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longsufferinglyTitle: Tall, Dark, and Not Bad Looking
Author: Chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, Allison Mack/bachelors.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Real person fiction, reality TV, AU.
Word Count: ~8,500 words
Summary: This one time, Jared's best friend got him drunk and made him sign up for The Bachelorette. Things didn't go as expected.
Notes: I have played fast and loose with time, and also with how The Bachelorette probably works, because I am not willing to actually rewatch it in order to make this fic completely accurate to life. Anyway. Fic!
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
Jared has done some truly monumentally stupid things because Chad dared him. Ordinary things like eating a worm in third grade (which actually works well when he has to defend his reputation for eating anything and everything) to more life-scarring experiences like baby's first lapdance from the world's sketchiest and most gender-confused stripper.
But this kind of takes the cake.
Chad has been on his back about his failure to date again ever since he and Sandy broke up. Only when Chad says "date" he mostly means "get laid," and when Jared says "date" he mostly means "have a meaningful connection with another human being that also involves sex." After months, Jared finally got Chad to understand the distinction as much as he's capable of.
Which is when Chad suggests Jared goes on The Bachelorette.
"Chad, I'm bi, I'm not a woman," says Jared. They've had this conversation before. He was pretty sure Chad got it. There were diagrams.
"Shut up, douchebag. Don't tell me you've never seen The Bachelorette."
Jared doesn't tell Chad that, but he gives him a look that gets the message across.
"Okay, so some horny chick? She decides to go on, like, ABC to find her perfect dude. Twenty-five guys go in, and two end up proposing to her. And then she picks one."
Jared actually spits out his beer. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"It's all about being a fucking pansy and writing poetry," says Chad. "You'd be perfect for it."
"Fuck you," says Jared.
Then they start doing tequila shots.
And somehow Chad, who's like a chihuahua with ADD, doesn't forget about The Bachelorette. And gets Jared to send off the most drunken application ever written.
In the morning, he hopes it's a bad dream.
*
He gets called three weeks later when he's asleep, and in a haze of waking he's agreeing to coming in for a meeting, writing down a vague note that looks--when he finally wakes up--like "audition 3 pm 8/2 ABC mikey jursgg." It's not the best note ever, but he's certainly written himself worse, and he assumes it's just another audition and completely forgets about the entire terrible reality TV show thing until he arrives and sees the giant sign.
He's going to kill Chad.
The interview itself is surprisingly simple; the casting woman (Michelle Juris, he was kind of close) seems to like him, and most of her focus seems to be on his family, his past relationships, and his current desire to get into a relationship.
"I guess I'm looking, yeah," says Jared, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling a little. "It was a pretty clean break with my ex, but we're still friends, so that can make dating a little weird. Plus, it's hard to find real people in LA sometimes, you know?"
She smiles in an understanding way, and Jared wonders if he's said too much. He's a pretty honest guy most of the time, and he's disarmed by the fact that he wasn't really planning on playing himself today. But Ms. Juris nods and smiles and shakes his hand and tells him they'll get in touch with him, and he figures she's probably lying, so no harm, no foul. It's not like he's actually going to get cast.
*
Of course, Jared thinks as he hears the woman on the other end of the phone offer him a place in this season of The Bachelorette, the best way to get cast in reality TV would be to not want it.
"I'll, uh, have to think about it," he tells her honestly.
"Of course, Mr. Padalecki. We'll need to hear from you by the end of the week. The dates are..." she starts rattling off information, whens and whats and wheres, legal documents he'll need, where he can call if he decides to do it. He writes it all down, which is kind of a warning sign in and of itself. After all, you don't write down information you're never planning on using. He could be free for the time they're filming, he knows--he works at an animal shelter in Lakewood, and they're awesomely understanding about his acting potential; his boss is constantly hoping he'll show up on TV somewhere and make all of them proud.
Jared doesn't think being one of twenty-five desperate losers on The Bachelorette is necessarily the way to do this, but it could maybe be sort of ... fun. Or something.
He decides he needs second opinions from people who are not Chad, because this is Chad's fault and Chad is often an idiot. He calls Sandy first, and she tells him to do it, on the grounds that he's not doing anything else with his life.
"Thanks, Sandy."
"It might be decent exposure."
"Do I even want the kind of roles I'd get from this? Like...desperate bachelor number five or chump in a suit!"
"Yeah, that sounds so much less illustrious than your current acting career," she says, which is a fair point, but kind of mean. Jared's building to a career. "You might have fun," she points out with a smirk.
"I think I'm supposed to be looking for true love."
"And what's more fun than that?"
His mama says something pretty similar, and Jared decides that probably the entire universe is against him. He thinks he should have one friend who will tell him not to go on The Bachelorette, and the fact that he doesn't is kind of worrying and upsetting.
"Where else are you ever gonna find someone?" his sister Megan asks, mostly teasing. "You're the world's most gigantic dork."
"What about Jeff?"
She clucks her tongue on the phone, and he can clearly see her thinking. "Jeff's more gigantic, but less dork."
"Gee, thanks. I'm going to win just so that you guys have to show up on TV."
"Ooh, that's no good, JT. When producers see how cute I am, they're all gonna want me in their movies, not you."
Jared laughs, loves his sister again. Not that he ever stops loving his sister, but sometimes she reminds him just how awesome she is.
"Seriously, you might as well do it," Megan continues. "Otherwise you're just gonna start watching the season and then wish you were on there making those other guys look like short losers."
"I thought I was the loser."
"Yeah, but you're debating showing up on this. The other guys? Probably wanna be there."
"What if I won?" he asks. "And I didn't like her?"
"I've seen that show," says Megan, and she can't continue with whatever she's going to say because Jared's laughing at her too hard. "Shut up, freak! God. I was bored, okay? Anyway, the guys who win work really hard. They write poetry and buy flowers. Stuff you wouldn't do if you didn't like the girl."
"Oh," says Jared. "Okay. Fine! I'll do it. Why not, right? What's the worst that could happen?"
Megan starts supplying answers, so Jared hangs up on her. He's pretty sure she saw it coming.
*
Jared feels nervous and twitchy the first day of the show. He's not really sure what he expects, and that makes it worse. What's supposed to happen, he knows based on the episodes he watched in preparation for coming on the show, is that he falls in love and tries to woo the woman of his dreams. And if he does well with that, then he doesn't get eliminated.
He just kind of hopes the woman isn't as annoying as the last one they used. Really, he wouldn't want to get in twenty feet of that woman.
Well, if she is, he can always get eliminated. It's not a big deal.
He gets dropped off at the house on his own and manhandles his bag in, only to be greeted immediately by a very bald, very hyperactive guy.
"Holy shit you're tall!" says the guy.
"Thanks?" says Jared, taken a little off-guard. "Are you a bachelor or...?"
"Mike Rosenbaum," says the guy, extending his hand. "The most eligible bachelor there is."
"Yeah right," says a deep voice, and Jared glances over to the hottest guy he's ever seen. He's leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, smirking a little. And he's got these eyes. Jared registers that the guy is talking more and tries to focus. "Stop scaring the newbie."
"Aren't we all newbies?" asks Jared. "There wasn't some pre-party I missed or something, was there?"
The hot guy laughs, and that's awesome. He's even hotter when he's laughing. "Nah, we just got here first this morning. So we get to call all of you newbies."
"Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, um, I'm Jared. Jared Padalecki. It's nice to meet you guys."
"Jensen," he says, extending his hand. "And you met Mike. I'm hoping he gets kicked off first."
"Hey!" Mike protests, shoving him. "Screw you, I'm going to find someone who appreciates my genius."
"That could take a while," mutters Jensen, looking down at the floor, but he darts his eyes up to smile at Jared.
Jared's stomach does things he would deny in a court of law.
Mike just gives them the finger as they walk away, and Jensen looks up at Jared, still smiling. "Think I should be trying to play nice?"
"Nah," Jared replies, waving his hand. "We're rivals, now, you know."
"Oh right. Gotta keep you from winning that woman's love."
It belatedly occurs to Jared that this is perhaps the worst time ever to try to pick up another guy, given that the entire point of this show is to make them fight over a girl. Jensen is both straight and desperate, and while he seems like a normal, hot guy, he's also on The Bachelorette. So Jared is torn.
He also hasn't said anything for a while, and Jensen is kind of looking at him funny. "You okay?" he asks.
"Oh, yeah!" says Jared brightly. "Sorry, just, uh, wondering if you met her yet."
"Nah. We all have to meet her together. Get the full reality experience."
Jared snorts, which makes Jensen grin.
"You sound thrilled," Jensen comments. Jared glances around, making sure, belatedly, that no cameras are around. Jensen shakes his head. "Don't worry, dude, I think they followed Mike."
"I bet they could smell the drama on him," says Jared.
"I bet. So, not a fan of the reality?"
"My friend got me drunk and made me apply," he admits.
Jensen laughs. "Good friends you got there."
"You have no idea."
*
Jared's sitting next to Jensen when the bachelorette comes out. He knows he should be paying attention to her, but all he can really think about is the heat he can feel from Jensen's arm next to his. Which is honestly really stupid.
Jared hasn't fallen for anyone in a while. There was Sandy, and then there was Chad making fun of him for being a loser, and now there is, apparently, Jensen, the wonder bachelor. Who is sitting next to him, waiting for the girl they're supposed to fight over.
Her name, Jared knows, is Allison Mack. He's seen her picture, and she's cute and blonde.
"Nervous?" asks Jensen, with a smirk that Jared can already tell means Jensen thinks this whole thing is stupid.
"It's just like prom all over again."
"So your prom was you hanging out with twenty-five dudes, hoping your date decided to go with you?"
"Shut up," says Jared, shoving him. Jensen laughs, and Jared is weirdly aware of the cameras on them, knowing they're being watched. He wonders if his dorky flirting will make the final cut. Probably not, given he's supposed to be dorkily flirting with Allison.
"Miss Mack saw you all come in," says John Glover, who's some kind of producer. "Now, we're giving you an opportunity to see her."
Jared looks around the room. There are a lot of guys there, fairly good-looking ones who seem into it, sizing up the competition. And then there's Jared and Jensen, making fun of themselves in the corner. Jared doesn't mind, really.
Allison comes in, and she's pretty, and a little nervous. Jared instantly likes her better than the bachelorette he saw on the season he watched, but she's still, well. Jensen's arm is draped over the couch, near Jared's shoulder, and Jared's way more interested in that.
"Hey, guys," she says with a little wave. "My name's Allison, and I guess we're going to be getting to know each other, huh?"
There's an awkward chorus of "Hi, Allison," and she laughs a little.
"Call me Allie, guys. We're supposed to do two-on-one meetings to start with. No pressure, just a little chat. And then I have some flowers to give out, I think? Give me a break, I'm new at this."
