longsufferingly (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
longsufferingly) wrote2009-06-10 09:55 pm
longsufferingly) wrote2009-06-10 09:55 pm
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So this is just quick and self-indulgent and stupid! I was watching Frasier earlier and remembering my omg Niles/Daphne OTP. So this is kind of (but not particularly well done) Niles!Jared/Daphne!Jensen fic. For well done sitcom fic, go read ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
belyste's Big Bang, which is awesome on a stick.
Jared is really bad at being unfaithful.
He wants to have an affair, because his wife Maris is an insane, anorexic, calculating shrew who refuses to divorce him without leaving him penniless, and Jensen would not do well being penniless. Jared loves money. Jared needs money, in fact. He's way too in to fine wine to ever go without money. He'd like to cheat on her, not out of spite, particularly, but because he feels like he's so familiar with his right hand at this point he should buy it flowers and dinner before he jerks off, or it's going to stop putting out.
But he's just not that guy, apparently. He's seen some pretty girls, a world of pretty girls, even, and he just can't bring himself to try it with any of them.
"It shouldn't be that hard, right?" he asks Jeff. He's glad his older brother is back in town, even if he's kind of a pretentious douchebag sometimes. People have said the same of Jared, so whatever. Plus, someone else is around to take care of dad, which is nothing but a plus in his book.
"It's supposed to be hard," says dad, from his god-awful chair. "This is your problem, Jare."
"I don't think you're supposed to be encouraging your son to have an affair," Jeff points out.
"That woman is a menace," says dad. "I'm for anything that gets him out of her clutches."
*
Jared has never actually fallen in love.
If you'd asked him yesterday, he would have said that love at first sight was impossible, a kind of romantic fairy tale that people tell themselves to justify their own uncontrollable hormones.
But that was before Jensen Ackles.
He knew, academically, that Jeff was looking for a live-in physical therapist to help with dad. He was expecting a small, pretty girl, the kind he'd gone for in college, and he was excited in a kind of absent way.
But it's a man who's in the apartment when he comes in calling for Jeff, a man who glances up and says, "You must be Dr. Padalecki."
Jared blinks.
The man is a few inches shorter than Jared, muscular and broad, with a pleasant Texas drawl and gorgeous lips.
All the interest that Jared could not manage in women, in affairs, in everything, is suddenly concentrated, is suddenly on this person, this guy in Jeff's apartment.
"Who are you?" he manages.
"Jensen Ackles," he says, smiling and ducking his head a little. "Your dad's new physical therapist? Guess I'm gonna be staying here for a while."
"Oh," breathes Jared.
Somehow his marriage vows? A lot less important, suddenly.
*
"I can't believe you," says Jeff. "You fail to find any interest in a parade of attractive, available women, and suddenly you want to screw dad's physical therapist."
"I did have that boyfriend in college," says Jared.
Jeff waves his hand. "Everyone had a boyfriend in college. It was what you did in college."
"Well, I think he's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life," says Jared, "so I'm having an affair."
"With dad's physical therapist."
"As soon as possible," Jared confirms.
*
While Jared is trying to charm his way into Jensen's pants, he somehow becomes friends with him.
He's not actually sure how that one happened.
"He was just--there's such a thing as too gay, you know?" says Jensen, groaning. "The guy lisped more than a leaky tire."
Jared snorts. "I don't know how good your similes are there."
"I just want a guy who can be a guy sometimes too."
"I'm a guy's guy," says Jared with a leer.
"You're Maris's guy. From what I saw of her? I doubt you even have your own balls anymore."
"You want to check?"
"Buy me a drink first, Dr. Padalecki."
Jared comes over with wine an hour later, and Jensen acts like it's a big joke.
Jared wonders if his right hand wants the wine. He really needs to do something nice for it, since it's not getting a break anytime soon.
*
"Look, Jare, we need to talk," says his dad, about six months after Jensen starts working for Jeff.
"We do? Is it about your chair? Just say the word and me and Jeff will have that thing on the street in ten seconds, flat."
Dad just glares. "It's about Jensen."
Jared flushes immediately. "What about Jensen?"
"He has a boyfriend--one he likes. I don't want you messing that up for him just because you think he's going to save you from your marriage."
"I thought you wanted me to get out of my marriage," Jared grumbles. Frankly, he's hurt that Jensen has a boyfriend and he wasn't informed. He thought he was Jensen's number one gossip buddy.
"Jared, if you divorced that woman? I'd throw you a parade. But you're not talking about leaving Maris. You're talking about fucking Jensen."
Jared swallows.
"And frankly, he deserves better than that."
"You're right," Jared admits. "I won't--you're right."
*
Jensen's boyfriend is tall and pretty and doesn't lisp. His name is Tom or Tim or something--Jared doesn't think that not learning the guy's name counts as relationship sabotage. It's just laziness.
