(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

Constructive Criticism
Sweets/Castiel, Dean/Sam
Meta and blasphemy, as usual.
1600 words, spoilers for season four of both Bones and SPN.


"This looks bad," said Dr. Percival Warren, removing his sunglasses and staring down at the body.

"Hey, Warren," said Agent Ryan, snapping his fingers. "Don't forget you're new on the field here."

"Multiple lacerations," said Dr. Reichs. "These are deep wounds. And these aren't bones, yet, Ryan, what am I doing here?"

"Dr. Kendall was busy," said Agent Ryan. Percival knew the real reason--Agent Ryan's love for Dr. Reichs was obvious to everyone. "Come on, Bones, this is a great find! What's the problem?"

"It looks like the murder might have been occult in nature," said Dr. Reichs, inspecting the body carefully. "Look at this mark."

Percival glanced over, looking down at the tattoo Dr. Reichs has exposed. Instantly, his blood ran cold.

"Human blood doesn't change temperature," says Castiel, reading over his shoulder.

"This is my part," Sweets protests mildly, but he's smiling. "C'mon, haven't you ever gotten the chills?"

"No." He cocks his head to the side. "I felt--strange--when Dean was threatening you. Unpleasant."

"Yeah, that's kind of it. Trust me, it's a sensation our human readers will be very familiar with. Even if it's not totally anatomically accurate."

Sweets nods. "Will Percival be calling Castiel?"

"Actually, he's going to call Sam. When he was younger, his family was killed by werewolves, and Dean and Sam saved him. I thought it would be interesting to write them as a developing relationship."

"I agree."

Sweets grins. "So, my blood's running cold--"

"We have an anonymous Livejournal comment," says Castiel.

"Oh, great, Anonymous is trolling us. You know, I could write a dissertation on how anonymity and the internet prove that, at our core, human beings are cruel and thoughtless." He swivels his chair around so he's sitting next to Castiel. "Let's see what it's got."

First of all, I'd like to commend you for a monumental effort. This fanfiction of yours is quite an undertaking, and I'm very impressed with the issues you've attempted to tackle.

I only have a few small critiques to offer.

First off, I believe you should examine your presentation of the "Gawain" character--perhaps run him through The Universal Mary-Sue Litmus Test and see how he fares. Were the character less perfect, I think you would have a much more rich and layered narrative, and the audience would be able to relate to him more. I did find the relationship between him and Castiel to be quite poignant, however.

I admit to being unfamiliar with the Supernatural canon, although I wonder if I should familiarize myself with it. I find myself questioning if the adoration of Dean is strictly canon. Although, given your username, deansangel34, I have my own suspicions.

knights_lance, I believe your interpretation of the R/R relationship is developing nicely, but it's still not quite there. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

Yours,
GW

Sweets stares. "Oh shit."

"Anonymous has hurt your feelings?" asks Castiel.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit," says Sweets, and runs out of the room.

Castiel stares after him.

*

Booth is relaxing in the bath with his beer hat and the newest issue of Green Lantern--which he should know by now is just asking the universe to fuck with him--when Sweets' internet boyfriend appears in his bathroom.

"Jesus Christ!"

Castiel stares at him. "Castiel," he says. "Lance's boyfriend."

"Yeah, I know who you are. Why are you in my bathroom? I'm naked here!"

"I am not sexually attracted to you," says Castiel. "I'm worried about Lance. He received a troubling e-mail and I haven't been able to find him. He isn't picking up his phone."

"Well, here's an idea. How about you teleport into his bathroom, huh?"

Castiel's shoulders slump. He looks very depressed.

"I can't. I cannot locate him. We decided it would be an unfair power imbalance."

"Of course it would. Look, I don't know what to tell you. It's not like Sweets and I talk about our boyfriends over hot chocolate or something."

"You don't have a boyfriend."

"Exactly. If his e-mail pissed him off, he probably just needs some alone time. Give it a few days, he'll be fine."

"I thought anonymous was very reasonable in his concrit," says Castiel, which is pretty much incoherent, but Booth really just wants him out of his bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm sure Sweets'll see that soon. I'll tell him you're worried if I see him, okay?"

"I appreciate that. Thank you, Agent Booth."

"Yeah, no problem."

*

"Sammy, get the phone," says Dean muzzily. "It's loud."

"It's your phone," says Sam. "And it's eleven a.m., you should be awake."