"You're doing great!" Jared calls, because she really seems like a sweet girl, and she just seems so nervous.
She laughs and blushes, and Jensen shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure he's trying to help."
"Well, since you two are so friendly," says Allie, smiling, "you can come first."
Jared heaves a sigh. "I have to go in with this loser?"
"Dude, that's my line," Jensen protests.
Allie shakes her head. "Boys."
*
"So," she says, "I know you're Jared and you're Jensen, and you're both from Texas."
Jared blinks. "We are? Where are you from?"
"Dallas," says Jensen. "What about you?"
"San Antonio. Man, I bet you like the fucking Mavs."
"Yeah, because I like winning," Jensen shoots back. Then he clears his throat, a little awkwardly. "Where are you from, Allie?"
"I was actually born in Germany," she admits, "but we moved back to California when I was pretty young."
"Seriously, Germany?" asks Jared. "That's awesome. Are your parents from there?"
"My dad was performing. He's an opera singer."
"My dad's kind of an actor," Jensen says. "That can be tough."
"How can you be kind of an actor?" asks Jared.
"He's pretty much retired," Jensen explains. "Stays at home these days."
There's a knock at the door, and Allie looks over. "Believe it or not, that's all we get. But I'll talk to you guys later, okay?"
"Yeah," says Jensen, with a smile and a voice that's all Texas charm--Jared should have noticed sooner. "Great to meet you."
Jared swallows past a lump in his throat and agrees, a little awkwardly. He's being stupid on levels he can't even really fathom. It's pathetic.
"Dude," says Jensen, as they get out and some guys he doesn't know go in, "seriously. The Spurs?"
Jared grins, shoves Jensen again. "Fuck you."
*
Jared's not shocked he and Jensen both stay in the running, but he's a little shocked when both of them get first-impression roses, along with some burly guy named Tom. A first-impression rose apparently lets them stay at the house with Allie, which Jared thinks is cool. He's a big guy, he likes the room that the beds in the house offer.
He does feel a little bad about Allie, though. Giving Jensen a first-impression rose, that's fine--Jensen's probably really interested in her. But Jared isn't, and he isn't sure how long he should fake it.
The longer he fakes it, the more time he gets with Jensen. So if Jensen gets kicked off, he's going to do his best to follow. And if Jensen doesn't, then...okay, here, Jared's plan gets tripped up, because the longer Jensen stays, the better he's doing and the more he likes Allie, and Jared doesn't want that to happen either.
"Fuck," he mutters, leaning his head against the back of the deck chair he's relaxing in. It's getting dark out, a pretty night, and Jared knows he's supposed to be taking advantage of this chance to get to know Allie. Instead, he just wants to be alone and sulk about his gayness. Bisexuality. Whatever.
"They're gonna bleep that out," says Jensen, and Jared startles into awareness so hard he falls out of the chair and onto his ass.
Jensen, of course, laughs.
"Bleep you," says Jared, giving him the finger. "Scared the shit out of me."
"No cameras, don't worry," Jensen says with a grin. "They're watching Tom and Allie. So no one knows you're a total spaz but me."
"Gee, that's reassuring," says Jared, but Jensen's offering him a hand up, warm and solid, so he's not really that angry right now.
"Aren't you supposed to be charming the girl?" asks Jensen, sitting down in the next chair as Jared reseats himself.
Jared ducks his head. "Aren't you?"
"Turns out I'm camera-shy," says Jensen, shaking his head. "This might not be the career for me."
"What do you do?" asks Jared.
"Physical therapist," says Jensen. "You?"
"Vet technician. Until my acting picks up."
"Actor, huh. So you're in California?"
"L.A."
"I'm in San Diego."
Jared grins so hard his face hurts. "So we're practically neighbors."
"Pretty much." Jensen stretches, and Jared pretends he's not watching the way his muscles move and the peeks of skin that show up. "How's acting treat you?"
"Not that well," says Jared, with a rueful smile. "I'm waiting for my big break."
"Here it is," says Jensen, gesturing expansively.
"That's what my sister seems to think."
"My sister thinks I should never have given up modeling, so sisters definitely aren't always right."
Jared snorts. "Of course you modeled."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Jared grins a shit-eating grin. "You're just so pretty."
Jensen laughs, and Jared laughs too, and it's a pretty awesome moment until a cameraman clears his throat.
"Hey, guys? You're supposed to go hang out with Allison."
Jared feels sheepishness creep over his face, and when he looks at Jensen, he's got the same expression.
"Sorry," says Jared quickly. "We're coming."
"Just getting some air," Jensen adds, and the camera guy nods and wanders off. "Dude," Jensen hisses, all fake anger, "you got us in trouble."
"Hey, I was minding my own business, you stalker."
Jensen shakes his head. "Bad influence, man."
If Jared walks closer to Jensen than necessary when they're going back in to the house, Jensen doesn't mention it, which is good enough for Jared.
*
Jared doesn't think anyone notices anything's up, but a few days later, Mike flops down next to him on the sofa and says, "Where's your boyfriend?"
Jared stiffens. "Huh?"
"Dude, come on. You spend about a billion more hours a day with Jensen than you do with Allie."
"Yeah, that's cuz there's no competition for spending time with Jensen," says Jared with a snort.
"Hey, fuck you," says Jensen jovially, sitting down on Jared's other side. "I'm hot property, bitch."
"You guys are in the house with her and everyone thinks you're using the extra space to sleep together," says Mike, and Jared really wishes he wasn't saying this in front of Jensen. Because maybe Jensen hasn't noticed that Jared's totally and completely in to him.
It's not like they've been doing anything. They just kind of gravitate towards each other in a room, instead of towards Allie. When everyone's together, they're always next to each other, joking around. When they have free time, they're hanging out. It's just friendly stuff, and it's mostly here because no one is here to make friends; they're here to woo Allie. And Jared, admittedly, has something of a massive crush on Jensen. Which he thinks is fair--Jensen is hot and funny and great to hang out with, and Jared's clicking with him like he's never really clicked with anyone before, like he didn't know was possible.
But he's still hoping Jensen hasn't noticed, because Jensen is here to win Allie's love. And Jared is here...Jared's here because he wants to keep hanging out with Jensen.
"Dude, we've got extra space," says Jensen with a grin. "Like I'd give up my own bed to share with Sasquatch here."
"Aww, I bet you'd love to cuddle," Jared replies, giving him a noogie.
"See," says Mike, "it's gay shit like this that makes people think you're fucking."
"You're just jealous of our love," says Jared with a sigh.
"I'm worried," says Mike. "You really think the producers are interested in your big gay love story? How bad would it look if two of the bachelors dumped the star of the show to hook up with each other?"
Jensen snorts. "Dude, conspiracy theorist much?"
"I'm just saying," says Mike. "Watch out."
"We're just friends, moron," says Jared. "It's not like there are rules against hanging out."
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he says, waving his hand and going off to find Tom and Aldis on the other side of the pool.
"I think he means well," says Jensen thoughtfully.
"Yeah, whatever. I think we should throw him in the pool."
"Deal."
*
Jared pretty much forgets about Mike's concerns because he gets caught up in the first group date.
"I hope we're going to the moon," says Jensen.
"I hope we're going to your mom's vagina," says Justin.
"Dude," says Jared. "Allie wouldn't have fun in Jensen's mom's vagina."
"Yeah she would," says Jensen. "I think there's a bouncy castle in there."
Justin pouts, presumably because his awesomely clever retort didn't piss Jensen off. It's Jared, Jensen, Justin, Dave, Milo, and James 2 going on this group date--Jared personally thinks they should have ditched Dave and Milo and brought James 1 so it could be a J deathmatch, but apparently the producers haven't yet achieved Jared's level of brilliance.
"Think we can duel to the death?"
"Dude, we're just losing three guys this week," says Jensen.
"There are six of us. Team battle to the death."
"I don't want you on my team, freak," says Milo. Jared has found no evidence that Milo isn't a total dick, so he's okay with this.
"I don't think dying is in our contracts," says James 2.
"I think I would've noticed," Dave agrees.
"They're sneaky," says Jensen.
"Totally sneaky," Jared agrees.
"I'm going to shoot one of you in the face," says Milo.
Jared could totally get him first.
*
It turns out they actually go to an amusement park, and Jared goes on the Ferris wheel with Allie, and then on the teacups, merry-go-round, and terror coaster with Jensen. He gives the unicorn he wins to Jensen and the pimp-hat to Allie, and eats so much cotton candy he thinks he might explode.
"Someday your metabolism is going to fail and you're going to become spherical," says Jensen, poking Jared in the stomach. He's got the unicorn riding on his shoulder.
"But you'll still be my friend, right?"
"If I have to, I guess," he says, sighing. " You'll need someone to roll you around. And I don't want to get called out for discriminating."
"Yeah, jerk," agrees Jared happily. There's a camera around somewhere, but they mostly care about Allie, so it feels a lot like a regular date, just him and Jensen, hanging out.
The thought makes him feel a little guilty, honestly. Allie is an awesome girl, and she's been busy, sure--the other guys were working hard, and Jared has mostly swept in to save her from James 2 when she started looking scared--but he knows he's supposed to be putting effort in.
And Jensen isn't either, that's the awesome, scary part. Jensen hung out with Allie a little, but he spends the rest of the time with Jared, apparently happily and willingly. They barely mention Allie when they're together; she's supposed to be their whole focus, from what Jared can tell, and mostly she's just a cool girl who shows up sometimes.
Jared sighs.
"Dude, cheer up," says Jensen, looking over at him. "We're at a carnival. Want the unicorn?"
"That's your unicorn. I couldn't take him."
"I can't figure out if I should name him Corny or Horny," says Jensen thoughtfully. "Either way, he's named after you."
Jared laughs. "You are so guessing on both of those."
Jensen just smirks. "I'm pretty sure about it."
Jared shakes his head, wants to say something more, but the cameras reassert themselves, and they're being told to go home.
Jensen jostles his shoulder as they walk, and Jared swallows hard.
He feels shitty and like he's flying all at once.
*
"I warned you," says Mike, when Jared is sulking halfway through the third week.
It's been weird. Ever since the group date, they've been pretty clearly separating Jared and Jensen. Whenever they're both around, there seem to be cameras everywhere, so even when they talk, it's kind of weird. They've been on no group dates together, they've had meals scheduled at different times, and when Jared is free, Jensen has interviews...yeah, there's been effort.
"This is so stupid," says Jared.
"I think this means you win. You're supposed to come on this show and fall in love."
"With the girl."
"There's a lot more competition for the girl," says Mike. "I think you made the right choice."
"Yeah, falling for the straight guy. Real smart."
