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Aug. 19th, 2009 03:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyJensen and the Badger
A Very Half-Assed Fairytale, for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
synergic.
The woods are always in bad shape after a storm, and today is no exception, trees fallen all over the place, snow up to Jensen's knees.
"Jesus," he mutters. "This is gonna take forever."
Jensen likes being a forest ranger, even if he lives in a remote section of the forest and pretty much never sees other people. He'll go into town once a week or so to get supplies, and sometimes sticks around long enough to get laid, and that's pretty much all he needs. With how the roads are now, though, he might miss his run--god knows when the plows'll get up here.
"Come on," he says, slapping his leg for Sadie. She bounds out and starts rolling around in the snow blissfully. Jensen can't help a grin--he loves it like this, even if it is a pain in his ass. And Sadie makes it more interesting, at least--she's great at finding wounded animals, which technically isn't part of Jensen's job, but what the boss doesn't know won't hurt him.
She's the one who finds the badger.
In general, Jensen feels that badgers are ill-tempered, weird little critters, but this one got caught under a fallen tree, and when Jensen speaks soothingly to it, having pulled Sadie away, it looks up at him with a somewhat quizzical expression. It's kind of cute, even, now that it's not snarling. Once he moves the tree off, he expects the thing to bolt, but its leg is mangled, and it looks like it can't move.
"Shit," mutters Jensen. If he leaves it, it's absolutely going to die. If he picks it up, it's probably going to bite him and try to run anyway. On the other hand, he should still be covered for rabies shots from his run-in with a raccoon last month, and if he leaves it he's just going to feel guilty, so it's really not even a choice. "Please don't bite me, okay? I'm going to take you home and feed you something good, so if you don't bite me, it's gonna be better for everyone."
The badger looks at him steadily, doesn't make a move away when he kneels down. It doesn't even try to bite him, just stays still and passive while he gets it settled, and then relaxes against Jensen's chest. Hell, it fucking nestles into him. "Huh," he says. "Okay."
*
The badger pretty happily eats a bowl of Sadie's wet food, and then butts its head against Jensen's hand like a cat, making him scratch its head. He does that for a while, and then gets kind of weirded out and remembers he's supposed to be patching the thing up to take it back to the woods, not making friends.
"You need a splint or something," says Jensen, "so we make sure you heal up right. I think the leg is broken."
The badger regards him evenly, and it's kind of creepy the way it seems to understand him. Jensen has to forcibly remind himself that badgers do not speak English, and he's just going crazy from lack of human contact.
"So if you can keep not biting me," he continues, because, well, he gets pretty desperate for company out here, and taking to badgers isn't weirder than talking to Sadie or the trees, "that would be great."
The badger nudges his hand again and trills.
*
The badger keeps not biting Jensen. Sometimes it takes swipes at Sadie, mostly when she tries to interrupt the badger's time with him. Mostly, it seems to think it's a cat, because it spends most of its time following Jensen around, rubbing up against his legs, and generally trying to make Jensen give it attention.
"What are you gonna do when you get released back into the wild, huh? Scratch yourself on trees?"
The badger gives him a look that clearly says it is planning to never leave him, and how dare he make such a suggestion.
"God, I'm losing my mind," Jensen groans. "I am not talking to a badger, and the badger is definitely not talking back."
Sadie tilts her head and whines. The badger watches, and then turns to Jensen and does the same.
*
The badger's leg is healing up nicely, and Jensen is surprised how upset he is that he's gonna have to get rid of it. He knows he's projecting, but the badger seems to be feeling unhappy about it too--it spends a lot of time making pitiful noises and sticking its nose in Jensen's face.
Okay, so he's not sure that's badger for please don't release me into the wild, but he has no idea what it does mean.
And then, when he's taking off the bandage for the last time, checking to make sure everything looks okay, the badger sticks its mouth right in his face and pretty much kisses him.
Jensen splutters a little, thanks god for the rabies shot, and then stares in shock as the badger starts glowing and turns into a dude.
A very hot, very giant dude.
"What th--" he starts, and the giant badger guy kisses him.
"You are the slowest person in the world," says the giant badger guy.
"What? What the--I'm slow? You're a fucking badger!"
"I'm a cursed prince, you jerk! And don't you ever kiss rescue animals? Come on."
"Who kisses rescue animals?"
"I do!"
"You are a rescue animal."
"I told you, I'm a cursed prince."
"Prince of what?"
The guy rolls his eyes. "Okay, maybe not a prince prince, but I have a lot of money and an evil witch turned me into a badger. Are we going to make out or what?"
"You know you're insane, right?"
"You saw me! First I was a badger, then I kissed you, now I'm me again. How am I the crazy one?"
Jensen swallows.
"So, I'm Jared, I used to be a badger, you rescued me, took care of me, and you're really, really fucking hot, so can we get to the happy ending already?"
"Uh," says Jensen. "Jesus. At least tell me your last name."
"Padalecki. You want my social security number, or--"
Jensen kisses him. Because, you know, it's fucking crazy, and he's probably high or something, but ridiculously hot guys don't exactly fall out of the sky and into his house every day, so he might as well take advantage of it.
