SPN fic: And Talk About Boys (Sam, Ruby)
Sep. 20th, 2008 09:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyTitle: And Talk About Boys
Author: Chash
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Ruby, Sam
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 401!
Word Count: 807
Summary: Sam Winchester is a mopey little bitch.
Notes: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
inarticulate ♥
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
Ruby had considered, for a while, that maybe Dean dying would be a catalyst for Sam buckling down and learning to use his powers.
And it is, and that's great.
Except for the part where Sam Winchester is a giant fucking girl.
Ruby's life would be much easier if he would just suck it up.
*
"Okay, sparky," she says brightly. "I've got a plan."
It's Sunday morning and Sam is in their hotel room with the covers over his head, moping. He tried to bargain with a demon last night, and she laughed in his face and insulted his manhood, so he's probably both depressed and emasculated. Ruby can't feel bad, because he deserves it. Here he is, the Antichrist, possibly the most powerful human in the world, and he's acting like a thirteen-year-old girl whose first boyfriend just dumped her. And it's not like Dean dumped Sam. He died. It's totally different. Sam should totally be turning this into rage instead of emo.
"Just leave me alone," Sam says to the pillow.
"No can do. I need you healthy and happy."
Sam laughs. It's not even close to a good sound. "Don't hold your breath."
Ruby tries to drag him out of bed by the leg, but Sam is gigantic and all muscle so he weighs a ton. She sighs. "I got ice cream."
Sam raises his head. "Why?"
"Because that's what you do."
"Ruby, when people lose their brothers, you give them time."
"Fuck that," says Ruby. "I've got Chunky Monkey and Sleepless in Seattle."
Sam snorts. "My brother is dead and you brought me chick flicks and ice cream. You know I'm not a girl, right?"
"You could have fooled me," she says, putting in the DVD. "I'm pretty sure your hair is long enough to braid now."
"It is not," says Sam, but he looks kind of worried that it might be.
It beats the hell out of his other expressions.
*
"Ruby! I have to go talk to this psychic about saving Dean!"
"Come on, Sam, she's about to find out Fox is her internet penpal! Don't you want to see how this goes?"
"I want my brother back!"
"Look, your brother is still going to be dead when this movie is over."
"Ruby!"
"You are so bad at being a girlfriend."
"Gee, I wonder why."
*
"If you eat any more ice cream, you're not going to be able to move," says Sam darkly. He's pretending not to watch Titanic and do research, but he's totally sneaking glances. Ruby isn't sure this is progress, but he also exorcised a demon with his brain earlier today, and that totally is.
"I can just leave this body and get a new one," she points out. "I'll leave a pile of fat girls in my wake."
"You're a terrible person," says Sam.
"Demon," she says, and he shakes his head.
*
Ruby would, of course, sleep with Sam Winchester. Not because she's particularly in to Sam Winchester--boy's hot, but he's got issues like a newsstand, to say the least--but because then she could say she'd slept with the Antichrist. And maybe it would cheer him up and stop the moping a little. So if she doesn't wear pants as much and starts getting pornier rom-coms? It's for a good cause. The get-Sam-Winchester-laid-so-he-stops-moping-around-listening-to-Jason-Manns cause.
It doesn't work, but she keeps doing it. Pants are really overrated.
*
"Is there a reason all the movies you're showing me now are about gay guys?" asks Sam, a week into Man-Love-Fest 2008, as Ruby has privately dubbed it. "Because if there is, I'm going to exorcise you."
She doesn't believe him, but she lies anyway. She's a demon; lying is what she does. "It's hotter. It's not like you're paying attention."
"Pass the vanilla," says Sam, getting a spoon. Ruby doesn't know how he turns ice cream into muscle so quickly. It must be another superpower. "River Phoenix is in love with Keanu Reeves."
It's a piss-poor plot summary, but it's more than Sam's given for any of the others, so Man-Love-Fest 2008 is totally working.
*
Eventually, it gets to be just on Friday nights. Ruby brings ice cream and a chick flick, and Sam points out gaping logical flaws and problems with all the relationships. He even calls a couple people out for being codependent, which is the pot calling the kettle black. But it's kind of encouraging.
They're halfway through 10 Things I Hate About You when Dean shows up; Ruby pauses the movie and goes to the door, and she's shocked when she realizes that not only is she about to lose Sam Winchester, but she's actually going to miss the whiny fucker.
