(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

pinkfinity posted that Jensen was totally acting bodyswitched at this con, which reminded me I already thought it would be kind of hilarious to do a sequel to Things Are Getting Strange I'm Starting to Worry with a con, so. Here we go. Spoilers for...this weekend's con? idk.

Forever Be Dozy and Dim
1145 words, Jared/Jensen non-AU bodyswitching, yo.


"God," says Jensen, burying his face in the mess of hotel pillows, "you suck so hard at this."

"Huh!" says Jared, flopping on his back on the other side of the bed. "Didn't know it was opposite day."

Jensen raises his eyes enough to glare. "Except you did, because you did absolutely everything I would never do."

Jared grins. "You were just loosened up from our party."

"We didn't even have sex last night."

This is true, Jared is sad to say. It's a crying shame, but, seriously, it's really hard (pun not intended, but appreciated) to wrap your brain around fucking your own body. Jared likes his body, he does, and he's explored it a lot, but it's too weird. He thinks maybe if Jensen fucked him from behind--or he fucked Jensen from behind, he doesn't so much care--it might be okay, but he's still not sure. He likes to think he's not a shallow person, that he doesn't care what people look like on the outside and it's the inside that counts, but, seriously. He's not sure he could fuck himself.

"C'mon, man, that's our dedicated fanbase out there. The ones who keep us on the air. And they love pretending I fuck you up the ass every night."

"Some of them think I fuck you up the ass," Jensen grumbles. "And some of them'd kill me so they could marry you instead."

Jared grins. "Except right now, they'd kill me, and you'd live."

"Stuck in your body forever," says Jensen, shaking his head. "Man, Dean had it easy in hell."

"At least you'd have my dick to comfort you. Even though I was gone."

Jensen lets out a long sigh. "Seriously, man."

Jared shifts, looks at him. "You really pissed?"

"I'm tired of being you," says Jensen, and Jared gets that, he does, because he hates looking into his own eyes when he wants to see his best friend. His boyfriend. His--whatever. Jensen.

Jared really wants to see Jensen.

He strokes his own hair away from Jensen's eyes, sees Jensen's quiet, fond smile at the motion. He feels tired and hyper all at once; he always gets this way at cons, and this time it's even more, a billion times brighter and deeper because he's Jensen on top of everything else.

"Hey," is what he says finally.

"Hi," says Jensen.

Jared smiles a little, leans closer. "How was your day?"

"Crappy," Jensen admits.

"Sorry," Jared breathes, and kisses him.

In the week since they switched bodies, they've kissed about five times total, and they never manage for very long. Jared never thought of his mouth as a part of his body he was particularly familiar with, honestly, but when you think about it, you spend your whole life exploring your own mouth, getting to know it. You know the weirdnesses of your teeth, the shape of your own cheeks, the feel of your tongue. You're pretty much always feeling your mouth, more than, say, your knee. If Jensen was into getting his knee sucked, Jared could do that for months and never really realize he was sucking part of his own body. But he can't kiss Jensen and not recognize his own mouth. And he's--god, he's praying that doesn't happen with Jensen, that when this is over he doesn't find himself too familiar with Jensen's mouth from this side to ever kiss him. Because, god, he wants to kiss Jensen Ackles.

They kiss close-mouthed for a little while, just moving their lips against each other, because Jared thinks it's a good apology. He knows that if they were in their own bodies they'd be fucking all the time, unable to keep their hands off each other, and it's still a little like that, but it's mostly--weirdly tender. Because most of Jared's actual sexual impulses are focused on himself, not Jensen, and all that's left for the real Jensen is the love.

It's not what he's used to.

"I could fuck you," says Jensen when he pulls away.

"You want to?" asks Jared, trying not to look too grossed out. If Jensen is into that, he doesn't want to stop it, but. Yeah. Weird.

Jensen huffs out a sigh that sounds way too much like Jared. "I dunno, I think it might fix us."

"How?"

"I dunno. I fuck my soul into the right body?"

"Magical soul spunk?"

"Shut up."

Jared blinks. "Wait, what happens to my soul?"

"What?"

"Is it in my spunk too? Does my body just get, like, empty, and then we're sharing your body til it fucks me?"

Jensen stares. "Dude. I didn't mean that literally."

"What if it is, though? What if you have to, like, spoon my jizz into my unconscious soulless mouth? Or ass? Does it only work through the ass?"

"I hate you so much," says Jensen, groaning.

"You're just lucky there aren't any cons tomorrow," says Jared. "Because I'd totally start talking about this in front of everybody. In your body."

"And then I'd kill you."

"Are you suicidal, Jensen? Is that why you keep threatening me? Do you really wanna die?" He puts on his concerned Sam face, which must look ridiculous on Dean. "You can talk to me, Jensen. I'm your friend. I'm here to help."

Jensen uses his height advantage to shove Jared off the bed. He squawks in a way he totally never would in his real body as he hits the floor.

"Jerk!" he calls, on instinct.

"Dude, no," says Jensen, peering over the edge of the bed with a smirk. "I'm bitch, you're jerk."

"I'm going to give a press conference about how much you love ass sex."

"I'm going to give a press conference about how you're still in love with Alexis Bledel."

"I'm going to find the guy who took those cowboy pictures and tell him I want to do another shoot."

Jensen offers him a hand and pulls him back up onto the bed. "You just wanna see me do more shirtless photoshoots," he says.

"Totally," says Jared. Then, "You really want to fuck me?"

"I'm out of other ideas at this point," says Jensen. And it does feel like they've tried everything, including that thing from the Freaky Friday trailer where they run into each other like losers.

Jared curls up next to him, because he's pretty much exhausted, and his hangover is still around, and he's just--he needs some time to psych himself up. Which is the last thing he ever thought he'd think about sex with Jensen, but this entire situation is pretty much nothing he ever could have expected.

"Not tonight, honey," he says with a smile, "I have a headache."

"Brat," says Jensen, but he doesn't object, just wraps around Jared, confusingly and familiarly large, and settles in to sleep too.