"Jared--"
"Sorry, pity party. God, I should tell him, tell her, and get the hell off this show. Fucking stupid crush."
"Sounds like a good plan," says Mike.
Jared blinks. "Really?"
"Yeah. Seriously, I don't want the competition."
Jared shakes his head. "Thanks, man."
"Whatever," says Mike, waving his hand. Jared suspects that somewhere, deep inside Mike, there might be a good human being.
*
Of course, talking to Jensen isn't easy, what with the way they're being kept apart. It's been a few weeks since they've gotten any private time at all, and Jared's pissed off.
"Do you think I'm a bad influence or something?" asks Jared, eying the camera warily. The camera guy, Mark, shrugs.
"You're gigantic," Jensen points out. "Maybe they think you're going to try to kill the competition."
"We're just doing our jobs, guys," says Mark. "You know you're on a TV show, right?"
"Do you stalk Aldis?"
"All the damn time," says Aldis lightly.
"Hey, guys," says Aaron. "We've got mail." There are nine of them left, and they all crowd around while Aaron reads the message. "Group date. Everyone's going."
"Everyone?" asks Jared, because everyone on a group date? No way he can't get a minute alone with Jensen.
The thing is, Jensen really is camera-shy. He still jokes around with Jared, but whenever the camera's on, there's a tension in his shoulders that doesn't let up, and it's not the way to have a real conversation. Not that joking around isn't awesome, but Jared really wants.
He hates the cameras.
So with ten people, he figures he won't have much trouble dragging Jensen off and asking him out. Really, it's simple. Easy.
Jared swallows, and Jensen smirks.
"Nervous you won't get picked?"
"Shut up."
*
"Dude," says Jensen, finding him on the deck of the boat they're hanging out on for the group date, "you gotta work on your anti-social tendencies."
Jared smiles. "Like you can talk."
Jensen crosses the deck, leans against the railing with Jared.
"So why aren't you in there with Allie?" asks Jared. He tells himself it's an opening for a confession, instead of a nervous question to avoid the subject.
"Everyone's in there with Allie. Except you. Like I could get a word in if I tried."
Jared smiles again, looks down at the water. "Why are you here?"
"Here on the deck? I just told you."
"No, I mean...here, on the show. Why'd you come?"
Jensen ducks his head. "Because I'm shy."
Jared laughs.
"Shut up, douchebag. I'm shy, and my mom was worried about me meeting people, so she thought this would be, I dunno, good for me."
"Mama's boy," says Jared fondly.
"I'm okay with that," says Jensen, but something in his voice is weird, and when Jared looks up from the ocean, he sees Jensen watching him and his breath catches.
He's nervous as fuck, but he wants--he wants to kiss Jensen, wants to tell him...
It's a flash of insight, a sudden moment of clarity: he's completely head-over-heels in love.
"Fuck," he mutters, and Jensen blinks.
"What's up?"
"Listen, Jensen, I--"
"Jen," says a soft voice, and Jared and Jensen both whip their heads around to see Christian Kane. Jared doesn't like Christian, mostly because he and Jensen are clearly friends too, and Jared is kind of jealous. "Cameras are on their way--we're all coming out here."
Jensen nods, smiles. "Thanks, Chris."
Jared runs his hands through his hair. "I miss you, man," is what he finally gets out, not a confession, and it probably doesn't make sense.
"Yeah," Jensen agrees, though. "Me too."
The cameras come out first, and Jared pretends he was going to throw Jensen overboard. It's not that convincing, but he has to do something with his hands to keep the shaking down.
*
It's one thing to stay on the show while he's got a crush on another contestant. But being in love? Jared absolutely isn't that guy. He's not willing to pretend to Allie that he wants her, even a little. It wasn't like he'd been putting a lot of effort into it before, but now? It's wrong, and he feels like shit, so he's got to do something about it.
"What's up, Jared?" asks Allie, cutting to the chase at their meeting. Jared's hyper-aware of the cameras, but there are always cameras on Allie; he just has to do this anyway.. "You never ask for one-on-one time."
"I know," says Jared, raking his hand through his hair. "It's just--listen. You're an awesome girl. And I really mean that. You're sweet and funny and kind of a badass, and any guy would be really, really lucky to have you. And it really doesn't feel right, me being here, making you think that I'm...I'm not going to fall in love with you, because I'm in love with someone else."
Allie smiles. She doesn't look entirely surprised. "Does his name start with J and rhyme with...nothing that's a real word?"
Jared looks down, knowing he's blushing. "God, am I really that obvious?"
"A little bit. I think it's cute."
"So, seriously, don't give me a rose. There are a lot of other guys out there who want them, and who are gonna be better for you."
"What about Jensen?" she asks.
"I'm gonna tell him," Jared says. "Before I go. So...I guess if he sticks around, he's still interested. And if he's still interested? Go for it."
Allie smiles. "You're a pretty awesome guy yourself, you know that?"
He grins, kisses her on the cheek, wishes they could have done all this without a camera, but glad she was willing to do it anyway. "Give me a call sometime, okay? We should hang out."
"If I have a wedding," she says, "you're coming to it."
"Count on it," Jared agrees, and waves as he goes.
Now all he has to do is find Jensen.
*
The nice thing about the camera being on when he talked to Allie is that it means he's already pretty much come out on film, which makes it way easier to think about doing it again. He doesn't really care who's there or how many of them, because Allie's were the only feelings he really cared about hurting.
Jensen's feelings are another concern, but that's kind of unavoidable.
"Mike, have you seen Jensen?" he asks as soon as he gets out. He's got another day before the rose ceremony--it's plenty of time.
"He's doing interviews," says Chris.
"Awesome," says Jared, flashing a grin and running off to hang around the interview rooms like a creepy stalker. He's bizarrely okay with this.
John Glover finds him on the way. "Jared!"
"What do you want?"
"As soon as the interview room is free, I need to get your take on the group date last night."
"I don't think you're going to like it," says Jared.
John Glover gives him a tight smile. "I'm sure it will be fascinating."
Jensen passes as they're walking, and Jared makes a grab for his sleeve. "Hey--"
"Sorry, man, I gotta do some shit," says Jensen with an apologetic smile. "I'll catch you later."
John Glover smiles kindly at Jared. "Have a good interview."
"I'm going to punch you," says Jared, not really meaning it.
"You wouldn't. I don't think you want to get sued," says John Glover simply.
Jared has to admit, he doesn't want to get sued.
*
By the time he's done with interviews, Jensen has been taken for a one-on-one overnight date with Allie, which everyone else is jealous of, and which Jared is ninety percent sure is his fault. He thinks it should probably be a good sign that they're bothering to try and keep him and Jensen apart at all, but mostly he's stressing out. If he doesn't talk to Jensen before the rose ceremony, then Allie's going to think Jensen turned him down.
"I'm going to punch John Glover in the face," Jared mutters.
"I wouldn't," says Adam. "His face looks pretty solid. And kind of pointy."
"Thanks, Adam," says Jared.
"Did she tell you you're going home? You're acting weird."
"Something like that," Jared admits, and he's surprised when Chris pats his shoulder consolingly.
"You're kind of retarded, son," Chris adds, and Jared half-heartedly flips him off.
The world sucks.
*
Jared is honestly on the verge of throwing himself across the room and kissing Jensen in the middle of the rose ceremony, except that when Allie gives him the rose, Jensen grins and kisses her on the cheek and thanks her, looking happy, and all of Jared's courage flags. Because he's in front of a billion people, and what's he supposed to say?
Jensen looks both shocked and upset when Jared doesn't get picked to go on, though, and as he's packing his stuff up after, he's shocked by Jensen pulling him roughly into a hug.
"Give me a call, you asshole," Jensen says, and Jared almost kisses him, except he sucks too much.
Instead, he looks down at the piece of paper Jensen gave him, the neat phone number and address, and nods. "Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, man."
Jensen claps him on the shoulder, and Jared kind of wants to die.
He doesn't, though. He walks off to the cab with Chris and Dave and doesn't look back.
*
He calls his sister as soon as his plane lands in L.A.
"You got kicked off," she crows. "Are you supposed to tell me that? Spoiler warning, JT!"
"I'm an idiot, Meg," he says.
"Yeah," she agrees without hesitation. "What did you do?"
"The usual. Fell in love with one of the other guys on the show."
He can hear he doubling over laughing. "Only you, JT. Only you."
He gets a follow-up e-mail the next day from some P.A., reminding him he isn't allowed to talk about the show until his part on it is over, and asking him to refrain from contacting anyone else on the show until airing has completed. There's a note about his contract in there, and Jared wonders if he got the special "So you're gay for your co-competitor" edition of the e-mail. He sighs. The show starts airing in three months, and two months after that, it'll be over. Assuming Jensen doesn't win, he can call him then, ask Jensen out on a date, something.
Five months isn't that long, he tells himself. He can deal.
*
"Your show starts tonight, doesn't it?" asks his boss on Monday morning. "We're all looking forward to seeing you."
Jared ducks his head and grins. "It's really not a big deal."
"It's a huge deal!" Kristen, the receptionist, objects. "You're on TV."
"I've been on TV before."
"Not as you."
"Well, I hope y'all enjoy it. I'm not sure I can watch," Jared says, sighing. "It's gonna be weird."
He doesn't explain that it's going to be weird because the guy he's in love with, who he hasn't talked to for months, is going to be on there, and Jared will possibly try to hump his TV. He's that sexually frustrated.
He's also nervous, which is more weird. The thing is, he knows the editing on these isn't subtle. He thinks it'll be clear pretty early if Jensen's going to go far, and he's terrified of the prospect. It's Jensen. And Jared gave Allie his blessing. If she went for it, he wouldn't blame her. Hell, he'd cheer her on. Allie is an awesome girl, deserves every happiness, and Jared wouldn't want his stupid crush getting in the way if Jensen doesn't feel the same.
All the same, if Jensen and Allie get married, he's going to cry.
He's thinking about that when he settles down in front of the TV that night, with his sister on the phone, ready to mock him.
"So which one is it?" she asks. "Are you gonna tell me first? Holy shit, JT, what happened to your hair?"
"I was on a plane!"
"You're such a loser," she says, and he's going to reply, really, he is, but then there's Jensen on his screen, making fun of him as they first meet Allie. "Wow," Meg breathes. "You sure can pick 'em, JT."
"Yeah," agrees Jared, watching Jensen's gorgeous smile and gorgeous eyes and the way he laughs. It's everything Jared has been missing for fucking months, and he wants to pick up the phone and call now, make fun of Jensen for acting like a dweeb during his interview, say anything.
"You've got it really bad, don't you?" asks Megan softly.
"Yeah. The worst."
He hears her sigh. "He's getting a lot of screen time."
"I know," Jared says. He's so fucked.
