SIGH.

[longsufferingly]

Here's 1000 more words in the Natalie 'verse. fml.

It's Jensen/Jared, Jensen POV, taking place two weeks before the last fic.


Jensen hears about his ex-wife's death from lawyers.

He thinks how fucked up that is, how terrible, that no one else called him, not her mother, not his own. She must have known; they still all live in the same town. But no, it's the attorney dealing with her will who calls him and tells him that, despite what the judge ruled all those years ago, with Dee's death he's his children's father again.

He can't even comprehend it, the enormity of everything. Not only that Dee is dead, but that he's a father again, that he's--

He might be a single father.

He calls Jared immediately; he's doing a guest spot on CSI and he's on set, must be busy, but Jensen has to talk to him.

Jared picks up immediately, sounding cheerful and busy. "Hey, Jensen, what's--"

"Can you get home?"

Jared's voice changes instantly. "I can be there in an hour. Do you need anything?"

"Just--be there, okay?"

"Yeah," says Jared. "Absolutely."

*

Jensen never wanted to lose his kids. He'd been as enthusiastic as Dee about starting a family, and he loved Kyle and Natty more than anything. When he'd realized that he didn't love Dee, not like he was supposed to, he knew he had to do right by her, and be honest. He'd hoped that they would be able to work through it--he knew she'd be hurt, but he hadn't realized how much.

He thinks now that part of it was that he and Dee were never friends. They'd been in the same history class in college; his best friend had told him she seemed to like him, and he'd asked her out. Their courtship had been by the book, expected and easy in every sense of the word. At the time, he'd thought that meant it was right too.

Homosexuality had never come up, not in any way he allowed himself to examine. But after seven years of marriage, his attraction to his wife was gone, and he'd realized other women did nothing to excite him either. He hated it, but he'd been honest, and she'd kicked him out and gained full custody of the children.

In all honesty, the entire experience had left him more shaken than he would have liked. He'd moved to LA and gotten a good job at an advertising firm, but his social life had been pretty much dead.

And then, Jared happened.

Jared is pretty much everything Jensen had ever missed in his life. He was working as a waiter and trying to be an actor, and Jensen first met him on the job. He was a friendly kind of guy, and they chatted, and not two days later discovered they lived in the same building. The attraction had been there immediately, but Jensen hadn't known what to do with it, and if he was honest, he wasn't ready to do anything. A night of hard drinking had gotten him to confess his past, and Jared had been understanding and sweet. Jensen liked him.

They'd known each other for about a year when Jared had finally asked him out.

"Look," Jared said. "I don't--I didn't become friends with you just praying I'd get more, or anything, but the thing is, I really like you. A lot. And I'd really like it if we could maybe--go out sometime?" he laughed. "I mean, we go out all the time, I know, shut up, I'm bad at this. But a date. If you'd be interested."

Jensen laughed too. "Yeah. I'm definitely interested."

"Oh thank god," said Jared, grin breaking out over his face. "That was going to be awkward forever if you weren't."

And he loves Jared--god, he loves Jared--but he's never forgotten that he has another family, kids he loves and a wife he feels bad about.

And now they're his kids, and his wife is dead.

*

"I brought ice cream," says Jared. "In case you got fired, or--I dunno. I just thought it might help."

"My ex-wife died," says Jensen.

"Jesus," Jared says immediately, comes over and hugs Jensen hard, letting Jensen lean against him. "I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"Car crash," says Jensen. "She--her car crashed, yeah."

"Are the kids okay?" asks Jared. "Were they there?"

Jared's been helping him buy presents for Kyle and Natty for the last three years, ever since they moved in together. He knows better than anyone how much Jensen's children still mean to him.

"They're okay," says Jensen. He swallows. "They're mine."

"What?"

"I mean--I'm their dad, you know? I'm the person who--I get custody. If I want it."

"And you do," says Jared.

"God. Yeah, I do. You know I do. I just--I never wanted it like this."

"Hey," says Jared, kissing Jensen's temple. "Come on. I know you didn't. No one thinks you did. But taking them isn't saying you're glad Dee's dead. It's saying you're a good dad."

Jensen snorts. "I was a good dad. Six years ago. Now I'm--god. Now I don't even know them."

"Still a good dad," says Jared, and Jensen loves him so fucking much it kind of hurts.

"You don't have to--I'll understand if you want to get your own place, or--you don't have to," he says again. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

Jared looks at him evenly. "Yeah, no," says Jared. "There's no way I'm letting you do this by yourself. You'd have to kick me out."

Jensen laughs a little. "I'm not kicking you out. But--you probably shouldn't come to the funeral. Trust me, her parents hate me enough without--yeah."

"If you're sure," says Jared.

"Yeah. But--someone has to set up the kids' room. If you're, y'know, not too busy."

"Nah," says Jared. "Free as a bird."

"Natty's eight," says Jensen, and how did she get that old? How did that happen? The last time he saw her, she was three. She has a birthday coming up. "Kyle's twelve. They're gonna have to share, until we can get a bigger place. God, they'll hate that. They're too old to share, right? What if they don't get along? What--"

Jared kisses him, just a very brief press of lips, a shut up of a kiss.

"We'll deal. I promise. You're not alone here, Jensen."

"Yeah," Jensen says. "Thanks."

"Don't have to thank me," says Jared easily. "I love you, dumbass."

Jensen wishes he was so sure of everything.