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Sep. 3rd, 2009 10:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyOverthinking
J2, 974 words, PG; in which Jared thinks Jensen has been corrupted by Misha and his wife's threesomes, and acts accordingly.
Jared always figured that, eventually, Jensen would figure out that they are destined for true love. Okay, maybe not always--for a while, yeah, he was engaged, and Sandy was awesome, but then they broke up, and Jensen just made so much sense.
Except Jensen has a girlfriend. Jensen has a totally awesome girlfriend, even, and Jared isn't sure he can compete with that. But when they break up at the beginning on the fifth season, Jared figures it's all him. He gets to sweep in and claim his man.
In theory.
In practice, Misha gets there first.
*
Jared really likes Misha. He's a funny guy, he's cool to be around, and he acts kind of like a human shield between Jared and Jensen and the fans these days.
That said, last year, after Jared and Gen broke up, Misha took him aside and said, "If you're ever interested in a threesome, all you have to do is ask."
As Jensen and Misha spend more time together in season five, Jared can't help but think that Misha must have made Jensen the same offer, and Jensen said yes.
Jared fucking hates Misha.
*
"So here's what I have to do," says Jared, mostly coherently. "I have to find a girl who wants to fuck me."
"Tough," says Chad, nodding.
"Fuck me and Jensen," says Jared. "For, like, ever. Because he's probably all about threesomes now. Misha's wife is a threesome ambassador."
"No problem," says Chad. "Just go on Livejournal."
*
y u n jnsn break up u gud we shld be 3some 4vr.
sober up, Padalecki, you're a menace.
Jared blinks at his phone.
"Chad!"
"Jesus, it's early, shut the fuck up! What do you want?"
"Did you let me text Danneel and tell her I wanted to have a threesome with me and Jensen?"
"Dude, it is not my job to stop you from being a dumbass. It's your job to stop me from being a dumbass."
"That doesn't mean you have to let me do stupid shit."
"Yeah it does," says Chad. "My life is fucking hilarious when you do stupid shit. What'd you say to Danneel?"
"Nothing," mutters Jared. "Shut up."
sorry i drunkenly propositioned you for a threesome. my bad.
whatever, it's not like it's the first time.
*
"Maybe I should audition people," says Jared.
"Mm," says Jim.
"Aren't you gonna ask me for what?"
"Is there any world where I want to know what you're talking about, Jared? Think hard."
Jared considers. "No." Then, he adds, "You know any hot, single girls who are interested in poly-amorous relationships?"
Jim stares at him.
"Right," says Jared. "Good talk."
*
Jared can't really ask either of his ex-girlfriends who knew Jensen, because he's pretty sure both of them consider Jensen a factor in their breakups, and, okay, they're still on good terms, but not hey you want to sleep with me and Jensen because now he loves threesomes and I love him terms.
Alexis picks up on the third ring.
"Jared?" she asks, sounding really, really wary.
"Alexis! Hi!"
"You called me. Why do you sound surprised?"
"Are you seeing anyone right now?"
There's a long pause. "I'm hanging up," she says.
"Not for me!" says Jared. "I mean, not just for me, I mean--"
"Bye, Jared."
*
"So," says Jensen, leaning against Jared's trailer door, "you want to tell me why Karen punched you in the face?"
Jared frowns, repositioning the ice pack on his cheek. "It's nothing."
Jensen snorts and comes over, moving Jared's ice pack down to look at his face. "I bet she won't agree to cover it up for you, either."
"I didn't do anything wrong."
"She said she could probably get you on sexual harassment charges," says Jensen. "Something about how she felt about threesomes?"
Jared hunches over and glares at his reflection.
"Danneel said you were acting crazy too."
"I was drunk."
"She said she factored that in and you were still crazy."
"Shut up," Jared mutters.
"Are you okay?" asks Jensen, and now he sounds serious, and Jared feels like a terrible person.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just--I wish you weren't having a threesome with Misha and his wife."
Jensen blinks at him. A lot. "Then this is your lucky day," says Jensen carefully. "I'm not having a threesome with Misha and his wife."
"What?"
"Why would I be having a threesome with Misha and his wife?"
"Because you hang out with him all the time and--" Jared stops. He has to admit, he didn't have a lot of evidence that Jensen was having a threesome.
"I hang out with you all the time. No threesomes."
"Just because we didn't have a girl," says Jared. "I was gonna find a girl, because now you're all about threesomes, so you wouldn't--" he realizes exactly what he's saying and coughs. "Not that I want to sleep with you. Or anything."
"Right," says Jensen, looking amused. "Well, if you did," he continues, "I'd tell you that I'll be in my trailer for the next few hours, because I have a break from filming because my costar is icing his face. So if anyone wanted to sleep with me . . ."
Jared stares for far too long before realizing he should probably say something. "Uh, you know, we're already in my trailer, so we could--"
He gets up too quickly, trips, and falls into Jensen. Jensen catches him by his elbows and grins.
"You seriously tried to recruit Danneel for a threesome?"
"And Alexis," says Jared.
Jensen snorts. "Or you could have asked me out."
"I thought he corrupted you."
"You're such a dumbass," says Jensen, and leans up to kiss him.
"So I can stop calling girls?" asks Jared.
"Yeah," says Jensen. "You're all mine, Padalecki."
