(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

So lazy_daze did this thing I approved of where she posted fic on her birthday. I especially approve of this because I don't have to feel bad for this being the most fucking self indulgent thing in the universe.

When I Am an Old Man and Live By the Sea
2200 words
A sequel to I Saw Her Today at the Reception, featuring Jensen Ackles at the Williamstown Theater Festival


Jared's never felt so remote.

He feels kind of like Sam Winchester, going through miles of farmland, passing ragged gas stations and collapsing barns. Every other building looks like a place that should be haunted.

"It's a big deal," Jensen had told him. "Gwenyth Paltrow does this thing."

"I know she's your role model in life," said Jared, a smirk in his voice.

"Shut up. You're okay naming our first kid Orange, right?"

Jared's breath had caught in his throat. The casual--he knew Jensen had been in love longer than him, knew that Jensen had thought about these things that hadn't occurred to him yet, but he could barely comprehend the idea of being able to joke about something like that.

"Kumquat, man," Jared finally said. "Come on."

Jensen laughed. "Right, duh."

The thing is that being in love with Jensen doesn't make Jared any less busy, it doesn't make their schedules any less incompatible, it doesn't mean there are more hours in the day or shorter flights or less demanding agents.

It just means he misses Jensen even more than he used to.

And that's how he finds himself driving into the middle of nowhere in New England to track down his boyfriend with the stupid hard-on for live theater.

He hasn't actually told Jensen this yet. But they've been missing each other for months--haven't been together in the same place for more than an hour since Sandy's wedding, and the long-distance is driving him crazy. Not crazy like he's going to break up with Jensen or anything, but they haven't actually gotten off together in the same room yet. And that's just a crying shame.

His phone blares out "My Girl" from the passenger seat and he grins as he picks it up.

"Hey! How's real acting?"

"Better than any of the shit you do," Jensen shoots back, sounding tired but happy.

"Dude, you know I have that three-page essay you sent me about how amazing I was in Playing Dead, right?"

"Shut up," says Jensen fondly. "How's filming?"

Jared glances at the trees on either side of him, the green road signs and perfect blue sky. "Looking up."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely."

Jensen clears his throat. "So, uh, I'm finishing up in another week of shows," says Jensen. "Don't have anything else lined up until September. I was thinking--maybe I could come see you."

Jared's face breaks out in a ridiculous grin, the idea filling him with so much fucking joy he can't even handle it. "You're thinking, huh?"

"If you want me to," says Jensen, seriously.

"You kidding? Man, I want--wanna see you more than anything," he says. "I want years of you."

Jensen laughs, relief clear in it. "You're gonna have to settle for a month."

And a week, Jared's mind supplies. He doesn't know how he wrapped early, but he's not wasting it. He's not leaving here til Jensen does.

"I can't wait," Jared says thickly.

"Me neither." Jared can hear the murmur of other voices on the line and Jensen's soft reply. "Gotta go," he says sadly. "Love you."

"Love you too."

*
Jared doesn't go to a lot of small towns. More than that, he never goes to small towns as a destination, as the place to stay while he's working.

He suspects Jensen likes this, likes being isolated from all civilization. Jensen's always been kind of weird.

There are only like three hotels total in Williamstown, and Jensen is staying at the nicest one, because he's kind of a big deal. That's how he explained it over the phone, anyway--"It was this or Howard Johnson, man, and they'd feel bad putting me in Howard Johnson." Jensen is always kind of nervous about being a name that draws crowds. He'd be happier staying in Winchester motels, with cacti on the wallpaper and sheets that feel like plastic, but Jared's never been that guy. San Antonio doesn't feel like a city, but it doesn't feel like this, like he's actually far away from things. Like he didn't know where the closest McDonald's was. He doesn't like McDonald's or anything, but it turns out he can't really comprehend being separated from one.

It kind of reminds him of Star's Hollow, if he's honest, and he'd always wondered if that set was even vaguely realistic--if there were really places like that.

He drives through the center of town and thinks--yeah, maybe, kind of. New England's a fucked-up place.

It's only four, still bright and warm, the streets not filled with people, but populated, girls in short skirts walking quickly and kids on skateboards. Some kind of idyllic.

Jensen's show isn't until eight, and Jared doesn't want to see him before that. He got crappy seats because he bought them so late, but he doesn't care. All he can think about is that hiatus when he dragged himself down to see Jensen's play even though he was busy as fuck, the look of surprise on Jensen's face when they saw each other, the firm, close hug.

He's slow; he knows he's slow.

He parks his car in a tiny dirty lot off the main street and wanders around the small shops, feeling ridiculously tall in his baseball cap and sunglasses. He can't imagine everyone in town doesn't know Jensen is here, and he feels like someone must realize they're friends, must know why he's here. It feels stupid to try to hide it.

He feels conspicuous, too big for the whole fucking town. Like he could fit it in his pocket.

He grabs an ice coffee and just sits in the sun, basks in his hat and sunglasses. He holds his hand out for passing dogs to lick, smiles at the couple people who nervously approach him for autographs and complies.

"Are you here to see Jensen Ackles's show?" asks a girl. She looks on the young side to have been a Supernatural fan when it was on, but with the power of DVD and how fast kids grow up these days, who the fuck knows?

"Of course," he tells her with a grin. "I hear the guy's a great actor."

The girl giggles and blushes, clear even through a light sunburn. He likes her, he thinks--maybe he's just feeling magnanimous toward the universe. Either way.

"So, what would you tell a guy who's got a few hours to kill to do?"

