(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

Title: Hoping For the Hot Flashes to Come
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: R
Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, references to MPreg.
Word Count: 1700.
Summary: Follow-up to A Cracked Engine Block. Jared struggles with the reality of not being an alpha for his omega.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.


From what Jared understands, being in heat when you have a mate is supposed to be awesome. He's heard about it, from both his alpha and omega friends, how amazing the connection is, how they're together for hours, how it feels so good.

So he knows, absolutely and for certain, that Jensen isn't getting everything he could be.

He glances over at his husband, watching as he feeds Anna, making goofy faces to make her laugh. He's getting close to heat, and Jared can smell it, but it doesn't set his blood racing like it's supposed to. It doesn't make him long to claim Jensen as his; it just makes him wish he could.

Anna is two, and Jensen's only had three heats since she was born. Jared hadn't known that omegas stopped going into heat for a while after the birth too; evolutionarily, parents being seized with the uncontrollable urge to mate and losing the desire to care for the kids is apparently not really useful. No one ever bothered teaching him that. He's a beta, it's not supposed to be relevant information.

The first time Jensen went into heat wasn't bad--he was really wet and desperate, and Jared got him off with his mouth, and then his cock, and then his mouth again, and by the end Jensen seemed to have calmed down, seemed sated and fucked out. But then he did some reading, and every person on the internet seemed to agree that betas, no matter how well intentioned, couldn't really satisfy omegas without a knot.

Jensen turns and smiles at him; he looks happy. He doesn't look like he's unsatisfied. "Hey, you're quiet."

Jared manages a smile back. "Yeah, just kind of tired. Sorry. I'm not looking forward to work today." It's not a lie; it's just not really all true.

Jensen laughs. "Poor you, having to go deal with kids who want to read and grow. My heart bleeds for you."

"Summer reading hour is the devil and I hate you. When are you going to come do a reading for us?"

"When I decide I no longer enjoy living," Jensen says cheerily. "There's a reason I use a pseudonym; I don't want to ever interact with my audience."

"I hate everything about you," Jared says, and leans in for a kiss before he leaves. Of course it's a lie, and Jensen knows it. Jared is crazy about him.

It just doesn't seem like enough, this time of the month.

*

He calls Danneel on his lunch break.

"What do you want, Padalecki?" she says. This is her standard greeting, and Jared kind of likes it. Alphas almost always call each other by last name, and it kind of flatters him that she's picked it up for him.

"I need your help," he admits.

"Are you finally getting a haircut?" Danneel asks. She sounds excited. "I have a lot of suggestions. Maybe also try to get a new face while you're at it. Some kind of horrible disfiguring accident with scissors might be an improvement."

"Ha ha," says Jared. "I'm serious."

"Okay," says Danneel, switching easily to serious. "What's up?"

Jared sighs. "Jensen's going into heat."

"And you want a babysitter?"

"No, we have one. I--look, I don't know how to--give him what he wants."

There's a long pause. "You give him what he wants every day, Padalecki," Danneel says, softly. "He loves you."

"I don't--I know he loves me," Jared says, helplessly. "I know there's more to life than sex. But for three days, all he really wants is sex, and I can't do it like--he needs." He sighs. "What do you do?"

Danneel's mate is a sweet omega named Sophia. Jared likes both of them, and doesn't even feel jealous that Danneel and Jensen once kind of dated, given they're both so clearly same-sex oriented. Danneel mostly treats him like he's the best thing to ever happen to Jensen. It makes him feel happy and embarrassed all at once.

"You want an in-depth description of my sex life?" Danneel asks, a little dubious. But he hears her clear her throat, and then she says, "Have you talked to Jensen?"

"Not yet," Jared says, guilty.

"I do a lot of things, Jared. None of them are the same as a knot. I can use my hands, I have strap-ons, and some of those are really good. It's not biologically ideal, okay? Even with an alpha and an omega. But she's happy and I'm happy. And it's just three days that she really needs it." She sighs. "I'll send you some links."

"Links?"

"For stuff you could try. Just don't open at the library, okay? Seriously NSFW."

"Thanks," says Jared. "Really."

"No problem. Good luck, Padalecki."

The e-mail shows up five minutes later, and the subject line is TALK TO JENSEN, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.

Jared can't even pretend it's a bad suggestion.

*

The thing is, Jensen is an omega, and he has certain expectations, even if he won't voice them. His body thinks his mate should take care of him. That's just how it is. Jensen doesn't like having much control in bed--he mouths off, but his favorite thing is when Jared pushes him down and just takes, and it makes Jared feel weird about the prospect of having a serious discussion about their sex life with him.

