.
He pops the button on Jensen's jeans and yanks his fly down, abandoning finesse because he's worried if he doesn't touch Jensen Ackles' dick in the next two minutes, he might actually die.
"Fuck, Jared," Jensen mutters, sucking a kiss into Jared's neck. "God, yes, please."
Jared grins and turns his head to catch Jensen's lips, pushing his hand down into Jensen's boxers and feeling the hard length of his dick under his fingers. He slicks his hand up with precum and starts jerking Jensen off in earnest, trying to memorize the feel of it, to figure out everything Jensen likes. Jensen is one of those guys who really doesn't want to be loud, and he keeps making little noises into Jared's mouth, choked off gasps and whimpers. It's the hottest thing Jared has ever heard in his life, and he pulls away from kissing Jensen just so he can hear better. Jensen's forehead drops against his shoulder as he fucks into Jared's hand. The closer he gets, the louder he gets, and by the time Jared's really working him hard, jerking him relentlessly, he's begging for it, every other word out of his mouth "Jared" or "please."
He groans as he comes, thick spurts on Jared's hand, and then rolls off Jared, looking kind of wrecked. Jared smirks and waits until he's sure Jensen's watching before he licks his hand.
"Jesus," says Jensen. "Fuck."
Jared's about to undo his fly and jerk himself off when Jensen shakes his head and seems to regain some of his brain.
And then he smirks.
"Anyway I could talk you into fucking me?" he asks, kind of casual, like he doesn't know Jared has been fantasizing about fucking him and/or being fucked by him since he was fourteen.
"Uh," says Jared. "Yes? Please?"
Jensen pushes himself off the couch and kicks his jeans and boxers all the way off. Jared is momentarily unable to even think about following suit, because Jensen is that hot. It's actually kind of scary.
"Come on," says Jensen. "Bedroom." His eyes flick down to Jared's crotch. "Or can you not walk with that thing?"
Jared immediately gets with the program.
*
"God, I should've just kissed you at the cast party," Jared says. Once he's said it, he wonders if it's really the perfect post-coital line, but given that he and Jensen just had totally amazing sex, he thinks it's okay if he's a little brain dead.
Or completely.
Jensen laughs next to him, and Jared thinks it's never sounded better. "Yeah, I really wanted you to."
"Well, you should have kissed me! No fair making the fourteen-year-old make the first move."
"Oh god, don't say that shit. You're making me feel like a pedophile."
"Yeah, save us from the horrible four-year age gap."
"You just sound so young."
Jared rolls onto his side so he can kiss Jensen. If he's allowed to kiss Jensen whenever he wants (and he's pretty sure he is), he is damn well taking advantage of it. Jensen doesn't seem to mind.
"Well, I definitely had technicolor fantasies about fucking you at fourteen, so I was clearly old enough."
"Jesus," says Jensen. "Seriously?"
Jared laughs. "Yes, Jensen. I have definitely wanted to do that for eight years."
"Hope it was worth the wait."
"Hmm," says Jared, kissing him again. "Not sure. Might have to do it again to be absolutely sure."
Jensen laughs and rolls away. "Remember dinner? That meal I invited you over to have? Let's do that."
"You know you're supposed to wait until after dinner to put out, right? There's protocol here."
"Yeah, well," says Jensen, rolling out of bed and winking as he pulls on his boxers, "you're not the only one who's been waiting for this, Padalecki."
It's not like Jared hadn't figured out Jensen had a thing for him, but it's still awesome to hear, and he grins as he pulls on his own clothes. "Yeah?"
"Rachel was about ready to throttle me for not making a move," says Jensen. "Apparently I was pathetic and you were a sure thing."
"I was definitely a sure thing," Jared grants. "I only tried out because I had a huge crush on you. I didn't even think I'd get a part."
Jensen laughs. "Okay, new plan. Let's never tell anyone how pathetic our get together story is. We're coming up with something better."
Jared kisses him. "Deal." He considers for a second. "Well, almost."
*
"So," says Tim, "you're seriously telling me all your childhood dreams came true and you're dating Jensen Ackles? And if you'd just manned up in ninth grade, you could've been dating him for eight years?"
"Pretty much. Still no pony, though, so it's actually just most of my childhood dreams."
"You aren't going to call me up with details of how awesome your sex life is, right?"
"Like you did after you finally hooked up with Missy junior year?"
"I'm asking you to be a better person than me, yeah."
"I'm always a better person than you," Jared says absently, checking his e-mail. He's got a new one from Jensen and he grins. "But yeah, I have no desire to tell you the details of my sex life."
"Good," says Tim. "But it's good, right? Your life in general?"
Hey, Jensen's e-mail says, direct and to the point as always, you free for dinner and then the rest of the night tonight? I've got big plans.
He grins. "Yeah. My life in general rules."