"Um . . ." she bites her lip, looking like she's concentrating hard. "Walk around, I guess. This is really the only street that's got many stores, but if you go down that way, there's the football field, and some woods behind that. And there's a park right at the end of this street here, by the river."

He nods and hands her napkin back. "Thanks for the tip."

She blushes darker and nods, fleeing back to her friends, who giggle and tease her.

It's a nice day, Jared thinks.

*

"My Girl" starts playing again when he's ankle deep in the river.

"Can't get enough of me, can you?" he asks.

"It's a disease," Jensen agrees. There's a pause. "Where are you? Is that water?"

"I'm at a nude beach," he says easily. "I'd say I'm thinking of you, but I don't wanna get too turned on here. Give people the wrong idea." He sighs. "Damn, there it goes just talking to you."

"Think about Jim Beaver in a thong," says Jensen, deadpan.

"God, I hate you."

"I'm just trying to help."

"Seriously, why are you calling again? I don't mind, I just thought you were super busy."

"I am," says Jensen. "I just--it's stupid."

"Tell me anyway."

"I miss you," says Jensen, in a mumble. "You're my boyfriend, Jesus."

Jared smiles, feeling something tugging at his chest. "Hey, you know you can call any time. Even if I'm at a nude beach."

Jensen snorts. "I had an excuse, you know."

"You just didn't use it?"

"One of the actresses finally worked up her nerves and asked me out."

Jared smiles. Jensen's never been good at rejecting people, and he feels a little bad for him now. "What'd you tell her?"

"That I'm seeing someone," says Jensen. "That I--I'm in a serious relationship."

"You are," Jared points out.

"Yeah," says Jensen, but Jared gets what he means.

Somehow, it still feels like lying.

*

The play's called The Invention of Love, and Jensen's playing the lead. When he got cast, Jared made fun of him, because Robert Sean Leonard got a fucking Tony for that part a few years back, and it's like they're still competing with House or something.

"House is on its billionth season," Jensen points out. "We're fucking winning that one."

"Whatever," said Jared, dismissively. "It was either that or make fun of you for playing a gay dude, and I don't want to be homophobic or some shit."

"God forbid," Jensen agreed.

The show itself is good, but Jared can barely pay attention, because Jensen is right there, covered in stage makeup, dressed like kind of a tool, and pretending to be hopelessly in love with someone else, and it takes everything in Jared not to run onto the stage and drag him to the dressing rooms for--he doesn't even care. Making out, having sex, just fucking holding hands. Jared just misses his stupid boyfriend, who barely got a chance to be a boyfriend at all.

The night of Sandy's wedding, Jensen was flying out at ten, and all they managed to do was trade a couple kisses after the reception ended before they had to go to the airport. No one even lost any clothing.

It's not all about sex, of course, but it is a little about sex.

Mostly, it's about Jensen.

At the end, Jared wolf-whistles, whoops, and makes as much noise as he possibly can. He knows the exact moment Jensen realizes it doesn't just sound like him, it is him from the combination of joy and annoyance that start fighting on his face.

Jared gets out of there, makes his way back towards the dressing rooms, is relieved when he's just let through, no questions asked, because he's Jared Padalecki.

Jensen storms in a few minutes later; Jared made sure they got an encore before he left. Maybe they even got two.

"I fucking hate you," says Jensen, and then he kisses Jared.

Jared thinks it's highly unfair that he's only ever kissed Jensen about five times total given they have been dating for two months, but the sixth kiss is shaping up to be awesomely amazing so he doesn't think there's any reason to waste time bitching. Instead he moans into Jensen's mouth, wraps his arms around him, and kisses back for all he's worth.

Jensen takes a little like makeup and a little like coffee, and Jared wants to sink in deep and never leave. He wants to kiss Jensen until they're both dying of it, but Jensen works his leg between Jared's and starts humping and then there's too much going on; Jared's panting against Jensen and trying to just process this.

"Can't believe you didn't tell me," Jensen says to Jared's neck. "Fucking--Jesus, you're a bastard."

"I'm a surprise," Jared manages. "God, fuck, Jensen. I--missed you."

"Gotta--" starts Jensen, and then he's unbuttoning Jared's fly, getting his hands on Jared's dick, and Jared thinks this must mean he's the best surprise ever, because bastards don't get rewards this good. "Wanting you for years," says Jensen, and Jared kisses him again just to remind him they've got each other now, after everything.

Jared manages to push Jensen's pants off and Jensen shakes out of them--"Don't want you getting your costume dirty," Jared explains with a smirk--and then they're jerking each other off, months of waiting making them hurry.

Jared comes first, moaning into Jensen's neck, and Jensen fucks Jared's loosened wrist until he makes it too.

"Could've told me," Jensen says again.

"Didn't want to," says Jared happily. "You were awesome, by the way."

Jensen smirks against his neck. "Like you could even pay attention."

"I'll watch tomorrow," says Jared. "Give you pointers."

Jensen looks up, wide-eyed. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah?"

"You're staying?"

Jared gets it in a wave, finds himself grinning. "As long as you are, yeah. We've got--" he considers. "Til September, at least."

Jensen laughs. "Miss me too, huh?"

"Yeah," says Jared. "All the fucking time."

*

They fuck in Jensen's bed and his shower and against his wall, and Jensen walks a little funny during the show that night, but Jared doesn't think anyone notices.

They drive around to natural wonders, hike to a hole in the ground that has snow year-round, talk about what kinds of ghosts Sam and Dean would have found out here.

They made out pretty much constantly, even when they shouldn't because someone could see.

They don't talk about September, and how much that's going to suck.

They've been waiting two months to be boyfriends. Jared figures they can wait a few more weeks to be responsible adults.

They have enough on their plates.