WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN

[longsufferingly]

I SWEAR I WAS PLANNING TO WORK ON REAL CHALLENGE FICS FOR SERIOUS.

Title: I Saw Her Today At the Reception
Author: chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Deals with Sandy and Jared's breakup.
Word Count: 1800.
Summary: Sandy's getting married.
Notes: I was going to write something else for rachia's birthday, but it was not working for me. SO ideally I will do something more awesome for her, but just in case, I am dedicating this to cover my bases. I'm awesome like that. Title from the Rolling Stones.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.


When the phone rings, Jared knows it's Jensen, knows it can't be anyone else. He's been waiting for the call, if he's honest with himself. Ever since he opened the e-mail, he knew Jensen was going to call, and he figured it would be safe to freak out until he did. Jensen never takes long when Jared needs him.

"Hey," he says, not pretending to sound happy or surprised.

"Hey," says Jensen. He's doing a play in Washington; it always seems like he should sound far away, but he never does. Jared wishes cell phones weren't so good, sometimes. "How're you doing?"

Jared smiles. "It's been ten minutes, man."

"So the crying hasn't started yet?" asks Jensen.

"Fuck you."

"I won't go if you don't want me to," Jensen says. "You're--man, you know--"

"Jesus," says Jared, "no. You have to come."

There's a pause. "You're going."

"Of course I'm going!" Jared runs his hand through his hair. "She's my--of course I'm going."

"You're way too good a guy."

"If Danneel got married, wouldn't you go?" he asks, and it's the first time he's said it out loud. Married.

He knew she was engaged. He met the guy a couple times--Dave, he's a veterinarian. He loves dogs too. Jared has half a foot of height on him, and he seems nice. But it's different seeing the date there, knowing he and Sandy never got this far.

"She wouldn't invite me," says Jensen. "Me and her aren't good at being friends with exes."

Jared laughs. "Well, me and Sandy are."

"Weirdos."

"Come with me," says Jared suddenly.

There's a pause. "Yeah, man. Of course."

*

Jared hasn't seen Jensen in six months. This isn't that weird--in the two years since Supernatural ended, they've only been in the same place for about a month in total. They talk every day on the phone, though, and they both take every Supernatural con they can because they know it's the only way they can actually get paid to hang out.

He's not sure if Sandy's wedding is really the best place to see Jensen again for the first time. He likes to have a while to bask in Jensen, to get back to feeling comfortable. But neither of them could get enough time off to come in early.

It's ten at night when he gets to the hotel, and he doesn't even call Jensen before he picks up the other key to their room. He told himself they were sharing because he didn't want to take up too much space, with all the other guests coming in, but he knows it's a lie, and Jensen knows it too. Jared needs Jensen for this, because even though he has other friends, no one else understands like Jensen does. Jensen was there for him when it ended, knows what he went through.

He knocks on the door out of politeness and then keys in. Jensen might not even be there--might be out at a bar, catching up with old friends who came down for the wedding.

But deep down, Jared knows he'll be there.

When the door opens, Jensen's halfway to it.

Jared drinks him in for a minute--his hair's longer, ungelled and a little wet. He's pale--Washington isn't great for tanning, Jared guesses--and a little thin, and Jared's hugging him before he realizes it.

"Hi," he breathes. "Thanks."

Jensen hugs back, warm and solid and familiar. Every time Jared hugs a girl, he compares her to Sandy, takes down the differences between them and her. But guys he compares to Jensen, and no one's ever come close.

"Don't mention it," says Jensen. "Girl."

They pull back at the same time, and Jensen grins up at him. Jared can't help returning it.

"Hi," Jared says again.

"How're you doing?"

Jared takes a deep breath. Then he laughs, a little shakily. "This is so weird, man."

"Always thought I'd be the best man in Sandy's wedding," Jensen says after a minute.

"Yeah. I thought you would be too," Jared agrees. He crosses the room to sit on his bed, pushes his hair back from his face with both hands. "Until we broke up."

Jensen lies back on the other bed, swinging his legs off the end. His t-shirt pulls up a little, and Jared can see how much scrawnier he is than he used to be.

"You stop working out, Ackles?" he asks.

"I thought you'd get back together," says Jensen, as if Jared hasn't said anything.

Jared remembers thinking about going to Sandy right after the show ended. He thought about telling her they could make it work, that he still loved her. But they'd both been with other people, and Jared hadn't known if he was sure enough of the two of them to break up two relationships.

He glances at Jensen again.

That's kind of the story of his life, truth be told.

"I thought it'd be worse," he says carefully, "if it didn't work out."

Jensen turns slowly, looks back at him. "Worse than what?"

Jared smiles. "I don't fucking know, man."

Jensen laughs. "I'd say we should get drunk, but Sandy'd kill us if we were hungover for her fucking wedding."

"Yeah," Jared agrees.

"Let's get room service and watch some crappy TV," says Jensen. "Maybe your show's on."

"Fuck you, man," says Jared.

