(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

Happy Ending
Spoilers for SPN 418
459 words, gen, unapologetic stupidity.


i.

"You know, people write slash fanfic about the Bible too."

"Go to sleep, Sam."


ii.

"So," says Dean, looking over the menu, "we saved the world."

"Yup," Sam agrees, still focused on his laptop.

"We're awesome."

"Pretty much."

"And you're spending your time reading porn about us."

Sam flushes. "What? I am not!"

"Browser history, Sam. You can has it."

Sam stares at him. "Did you just talk like a lolcat?"

"Hey, man, your browser history, not mine."


iii.

"See, someday? These books are gonna be the Gospel of Winchester."

"I know, I was there."

"And then the fanfic? That's gonna be, like, the Book of Mormon."

"Sam."

"It's gonna be this whole subreligion about how we were secretly fucking!"

"Sam."

"I'm just saying, from a hypothetical historical perspective, it's fascinating."

"174 on the LSATs, saved the world, and you're spending your time reading badly written porn on the internet about you fucking your brother. This is what you do with your time."

Sam smirks. "Hey, some people paint."


iv.

"They're out of doubles," says Dean. "You better not kick."

"You know, I read a fanfic that started like this--"

"Dude, I am going to salt and burn your laptop."


v.

"You're not really that hot," says Sam.

Dean raises his eyebrows. "What?"

"I mean, all the fanfic is about, like, your mossy green orbs--"

"My balls are not green!"

"--Eyes, Dean. Your eyes."

"Oh."


vi.

"Okay, Sammy. This is an intervention."

Sam looks around. "This is you and a bottle of whiskey."

"Shut up, Bobby was busy."

"Okay, whatever. Intervention."

"Yeah. Look, dude. You gotta stop reading the Sam/Dean crap."

"Some of it's really well written."

"Sam."

"How about we just drink the whiskey and call it even?"

"Are you gonna try to molest me?"

"No."

"Did you read a fanfic where we drank whiskey and you molested me?"

"Maybe."

"Yeah, no whiskey for you."

"You suck at interventions."


vii.

"You aren't actually thinking about trying any of this stuff, right?" asks Dean.

Sam glances up from the laptop. "What, molesting you in your sleep?"

"Dude, you molest me in my sleep?"

"Uh."


viii.

"You know, you bottom."

"What," says Dean.

"I mean, pretty much everyone thinks you take it up the ass."

"I do not."

"Just like you don't cry?"


ix.

"I mean, I don't look like I take it up the ass, do I?"

Sam doesn't reply.

"Oh, come on!"


x.

"Okay, here."

Sam blinks. "What am I looking at?"

"That's me fucking you up the ass."

"Uh. What?"

"I top," says Dean.

"How much fic did you have to read to find that?"

"Uh."

Sam grins. "One of us. One of us."

"Fuck you."

"I knew you were into it."