And they live happily ever after.
A Very Half-Assed Fairytale, for
synergic.The woods are always in bad shape after a storm, and today is no exception, trees fallen all over the place, snow up to Jensen's knees.
"Jesus," he mutters. "This is gonna take forever."
Jensen likes being a forest ranger, even if he lives in a remote section of the forest and pretty much never sees other people. He'll go into town once a week or so to get supplies, and sometimes sticks around long enough to get laid, and that's pretty much all he needs. With how the roads are now, though, he might miss his run--god knows when the plows'll get up here.
"Come on," he says, slapping his leg for Sadie. She bounds out and starts rolling around in the snow blissfully. Jensen can't help a grin--he loves it like this, even if it is a pain in his ass. And Sadie makes it more interesting, at least--she's great at finding wounded animals, which technically isn't part of Jensen's job, but what the boss doesn't know won't hurt him.
She's the one who finds the badger.
In general, Jensen feels that badgers are ill-tempered, weird little critters, but this one got caught under a fallen tree, and when Jensen speaks soothingly to it, having pulled Sadie away, it looks up at him with a somewhat quizzical expression. It's kind of cute, even, now that it's not snarling. Once he moves the tree off, he expects the thing to bolt, but its leg is mangled, and it looks like it can't move.
"Shit," mutters Jensen. If he leaves it, it's absolutely going to die. If he picks it up, it's probably going to bite him and try to run anyway. On the other hand, he should still be covered for rabies shots from his run-in with a raccoon last month, and if he leaves it he's just going to feel guilty, so it's really not even a choice. "Please don't bite me, okay? I'm going to take you home and feed you something good, so if you don't bite me, it's gonna be better for everyone."
The badger looks at him steadily, doesn't make a move away when he kneels down. It doesn't even try to bite him, just stays still and passive while he gets it settled, and then relaxes against Jensen's chest. Hell, it fucking nestles into him. "Huh," he says. "Okay."
*
The badger pretty happily eats a bowl of Sadie's wet food, and then butts its head against Jensen's hand like a cat, making him scratch its head. He does that for a while, and then gets kind of weirded out and remembers he's supposed to be patching the thing up to take it back to the woods, not making friends.
"You need a splint or something," says Jensen, "so we make sure you heal up right. I think the leg is broken."
The badger regards him evenly, and it's kind of creepy the way it seems to understand him. Jensen has to forcibly remind himself that badgers do not speak English, and he's just going crazy from lack of human contact.
"So if you can keep not biting me," he continues, because, well, he gets pretty desperate for company out here, and taking to badgers isn't weirder than talking to Sadie or the trees, "that would be great."
The badger nudges his hand again and trills.
*
The badger keeps not biting Jensen. Sometimes it takes swipes at Sadie, mostly when she tries to interrupt the badger's time with him. Mostly, it seems to think it's a cat, because it spends most of its time following Jensen around, rubbing up against his legs, and generally trying to make Jensen give it attention.
"What are you gonna do when you get released back into the wild, huh? Scratch yourself on trees?"
The badger gives him a look that clearly says it is planning to never leave him, and how dare he make such a suggestion.
"God, I'm losing my mind," Jensen groans. "I am not talking to a badger, and the badger is definitely not talking back."
Sadie tilts her head and whines. The badger watches, and then turns to Jensen and does the same.
*
The badger's leg is healing up nicely, and Jensen is surprised how upset he is that he's gonna have to get rid of it. He knows he's projecting, but the badger seems to be feeling unhappy about it too--it spends a lot of time making pitiful noises and sticking its nose in Jensen's face.
Okay, so he's not sure that's badger for please don't release me into the wild, but he has no idea what it does mean.
And then, when he's taking off the bandage for the last time, checking to make sure everything looks okay, the badger sticks its mouth right in his face and pretty much kisses him.
Jensen splutters a little, thanks god for the rabies shot, and then stares in shock as the badger starts glowing and turns into a dude.
A very hot, very giant dude.
"What th--" he starts, and the giant badger guy kisses him.
"You are the slowest person in the world," says the giant badger guy.
"What? What the--I'm slow? You're a fucking badger!"
"I'm a cursed prince, you jerk! And don't you ever kiss rescue animals? Come on."
"Who kisses rescue animals?"
"I do!"
"You are a rescue animal."
"I told you, I'm a cursed prince."
"Prince of what?"
The guy rolls his eyes. "Okay, maybe not a prince prince, but I have a lot of money and an evil witch turned me into a badger. Are we going to make out or what?"
"You know you're insane, right?"
"You saw me! First I was a badger, then I kissed you, now I'm me again. How am I the crazy one?"
Jensen swallows.
"So, I'm Jared, I used to be a badger, you rescued me, took care of me, and you're really, really fucking hot, so can we get to the happy ending already?"
"Uh," says Jensen. "Jesus. At least tell me your last name."
"Padalecki. You want my social security number, or--"
Jensen kisses him. Because, you know, it's fucking crazy, and he's probably high or something, but ridiculously hot guys don't exactly fall out of the sky and into his house every day, so he might as well take advantage of it.
And they live happily ever after.