*
It's bizarre, watching himself once a week, going in to work and hearing Kristen's commentary on what he should have done differently to win Allie's love, hearing her occasional commentary on Jensen (pretty, but kind of awkward, she mostly seems to think), and analyzing everything ridiculously.
"Honestly, I think he likes you," says Megan. "He'd have to, to not kick your over-affectionate ass."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Jared.
"JT, you're practically humping his leg."
"Well he's really hot," Jared mutters.
"You gave him a unicorn."
"Shut up. I was confused."
"He's still getting a pretty heavy edit."
"Yeah," Jared agrees. "I know."
He's shocked when his own dismissal comes up--he hadn't expected to see himself earnestly talking to Allie, telling her there's someone else he's in love with. They don't go on with details, but even that much is bizarre--they've edited most of him out, and keeping his awkward confession is something he doesn't get.
"What did you mean?" Kristen asks the next day.
"When?"
"Since when are you in love?"
Jared ducks his head. "It didn't work out. Just...it's nothing."
She keeps looking at him strangely, and he keeps not saying anything.
"You're a weird one, Jared," she finally says.
"Yeah, I know."
*
"It's getting pretty serious now," says Jensen in his interview at the beginning of the next episode. He looks tense and uncomfortable, pissed off, weirdly confused. Jared really wants to touch him. "I mean, everyone who's left--we're really invested in this."
Jared turns off the TV.
*
"He's in the final two," says Megan when she calls him after the second-to-last show. "Him and Aldis."
"Aldis?" asks Jared. He likes Aldis, but he never really got much of an impression of him with Allie. He knows Allie liked Jensen, but Aldis is kind of an unknown for him. It's not exactly reassuring.
"She seems to really like him."
"And Jensen?"
"Yeah," Meg agrees quietly. "And Jensen. Are you gonna watch next week?"
Jared sighs. "I told Allie I'd go to her wedding. I guess I should find out who she's marrying, right?"
"He really liked you too, you know," says Meg. "I mean, there wasn't a lot of you two together, but...he seemed way happier and more comfortable with you than he did with Allie. And she's gotta know that."
"You're the best sister ever," says Jared. "Seriously, who else would put up with my ridiculous crush on a guy I met on a reality show?"
"You were going there to meet people," says Meg. "You were supposed to fall in love."
"That's what Mike said," says Jared. "Please never say what Mike said again."
"Mike was kind of cute," Megan replies thoughtfully. "Think you could get me his number?"
Jared chokes a little. "No!"
"Come on, JT! I'm lonely! You don't want me to sign up to be the next bachelorette, do you?"
"I hate you so much."
"Watch next week," says Megan. "Promise me."
"Fine," Jared grumbles. "But just the end. Call me when the proposing starts."
He doesn't want to see Jensen's home, Jensen's family, all these things that make up Jensen's life. Not if they're just going to go to Allie.
He's getting smart kind of late. He should have just gotten himself kicked off the first week and forgotten about it. The whole idea was stupid.
Allie's cute and beautiful and wonderful, and Jared wishes her all the best things in the world, but he can't quite handle this shit.
*
"He didn't ask her dad for permission," says Megan. "But he did pick out a ring."
"That's encouraging."
"Aldis is going first. So you at least get to find out if she says yes to him."
"Great," says Jared, but it does make him feel better, so he turns on the TV. "If she says no, I'm stopping watching."
"JT..."
"I'll read spoilers online! I just...seriously, Meg."
"Yeah, I guess I get it. Shut up, I want to hear."
Aldis is doing some kind of voiceover about how much he loves Allie, and it's pretty sweet. Aldis is kind of a quiet guy--funny, cool, but a little on the shy side, like Jensen. Allie apparently has a type. But Aldis sounds serious about her, and Jared starts getting his hopes up, a little. Maybe Jensen's in love with Allie, but if she says no, then Jared doesn't mind calling him up. Just as friends.
"Allie looks really beautiful," says Meg wistfully, and Jared snaps back to the screen. Allie's got a floral-print dress, something light and cheerful, and Megan's right, it suits her.
"Yeah," Jared agrees. "She's a great girl."
"Way less annoying than the last one."
Aldis hands the ring over without preamble. "Before," he says, looking bashful. "Uh...you said earlier it was stupid. That the bachelors get to propose every time. And you're right. I think you should get to pick if you ask me. You don't have to just say yes or no. If you don't want me, then don't propose, and that's fine. Well--not that I'm gonna be happy about it, but...you know what I mean, right?"
Allie is smiling and laughing a little, and Aldis looks embarrassed but happy. It's cute, Jared's surprised to realize. He kind of wishes he'd seen more of Aldis before. That's what he gets for spending four weeks stalking Jensen.
Allie turns the box over in her hands, smiling. "Should I get down on one knee?"
Jared feels the relief flood him just as he sees it on Aldis's face. "If you want to."
Allie laughs and does, Jared watches the way her dress gets dirty, kind of wants to whoop for joy. "So," says Allie, mock-serious, "want to make me the happiest man in the world?"
Aldis laughs. "Hell yes."
And then he pulls her up and kisses her, and Jared remembers how to breathe.
"Told you you should watch," he hears Meg say.
"Yeah," says Jared, picking up his forgotten cellphone. "You were right."
"So, your boyfriend's not engaged."
"He could be by now."
"Jared."
"Let's just...see how it finishes, okay?" says Jared, letting out a long breath. "Seriously, I feel like the world's biggest girl right now, but I don't want to get my hopes up."
"You should have just called him."
"They threatened to sue."
"I can't believe they care so much."
"Maybe they just don't want gay guys coming on and using it as a dating service."
"Assholes," says Meg, and Jared laughs. "It's coming back," she adds quietly.
Jared hasn't been watching for the last couple weeks, so he hasn't actually seen Jensen. He looks amazing in his suit, and Jared can't help staring. He hears Jensen's voiceover but doesn't actually take in the words; he's too busy staring. He's going to regret that in a minute.
For now, though, he's so happy to see Jensen he can hardly breathe for it.
Jensen gets out of the limo and kisses Allie on both cheeks.
"Your dress is dirty," he says with a grin.
"Shut up."
"So," says Jensen, looking down. "I'm not proposing to you."
Jared barely hears Meg's intake of breath on the phone.
"You aren't?" asks Allie. She doesn't sound upset. She still looks radiantly happy.
"Nah," says Jensen. "There's someone else."
Jared drops his phone, hears it clatter across the floor.
"Funny," says Allie. "That's what Jared said."
Jensen fucking smiles, like he's never heard anything better in his life, like everything is amazing and good in the world, and Jared can't stop staring.
Then Jensen clears his throat, blushes, looks away. "Uh. Huh. That's, uh. Yeah. Guess you're getting engaged to someone else, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, um, congratulations." Jensen grins again, looking nervous but relieved and happy, and Jared can hear Megan calling him back as his phone vibrates across the floor.
"Hey, Meg."
"Oh my god! Your boyfriend just confessed his love on national television!"
"Yeah," says Jared, grinning ear to ear. "I guess he did."
*
Jared doesn't always think things through, which is how he ends up driving to San Diego the next morning, because he wants to see Jensen.
He doesn't call first, because he's an idiot.
Jensen, naturally, isn't home, because not everyone has a boss who gives them the day off so they can drive to San Diego to stalk their possible reality-TV boyfriends.
Jared sighs, sits down on the stoop, and waits.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Jensen kicks him.
"Dude," says Jensen, looking so happy Jared almost can't handle it, "you're already enough like a giant puppy without falling asleep on my fucking doorstep."
"Uh," says Jared, sitting up and wishing he'd planned this instead of, apparently, passing out on Jensen's stairs. "Hi."
"Hi."
"So, um. I saw the show."
"I figured."
Jared awkwardly pulls himself to his feet. "Listen, I--"
Jensen gets his fist in Jared's t-shirt and pulls him down for a kiss. Jared makes a noise in the back of his throat he'll deny to the grave and tries to catalog everything about the kiss: the way Jensen's lips feel under his, the feel of Jensen's chest through his shirt where Jared is resting his hands, the way his tongue slides into Jared's mouth, soft and sure.
He wishes he had done this months ago, on the boat, at the carnival, the first day, because then he would have been able to do it more, longer. He could have been kissing Jensen for five months.
"They told us," Jensen says finally, "you were married."
It takes Jared's brain a while to come back enough to process that. "What?"
"Right after you left, they said you were married and they didn't want to make a big deal, so they got rid of you. I was, uh, kind of pissed."
Jared blinks. "Seriously?"
Jensen laughs, a little mirthlessly. "Tried really hard to get Allie to go for me for about a week before I figured the whole story stank. It's reality TV, they always want to make a big deal. They would've made it a fucking production. And what were you getting out of it? There's not a cash prize or anything. And I was pretty sure you weren't that kind of guy."
"I'm not," Jared agrees.
"You could have told me before you ran off," says Jensen, shoving him.
"Dude, I tried! Glover wouldn't let me."
"So what you're saying is you got cock-blocked by The Bachelorette."
"Shut up, so did you."
Jensen smirks. "So, what, you drove down here just to talk?"
"Not just talk," says Jared, leaning down to kiss him again.
Ten months later
"Congratulations," says Jared, leaning down to kiss Allie on the cheek. "It was a nice ceremony."
"Wish I could have done it without the cameras," she says, sighing.
"How'd you end up on that show? You really don't seem like the type."
"Neither do you," she says, smiling.
"I'm really happy for you, you know."
Allie glances over to where Jensen and Aldis are talking to Mike. "I'm pretty happy for you too. I'm glad you guys worked it out."
"Yeah."
"You know I wouldn't have said yes, don't you? Even if he'd asked, even if I didn't love Aldis."
Jared smiles, looks down. "I know."
"They wanted to reshoot it," she says quietly. "Bring Adam back, make him the second. I told them I wouldn't do it."
"Thanks," says Jared, in the same tone. "I really--you're amazing, you know that?"
"Flatterer," says Allie, grinning. "Your boyfriend's going to be jealous."
"So's your husband."
Allie blushes. "Still not used to that."
"It's your first day," says Jensen, coming over to drape his arm over Jared's shoulder. "You've got lots of time."
"Guess I do," she says, smiling brightly, and Jensen leans down to kiss her quickly.
"Congrats."
"So when are we going to you guys' wedding?" she asks.
"Please," says Jared, "like I'd marry this loser."
"I'm hurt."
"Crying on the inside?"
"Totally. Heartbreaker."
"You love me," says Jared, smirking. "You can't get enough of me."
Jensen sighs. "True."
"Under a year," says Allie, going off to find Aldis.
"I'm not proposing," says Jensen. "You're so the girl."
"Shut up," says Jared, kissing him.
