Two things.

[longsufferingly]

Five Times Jensen Ackles Regretted Moving In With Jared Padalecki
~650 words, R

1.

"None of this stuff is food."

Jared glances over. "Huh?"

"Nothing in your fridge is food," says Jensen, throwing him a glare.

"I just went shopping."

"Yeah, and you bought..." Jensen squints. "Gogurt."

"It's yogurt without a spoon!"

"Right," says Jensen. "Toaster Strudel?"

"Strudel is German," says Jared. "That means it's classy."

"Eggo's."

"Yep."

"Lucky Charms, Oreos..."

"Dude, throw me the Oreos."

Jensen does. He manages to hit Jared in the forehead, just as planned.

Jared gives him the finger.

"Do you have anything that's a fruit?" asks Jensen, sighing. "Before you ask, Gogurt and Toaster Strudel don't count."

"Fruit, huh?" says Jared, chewing an Oreo thoughtfully. He breaks out into an enormous grin. "I've got you."

"I fucking hate you, man."


2.

"One person is not a dance party," says Jensen. He's reading. Really, he is. He's not looking at Jared. Jared does not actually exist. Jared is a figment of his imagination.

"That's why you have to join!" says Jared. He's shaking his ass. In Jensen's direction. Jensen has had a lot of fantasies about that ass. This is none of them.

"I'm reading," he says.

Jared sashays over to the stereo and turns it up. And then he starts singing.

"If I dance, will you shut up?" he asks.

Jared grins.

Jensen sticks both of his pointer fingers up, raises his arms and twirls them around a little.

"Jensen," says Jared, pouting.

"I'm white," says Jensen. "What do you want from me?"

Jared pulls him up and twirls him. "Dance party!"

Jared is holding his hand, and Jensen can feel his heartbeat in his throat. "Don't manhandle me," he says, gruffly. Then, "I lost my place."

Jared grins. "You're no fun."


3.

Jared is generally a quiet, considerate guy.

The guy he's sleeping with isn't, though.

"God, yes, harder, harder, fuck, yes, Jared!"

Jensen pulls his pillow over his ears as hard as he can (harder, harder) and wonders if he should move into a hotel.


4.

"Rock paper scissors?"

"It's your laundry," Jensen says.

"Fair is fair," says Jared.

"That doesn't mean anything. What's fair? You not doing your own damn laundry?"

"You spilled your coffee on my shirt," Jared points out.

"I had to do my own laundry that time your dog threw up on my jeans."

"That's cuz they're your dogs now too," says Jared. "You're their understudy daddy. In the event that something happens to me, you become their real daddy."

Jensen huffs out a sigh. "If I do your laundry, will you leave me alone?"

Jared beams.

"Fuck you," says Jensen, and hefts up the basket.


5.

Jensen's not a quiet considerate guy either. He's loud about sex, and jerking off is no different.

Which makes living with Jared kind of awkward. Because it's not like he can start screaming Jared's name when he's jerking off if Jared's just one floor above him.

So Jensen spends most nights biting his lip to near bleeding trying to keep his mouth shut. Tonight, though, tonight Jared's in LA, so Jensen is letting go, for once. He's on the couch, dick in his hand, picturing Jared's smirk yesterday morning when Jensen accidentally squirted Gogurt on his face.

Jensen will probably be able to come for years just thinking about the way Jared said, "You're a little messy."

He comes hard, with Jared's name on his lips, and when he opens his eyes, Jared is right fucking there, in the doorway, staring at Jensen with wide eyes and his bag over his shoulder.

"Yeah," says Jensen, feeling the heat rushing to his cheeks. "I really need to get a hotel."



Also, katiedanger wanted me to write a fic where Jared and Jensen were girls, and at boarding school. To do this properly, I would need more time than I have. So I half-assed it.

Plastic Stars
Girl!Jensen/Girl!Jared
400 words, R


"So, your parents were hippies, right?" asks Jen. She's got her head on Jared's stomach. Jared is telling herself it's perfectly normal. It is, really. There's nothing strange about sneaking out after curfew to lie in the grass with your roommate, her head on your stomach, you watching her smoke. You're staring at her lips because they're the only thing you can see in the light from the cigarette. No other reason.

"Why d'you say that?" asks Jared. She takes the cigarette from Jen's finger and takes a drag. "That's disgusting, by the way."

"Yet you keep trying it," Jen shoots back. "Why'd they name you Jared?"

Jared snorts. "They thought it would be unique."

"So they didn't want you to be a lesbian."

Jared takes another smoke so she has an excuse for coughing. "I'm not a lesbian."

"Are your parents disappointed?" asks Jen, smirking. She reclaims her cigarette; Jared feels heat as their fingers brush. "Between the name and the all girls' school, I'd say they're trying to tell you something."

"I can think of worse things," says Jared.

"Than your parents wanting you to be a lesbian? Yeah, me too."

"No," she continues, carefully. "Than being a lesbian."

"It's not so bad."

Jared swallows. "You are, right?"

She can only see Jen's smile because of the cigarette. She's got the most amazing lips Jared has ever seen. "I am, right."

"Uh," says Jared. "How'd you know?"

"I like girls," says Jen. "It's not rocket science."

"All girls?"

"Do you like all guys?"

"I'm--" Jared swallows. "Not in a while."

Jen hums around her cigarette. "You want to make out?"

"What?"

Jen stubs out her cigarette, sits up. "Christ, you're so obvious."

And then Jen is kissing her.

Jared will remember the next things in snatches--Jen's tongue against her lips, asking to be let in, Jen's hands slipping under her school blouse, under her bra, onto her breasts, Jen's fingers hiking up her skirt, her underwear, her own fear as she pulled down Jen's underwear and licked her until she was shaking. In the moment, she's overwhelmed, unable to think, unable to process.

Jen pulls her underwear back up and fastens her skirt, smirks.

"Your parents are going to be so proud."

"Jen..."

Jen kisses her again, quickly. She tastes like smoke.

"We need to get back."

Jared swallows. "Are we--"

Jen just smiles. "We better be."