(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

Title: I Should Warn You I Go to Sleep
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Divorce and aftermath, but no infidelity.
Word Count: 3500.
Summary: Supernatural ends, and Jared and Jensen go on a road trip. Jared sleeps a lot. Jensen wonders why so many people want to make the world's biggest ball of twine.
Notes: For amproof for helpbrazil2011! I hope you like it ♥ Title from Ben Folds Five.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.


"So, seriously, what's it like being the world's biggest cliche?" asks Jensen.

Jared's in shot gun, legs kicked out in front of him. It's not so much that he doesn't want to drive as he thinks Jensen should.

"I'm thirty," he tells Jensen, looking over through his sunglasses. "You realize that?"

"I wouldn't say math is my strongest suit, but yeah, I did figure that out."

"And we've been doing this show for eight years. That's more than a quarter of my life, man. I know you're too old to relate to this--"

"Jackass," says Jensen, but he goes quiet after that. "Seriously?"

"It'll be a fourth when I'm thirty-two," he says, shrugging. "That's longer than high school, and I thought high school would never end. I think I'm allowed to be a little sentimental."

"Okay," says Jensen. "We're riding off into the sunset. Fine." He cranks up the music; it's country, not rock. It's a little jarring, but mostly kind of nice. It's a good way to start being himself again, Jared thinks.

Hopefully.

"If this sucks, you get the blame," says Jensen.

"Which is different from the last eight years of our lives how?" Jared asks. "You were totally the popular one."

Jensen smiles, but it looks more sad than anything. "Yeah, well, you're really unattractive," he says, and Jared wonders what it'll be like to wake up in the morning and have no idea where Jensen Ackles is.

*

Jared likes to drive, in a limited sense. He likes eating up the road, likes the freedom of knowing he could go anywhere, likes the feel of the car purring under him. But he doesn't like driving for very long, and most of the things he likes are easier to do when he isn't in control of the vehicle.

"Like a dog, man," Jensen told him, back in season two. "Waiting for you to stick your head out the window."

It's pretty easy to justify making Jensen drive for this--after all, they're on the Sam-and-Dean trip, and Jared driving in that is kind of the exception.

Besides, he feels weird when Jensen is in shotgun. Like something's wrong.

*

He doesn't expect to sleep like he does. He never used to be like that--when he was a kid, he hated sleeping in the car, always woke up drowsy and disoriented and nauseous. But now it's all he can do to keep his eyes open once he settles in.

"We've been working for eight years," says Jensen. "You're supposed to be tired."

"You're not," says Jared, yawning. "You're doing all the work and I'm passing out on you." He blinks out the window. "Where are we, anyway?" Everything he can see is tall and green and beautiful.

"Yellowstone," says Jensen. He shrugs and looks away. "I've never been."

"Me neither," Jared says.

Jensen smiles. "Yeah. I know."

*

"If you're not gonna drive, this is gonna take longer," says Jensen. They've got beers and they're propped up against the car. Jensen wanted to find a hotel, but Jared voted for buying some camping shit and staying in the park, and he won the coin toss. Jensen didn't seem too put out.

"I don't have to be anywhere for a while," says Jared. "I mean, no reason to make you drive all day and all night." It's only been two days, and Jared is already dreading the end of the trip. There's no schedule, except that they'll end up at Jared's parents in San Antonio at the end. If they just drove, they'd get there in three days, and his mama would make Jensen stay for a few days to visit, but after that he'd be gone, and there won't be any reason for them to see each other again.

It's not that Jared thinks they'll lose touch, it's just that he knows how easy it is to lose track of people, even people who matter. Jared and Gen were supposed to have an amicable divorce--and they did. He still loves her. But he hasn't talked to her in over a year.

"You aren't listening to a word I'm saying, are you?" asks Jensen.

"No," Jared admits, looking over and flushing. "What were you saying?"

"I was saying we could go some other places. You do the research, I'll do the driving."

Jared laughs. "This is pathetic. Why are we channeling Sam and Dean again?"

"I'm not killing anything," says Jensen. "And Dean would be pissed at how long we're taking to get to Texas."

"I bet the world's largest ball of twine isn't that far," says Jared, thoughtfully.

"That's the spirit," says Jensen. "Now get the sleeping bags going. Your shitty idea, you get to set it up."

"You're just jealous you didn't think of it."

*

Jared hates looking at screens in the car too much, so even though he's just looking stuff up on his phone, he makes Jensen stop to google shit.

He's not trying to make this last longer. He's just trying to keep from throwing up in the car.

Jensen orders brunch like a princess--egg whites, fruit, whole wheat toast. Jared gets pancakes and makes orgasm noises, just to piss Jensen off.

"Did you know there are actually several places that claim to have the world's largest ball of twine?" Jared asks.

