I bet I failed at a tag in here somewhere

[longsufferingly]

I did a drabble meme over at my regular LJ, and here are the results.

Eliot/Hardison for lady_ganesh:

His name's Xander," says Juliet. "Word on the street is he's the best."

Eliot glances over. He knows that whoever Xander is, he's not the best. Eliot met the best three years ago, lost track of him not long after. There's no hacker in the world as good as Hardison.

But Eliot doesn't have Hardison right now. He needs a hacker, and this is what he's got.

"Send him in," says Eliot.

And there's Hardison.

He's still lanky, put on a little muscle, started wearing glasses that make him look like a tool.

"Your glasses make you look like a tool," Eliot says.

"Gee, that's what you got? Three years and all you wanna tell me is my glasses make me look like a tool? Your hair makes you look like a tool, but I don't tell you that, man. I got a sense of appropriate behavior." He looks evenly at Eliot for a minute. "Sides, these are part of my character."

Hardison, of course, must have known who he was working for. Hardison knew this was coming; just Eliot's surprised.

"Xander?"

"Coolest Scooby, man, hands down. Dude was surrounded by hot chicks, and he nailed the hot ex-demon who loved orgasms."

"It's like you're speaking another language."

"You could've called," says Hardison. "Or sent a card. Even an e-card. 'Thanks for the sex, never talk to me again.' I figured it out, man, but only because I'm exceptional."

"You're not easy to get ahold of."

Hardison snorts. "I put out a billion fake e-mails even you could find."

Eliot found five. He stared at an open message to one for about an hour before he hurled the laptop across the room.

'I miss you' seemed too honest. He's a criminal; he doesn't tell the truth like that. Not when it matters.

"So," says Hardison, leaning back in the chair, "what's the job?"

Eliot looks over. "You want it?"

"Pending details," says Hardison. He meets Eliot's eyes. "But yeah, I want it."


Sam/Dean for bekkis:

Sam likes to blame the angels for his wanting Dean.

He never thought about it at all, not until he lost his memory and saw Dean Smith for the first time and had all those dreams, and then the other dreams.

It turns out when he's not related to Dean, he's kind of hot for Dean.

He's sure the lesson the angels wanted him to draw from amnesia wasn't that he's in love with his brother, but that's what he got.

And then the fanfiction didn't really help, because the fact that other people think about him and Dean together is fucked up on epic levels.

Like the rest of their lives, really.

It doesn't change anything, is the worst part. He wants everything to be different and huge, he wants his life to be better, he wants to have all the answers to how to stop the apocalypse and live happily ever after.

But he's still stuck in an iron room, feeling like he's dying by degrees.

He likes to blame the angels, because it hurts less than thinking about how much he can blame on Dean.


Aldis Hodge/Nathan Fillion RPF for phrenk:

"So this is actually really good for me, you know, character-wise," says Aldis.

Nathan raises his eyebrows. He thinks Aldis seems likea nice kid, even though he can barely drink, so he's happy to go out for a drink with him, but he doesn't usually do this with episode players.

God, he sounds like a dick.

"Really?" he asks, trying to sound interested and not tired. It's been a long week.
.
"Yeah, see--I'm on this Leverage show."

"I've heard."

"So my character, he's kind of a nerd. I figure he's seen pretty much all your shows, maybe stalks you a little."

"Stalks me."

"Yeah, maybe if you were cool with it we could write something in about you getting a restraining order against him. He's that kind of guy, you know."

"Yeah, I know the type."

"So if you wanna give me some awkward personal trivia? That'd be great."

Nathan gives him a look. "You trying to go method?"

Aldis grins. "I dunno, is it working?"


Jared/Jensen for loony_moony:

Jared doesn't believe in clothes like other people believe in clothes. That is, Jared wears clothes as he deems them necessary, and there is actually such a thing as a day that is hot enough that Jared does not wear clothes. As soon as it hits 90, Jared gets totally naked.

Jense knew this in a theoretical way, because sometimes he'll be texting Jared over the hiatus in a totally normal way, and Jared will send a message like brb fuckin hot gotta lose my boxers and then Jensen also needed a second to think about naked, sweaty Jared.

Anyway.

Jensen kind of figured Jared didn't do this with other people around, but he walks in on a fucking hot Saturday at the beginning of season five to find Jared sitting totally naked on the couch, playing Fifa '10.