She never even got him to braid her hair and give her a pedicure.
Life just isn't fair.
Author: Chash
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Ruby, Sam
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 401!
Word Count: 807
Summary: Sam Winchester is a mopey little bitch.
Notes: For
inarticulate ♥Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.
Ruby had considered, for a while, that maybe Dean dying would be a catalyst for Sam buckling down and learning to use his powers.
And it is, and that's great.
Except for the part where Sam Winchester is a giant fucking girl.
Ruby's life would be much easier if he would just suck it up.
*
"Okay, sparky," she says brightly. "I've got a plan."
It's Sunday morning and Sam is in their hotel room with the covers over his head, moping. He tried to bargain with a demon last night, and she laughed in his face and insulted his manhood, so he's probably both depressed and emasculated. Ruby can't feel bad, because he deserves it. Here he is, the Antichrist, possibly the most powerful human in the world, and he's acting like a thirteen-year-old girl whose first boyfriend just dumped her. And it's not like Dean dumped Sam. He died. It's totally different. Sam should totally be turning this into rage instead of emo.
"Just leave me alone," Sam says to the pillow.
"No can do. I need you healthy and happy."
Sam laughs. It's not even close to a good sound. "Don't hold your breath."
Ruby tries to drag him out of bed by the leg, but Sam is gigantic and all muscle so he weighs a ton. She sighs. "I got ice cream."
Sam raises his head. "Why?"
"Because that's what you do."
"Ruby, when people lose their brothers, you give them time."
"Fuck that," says Ruby. "I've got Chunky Monkey and Sleepless in Seattle."
Sam snorts. "My brother is dead and you brought me chick flicks and ice cream. You know I'm not a girl, right?"
"You could have fooled me," she says, putting in the DVD. "I'm pretty sure your hair is long enough to braid now."
"It is not," says Sam, but he looks kind of worried that it might be.
It beats the hell out of his other expressions.
*
"Ruby! I have to go talk to this psychic about saving Dean!"
"Come on, Sam, she's about to find out Fox is her internet penpal! Don't you want to see how this goes?"
"I want my brother back!"
"Look, your brother is still going to be dead when this movie is over."
"Ruby!"
"You are so bad at being a girlfriend."
"Gee, I wonder why."
*
"If you eat any more ice cream, you're not going to be able to move," says Sam darkly. He's pretending not to watch Titanic and do research, but he's totally sneaking glances. Ruby isn't sure this is progress, but he also exorcised a demon with his brain earlier today, and that totally is.
"I can just leave this body and get a new one," she points out. "I'll leave a pile of fat girls in my wake."
"You're a terrible person," says Sam.
"Demon," she says, and he shakes his head.
*
Ruby would, of course, sleep with Sam Winchester. Not because she's particularly in to Sam Winchester--boy's hot, but he's got issues like a newsstand, to say the least--but because then she could say she'd slept with the Antichrist. And maybe it would cheer him up and stop the moping a little. So if she doesn't wear pants as much and starts getting pornier rom-coms? It's for a good cause. The get-Sam-Winchester-laid-so-he-stops-moping-around-listening-to-Jason-Manns cause.
It doesn't work, but she keeps doing it. Pants are really overrated.
*
"Is there a reason all the movies you're showing me now are about gay guys?" asks Sam, a week into Man-Love-Fest 2008, as Ruby has privately dubbed it. "Because if there is, I'm going to exorcise you."
She doesn't believe him, but she lies anyway. She's a demon; lying is what she does. "It's hotter. It's not like you're paying attention."
"Pass the vanilla," says Sam, getting a spoon. Ruby doesn't know how he turns ice cream into muscle so quickly. It must be another superpower. "River Phoenix is in love with Keanu Reeves."
It's a piss-poor plot summary, but it's more than Sam's given for any of the others, so Man-Love-Fest 2008 is totally working.
*
Eventually, it gets to be just on Friday nights. Ruby brings ice cream and a chick flick, and Sam points out gaping logical flaws and problems with all the relationships. He even calls a couple people out for being codependent, which is the pot calling the kettle black. But it's kind of encouraging.
They're halfway through 10 Things I Hate About You when Dean shows up; Ruby pauses the movie and goes to the door, and she's shocked when she realizes that not only is she about to lose Sam Winchester, but she's actually going to miss the whiny fucker.
She never even got him to braid her hair and give her a pedicure.
Life just isn't fair.