"Liked it better when you were thanking me."

"Never again," says Jared, but they both know it's not true.

*

Jared never feels at home in tuxes. He wonders sometimes if it's because he's so tall; it always brings back the memory of being a gawky teenager, body too big for his brain, limbs uncoordinated, palms sweaty.

Jensen hates them more than Jared does, though, and that helps; Jensen is awkward and self-conscious and always tugging on his cuff links at all times.

"Stop that," Jared says, swatting his hands.

"Fuck you," says Jensen. "This doesn't fit."

"It fits fine. Shut up. Why are you even nervous?"

"Waiting for you to pull a Graduate on me."

"Yeah," says Jared. "I'm really going to beat the windows wishing--" he can't breathe, suddenly. Because--through everything, he honestly thought she'd marry him someday. He thought they were soulmates, or something.

Except he thought that about Jensen sometimes too, and that's not how soulmates work. You only get one.

By process of elimination, it's Jensen, but that doesn't make him feel better right now.

Right now, his head is between his legs and he's hyperventilating. He can feel Jensen rubbing soothing circles into his back.

"We don't have to go, man," says Jensen. "I mean it."

Jared shakes his head. "I don't want people to think I'm a pussy."

"Everyone knows you're a pussy."

Jared takes a deep breath and straightens up. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's go."

"You sure?" asks Jensen, offering him a hand up, all mocking gone. Jensen's kind of a douche sometimes, but he's never a douche when Jared needs him.

"Dude," says Jared. "Born ready."

His voice only shakes a little when he says it.

*

Jared was one of those kids who liked weddings. He didn't think boys were supposed to like them, except as an excuse for sex with drunk bridesmaids, but he--Jared's kind of a romantic, when it comes down to it. That's why this one's so hard for him, because he likes the idea of first love being true love, and maybe that should have him ending up with Alexis or Penny Baker from middle school, but whatever. Sandy was--Sandy is--

Jensen is next to him, warm and solid, and he squeezes Jared's arm when the priest asks if anyone there has any reason Sandra and David should not be wed.

Being in love with you is safer than being in love with Jensen is what springs to Jared's mind, and he almost starts laughing as he thinks it because--god, can that really be it?

"You okay?" Jensen hisses, and Jared--Jared has never thought he's in love with Jensen before. He's known he loves Jensen, but he's just--he thought it was impossible to love someone so much and not want them a little. That was what he told himself.

"I'm okay."

*

"Thanks for coming," says Sandy softly.

Jared asked her to dance because that was all he could think to do. It seemed like some kind of closure, something final. Like if this was a story, this was what he'd do.

"Thanks for inviting me."

"Jensen said I shouldn't have."

Jared stiffens. "When?"

"I called him before I sent you the invitation."

"And he said--"

"He said you wouldn't say no." She laughs. "He wanted you to."

Jared swallows.

"He didn't want you to come," Sandy says. "You know why?"

Jared looks over her shoulder--she's so small--to find Jensen in the crowd. Jensen looks a little wistful, a little sad, a little concerned. And Jared knows, somehow, that Jensen still thinks--Jensen's always thought that he was going to lose Jared to Sandy again.

"Yeah," says Jared. "I know."

When the dance is over, he kisses Sandy on the forehead: a goodbye.

"I love you," he tells her.

"I love you too."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

*

Jensen's outside, leaning against the porch railing. It's warm, and he's got his suit jacket off, his sleeves rolled up.

Jared's been in love with him for years, and he just--he told himself it wasn't a big deal.

"Hi," he says.

"Seems like that's all you ever say to me these days," says Jensen.

"Thanks for coming."

"Everything okay?" asks Jensen.

"I never wanted her--okay, that's not true," says Jared, laughing a little. "I wanted her back. But I never wanted to break up her and Dave. I never want to break anybody up."

Jensen doesn't say anything.

"So you know, I--I just pretend," he says. "That it's not a big deal. That I'm happy. That I don't think there's just one person for everyone. Don't believe in," he laughs. "Soulmates."

"You been drinking?" asks Jensen.

"If I say you're the only one for me," says Jared, "will you think it's a line?"

"Yeah," says Jensen, but he's smiling a little.

"If I say you have a beautiful body will you hold it against me?"

Jensen snorts at that. "Before you ask, these aren't moon pants."

"Your ass isn't that good," says Jared. "I'm saying I'm in love with you," he adds. "In case you missed it."

"I got it," says Jensen.

"You're supposed to say something about it."

Jensen hums, kind of noncommittally.

"Jerk," says Jared, but he's not actually worried. "Fuck this, I'm going to eat cake."

He starts heading in, but Jensen calls, "Jared."

Jared turns. "What?"

"Are you Jamaican?" he asks. "Cuz ja-makin' me crazy."

Jared starts laughing, fucking doubles over with it. "Dude," he finally manages. "That's what you've got?"

"That's what I've got," Jensen agrees, beaming.

"Okay," says Jared. "I'll take it."