"I did not know that," says Jensen. "I'm fascinated."

"Well, I'm no expert," says Jared. "But the lore says there's one in Cawker City, Kansas, that is the largest sisal twine ball built by a community."

"Wow," Jensen says, taking a sip of coffee. "So, by the lore you mean--wikipedia?"

"Hey, it's group-edited," says Jared. "That's just like lore." He clucks his tongue. "Want to go to South Dakota?"

"For what, exactly?"

"Dinosaur Park," says Jared, showing him the article on his phone.

"So, it's--dinosaurs?" asks Jensen.

"Good guess, Einstein. And dinosaurs are awesome. Plus, it's a pretty straight shot from there to Carhenge."

"Also exactly what it sounds like?"

"Exactly," says Jared. "And then down to Cawker City for a large ball of twine."

Jensen smiles into his coffee. "This might be the least cool thing we've ever done."

Jared rolls his eyes and pulls up that picture of Jensen in the brick-print pants from his photos and shows it to Jensen.

"Second least cool," Jensen grants, giving him the finger. He sighs over-dramatically. "What am I gonna do when you aren't around to humiliate me?"

Jared tries not to let a lump settle in his throat. "Jensen, I promise, I will always be around to humiliate you."

Jensen snorts. "That might be even worse," he teases. "Come on, let's get to these dinosaurs."

*

Jared tries to stay awake, wanting to keep Jensen company, or at least get to actually get to hang out with him, but he only lasts about fifteen minutes before he's nodding off again.

When he wakes up, the car isn't moving, and he's about to open his eyes when hears Jensen saying, "Danneel, it's not--I know."

Jensen and Danneel were never a thing. Well, they were, obviously, in that they got married, and they're crazy about each other, but Danneel likes girls, and Jensen likes guys, so the marriage wasn't exactly passionate and full of amazing sex. Although, to be fair, Jared has had that fantasy a few times. They'd be hot together, if their sexualities worked.

Once she started doing more gay and bicurious roles and doing fine with her career--better, even--she and Jensen got divorced and she came out, and there was a flurry of media around Jensen. His official line was we're good friends, and I love her, and I was happy to do her a favor. The fans were pissed, and then excited, once Jared got divorced.

Jared swallows and shifts a little, keeping his eyes closed for no good reason. He knows Jensen tells Danneel things he never tells Jared, and some small, jealous part of him has never gotten over it.

"He needs this," says Jensen, like he's exhausted. He should probably offer to drive. "I don't need anything. I'm fine. Look, it's not--it's not a problem."

Jared abruptly feels hot all over, embarrassed and oversized and like he has to get out of this fucking car.

He makes a show of yawning and stressing, and Jensen gives him a smile, not strained at all. "Morning, sleeping beauty," says Jensen. "I hear narcolepsy is in."

"Thanks," says Jared. "Phone?"

"Danneel wanting to make sure none of the dinos ate us," Jensen says, easy as anything.

"Great," says Jared. He sits up to look out the window; they're at a gas station. "I'm gonna go piss."

"I already got you candy, so don't bother getting any more. I'd just confiscate it."

"You treat me so good," Jared says. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine," says Jensen, and his smile is genuine. "Thanks."

By the time Jared gets back to the car, Jensen's off the phone.

"Danneel doing okay?" he asks.

"She's got a new girlfriend," says Jensen, smiling. "Seems real happy."

"Good," says Jared. "Want me to drive?"

"Not really," says Jensen. "I don't really trust you to stay awake."

"I didn't mean to nap through our road trip," he says.

Jensen shrugs. "You need this," he says easily, and no matter how many times Jensen says it, Jared refuses to figure out what he means.

*

"You ever been to the real Stonehenge?" Jensen asks.

Carhenge really is exactly what it sounds like. They're in the little concession stand by the monument itself; Jensen's getting a postcard for Danneel and a shotglass. Jared is debating a t-shirt. He wants something to remember this.

"No," he admits. He's been to England a few times, mostly for conventions, and hasn't taken much time to sight see. "You?"

"Yeah," says Jensen. He shrugs. "It's cool, you know? More than I expected. You think it's just gonna be a bunch of stones, and--it is, obviously. But it's amazing too."

"You've got the soul of a poet, Ackles."

"Bite me," says Jensen. "You should go."

"Maybe they'll book us for another convention there," he says. There's not a lot of appeal to visiting a place like that alone. Jared wonders if Jensen went with Danneel, maybe. Or an ex-boyfriend. That was kind of what he used to think marriage was about--always having someone to go places with you.

"I think I'll get one for Gen," he says, grabbing a post card.

Jensen looks a little surprised. "Yeah? How's she doing?"

"Good, I think," says Jared. "Good's the party line."