He has to admit that Jensen sounds happy. He looks happy too, clearly likes Tom, and Jared is left in the unfamiliar position of wanting someone else to be happy more than he wants himself to be happy.
"That is a shocking level of non-self-involvement," says Jeff.
Jared groans. "Shut the fuck up. He'd be happy with me, you know."
"Every boy dreams of being a mostly straight guy's bit on the side," Jeff agrees.
"It's not like that," Jared mutters, but it is.
It'd have to be.
*
Tom breaks up with Jensen about a week after Jared tells Maris he wants a divorce.
He thinks it's the universe's way of telling him he's doing the right thing.
*
Divorce, as it turns out, is messy and expensive. It's draining and long, and Jared ends up going to Jeff's all the time so that his family can tell him he's not a worthless person. Jensen will sometimes give him these amazing massages and he wants to propose marriage, but Jensen must have found the non-lisping gay nightclub in Seattle because he seems to always have a guy he likes that he's dating now. They're all the same basic type--tall, muscular, pretty--and Jared starts going to the gym and buying Herbal Essences in preparation for the day when he'll be single and he can tell Jensen that--that.
He doesn't know exactly what he'll say. He can't exactly ask Jensen to have an affair with him now. Not now that he's getting a divorce so he won't be that guy.
He can't imagine asking Jensen out either, because he doesn't want to be a guy Jensen dates who ends up getting dumped.
"Oh, fuck," he says to Jeff, downing his white wine without savoring it at all. "I'm in love with Jensen."
"I noticed," says Jeff. "We all noticed."
"Did Jensen notice?"
"No."
"That's--good, I guess."
"It's better than you wanting to have an affair with my housekeeper."
"He is not," Jared mutters. "He's dad's physical therapist."
Jeff just looks at him.
"Who cleans," Jared admits.
"Yeah."
*
Jared doesn't lose all his money in the divorce, and his new house is still bigger and nicer than he strictly needs, and his wine rack is full, so he thinks--yes.
Jensen aside, he feels good about this. He feels lighter than he has in years, like a great weight is gone, even though Maris weighed almost nothing.
Jensen has been dating a guy named Donald when the divorce is finalized. Jared thinks, especially with his new work-out regime, that he's hotter and better than Donald.
He brings champagne over to Jeff's when he gets the news, and Jensen opens the door.
"Hey, Dr. Padalecki!" he says, grinning. "You look--good. What happened?"
"I'm officially single," says Jared, grinning back. "Where's Jeff and dad?"
"They're out to dinner. Mr. Padalecki convinced Dr. Padalecki that he deserved a night out."
"They agreed on a place?"
"Somehow."
Jared grins, shakes the champagne. "You want to celebrate with me?"
Jensen flushes, looks down, grins. "Yeah. I've got some celebrating to do myself."
"Really? What happened?"
"Donald," says Jensen. "He, uh. Kind of proposed."
Jared swallows. He was supposed to--Jensen was supposed to break up with him in a few weeks. Jared was supposed to just be able to swoop in, find a single Jensen. He had plans.
"Congratulations," he manages, not quite feeling it.
"We must have, like, wedding karma or something. You get divorced, I get married . . . "
Jared gets a smile on his face, somehow. "Must be."
*
It's so weird, wanting Jensen to be happy. Jared feels antsy in his skin, like he doesn't know what to do. Or doesn't know how to do what he wants.
*
In the end, he owes Jeff. He needs to buy Jeff a fucking boat.
He gets called over to Jeff's apartment, shocked when he sees dad and Jeff headed out.
"Don't fuck this up, Jare," says dad, clapping him on the back.
"I apologize," says Jeff, "but also hopefully don't have to."
Jared blinks. "Uh. Okay."
Inside the apartment is just Jensen.
"Is this an intervention?" asks Jared.
Jensen snorts. "Yeah, I'm worried about your drinking, Dr. Padalecki." But he doesn't smile, just runs his hand through his hair.
"Seriously, everything okay?"
"Not really." Jensen looks up, eyes earnest. "Dr. Padalecki--let something slip."
"You mean Jeff, right?"
"Yeah, Jeff. He, uh." Jensen runs his hand through his hair again. Jared wants to catch his wrist, but he doesn't.
"Jensen. Breathe."
"I'm not getting married," says Jensen.
"Oh," says Jared in a breath.
"And I might be in love with you."
The bottom drops out of Jared's world.
"Might?" he says weakly.
"Yeah. Um. Dr. Padalecki said--he accidentally told me you--liked me. Loved me. And I--thought about it." Jensen smiles, just one side of his mouth tugging up. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."
"And you--really?"
Jensen shrugs jerkily, nothing like the smoothness Jared associates with him. "Unless you're not--"
And that idea is so ridiculous Jared has to just lean forward and kiss him, catches Jensen's lips just to stop him talking, but then he can't stop, and they kiss for a few minutes before Jared finally pulls back.