"Gnah," says Jensen, turning around so fast he slams into the door.

"Hey, Jensen!" says Jared cheerfully.

Jensen rests his forehead against the door. "Jared, where are your clothes."

"Off," says Jared, like this is a logical or reasonable response.

"Why?"

"It's like 100 degrees out there."

"You're a fucking TV star, you can afford AC. I will buy you AC."

"Does my dick threaten you, Jensen? It's okay to be small. I'm not judging. We're all friends here."

"I am going to murder you."

"Don't you want to see my moles?"

Jensen counts to ten. "No, I don't."

"But this one looks like someone flipping someone off."

"Really?"

"No, I just want you to look at my dick," says Jared earnestly. Jensen glances over, and Jared is--well, Jared is sitting naked on the couch with his legs open, his dick right there, and Jensen can't stop looking.

Jared smirks. "For the record," he says, "I'm definitely just happy to see you."


Parker/Hardison/Eliot for pez_gurl:

Parker is wearing a dress.

The dress is red and tight and shows off her cleavage and Hardison isn't sure if he's turned on or freaked out.

Eliot appears to be both.

"Are we working a case?" he hisses.

"No!" says Hardison. "What the hell case would that be?"

"One where Sophie can't work so Parker's gonna seduce the guy."

"Do we want the guy to die?"

"I'm seducing you," says Parker.

"She heard us?" asks Hardison.

Eliot makes a face at him. "You think?"

"You're seducing me?" asks Hardison, catching up.

"No, I'm seducing both of you. Neither of you on your own is sufficient for my sexual needs."

"How do you know?" asks Eliot.

"I'm very sufficient," says Hardison. "I have satisfied testimonials on Match.com."

"Both of you or neither," says Parker. "Take it or leave it."

Eliot and Hardison exchange a glance. Hardison shrugs. "I'm man enough to have a threeway with another dude."

"You saying I'm not man enough?"

"Not if you do it."

"We're not cuddling."

Parker snorts. "Who wants to cuddle?"

"I wouldn't mind cuddling," says Hardison.

"Well, we're not," says Eliot.

"You will be seeing my breasts, though. And touching them," says Parker.

Hardison considers. "Deal."


Jared/Jensen for winterweathered:

"I have the swine flu," says Jared.

"You don't have the swine flu," says Jensen. He tries to do that cool thing where he flips the omelet by twisting his wrist and moving the frying pan, but it doesn't go that well.

"I have the swine flu and I need care," says Jared.

"If you have the swine flu you need to go to the hospital."

Jared sneezes into the phone. "Maybe I want you to take care of me."

"What am I supposed to do, exactly?"

"Come over."

Jensen runs his hand through his hair. "You're in San Antonio."

"So?"

"I'm in LA."

"Come over anyway," says Jared. He sniffles, and Jensen assumes it's not because he's crying.

"You want me to fly to Texas to take care of you?"

"Yes," says Jared. "Miss you, man."

Jensen sighs and looks around his apartment. It's full of take-out containers, video game controllers, and probably living things. "I'm pretty busy."

Jared snorts. "Bet you're sitting on your ass playing video games."

"Shut up."

"If you come to Texas I'll suck your dick."

Jensen's dick twitches in interest. Jared has sucked his dick exactly twice, and both times rocked.

"You'll give me swine flu," says Jensen.

"I'll take care of you."

Jensen sighs. "Yeah, okay, I'll see you soon."


Booth/Brennan for serotonin_storm:

"It has recently come to my attention," says Brennan, "that everyone thinks I have . . . feelings for you."

Booth glances up. "What? That's ridiculous."

"I know! I mean, you are my partner, so it's a given I feel things about you."

"Yeah. I mean, feelings aren't always . . . feelings!"

"Exactly!"

"So who thinks you have feelings for me?" asks Booth, clearing his throat.

"Apparently everyone at lab. With the exception of two interns."

"Which two?"

"Fisher. And Clark refused to comment."

"Everyone else?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Apparently our closeness is confusing to some people."

"I don't see why."

"It's completely illogical. It's possible for a man and a woman to just be partners."

"Yeah, like When Harry Met Sally."

"Who are Harry and Sally?"

"It's a movie, Bones, about--well, I guess they decide they can't be friends."