Jensen nods. He's never asked that much about the divorce--there wasn't much to say, when all was said and done. Jared did love her, and she loved him, but marriage wasn't right for them. It doesn't hurt, exactly--it just is.

"We could probably go up to New York. See her."

"I don't actually want her back, you know," Jared says.

"Really?" Jensen asks, and he's grinning. Reassuring. "Cuz I think this postcard would really do it."

Jared laughs. "You're right, it's definitely sending the wrong message." He licks his lips. "I'm okay, you know. About Gen."

"If you're not, you can tell me," says Jensen.

The thing is, it's true--he's fine with being divorced. It would have been nice to have found the one, or whatever, but--it didn't work out, and he's okay with it.

"It's not her," he says, before he can think better of it.

Jensen raises his eyebrows, but he lets it go. "Let's pay," he says. "We've got twine to see."

Jared wants to relax, but he just feels wound tighter.

Kansas. It's just Oklahoma between them and Texas then.

*

"Why is it always twine?" Jensen asks. "I mean, seriously. Who saw twine and thought I bet I can make the biggest ball of that?"

Jared snorts. "Well, it's Kansas," he points out. "What else are you gonna do in Kansas?"

"Uh, fight super-powered hormonal teenagers under the influence of meteorites," says Jensen. "Didn't you watch Smallville?"

"No, because I'm not a teenage girl," Jared shoots back. He sighs. "There really isn't much to do at a ball of twine, huh?"

"Nope," Jensen agrees. He slants Jared a look. "But that reminds me."

"What?"

"People are gonna ask us what we did on our road trip, and we haven't done anything legitimate."

"Because this might not really be the biggest ball of twine?" Jared asks.

"Because there are historical landmarks and shit and we're just seeing Carhenge," says Jensen. "We need to see some good stuff. You know, stuff I won't be embarrassed about."

"Your friends are too classy," Jared shoots back, trying to ignore the pounding of his heart. Jensen isn't ready to be done either. "Chad was really excited about Carhenge."

"My point exactly," says Jensen. "Come on, give us some good stuff."

"Well," Jared says, a little hesitantly. "There's Lawrence."

"Wow, I totally forgot," says Jensen. He smiles at Jared. "We pretty much have to, right?"

Jared grins back, feeling happier and lighter than he has in days. "Pretty much, yeah."

*

They go to the museums in KU, so that there's some class for Jensen, and then to have a picnic in the graveyard.

"This is either really creepy or really gay," Jared says. Jensen flips him off. "It might be creepy-gay," he continues, ignoring Jensen.

"It's sentimental," says Jensen. "And you're a douchebag."

"Excuse me," says a girl, probably in her twenties, with this shy, amazed look, like she won the lottery. "Are you, um--you're Jensen and Jared, right?"

"Yeah," says Jared, giving her a big smile, and Jensen has his own softer one.

She's here with a couple friends, doing their own Supernatural pilgrimage, and they're almost passing out with joy at seeing Jared and Jensen there. They take some pictures, but leave pretty much right after that, because it's a little weird being there with the fans.

"So, that was kind of culture," says Jared.

Jensen snorts. "Kind of."

Jared looks at him for a minute, and then bites his lip. "There's DC," he says. "It's full of culture."

"DC?" asks Jensen, raising his eyebrows.

Jared shrugs, deliberately overcasual. "I haven't really been there since middle school. Field trip."

Jensen looks at him for a long minute, and then nods, smiling down at the steering wheel so bright Jared's kind of glad he's not seeing it head on. "Yeah," he says. "DC."

*

It gets easier after that. The tension is still knotted in Jared's stomach, the knowledge that at the end of this, Jensen will be gone, no idea when they'll see each other next, where their lives will go, but he's sure now Jensen doesn't want it over either. That Jensen isn't looking forward to this.

Genevieve calls when they're trekking around Arlington Cemetery, looking for Robert E. Lee's house, which Jensen thinks is important or something. He bought Jared gummy worms to get him through the walk, so Jared's not complaining.

"It's Gen," he says, apologetic, and Jensen smiles and says, "I'm going to Kennedy's grave. There are signs. You'll find it."

"Thanks," says Jared. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize, man," Jensen says, and Jared knows it's true, but it still feels wrong. This is his and Jensen's time.

"Hi," he says.

"I got your postcard," says Gen. "Is this a pre mid-life crisis?"

"Third-life crisis," says Jared. "No. Probably. I don't know," he admits, sighing.

"Where are you? I called your house and your mom said you were still on the road."

"Um," says Jared, feeling a little sheepish. "Washington."

"State or DC?"

"DC."

There's a long pause, which doesn't exactly surprise him. "Yeah, that's totally on the way," she says. It should be amused, but ever since the divorce, they've always just been kind of mildly baffled by each other. Jared hates it.