Proposing wouldn't be that girly.
Author: Chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, Allison Mack/bachelors.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Real person fiction, reality TV, AU.
Word Count: ~8,500 words
Summary: This one time, Jared's best friend got him drunk and made him sign up for The Bachelorette. Things didn't go as expected.
Notes: I have played fast and loose with time, and also with how The Bachelorette probably works, because I am not willing to actually rewatch it in order to make this fic completely accurate to life. Anyway. Fic!
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.
Jared has done some truly monumentally stupid things because Chad dared him. Ordinary things like eating a worm in third grade (which actually works well when he has to defend his reputation for eating anything and everything) to more life-scarring experiences like baby's first lapdance from the world's sketchiest and most gender-confused stripper.
But this kind of takes the cake.
Chad has been on his back about his failure to date again ever since he and Sandy broke up. Only when Chad says "date" he mostly means "get laid," and when Jared says "date" he mostly means "have a meaningful connection with another human being that also involves sex." After months, Jared finally got Chad to understand the distinction as much as he's capable of.
Which is when Chad suggests Jared goes on The Bachelorette.
"Chad, I'm bi, I'm not a woman," says Jared. They've had this conversation before. He was pretty sure Chad got it. There were diagrams.
"Shut up, douchebag. Don't tell me you've never seen The Bachelorette."
Jared doesn't tell Chad that, but he gives him a look that gets the message across.
"Okay, so some horny chick? She decides to go on, like, ABC to find her perfect dude. Twenty-five guys go in, and two end up proposing to her. And then she picks one."
Jared actually spits out his beer. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"It's all about being a fucking pansy and writing poetry," says Chad. "You'd be perfect for it."
"Fuck you," says Jared.
Then they start doing tequila shots.
And somehow Chad, who's like a chihuahua with ADD, doesn't forget about The Bachelorette. And gets Jared to send off the most drunken application ever written.
In the morning, he hopes it's a bad dream.
*
He gets called three weeks later when he's asleep, and in a haze of waking he's agreeing to coming in for a meeting, writing down a vague note that looks--when he finally wakes up--like "audition 3 pm 8/2 ABC mikey jursgg." It's not the best note ever, but he's certainly written himself worse, and he assumes it's just another audition and completely forgets about the entire terrible reality TV show thing until he arrives and sees the giant sign.
He's going to kill Chad.
The interview itself is surprisingly simple; the casting woman (Michelle Juris, he was kind of close) seems to like him, and most of her focus seems to be on his family, his past relationships, and his current desire to get into a relationship.
"I guess I'm looking, yeah," says Jared, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling a little. "It was a pretty clean break with my ex, but we're still friends, so that can make dating a little weird. Plus, it's hard to find real people in LA sometimes, you know?"
She smiles in an understanding way, and Jared wonders if he's said too much. He's a pretty honest guy most of the time, and he's disarmed by the fact that he wasn't really planning on playing himself today. But Ms. Juris nods and smiles and shakes his hand and tells him they'll get in touch with him, and he figures she's probably lying, so no harm, no foul. It's not like he's actually going to get cast.
*
Of course, Jared thinks as he hears the woman on the other end of the phone offer him a place in this season of The Bachelorette, the best way to get cast in reality TV would be to not want it.
"I'll, uh, have to think about it," he tells her honestly.
"Of course, Mr. Padalecki. We'll need to hear from you by the end of the week. The dates are..." she starts rattling off information, whens and whats and wheres, legal documents he'll need, where he can call if he decides to do it. He writes it all down, which is kind of a warning sign in and of itself. After all, you don't write down information you're never planning on using. He could be free for the time they're filming, he knows--he works at an animal shelter in Lakewood, and they're awesomely understanding about his acting potential; his boss is constantly hoping he'll show up on TV somewhere and make all of them proud.
Jared doesn't think being one of twenty-five desperate losers on The Bachelorette is necessarily the way to do this, but it could maybe be sort of ... fun. Or something.
He decides he needs second opinions from people who are not Chad, because this is Chad's fault and Chad is often an idiot. He calls Sandy first, and she tells him to do it, on the grounds that he's not doing anything else with his life.
"Thanks, Sandy."
"It might be decent exposure."
"Do I even want the kind of roles I'd get from this? Like...desperate bachelor number five or chump in a suit!"
"Yeah, that sounds so much less illustrious than your current acting career," she says, which is a fair point, but kind of mean. Jared's building to a career. "You might have fun," she points out with a smirk.
"I think I'm supposed to be looking for true love."
"And what's more fun than that?"
His mama says something pretty similar, and Jared decides that probably the entire universe is against him. He thinks he should have one friend who will tell him not to go on The Bachelorette, and the fact that he doesn't is kind of worrying and upsetting.
"Where else are you ever gonna find someone?" his sister Megan asks, mostly teasing. "You're the world's most gigantic dork."
"What about Jeff?"
She clucks her tongue on the phone, and he can clearly see her thinking. "Jeff's more gigantic, but less dork."
"Gee, thanks. I'm going to win just so that you guys have to show up on TV."
"Ooh, that's no good, JT. When producers see how cute I am, they're all gonna want me in their movies, not you."
Jared laughs, loves his sister again. Not that he ever stops loving his sister, but sometimes she reminds him just how awesome she is.
"Seriously, you might as well do it," Megan continues. "Otherwise you're just gonna start watching the season and then wish you were on there making those other guys look like short losers."
"I thought I was the loser."
"Yeah, but you're debating showing up on this. The other guys? Probably wanna be there."
"What if I won?" he asks. "And I didn't like her?"
"I've seen that show," says Megan, and she can't continue with whatever she's going to say because Jared's laughing at her too hard. "Shut up, freak! God. I was bored, okay? Anyway, the guys who win work really hard. They write poetry and buy flowers. Stuff you wouldn't do if you didn't like the girl."
"Oh," says Jared. "Okay. Fine! I'll do it. Why not, right? What's the worst that could happen?"
Megan starts supplying answers, so Jared hangs up on her. He's pretty sure she saw it coming.
*
Jared feels nervous and twitchy the first day of the show. He's not really sure what he expects, and that makes it worse. What's supposed to happen, he knows based on the episodes he watched in preparation for coming on the show, is that he falls in love and tries to woo the woman of his dreams. And if he does well with that, then he doesn't get eliminated.
He just kind of hopes the woman isn't as annoying as the last one they used. Really, he wouldn't want to get in twenty feet of that woman.
Well, if she is, he can always get eliminated. It's not a big deal.
He gets dropped off at the house on his own and manhandles his bag in, only to be greeted immediately by a very bald, very hyperactive guy.
"Holy shit you're tall!" says the guy.
"Thanks?" says Jared, taken a little off-guard. "Are you a bachelor or...?"
"Mike Rosenbaum," says the guy, extending his hand. "The most eligible bachelor there is."
"Yeah right," says a deep voice, and Jared glances over to the hottest guy he's ever seen. He's leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, smirking a little. And he's got these eyes. Jared registers that the guy is talking more and tries to focus. "Stop scaring the newbie."
"Aren't we all newbies?" asks Jared. "There wasn't some pre-party I missed or something, was there?"
The hot guy laughs, and that's awesome. He's even hotter when he's laughing. "Nah, we just got here first this morning. So we get to call all of you newbies."
"Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, um, I'm Jared. Jared Padalecki. It's nice to meet you guys."
"Jensen," he says, extending his hand. "And you met Mike. I'm hoping he gets kicked off first."
"Hey!" Mike protests, shoving him. "Screw you, I'm going to find someone who appreciates my genius."
"That could take a while," mutters Jensen, looking down at the floor, but he darts his eyes up to smile at Jared.
Jared's stomach does things he would deny in a court of law.
Mike just gives them the finger as they walk away, and Jensen looks up at Jared, still smiling. "Think I should be trying to play nice?"
"Nah," Jared replies, waving his hand. "We're rivals, now, you know."
"Oh right. Gotta keep you from winning that woman's love."
It belatedly occurs to Jared that this is perhaps the worst time ever to try to pick up another guy, given that the entire point of this show is to make them fight over a girl. Jensen is both straight and desperate, and while he seems like a normal, hot guy, he's also on The Bachelorette. So Jared is torn.
He also hasn't said anything for a while, and Jensen is kind of looking at him funny. "You okay?" he asks.
"Oh, yeah!" says Jared brightly. "Sorry, just, uh, wondering if you met her yet."
"Nah. We all have to meet her together. Get the full reality experience."
Jared snorts, which makes Jensen grin.
"You sound thrilled," Jensen comments. Jared glances around, making sure, belatedly, that no cameras are around. Jensen shakes his head. "Don't worry, dude, I think they followed Mike."
"I bet they could smell the drama on him," says Jared.
"I bet. So, not a fan of the reality?"
"My friend got me drunk and made me apply," he admits.
Jensen laughs. "Good friends you got there."
"You have no idea."
*
Jared's sitting next to Jensen when the bachelorette comes out. He knows he should be paying attention to her, but all he can really think about is the heat he can feel from Jensen's arm next to his. Which is honestly really stupid.
Jared hasn't fallen for anyone in a while. There was Sandy, and then there was Chad making fun of him for being a loser, and now there is, apparently, Jensen, the wonder bachelor. Who is sitting next to him, waiting for the girl they're supposed to fight over.
Her name, Jared knows, is Allison Mack. He's seen her picture, and she's cute and blonde.
"Nervous?" asks Jensen, with a smirk that Jared can already tell means Jensen thinks this whole thing is stupid.
"It's just like prom all over again."
"So your prom was you hanging out with twenty-five dudes, hoping your date decided to go with you?"
"Shut up," says Jared, shoving him. Jensen laughs, and Jared is weirdly aware of the cameras on them, knowing they're being watched. He wonders if his dorky flirting will make the final cut. Probably not, given he's supposed to be dorkily flirting with Allison.
"Miss Mack saw you all come in," says John Glover, who's some kind of producer. "Now, we're giving you an opportunity to see her."
Jared looks around the room. There are a lot of guys there, fairly good-looking ones who seem into it, sizing up the competition. And then there's Jared and Jensen, making fun of themselves in the corner. Jared doesn't mind, really.
Allison comes in, and she's pretty, and a little nervous. Jared instantly likes her better than the bachelorette he saw on the season he watched, but she's still, well. Jensen's arm is draped over the couch, near Jared's shoulder, and Jared's way more interested in that.
"Hey, guys," she says with a little wave. "My name's Allison, and I guess we're going to be getting to know each other, huh?"
There's an awkward chorus of "Hi, Allison," and she laughs a little.
"Call me Allie, guys. We're supposed to do two-on-one meetings to start with. No pressure, just a little chat. And then I have some flowers to give out, I think? Give me a break, I'm new at this."