"So it's not like When Harry Met Sally."

"No. Because we can just be friends."

"Partners."

"Us."

"Yes. No feelings."

"No additional feelings."

"No. Just us."

"Exactly."


Tractorbeam Jared/Jensen for bonniebb:

Jared thinks it might be weird for him to just hang out in Jensen's apartment waitng for him, but he wants to make dinner for the guy who is maybe, possibly, he's 90% sure his boyfriend.

Jensen looks pretty shocked when he sees Jared at his stove, which Jared thinks is pretty normal.

"Hi," he says, smiling. "I thought I'd--I wanted to make you dinner."

"You know we've already had sex, right?" says Jensen.

"I noticed."

"It's just unnecessary for you to feed me in order to make me have sex with you. I'll have sex with you anyway."

Jared laughs. "Jensen, what if I want to cook for you and have sex with you?"

Jensen shrugs. "I just wanted to make sure you were aware."

"I'm aware." He walks across the room, leans down, and kisses Jensen.

"Hi," says Jensen. He looks ridiculously happy.

Jared laughs. "So, just so we're on the same page--you're my boyfriend, right?"

"Yes," says Jensen. "I've always found the word lover weird."

Jared thinks that as long as he's dating he's never going to stop smiling. Because Jensen is just so--Jensen.

"Okay. Good. So. I might sometimes want to hang out in your apartment and cook for you."

"Whenever you want," says Jensen. "Unless I'm working. Or it's raid night in WoW."

"Okay. I can live with that."


Jared/Jensen high school AU for tsu_chan55:

ared's never actually talked to Jensen Ackles. He knows of him, of course--school's fucking golden boy, football star, straight-A student, supposedly nicest person ever--but they've never talked or anything. Jared thinks he's hot, yeah. He has eyes. But he doesn't think Jensen is going to marry him or anything. He's not that kind of loser.

But it's different when he sees Jensen outside when he's skipping third period.

"Oh," says Jensen, smiling a nervous, gorgeous smile. "Uh. Hi. Jared, right?"

Jared flushes. "Yeah. Jensen?"

Jensen waves a little. "Sorry, I'm--tired."

Jared blinks. "You don't have to apologize. You have a pass."

Jensen laughs. "I stole Kripke's while he was out." He leans against the wall and sighs. "It's been a shitty week."

Jared wonders why Jensen Ackles is talking to him like they're friends.

"Yeah?" he says tentatively.

"Yeah. I just--you ever get your parents pissed at you? Like, really pissed."

Jared laughs. "I'm cutting class to smoke behind the building. My parents are pissed at me all the time."

"But--you ever think they're not going to forgive you?"

Jared has to think about that hard. "No. I guess not."

"I think mine might."

Jared blinks. "Why?"

"I told them I like guys."

Jared swallows. "Oh."

Jensen laughs, shakily. "God, I bet you're just standing here wondering why the fuck I'm telling you this, right?"

"Because I'm here?" Jared suggests.

Jensen glances over at him, flushing and sheepish. He looks down before he says, "Exactly," like it's not quite what he means.


Kon/Buffy for laser_dragon

"No," says Buffy flatly.

"But--"

"Did they not cover the whole no means no thing in your clone training?"

Kon considers this for a minute. "Huh. You know, they didn't. I mean, I figured it out, but--"

"Kon. No means no. I'm a Slayer, not a--"

"Superhero. I know, I know. But, come on. Just one time."

Buffy hedges. "I don't even have a costume."

Kon's eyes light up. "So if you had one . . . "

"If I had one . . . " she sighs. The problem is, she loves Kon a lot, and she's willing to do a lot of stupid shit because of it. And Kon knows it, the bastard. "If I had one, maybe."

Kon grins.

This is going to go so badly.

*

Kon gets a costume that is less fabric than skin. Not that there is actual skin on the costume, because that would be gross, but. Yeah. It's kind of like a cheerleader outfit with a stake on it.

In fact.

"Did you just buy a cheerleader outfit and sew a stake to the chest?"

"No," says Kon, looking shifty.

"Did someone else sew the stake to the chest?" she asks, noting the pretty classy job done on the stitching.

"Maybe."

Buffy sighs.

Kon smiles sheepishly. "I also bought a mask."

She shakes her head. "You are so lucky I love you."

Kon grins at that. "Yeah, I know."