But, of course, when he gets in, Jensen says, "Danneel said I should make you talk to me about something," in his most I am not taking no for an answer, Jared voice.

"Where's Anna?" Jared asks.

"With your mom. If that was a subject change, it was the worst of all time."

"No," says Jared. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I--shit."

Jensen's face softens, and Jared can see concern there, and anxiety. Jensen's face always gets more open when he's in heat. Jared can read him like a book. "Jared, what is it?"

"I'm," says Jared. He clears his throat. "I'm worried about, uh, satisfying you. Sexually."

Jensen's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh my god. I have seen this infomercial. Next you're going to tell me you're growing hair in strange new places."

"I'm serious," Jared says. "Look, I know--you said you didn't care about knots. And it's not that I don't believe you, I just--" he sighs. "Your body and your brain want different things. Mine do too. It's okay."

Jensen pauses, just looking at him for a long minute. "You're worried about me going into heat," he says.

"I'm not--I can't--"

Jensen wraps his hand around the back of Jared's neck, pulls him down for a kiss. "Don't be an idiot, Jared," he says, softly, and Jared can't handle that. He pulls away.

"What?" he asks fiercely. "I'm an idiot for wanting to make you happy? For caring about satisfying you?"

"No," says Jensen. "But you are an idiot for thinking you don't. I don't want a knot."

"You could be--I know how it's supposed to be for omegas."

"I don't care if I'm not coming for hours or whatever," Jensen says.

"Jensen--"

"No," says Jensen, firmly. "You don't get to tell me what I want. You don't get to--decide what's best for me. You're not my alpha, and I don't want you to be."

Jared doesn't think it through; he's pushing Jensen up against the wall, trapping him and leering down. Jensen lets out a whimper, but he still looks pissed as anything.

"You sure about that?" he asks, low and hot.

"Fuck you," Jensen grits out.

"Like you want that," Jared says. "You're just waiting for the right guy to bend you over."

Jensen shoves him away, flushed with anger. "Don't you dare say that, Padalecki," he says. "Don't you--fuck."

He's gone before Jared's even realized how badly he fucked up.

*

Jensen doesn't pick up his phone for the next few hours, and Jared spends the whole time resisting the urge to bash his head on things. He leaves about twenty "I'm so sorry, I'm an asshole" messages, but none of them make him feel better. He makes dinner, Jensen's favorite, and hopes he'll be home to eat it.

At nine, he comes back.

"I'm so sorry," Jared says, instantly. "I'm an asshole."

Jensen's lips twitch. "So I heard. Ad nauseum."

"I really am sorry."

Jensen sighs. "Jared. You can stop saying you're sorry. I wouldn't mind if you told me why."

"Why?" Jared asks.

"Why you're sorry."

"Oh," says Jared. He sighs. "It was completely douchey of me to tell you I wasn't making you happy. Or satisfying you." He sighs. "I know you love me, and you want me. And it was stupid of me to tell you that it wasn't enough for you."

Jensen smiles. "Thanks for apologizing for the right thing," he says. He crosses the room so he can give Jard a kiss. "I'm sorry for dismissing you when you were so worried. It was insensitive of me."

Jared wraps his arms around Jensen, pulls him in against his chest. "I forgive you," he says. "So--what now?"

"Now?" asks Jensen. "Now you use some of those techniques Danneel told you about so we can have hot, awesome sex. She said you should try sticking your hand in me. Then she said she had to erase her brain so she never had to think about our sex life again." He scratches the back of his neck. "I'm glad," he says, a little awkwardly. "That you worry about this stuff. But--if you aren't giving me what I need, I'll tell you, man. I'm not exactly shy."

Jared kisses his temple. "I know. I just--I love you. I want to take care of you."

"You do," Jensen says. "So stop worrying me and come fuck me."

Jared laughs. "Well, if you insist."

*

"I do wish I could give you more kids," Jared murmurs, nuzzling Jensen's neck.

"Mm," Jensen says muzzily. Jared fucked him with his dick, then his mouth, then his fist, and Jensen is barely conscious. Jared's feeling a little smug. "What?"

"You like kids, right?"

"I like sleep," says Jensen. He yawns. "Pregnancy sucks, sex is awesome, we can talk about adopting in the morning, okay?"

"I fucked your brains out, right? Just tell me I fucked your brains out."

"You're an animal," says Jensen. "Go to sleep."

Jared laughs and kisses his hair. "Night, Jensen."

"Mm," says Jensen again. "Love you too."