"You're doing great!" Jared calls, because she really seems like a sweet girl, and she just seems so nervous.
She laughs and blushes, and Jensen shakes his head. "I'm pretty sure he's trying to help."
"Well, since you two are so friendly," says Allie, smiling, "you can come first."
Jared heaves a sigh. "I have to go in with this loser?"
"Dude, that's my line," Jensen protests.
Allie shakes her head. "Boys."
*
"So," she says, "I know you're Jared and you're Jensen, and you're both from Texas."
Jared blinks. "We are? Where are you from?"
"Dallas," says Jensen. "What about you?"
"San Antonio. Man, I bet you like the fucking Mavs."
"Yeah, because I like winning," Jensen shoots back. Then he clears his throat, a little awkwardly. "Where are you from, Allie?"
"I was actually born in Germany," she admits, "but we moved back to California when I was pretty young."
"Seriously, Germany?" asks Jared. "That's awesome. Are your parents from there?"
"My dad was performing. He's an opera singer."
"My dad's kind of an actor," Jensen says. "That can be tough."
"How can you be kind of an actor?" asks Jared.
"He's pretty much retired," Jensen explains. "Stays at home these days."
There's a knock at the door, and Allie looks over. "Believe it or not, that's all we get. But I'll talk to you guys later, okay?"
"Yeah," says Jensen, with a smile and a voice that's all Texas charm--Jared should have noticed sooner. "Great to meet you."
Jared swallows past a lump in his throat and agrees, a little awkwardly. He's being stupid on levels he can't even really fathom. It's pathetic.
"Dude," says Jensen, as they get out and some guys he doesn't know go in, "seriously. The Spurs?"
Jared grins, shoves Jensen again. "Fuck you."
*
Jared's not shocked he and Jensen both stay in the running, but he's a little shocked when both of them get first-impression roses, along with some burly guy named Tom. A first-impression rose apparently lets them stay at the house with Allie, which Jared thinks is cool. He's a big guy, he likes the room that the beds in the house offer.
He does feel a little bad about Allie, though. Giving Jensen a first-impression rose, that's fine--Jensen's probably really interested in her. But Jared isn't, and he isn't sure how long he should fake it.
The longer he fakes it, the more time he gets with Jensen. So if Jensen gets kicked off, he's going to do his best to follow. And if Jensen doesn't, then...okay, here, Jared's plan gets tripped up, because the longer Jensen stays, the better he's doing and the more he likes Allie, and Jared doesn't want that to happen either.
"Fuck," he mutters, leaning his head against the back of the deck chair he's relaxing in. It's getting dark out, a pretty night, and Jared knows he's supposed to be taking advantage of this chance to get to know Allie. Instead, he just wants to be alone and sulk about his gayness. Bisexuality. Whatever.
"They're gonna bleep that out," says Jensen, and Jared startles into awareness so hard he falls out of the chair and onto his ass.
Jensen, of course, laughs.
"Bleep you," says Jared, giving him the finger. "Scared the shit out of me."
"No cameras, don't worry," Jensen says with a grin. "They're watching Tom and Allie. So no one knows you're a total spaz but me."
"Gee, that's reassuring," says Jared, but Jensen's offering him a hand up, warm and solid, so he's not really that angry right now.
"Aren't you supposed to be charming the girl?" asks Jensen, sitting down in the next chair as Jared reseats himself.
Jared ducks his head. "Aren't you?"
"Turns out I'm camera-shy," says Jensen, shaking his head. "This might not be the career for me."
"What do you do?" asks Jared.
"Physical therapist," says Jensen. "You?"
"Vet technician. Until my acting picks up."
"Actor, huh. So you're in California?"
"L.A."
"I'm in San Diego."
Jared grins so hard his face hurts. "So we're practically neighbors."
"Pretty much." Jensen stretches, and Jared pretends he's not watching the way his muscles move and the peeks of skin that show up. "How's acting treat you?"
"Not that well," says Jared, with a rueful smile. "I'm waiting for my big break."
"Here it is," says Jensen, gesturing expansively.
"That's what my sister seems to think."
"My sister thinks I should never have given up modeling, so sisters definitely aren't always right."
Jared snorts. "Of course you modeled."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Jared grins a shit-eating grin. "You're just so pretty."
Jensen laughs, and Jared laughs too, and it's a pretty awesome moment until a cameraman clears his throat.
"Hey, guys? You're supposed to go hang out with Allison."
Jared feels sheepishness creep over his face, and when he looks at Jensen, he's got the same expression.
"Sorry," says Jared quickly. "We're coming."
"Just getting some air," Jensen adds, and the camera guy nods and wanders off. "Dude," Jensen hisses, all fake anger, "you got us in trouble."
"Hey, I was minding my own business, you stalker."
Jensen shakes his head. "Bad influence, man."
If Jared walks closer to Jensen than necessary when they're going back in to the house, Jensen doesn't mention it, which is good enough for Jared.
*
Jared doesn't think anyone notices anything's up, but a few days later, Mike flops down next to him on the sofa and says, "Where's your boyfriend?"
Jared stiffens. "Huh?"
"Dude, come on. You spend about a billion more hours a day with Jensen than you do with Allie."
"Yeah, that's cuz there's no competition for spending time with Jensen," says Jared with a snort.
"Hey, fuck you," says Jensen jovially, sitting down on Jared's other side. "I'm hot property, bitch."
"You guys are in the house with her and everyone thinks you're using the extra space to sleep together," says Mike, and Jared really wishes he wasn't saying this in front of Jensen. Because maybe Jensen hasn't noticed that Jared's totally and completely in to him.
It's not like they've been doing anything. They just kind of gravitate towards each other in a room, instead of towards Allie. When everyone's together, they're always next to each other, joking around. When they have free time, they're hanging out. It's just friendly stuff, and it's mostly here because no one is here to make friends; they're here to woo Allie. And Jared, admittedly, has something of a massive crush on Jensen. Which he thinks is fair--Jensen is hot and funny and great to hang out with, and Jared's clicking with him like he's never really clicked with anyone before, like he didn't know was possible.
But he's still hoping Jensen hasn't noticed, because Jensen is here to win Allie's love. And Jared is here...Jared's here because he wants to keep hanging out with Jensen.
"Dude, we've got extra space," says Jensen with a grin. "Like I'd give up my own bed to share with Sasquatch here."
"Aww, I bet you'd love to cuddle," Jared replies, giving him a noogie.
"See," says Mike, "it's gay shit like this that makes people think you're fucking."
"You're just jealous of our love," says Jared with a sigh.
"I'm worried," says Mike. "You really think the producers are interested in your big gay love story? How bad would it look if two of the bachelors dumped the star of the show to hook up with each other?"
Jensen snorts. "Dude, conspiracy theorist much?"
"I'm just saying," says Mike. "Watch out."
"We're just friends, moron," says Jared. "It's not like there are rules against hanging out."
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he says, waving his hand and going off to find Tom and Aldis on the other side of the pool.
"I think he means well," says Jensen thoughtfully.
"Yeah, whatever. I think we should throw him in the pool."
"Deal."
*
Jared pretty much forgets about Mike's concerns because he gets caught up in the first group date.
"I hope we're going to the moon," says Jensen.
"I hope we're going to your mom's vagina," says Justin.
"Dude," says Jared. "Allie wouldn't have fun in Jensen's mom's vagina."
"Yeah she would," says Jensen. "I think there's a bouncy castle in there."
Justin pouts, presumably because his awesomely clever retort didn't piss Jensen off. It's Jared, Jensen, Justin, Dave, Milo, and James 2 going on this group date--Jared personally thinks they should have ditched Dave and Milo and brought James 1 so it could be a J deathmatch, but apparently the producers haven't yet achieved Jared's level of brilliance.
"Think we can duel to the death?"
"Dude, we're just losing three guys this week," says Jensen.
"There are six of us. Team battle to the death."
"I don't want you on my team, freak," says Milo. Jared has found no evidence that Milo isn't a total dick, so he's okay with this.
"I don't think dying is in our contracts," says James 2.
"I think I would've noticed," Dave agrees.
"They're sneaky," says Jensen.
"Totally sneaky," Jared agrees.
"I'm going to shoot one of you in the face," says Milo.
Jared could totally get him first.
*
It turns out they actually go to an amusement park, and Jared goes on the Ferris wheel with Allie, and then on the teacups, merry-go-round, and terror coaster with Jensen. He gives the unicorn he wins to Jensen and the pimp-hat to Allie, and eats so much cotton candy he thinks he might explode.
"Someday your metabolism is going to fail and you're going to become spherical," says Jensen, poking Jared in the stomach. He's got the unicorn riding on his shoulder.
"But you'll still be my friend, right?"
"If I have to, I guess," he says, sighing. " You'll need someone to roll you around. And I don't want to get called out for discriminating."
"Yeah, jerk," agrees Jared happily. There's a camera around somewhere, but they mostly care about Allie, so it feels a lot like a regular date, just him and Jensen, hanging out.
The thought makes him feel a little guilty, honestly. Allie is an awesome girl, and she's been busy, sure--the other guys were working hard, and Jared has mostly swept in to save her from James 2 when she started looking scared--but he knows he's supposed to be putting effort in.
And Jensen isn't either, that's the awesome, scary part. Jensen hung out with Allie a little, but he spends the rest of the time with Jared, apparently happily and willingly. They barely mention Allie when they're together; she's supposed to be their whole focus, from what Jared can tell, and mostly she's just a cool girl who shows up sometimes.
Jared sighs.
"Dude, cheer up," says Jensen, looking over at him. "We're at a carnival. Want the unicorn?"
"That's your unicorn. I couldn't take him."
"I can't figure out if I should name him Corny or Horny," says Jensen thoughtfully. "Either way, he's named after you."
Jared laughs. "You are so guessing on both of those."
Jensen just smirks. "I'm pretty sure about it."
Jared shakes his head, wants to say something more, but the cameras reassert themselves, and they're being told to go home.
Jensen jostles his shoulder as they walk, and Jared swallows hard.
He feels shitty and like he's flying all at once.
*
"I warned you," says Mike, when Jared is sulking halfway through the third week.
It's been weird. Ever since the group date, they've been pretty clearly separating Jared and Jensen. Whenever they're both around, there seem to be cameras everywhere, so even when they talk, it's kind of weird. They've been on no group dates together, they've had meals scheduled at different times, and when Jared is free, Jensen has interviews...yeah, there's been effort.
"This is so stupid," says Jared.
"I think this means you win. You're supposed to come on this show and fall in love."
"With the girl."
"There's a lot more competition for the girl," says Mike. "I think you made the right choice."
"Yeah, falling for the straight guy. Real smart."
