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Aug. 15th, 2009 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
longsufferinglyI have some sort of ill-defined goals about the rate at which I produce Natalie fic. I don't want to pin them down, because then I will just fail to meet them. In any case, here are two short pieces, adult POVs, titles from The Mountain Goats.
Deanna knew her husband didn't love her. She thought maybe he had at the start, or he thought he did, and she did too, but it wasn't long before she realized he didn't, and she didn't either. But they both wanted to be married and have kids, and he wasn't bad. They had sex once a week or so, and he was careful about it. He was just such a nice guy, she didn't think she'd be able to do much better. And wasn't that sad--twenty-four and already settling. And then she got pregnant, and Jensen was so happy she thought they could pull it off. She'd been told a thousand times that a child couldn't save a marriage, but she didn't think theirs was broken yet. It was just on the brink.
Seven more years, seven years before he told her the truth.
And the bitch of it was, the thing that really hurt was that he was so goddamn honest, that he couldn't have known. Only she realized they were falling apart, and he hadn't put it together.
And as soon as he did, he told her, told her was gay, and that he couldn't do this to her.
She didn't react like she wishes she had.
She wishes she'd said, "I'm hurt, but I'm willing to talk."
She wishes she'd said, "I never should have married you."
She wishes she hadn't taken the children, because Kyle never learns to not miss his father, and Natty never stops asking about the presents that Jensen never stops sending.
She wishes she hadn't given up on him so soon, because then maybe he wouldn't be like this, and neither would she. None of them would be like this.
But if wishes were horses, as her mother says. It's for the best, she tells herself. They're better off without someone like that in their lives. They must be.
Luckily, Jared isn't working this week anyway; he's not in this episode. He has some reshoots on Wednesday, but Monday and Tuesday, he's free, and he spends the morning talking to his agent and his lawyer and his mama. Around lunch, he gets a call from Natalie's nurse who says she's feeling terrible, and Jared goes in and picks her up and assures her that she didn't do anything wrong and nothing bad is going to happen.
The article isn't actually that incriminating, and his agent thinks they could deny the whole gay thing, say he has a roommate who has kids, and go on a few dates with girls, but Jared's never been that guy with his sexuality. Granted, it hasn't exactly come up a lot, but he's never tried to hide who he is. Besides, he doesn't want to make Natalie a liar, or make her think she did anything wrong. Because she didn't.
He and Jensen don't really get to talk about it until late, after Jared felt the tension in Jensen's back and did his best to fuck it away.
"Seriously," Jensen says, after, when they're curled up together. "How bad is it?"
"I don't think they can touch me, contractually," says Jared. "A picture of us shopping together and Natalie telling two girls that I'm your boyfriend is so far from indiscreet that they're not even in the same zipcode. If it was a girlfriend, it wouldn't even blip the radar."
"But it's not," says Jensen. "And that matters to people."
"To people, yeah. But my lawyer thinks it shouldn't to my contract."
Jensen sighs and flops over. "I just--seriously, I wish this stuff worried you more."
"Well, I mean, it'd suck to lose the job," says Jared, "but there'll be other jobs."
"You say that every time."
"That's cuz every time I'd take you over a job no questions asked," says Jared. "And this time, I shouldn't even have to. They can't fire me for being gay."
"They can write you off for unrelated reasons. Claim it's got nothing to do with--"
Jared kisses him. "Then they fire me, and I wait tables again. I love you more than I love acting. No big deal."
"It's a big deal to me. And it's a big deal to Natalie. Man, Jared, how's she gonna feel if you lose your job because of what she said?"
"Shit," says Jared, turning over too, so he and Jensen are on their backs, next to each other on the bed. "I didn't think of that."
"Yeah," says Jensen. "So just--I'm not saying you should deny it. But don't plan your giant public coming out yet, okay? Talk to them. Test the water."
"Okay. Yeah, I can do that."
"So, one more time," says Jensen. "How bad is it?"
Jared puts his arm over his eyes, lets out a long breath. "I have no idea."
"That's what I thought," says Jensen, and Jared feels lips on his shoulder.