"You kept me up, man. Come on, please?"

Sam glances over at the phone. "It's Agent Booth. Might be a case."

Dean makes a muffled noise and sticks his head in the pillows.

"Hey, Agent Booth?" says Sam, relenting.

"Sam?"

"Dean's being a lazy jerk," says Sam, prodding Dean's leg with his foot. Dean groans and kicks at him. "You got a case?"

"Question, actually. It's been bugging me."

"Go ahead."

"Sweets' boyfriend showed up in my bathroom yesterday."

"Oh," says Sam. "Uh. Okay."

"Now, as far as I know, hunters can't just appear in people's bathrooms."

"No," Sam admits.

"So is he possessed? He said he couldn't find Sweets, and I'm kind of worried about the kid."

Sam scrubs over his face. "Um. Yes and no. Is Sweets okay?"

"Sweets is fine. What the hell does that mean, yes and no?"

"I think you should ask Sweets. It's not really my place to tell you about his relationship."

"But he knows what's up?" asks Booth.

"He knows, yeah."

*

Sweets isn't really sure how to deal with his idol reading his fanfiction. He's opened and reopened the comment, trying to figure out what to say. There have been a few comments agreeing with him, with more and less kindness, but Sweets doesn't even care about them.

Gordon Wyatt read his fanfic.

Oh god.

Cas has been calling and e-mailing him for days, but he doesn't know how to explain this. He knows Castiel looks up to people, but it's different. Gordon Wyatt is everything Sweets wants to be when he grows up.

There's a knock on his door.

"Come in," he says, turning around and composing his face.

"Hey, Sweets."

"Agent Booth," says Sweets. "What can I do for you?"

"Your boyfriend's really worried about you. He came to my bathroom."

Sweets blanches.

"Now, I was worried. I thought maybe a demon possessed him or something and was coming for you. But Sam told me he wasn't, and I should ask you what's up." He sits down and looks at Sweets expectantly. "So, what's up?"

Sweets sighs. "Gordon Wyatt doesn't agree with certain hypotheses I put forth in my book. Also, he thinks I think too highly of myself."

"Well, trust me, Gordon-Gordon likes you. So he's probably just trying to help. He doesn't always do it like you would."

"Right," says Sweets. He nods. "Yeah, totally."

"So what about your boyfriend? Hunters are humans."

Sweets sighs. "Yeah, uh, Cas is--an angel?"

Booth looks at him. "An angel."

"Of the Lord," Sweets clarifies.

"An angel."

"Yes."

"You're dating an angel. Who you met on the internet."

"I know it sounds outlandish," says Sweets.

Booth gets up abruptly. "I gotta go." He stops at the door. "And call your boyfriend, Sweets. I don't want angels watching me pee."

"Understood," says Sweets, to the closed door.

*

Dear GW,

Thank you for your thoughtful criticism. We will be looking to address all these concerns in our future fanfiction, and in any professional works we might publish, which could still need forewords.

In case you're interested.

Yours,
knights_lance

*

"You know Anonymous?"

"GW. Gordon Wyatt. He was Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth's psychiatrist before me."

"His references to your characterization were the critique he gave you on your book?" asks Castiel.

"Yeah. And, I mean, it freaked me out a little! You're the only person in my life who crosses over between the internet and reality. I try to keep those separate."

Castiel nods. "Dean and Sam find it upsetting that I write about their sex lives."

"Yeah, I was wondering about that," Castiel admits.

"I assured them you wrote the pornographic scenes."

Sweets laughs. "Did that help?"

"Dean wasn't sure if it was legal for you to watch pornography."

"Of course he wasn't." Sweets smiles. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I just needed some time."

"I understand," says Castiel. "I hope it won't happen very often."

"It won't."

*

"Evolution."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways."

"That is not a valid scientific argument!" says Dr. Brennan. "Mysterious ways are not quantifiable."

"Neither is the Lord."

"I can accept that certain species could evolve with super human skills. There are arguments to be made for the development of telekinesis--"

"Like X-Men," Dean supplies. Sam elbows him.

"No, there is no evidence any kind of evolution would result in the ability to control the weather, or magnets. Although that would be very cool. But there is also no proof of anything like a God."

"God exists whether you can prove it or not," says Castiel.

"Why exactly did you tell her about this?" asks Sam.

"Are you kidding?" asks Booth. "She's been making fun of my religion for years. This is even better than the sonnet."