"Jensen wanted some more culture in the trip," says Jared.

"Right," says Genevieve. There's another pause. "You having fun?"

Jared isn't sure fun is the word for it. "I can't stay awake in the car," he says, like that answers her question.

"Okay," she says carefully. "That's--nice."

"Everyone says I must be tired," he says, and figures she'll parse everyone into Jensen.

"Yeah," Genevieve agrees. She sighs. "Have you just told him you're going to miss him?" she asks.

Jared leans his head back, looking up at the sky. It's sticky in DC, not as warm as it will be in Texas, but humid and strange after Vancouver. "It's not that," he says, stupidly.

"Uh huh," says Gen, and hangs up.

He deserved that one.

*

"Everything okay?" Jensen asks.

"Just thanking me for the postcard," Jared says, with a smile.

"For an actor, you are a spectacularly shitty liar," says Jensen. "Just so you know."

"Don't swear by Kennedy's grave. It's disrespectful. Jackass."

Jensen smiles. "We can go to New York, Jared. Any time you want, we can--"

Jared doesn't think about it, doesn't even process what he's doing until he's leaned down and kissed Jensen. It's nothing, really--the fastest brush of lips, and he pulls back almost as soon as he makes contact.

He thinks he must look about as surprised as Jensen.

"Uh," says Jensen, licking his lips, which is distracting like it's never been before. "Was that a yes or a no?"

Jared swallows. "I, uh. It was a no."

Jensen nods, a little jerkily. "I think I figured out how to get to the house," he says. "So we can--"

"Jensen--"

"It's this way," he says, and Jared has no choice but to follow.

*

Jensen takes a long shower in the hotel and Jared dicks around on the laptop. It's too classy to feel like deja-vu--the Winchesters would never stay anywhere this nice.

He doesn't know what to say to Jensen, exactly--he kissed Jensen. He doesn't regret it. He wouldn't mind doing it again.

He has no idea where either of them will be in a month. If they'll ever be friends again like this.

Jensen comes out of the bathroom fully dressed, and it makes Jared's heart ache. He doesn't want to have ruined the last real time he might ever get with Jensen.

"So, there's something called The Evil Clown of Middletown," says Jared.

Jensen looks a little shell-shocked, like Jared speaking to him is completely confusing and alarming. Finally, he clears his throat softly and says, "Where?"

"New Jersey."

Jensen licks his lips, and then sighs. "You kissed me," he says. "That's--we're gonna have to deal with that."

Jared swallows and closes the laptop, putting it on the beside table and sitting up, rolling his shoulders. "I don't really know what to tell you."

Jensen sits down on the edge of the other bed, curling his hands into fists on his jeans. "You could tell me why," he says, and he sounds vulnerable.

Jared licks his lips. "I, uh," he says. He doesn't really want to tell Jensen that's the part he doesn't know. He doesn't think that will help. "Fuck," he mutters. "Can we just skip this and I kiss you again?"

Jensen stares. "I--what?"

"Or not," he says, quickly. "I mean, if you're not into it--"

"If I'm not into it," says Jensen. "Jared--look, I know you're freaking out about the show ending and your divorce and--"

"I got divorced last year," says Jared, licking his lips. "And I'm sad--" he takes a breath. "I'm sad about you, you dumbass. I'm sadder about you than I ever was about getting divorced. I don't want to--" he sighs. "Man, I never want to wake up and not know where you are."

Jensen looks at him for a long minute, and then suddenly he's moving, throwing himself at Jared and kissing him. It's about as far from the kiss in the cemetery as he could get--firm and hard, Jensen's tongue darting out to lick his mouth open and then they're making out, and Jared isn't entirely sure how they got there.

"Right?" Jensen asks, and Jared isn't sure he understands the question.

But still. "Right," he agrees.

*

Jared wakes up alone in bed the next morning and sits up, terrified that Jensen has fled. But he's just at the table, in nothing but his pajama pants. He glances over at Jared, raising his eyebrows with mild curiosity. "Bad dream?"

"I thought you freaked out and left," says Jared, flopping back on the bed.

"I was already gay," says Jensen, mildly, but he sounds amused. "So--there's an evil clown, huh?" he asks.

"There's an evil clown," Jared agrees. He rolls out of bed and pulls his clothes on lazily. "In New Jersey." He cracks his neck. "I'm driving."

"Yeah?"

Jared smiles. "Show's gotta end sometime, right?"

"The show already ended, Jared," Jensen says, and Jared leans down to kiss him again. Jensen kisses back, and they're going to have to talk about this eventually, but for right now, that's enough.

"Yeah," says Jared. "Show's over. You ready to go?"

Jensen looks worried for a minute, but then he smiles and tosses Jared the keys. "Born ready, man."