"It's worth it," says Jared. "Will she be okay if I tell her it's worth it?"
"I don't know," says Jensen.
"That's what I thought."
Deanna knew her husband didn't love her. She thought maybe he had at the start, or he thought he did, and she did too, but it wasn't long before she realized he didn't, and she didn't either. But they both wanted to be married and have kids, and he wasn't bad. They had sex once a week or so, and he was careful about it. He was just such a nice guy, she didn't think she'd be able to do much better. And wasn't that sad--twenty-four and already settling. And then she got pregnant, and Jensen was so happy she thought they could pull it off. She'd been told a thousand times that a child couldn't save a marriage, but she didn't think theirs was broken yet. It was just on the brink.
Seven more years, seven years before he told her the truth.
And the bitch of it was, the thing that really hurt was that he was so goddamn honest, that he couldn't have known. Only she realized they were falling apart, and he hadn't put it together.
And as soon as he did, he told her, told her was gay, and that he couldn't do this to her.
She didn't react like she wishes she had.
She wishes she'd said, "I'm hurt, but I'm willing to talk."
She wishes she'd said, "I never should have married you."
She wishes she hadn't taken the children, because Kyle never learns to not miss his father, and Natty never stops asking about the presents that Jensen never stops sending.
She wishes she hadn't given up on him so soon, because then maybe he wouldn't be like this, and neither would she. None of them would be like this.
But if wishes were horses, as her mother says. It's for the best, she tells herself. They're better off without someone like that in their lives. They must be.
Luckily, Jared isn't working this week anyway; he's not in this episode. He has some reshoots on Wednesday, but Monday and Tuesday, he's free, and he spends the morning talking to his agent and his lawyer and his mama. Around lunch, he gets a call from Natalie's nurse who says she's feeling terrible, and Jared goes in and picks her up and assures her that she didn't do anything wrong and nothing bad is going to happen.
The article isn't actually that incriminating, and his agent thinks they could deny the whole gay thing, say he has a roommate who has kids, and go on a few dates with girls, but Jared's never been that guy with his sexuality. Granted, it hasn't exactly come up a lot, but he's never tried to hide who he is. Besides, he doesn't want to make Natalie a liar, or make her think she did anything wrong. Because she didn't.
He and Jensen don't really get to talk about it until late, after Jared felt the tension in Jensen's back and did his best to fuck it away.
"Seriously," Jensen says, after, when they're curled up together. "How bad is it?"
"I don't think they can touch me, contractually," says Jared. "A picture of us shopping together and Natalie telling two girls that I'm your boyfriend is so far from indiscreet that they're not even in the same zipcode. If it was a girlfriend, it wouldn't even blip the radar."
"But it's not," says Jensen. "And that matters to people."
"To people, yeah. But my lawyer thinks it shouldn't to my contract."
Jensen sighs and flops over. "I just--seriously, I wish this stuff worried you more."
"Well, I mean, it'd suck to lose the job," says Jared, "but there'll be other jobs."
"You say that every time."
"That's cuz every time I'd take you over a job no questions asked," says Jared. "And this time, I shouldn't even have to. They can't fire me for being gay."
"They can write you off for unrelated reasons. Claim it's got nothing to do with--"
Jared kisses him. "Then they fire me, and I wait tables again. I love you more than I love acting. No big deal."
"It's a big deal to me. And it's a big deal to Natalie. Man, Jared, how's she gonna feel if you lose your job because of what she said?"
"Shit," says Jared, turning over too, so he and Jensen are on their backs, next to each other on the bed. "I didn't think of that."
"Yeah," says Jensen. "So just--I'm not saying you should deny it. But don't plan your giant public coming out yet, okay? Talk to them. Test the water."
"Okay. Yeah, I can do that."
"So, one more time," says Jensen. "How bad is it?"
Jared puts his arm over his eyes, lets out a long breath. "I have no idea."
"That's what I thought," says Jensen, and Jared feels lips on his shoulder.
"It's worth it," says Jared. "Will she be okay if I tell her it's worth it?"
"I don't know," says Jensen.
"That's what I thought."