"Jared--"
"Sorry, pity party. God, I should tell him, tell her, and get the hell off this show. Fucking stupid crush."
"Sounds like a good plan," says Mike.
Jared blinks. "Really?"
"Yeah. Seriously, I don't want the competition."
Jared shakes his head. "Thanks, man."
"Whatever," says Mike, waving his hand. Jared suspects that somewhere, deep inside Mike, there might be a good human being.
*
Of course, talking to Jensen isn't easy, what with the way they're being kept apart. It's been a few weeks since they've gotten any private time at all, and Jared's pissed off.
"Do you think I'm a bad influence or something?" asks Jared, eying the camera warily. The camera guy, Mark, shrugs.
"You're gigantic," Jensen points out. "Maybe they think you're going to try to kill the competition."
"We're just doing our jobs, guys," says Mark. "You know you're on a TV show, right?"
"Do you stalk Aldis?"
"All the damn time," says Aldis lightly.
"Hey, guys," says Aaron. "We've got mail." There are nine of them left, and they all crowd around while Aaron reads the message. "Group date. Everyone's going."
"Everyone?" asks Jared, because everyone on a group date? No way he can't get a minute alone with Jensen.
The thing is, Jensen really is camera-shy. He still jokes around with Jared, but whenever the camera's on, there's a tension in his shoulders that doesn't let up, and it's not the way to have a real conversation. Not that joking around isn't awesome, but Jared really wants.
He hates the cameras.
So with ten people, he figures he won't have much trouble dragging Jensen off and asking him out. Really, it's simple. Easy.
Jared swallows, and Jensen smirks.
"Nervous you won't get picked?"
"Shut up."
*
"Dude," says Jensen, finding him on the deck of the boat they're hanging out on for the group date, "you gotta work on your anti-social tendencies."
Jared smiles. "Like you can talk."
Jensen crosses the deck, leans against the railing with Jared.
"So why aren't you in there with Allie?" asks Jared. He tells himself it's an opening for a confession, instead of a nervous question to avoid the subject.
"Everyone's in there with Allie. Except you. Like I could get a word in if I tried."
Jared smiles again, looks down at the water. "Why are you here?"
"Here on the deck? I just told you."
"No, I mean...here, on the show. Why'd you come?"
Jensen ducks his head. "Because I'm shy."
Jared laughs.
"Shut up, douchebag. I'm shy, and my mom was worried about me meeting people, so she thought this would be, I dunno, good for me."
"Mama's boy," says Jared fondly.
"I'm okay with that," says Jensen, but something in his voice is weird, and when Jared looks up from the ocean, he sees Jensen watching him and his breath catches.
He's nervous as fuck, but he wants--he wants to kiss Jensen, wants to tell him...
It's a flash of insight, a sudden moment of clarity: he's completely head-over-heels in love.
"Fuck," he mutters, and Jensen blinks.
"What's up?"
"Listen, Jensen, I--"
"Jen," says a soft voice, and Jared and Jensen both whip their heads around to see Christian Kane. Jared doesn't like Christian, mostly because he and Jensen are clearly friends too, and Jared is kind of jealous. "Cameras are on their way--we're all coming out here."
Jensen nods, smiles. "Thanks, Chris."
Jared runs his hands through his hair. "I miss you, man," is what he finally gets out, not a confession, and it probably doesn't make sense.
"Yeah," Jensen agrees, though. "Me too."
The cameras come out first, and Jared pretends he was going to throw Jensen overboard. It's not that convincing, but he has to do something with his hands to keep the shaking down.
*
It's one thing to stay on the show while he's got a crush on another contestant. But being in love? Jared absolutely isn't that guy. He's not willing to pretend to Allie that he wants her, even a little. It wasn't like he'd been putting a lot of effort into it before, but now? It's wrong, and he feels like shit, so he's got to do something about it.
"What's up, Jared?" asks Allie, cutting to the chase at their meeting. Jared's hyper-aware of the cameras, but there are always cameras on Allie; he just has to do this anyway.. "You never ask for one-on-one time."
"I know," says Jared, raking his hand through his hair. "It's just--listen. You're an awesome girl. And I really mean that. You're sweet and funny and kind of a badass, and any guy would be really, really lucky to have you. And it really doesn't feel right, me being here, making you think that I'm...I'm not going to fall in love with you, because I'm in love with someone else."
Allie smiles. She doesn't look entirely surprised. "Does his name start with J and rhyme with...nothing that's a real word?"
Jared looks down, knowing he's blushing. "God, am I really that obvious?"
"A little bit. I think it's cute."
"So, seriously, don't give me a rose. There are a lot of other guys out there who want them, and who are gonna be better for you."
"What about Jensen?" she asks.
"I'm gonna tell him," Jared says. "Before I go. So...I guess if he sticks around, he's still interested. And if he's still interested? Go for it."
Allie smiles. "You're a pretty awesome guy yourself, you know that?"
He grins, kisses her on the cheek, wishes they could have done all this without a camera, but glad she was willing to do it anyway. "Give me a call sometime, okay? We should hang out."
"If I have a wedding," she says, "you're coming to it."
"Count on it," Jared agrees, and waves as he goes.
Now all he has to do is find Jensen.
*
The nice thing about the camera being on when he talked to Allie is that it means he's already pretty much come out on film, which makes it way easier to think about doing it again. He doesn't really care who's there or how many of them, because Allie's were the only feelings he really cared about hurting.
Jensen's feelings are another concern, but that's kind of unavoidable.
"Mike, have you seen Jensen?" he asks as soon as he gets out. He's got another day before the rose ceremony--it's plenty of time.
"He's doing interviews," says Chris.
"Awesome," says Jared, flashing a grin and running off to hang around the interview rooms like a creepy stalker. He's bizarrely okay with this.
John Glover finds him on the way. "Jared!"
"What do you want?"
"As soon as the interview room is free, I need to get your take on the group date last night."
"I don't think you're going to like it," says Jared.
John Glover gives him a tight smile. "I'm sure it will be fascinating."
Jensen passes as they're walking, and Jared makes a grab for his sleeve. "Hey--"
"Sorry, man, I gotta do some shit," says Jensen with an apologetic smile. "I'll catch you later."
John Glover smiles kindly at Jared. "Have a good interview."
"I'm going to punch you," says Jared, not really meaning it.
"You wouldn't. I don't think you want to get sued," says John Glover simply.
Jared has to admit, he doesn't want to get sued.
*
By the time he's done with interviews, Jensen has been taken for a one-on-one overnight date with Allie, which everyone else is jealous of, and which Jared is ninety percent sure is his fault. He thinks it should probably be a good sign that they're bothering to try and keep him and Jensen apart at all, but mostly he's stressing out. If he doesn't talk to Jensen before the rose ceremony, then Allie's going to think Jensen turned him down.
"I'm going to punch John Glover in the face," Jared mutters.
"I wouldn't," says Adam. "His face looks pretty solid. And kind of pointy."
"Thanks, Adam," says Jared.
"Did she tell you you're going home? You're acting weird."
"Something like that," Jared admits, and he's surprised when Chris pats his shoulder consolingly.
"You're kind of retarded, son," Chris adds, and Jared half-heartedly flips him off.
The world sucks.
*
Jared is honestly on the verge of throwing himself across the room and kissing Jensen in the middle of the rose ceremony, except that when Allie gives him the rose, Jensen grins and kisses her on the cheek and thanks her, looking happy, and all of Jared's courage flags. Because he's in front of a billion people, and what's he supposed to say?
Jensen looks both shocked and upset when Jared doesn't get picked to go on, though, and as he's packing his stuff up after, he's shocked by Jensen pulling him roughly into a hug.
"Give me a call, you asshole," Jensen says, and Jared almost kisses him, except he sucks too much.
Instead, he looks down at the piece of paper Jensen gave him, the neat phone number and address, and nods. "Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, man."
Jensen claps him on the shoulder, and Jared kind of wants to die.
He doesn't, though. He walks off to the cab with Chris and Dave and doesn't look back.
*
He calls his sister as soon as his plane lands in L.A.
"You got kicked off," she crows. "Are you supposed to tell me that? Spoiler warning, JT!"
"I'm an idiot, Meg," he says.
"Yeah," she agrees without hesitation. "What did you do?"
"The usual. Fell in love with one of the other guys on the show."
He can hear he doubling over laughing. "Only you, JT. Only you."
He gets a follow-up e-mail the next day from some P.A., reminding him he isn't allowed to talk about the show until his part on it is over, and asking him to refrain from contacting anyone else on the show until airing has completed. There's a note about his contract in there, and Jared wonders if he got the special "So you're gay for your co-competitor" edition of the e-mail. He sighs. The show starts airing in three months, and two months after that, it'll be over. Assuming Jensen doesn't win, he can call him then, ask Jensen out on a date, something.
Five months isn't that long, he tells himself. He can deal.
*
"Your show starts tonight, doesn't it?" asks his boss on Monday morning. "We're all looking forward to seeing you."
Jared ducks his head and grins. "It's really not a big deal."
"It's a huge deal!" Kristen, the receptionist, objects. "You're on TV."
"I've been on TV before."
"Not as you."
"Well, I hope y'all enjoy it. I'm not sure I can watch," Jared says, sighing. "It's gonna be weird."
He doesn't explain that it's going to be weird because the guy he's in love with, who he hasn't talked to for months, is going to be on there, and Jared will possibly try to hump his TV. He's that sexually frustrated.
He's also nervous, which is more weird. The thing is, he knows the editing on these isn't subtle. He thinks it'll be clear pretty early if Jensen's going to go far, and he's terrified of the prospect. It's Jensen. And Jared gave Allie his blessing. If she went for it, he wouldn't blame her. Hell, he'd cheer her on. Allie is an awesome girl, deserves every happiness, and Jared wouldn't want his stupid crush getting in the way if Jensen doesn't feel the same.
All the same, if Jensen and Allie get married, he's going to cry.
He's thinking about that when he settles down in front of the TV that night, with his sister on the phone, ready to mock him.
"So which one is it?" she asks. "Are you gonna tell me first? Holy shit, JT, what happened to your hair?"
"I was on a plane!"
"You're such a loser," she says, and he's going to reply, really, he is, but then there's Jensen on his screen, making fun of him as they first meet Allie. "Wow," Meg breathes. "You sure can pick 'em, JT."
"Yeah," agrees Jared, watching Jensen's gorgeous smile and gorgeous eyes and the way he laughs. It's everything Jared has been missing for fucking months, and he wants to pick up the phone and call now, make fun of Jensen for acting like a dweeb during his interview, say anything.
"You've got it really bad, don't you?" asks Megan softly.
"Yeah. The worst."
He hears her sigh. "He's getting a lot of screen time."
"I know," Jared says. He's so fucked.