J2, 974 words, PG; in which Jared thinks Jensen has been corrupted by Misha and his wife's threesomes, and acts accordingly.
Jared always figured that, eventually, Jensen would figure out that they are destined for true love. Okay, maybe not always--for a while, yeah, he was engaged, and Sandy was awesome, but then they broke up, and Jensen just made so much sense.
Except Jensen has a girlfriend. Jensen has a totally awesome girlfriend, even, and Jared isn't sure he can compete with that. But when they break up at the beginning on the fifth season, Jared figures it's all him. He gets to sweep in and claim his man.
In theory.
In practice, Misha gets there first.
*
Jared really likes Misha. He's a funny guy, he's cool to be around, and he acts kind of like a human shield between Jared and Jensen and the fans these days.
That said, last year, after Jared and Gen broke up, Misha took him aside and said, "If you're ever interested in a threesome, all you have to do is ask."
As Jensen and Misha spend more time together in season five, Jared can't help but think that Misha must have made Jensen the same offer, and Jensen said yes.
Jared fucking hates Misha.
*
"So here's what I have to do," says Jared, mostly coherently. "I have to find a girl who wants to fuck me."
"Tough," says Chad, nodding.
"Fuck me and Jensen," says Jared. "For, like, ever. Because he's probably all about threesomes now. Misha's wife is a threesome ambassador."
"No problem," says Chad. "Just go on Livejournal."
*
y u n jnsn break up u gud we shld be 3some 4vr.
sober up, Padalecki, you're a menace.
Jared blinks at his phone.
"Chad!"
"Jesus, it's early, shut the fuck up! What do you want?"
"Did you let me text Danneel and tell her I wanted to have a threesome with me and Jensen?"
"Dude, it is not my job to stop you from being a dumbass. It's your job to stop me from being a dumbass."
"That doesn't mean you have to let me do stupid shit."
"Yeah it does," says Chad. "My life is fucking hilarious when you do stupid shit. What'd you say to Danneel?"
"Nothing," mutters Jared. "Shut up."
sorry i drunkenly propositioned you for a threesome. my bad.
whatever, it's not like it's the first time.
*
"Maybe I should audition people," says Jared.
"Mm," says Jim.
"Aren't you gonna ask me for what?"
"Is there any world where I want to know what you're talking about, Jared? Think hard."
Jared considers. "No." Then, he adds, "You know any hot, single girls who are interested in poly-amorous relationships?"
Jim stares at him.
"Right," says Jared. "Good talk."
*
Jared can't really ask either of his ex-girlfriends who knew Jensen, because he's pretty sure both of them consider Jensen a factor in their breakups, and, okay, they're still on good terms, but not hey you want to sleep with me and Jensen because now he loves threesomes and I love him terms.
Alexis picks up on the third ring.
"Jared?" she asks, sounding really, really wary.
"Alexis! Hi!"
"You called me. Why do you sound surprised?"
"Are you seeing anyone right now?"
There's a long pause. "I'm hanging up," she says.
"Not for me!" says Jared. "I mean, not just for me, I mean--"
"Bye, Jared."
*
"So," says Jensen, leaning against Jared's trailer door, "you want to tell me why Karen punched you in the face?"
Jared frowns, repositioning the ice pack on his cheek. "It's nothing."
Jensen snorts and comes over, moving Jared's ice pack down to look at his face. "I bet she won't agree to cover it up for you, either."
"I didn't do anything wrong."
"She said she could probably get you on sexual harassment charges," says Jensen. "Something about how she felt about threesomes?"
Jared hunches over and glares at his reflection.
"Danneel said you were acting crazy too."
"I was drunk."
"She said she factored that in and you were still crazy."
"Shut up," Jared mutters.
"Are you okay?" asks Jensen, and now he sounds serious, and Jared feels like a terrible person.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just--I wish you weren't having a threesome with Misha and his wife."
Jensen blinks at him. A lot. "Then this is your lucky day," says Jensen carefully. "I'm not having a threesome with Misha and his wife."
"What?"
"Why would I be having a threesome with Misha and his wife?"
"Because you hang out with him all the time and--" Jared stops. He has to admit, he didn't have a lot of evidence that Jensen was having a threesome.
"I hang out with you all the time. No threesomes."
"Just because we didn't have a girl," says Jared. "I was gonna find a girl, because now you're all about threesomes, so you wouldn't--" he realizes exactly what he's saying and coughs. "Not that I want to sleep with you. Or anything."
"Right," says Jensen, looking amused. "Well, if you did," he continues, "I'd tell you that I'll be in my trailer for the next few hours, because I have a break from filming because my costar is icing his face. So if anyone wanted to sleep with me . . ."
Jared stares for far too long before realizing he should probably say something. "Uh, you know, we're already in my trailer, so we could--"
He gets up too quickly, trips, and falls into Jensen. Jensen catches him by his elbows and grins.
"You seriously tried to recruit Danneel for a threesome?"
"And Alexis," says Jared.
Jensen snorts. "Or you could have asked me out."
"I thought he corrupted you."
"You're such a dumbass," says Jensen, and leans up to kiss him.
"So I can stop calling girls?" asks Jared.
"Yeah," says Jensen. "You're all mine, Padalecki."