*
It's bizarre, watching himself once a week, going in to work and hearing Kristen's commentary on what he should have done differently to win Allie's love, hearing her occasional commentary on Jensen (pretty, but kind of awkward, she mostly seems to think), and analyzing everything ridiculously.
"Honestly, I think he likes you," says Megan. "He'd have to, to not kick your over-affectionate ass."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asks Jared.
"JT, you're practically humping his leg."
"Well he's really hot," Jared mutters.
"You gave him a unicorn."
"Shut up. I was confused."
"He's still getting a pretty heavy edit."
"Yeah," Jared agrees. "I know."
He's shocked when his own dismissal comes up--he hadn't expected to see himself earnestly talking to Allie, telling her there's someone else he's in love with. They don't go on with details, but even that much is bizarre--they've edited most of him out, and keeping his awkward confession is something he doesn't get.
"What did you mean?" Kristen asks the next day.
"When?"
"Since when are you in love?"
Jared ducks his head. "It didn't work out. Just...it's nothing."
She keeps looking at him strangely, and he keeps not saying anything.
"You're a weird one, Jared," she finally says.
"Yeah, I know."
*
"It's getting pretty serious now," says Jensen in his interview at the beginning of the next episode. He looks tense and uncomfortable, pissed off, weirdly confused. Jared really wants to touch him. "I mean, everyone who's left--we're really invested in this."
Jared turns off the TV.
*
"He's in the final two," says Megan when she calls him after the second-to-last show. "Him and Aldis."
"Aldis?" asks Jared. He likes Aldis, but he never really got much of an impression of him with Allie. He knows Allie liked Jensen, but Aldis is kind of an unknown for him. It's not exactly reassuring.
"She seems to really like him."
"And Jensen?"
"Yeah," Meg agrees quietly. "And Jensen. Are you gonna watch next week?"
Jared sighs. "I told Allie I'd go to her wedding. I guess I should find out who she's marrying, right?"
"He really liked you too, you know," says Meg. "I mean, there wasn't a lot of you two together, but...he seemed way happier and more comfortable with you than he did with Allie. And she's gotta know that."
"You're the best sister ever," says Jared. "Seriously, who else would put up with my ridiculous crush on a guy I met on a reality show?"
"You were going there to meet people," says Meg. "You were supposed to fall in love."
"That's what Mike said," says Jared. "Please never say what Mike said again."
"Mike was kind of cute," Megan replies thoughtfully. "Think you could get me his number?"
Jared chokes a little. "No!"
"Come on, JT! I'm lonely! You don't want me to sign up to be the next bachelorette, do you?"
"I hate you so much."
"Watch next week," says Megan. "Promise me."
"Fine," Jared grumbles. "But just the end. Call me when the proposing starts."
He doesn't want to see Jensen's home, Jensen's family, all these things that make up Jensen's life. Not if they're just going to go to Allie.
He's getting smart kind of late. He should have just gotten himself kicked off the first week and forgotten about it. The whole idea was stupid.
Allie's cute and beautiful and wonderful, and Jared wishes her all the best things in the world, but he can't quite handle this shit.
*
"He didn't ask her dad for permission," says Megan. "But he did pick out a ring."
"That's encouraging."
"Aldis is going first. So you at least get to find out if she says yes to him."
"Great," says Jared, but it does make him feel better, so he turns on the TV. "If she says no, I'm stopping watching."
"JT..."
"I'll read spoilers online! I just...seriously, Meg."
"Yeah, I guess I get it. Shut up, I want to hear."
Aldis is doing some kind of voiceover about how much he loves Allie, and it's pretty sweet. Aldis is kind of a quiet guy--funny, cool, but a little on the shy side, like Jensen. Allie apparently has a type. But Aldis sounds serious about her, and Jared starts getting his hopes up, a little. Maybe Jensen's in love with Allie, but if she says no, then Jared doesn't mind calling him up. Just as friends.
"Allie looks really beautiful," says Meg wistfully, and Jared snaps back to the screen. Allie's got a floral-print dress, something light and cheerful, and Megan's right, it suits her.
"Yeah," Jared agrees. "She's a great girl."
"Way less annoying than the last one."
Aldis hands the ring over without preamble. "Before," he says, looking bashful. "Uh...you said earlier it was stupid. That the bachelors get to propose every time. And you're right. I think you should get to pick if you ask me. You don't have to just say yes or no. If you don't want me, then don't propose, and that's fine. Well--not that I'm gonna be happy about it, but...you know what I mean, right?"
Allie is smiling and laughing a little, and Aldis looks embarrassed but happy. It's cute, Jared's surprised to realize. He kind of wishes he'd seen more of Aldis before. That's what he gets for spending four weeks stalking Jensen.
Allie turns the box over in her hands, smiling. "Should I get down on one knee?"
Jared feels the relief flood him just as he sees it on Aldis's face. "If you want to."
Allie laughs and does, Jared watches the way her dress gets dirty, kind of wants to whoop for joy. "So," says Allie, mock-serious, "want to make me the happiest man in the world?"
Aldis laughs. "Hell yes."
And then he pulls her up and kisses her, and Jared remembers how to breathe.
"Told you you should watch," he hears Meg say.
"Yeah," says Jared, picking up his forgotten cellphone. "You were right."
"So, your boyfriend's not engaged."
"He could be by now."
"Jared."
"Let's just...see how it finishes, okay?" says Jared, letting out a long breath. "Seriously, I feel like the world's biggest girl right now, but I don't want to get my hopes up."
"You should have just called him."
"They threatened to sue."
"I can't believe they care so much."
"Maybe they just don't want gay guys coming on and using it as a dating service."
"Assholes," says Meg, and Jared laughs. "It's coming back," she adds quietly.
Jared hasn't been watching for the last couple weeks, so he hasn't actually seen Jensen. He looks amazing in his suit, and Jared can't help staring. He hears Jensen's voiceover but doesn't actually take in the words; he's too busy staring. He's going to regret that in a minute.
For now, though, he's so happy to see Jensen he can hardly breathe for it.
Jensen gets out of the limo and kisses Allie on both cheeks.
"Your dress is dirty," he says with a grin.
"Shut up."
"So," says Jensen, looking down. "I'm not proposing to you."
Jared barely hears Meg's intake of breath on the phone.
"You aren't?" asks Allie. She doesn't sound upset. She still looks radiantly happy.
"Nah," says Jensen. "There's someone else."
Jared drops his phone, hears it clatter across the floor.
"Funny," says Allie. "That's what Jared said."
Jensen fucking smiles, like he's never heard anything better in his life, like everything is amazing and good in the world, and Jared can't stop staring.
Then Jensen clears his throat, blushes, looks away. "Uh. Huh. That's, uh. Yeah. Guess you're getting engaged to someone else, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, um, congratulations." Jensen grins again, looking nervous but relieved and happy, and Jared can hear Megan calling him back as his phone vibrates across the floor.
"Hey, Meg."
"Oh my god! Your boyfriend just confessed his love on national television!"
"Yeah," says Jared, grinning ear to ear. "I guess he did."
*
Jared doesn't always think things through, which is how he ends up driving to San Diego the next morning, because he wants to see Jensen.
He doesn't call first, because he's an idiot.
Jensen, naturally, isn't home, because not everyone has a boss who gives them the day off so they can drive to San Diego to stalk their possible reality-TV boyfriends.
Jared sighs, sits down on the stoop, and waits.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Jensen kicks him.
"Dude," says Jensen, looking so happy Jared almost can't handle it, "you're already enough like a giant puppy without falling asleep on my fucking doorstep."
"Uh," says Jared, sitting up and wishing he'd planned this instead of, apparently, passing out on Jensen's stairs. "Hi."
"Hi."
"So, um. I saw the show."
"I figured."
Jared awkwardly pulls himself to his feet. "Listen, I--"
Jensen gets his fist in Jared's t-shirt and pulls him down for a kiss. Jared makes a noise in the back of his throat he'll deny to the grave and tries to catalog everything about the kiss: the way Jensen's lips feel under his, the feel of Jensen's chest through his shirt where Jared is resting his hands, the way his tongue slides into Jared's mouth, soft and sure.
He wishes he had done this months ago, on the boat, at the carnival, the first day, because then he would have been able to do it more, longer. He could have been kissing Jensen for five months.
"They told us," Jensen says finally, "you were married."
It takes Jared's brain a while to come back enough to process that. "What?"
"Right after you left, they said you were married and they didn't want to make a big deal, so they got rid of you. I was, uh, kind of pissed."
Jared blinks. "Seriously?"
Jensen laughs, a little mirthlessly. "Tried really hard to get Allie to go for me for about a week before I figured the whole story stank. It's reality TV, they always want to make a big deal. They would've made it a fucking production. And what were you getting out of it? There's not a cash prize or anything. And I was pretty sure you weren't that kind of guy."
"I'm not," Jared agrees.
"You could have told me before you ran off," says Jensen, shoving him.
"Dude, I tried! Glover wouldn't let me."
"So what you're saying is you got cock-blocked by The Bachelorette."
"Shut up, so did you."
Jensen smirks. "So, what, you drove down here just to talk?"
"Not just talk," says Jared, leaning down to kiss him again.
Ten months later
"Congratulations," says Jared, leaning down to kiss Allie on the cheek. "It was a nice ceremony."
"Wish I could have done it without the cameras," she says, sighing.
"How'd you end up on that show? You really don't seem like the type."
"Neither do you," she says, smiling.
"I'm really happy for you, you know."
Allie glances over to where Jensen and Aldis are talking to Mike. "I'm pretty happy for you too. I'm glad you guys worked it out."
"Yeah."
"You know I wouldn't have said yes, don't you? Even if he'd asked, even if I didn't love Aldis."
Jared smiles, looks down. "I know."
"They wanted to reshoot it," she says quietly. "Bring Adam back, make him the second. I told them I wouldn't do it."
"Thanks," says Jared, in the same tone. "I really--you're amazing, you know that?"
"Flatterer," says Allie, grinning. "Your boyfriend's going to be jealous."
"So's your husband."
Allie blushes. "Still not used to that."
"It's your first day," says Jensen, coming over to drape his arm over Jared's shoulder. "You've got lots of time."
"Guess I do," she says, smiling brightly, and Jensen leans down to kiss her quickly.
"Congrats."
"So when are we going to you guys' wedding?" she asks.
"Please," says Jared, "like I'd marry this loser."
"I'm hurt."
"Crying on the inside?"
"Totally. Heartbreaker."
"You love me," says Jared, smirking. "You can't get enough of me."
Jensen sighs. "True."
"Under a year," says Allie, going off to find Aldis.
"I'm not proposing," says Jensen. "You're so the girl."
"Shut up," says Jared, kissing him.
Proposing wouldn't be that girly.