"I divorced my wife for you."
"You divorced your wife because she was an insane, passive aggressive, anorexic bitch, Dr. Padalecki."
Jared grins. "You can call me Jared, you know."
"Should've been calling you that for months. You Padaleckis are kind of in to this stupid authority thing."
"This might piss off a lot of people," Jared says thoughtfully. "People you know, not just people who care I'm dating the help."
"I broke up with Donald, uh. About a week ago."
Jared goggles at him.
"I was working up my courage," Jensen mutters.
Jared has to kiss him again then, because he's allowed to. It's okay.
He laughs against Jensen's lips, suddenly.
"Somethin' funny?" asks Jensen.
"Maris is going to freak."
Jensen laughs. "I'm gonna enjoy that."
"Yeah," says Jared. "Me too."
belyste's Big Bang, which is awesome on a stick.Jared is really bad at being unfaithful.
He wants to have an affair, because his wife Maris is an insane, anorexic, calculating shrew who refuses to divorce him without leaving him penniless, and Jensen would not do well being penniless. Jared loves money. Jared needs money, in fact. He's way too in to fine wine to ever go without money. He'd like to cheat on her, not out of spite, particularly, but because he feels like he's so familiar with his right hand at this point he should buy it flowers and dinner before he jerks off, or it's going to stop putting out.
But he's just not that guy, apparently. He's seen some pretty girls, a world of pretty girls, even, and he just can't bring himself to try it with any of them.
"It shouldn't be that hard, right?" he asks Jeff. He's glad his older brother is back in town, even if he's kind of a pretentious douchebag sometimes. People have said the same of Jared, so whatever. Plus, someone else is around to take care of dad, which is nothing but a plus in his book.
"It's supposed to be hard," says dad, from his god-awful chair. "This is your problem, Jare."
"I don't think you're supposed to be encouraging your son to have an affair," Jeff points out.
"That woman is a menace," says dad. "I'm for anything that gets him out of her clutches."
*
Jared has never actually fallen in love.
If you'd asked him yesterday, he would have said that love at first sight was impossible, a kind of romantic fairy tale that people tell themselves to justify their own uncontrollable hormones.
But that was before Jensen Ackles.
He knew, academically, that Jeff was looking for a live-in physical therapist to help with dad. He was expecting a small, pretty girl, the kind he'd gone for in college, and he was excited in a kind of absent way.
But it's a man who's in the apartment when he comes in calling for Jeff, a man who glances up and says, "You must be Dr. Padalecki."
Jared blinks.
The man is a few inches shorter than Jared, muscular and broad, with a pleasant Texas drawl and gorgeous lips.
All the interest that Jared could not manage in women, in affairs, in everything, is suddenly concentrated, is suddenly on this person, this guy in Jeff's apartment.
"Who are you?" he manages.
"Jensen Ackles," he says, smiling and ducking his head a little. "Your dad's new physical therapist? Guess I'm gonna be staying here for a while."
"Oh," breathes Jared.
Somehow his marriage vows? A lot less important, suddenly.
*
"I can't believe you," says Jeff. "You fail to find any interest in a parade of attractive, available women, and suddenly you want to screw dad's physical therapist."
"I did have that boyfriend in college," says Jared.
Jeff waves his hand. "Everyone had a boyfriend in college. It was what you did in college."
"Well, I think he's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life," says Jared, "so I'm having an affair."
"With dad's physical therapist."
"As soon as possible," Jared confirms.
*
While Jared is trying to charm his way into Jensen's pants, he somehow becomes friends with him.
He's not actually sure how that one happened.
"He was just--there's such a thing as too gay, you know?" says Jensen, groaning. "The guy lisped more than a leaky tire."
Jared snorts. "I don't know how good your similes are there."
"I just want a guy who can be a guy sometimes too."
"I'm a guy's guy," says Jared with a leer.
"You're Maris's guy. From what I saw of her? I doubt you even have your own balls anymore."
"You want to check?"
"Buy me a drink first, Dr. Padalecki."
Jared comes over with wine an hour later, and Jensen acts like it's a big joke.
Jared wonders if his right hand wants the wine. He really needs to do something nice for it, since it's not getting a break anytime soon.
*
"Look, Jare, we need to talk," says his dad, about six months after Jensen starts working for Jeff.
"We do? Is it about your chair? Just say the word and me and Jeff will have that thing on the street in ten seconds, flat."
Dad just glares. "It's about Jensen."
Jared flushes immediately. "What about Jensen?"
"He has a boyfriend--one he likes. I don't want you messing that up for him just because you think he's going to save you from your marriage."
"I thought you wanted me to get out of my marriage," Jared grumbles. Frankly, he's hurt that Jensen has a boyfriend and he wasn't informed. He thought he was Jensen's number one gossip buddy.
"Jared, if you divorced that woman? I'd throw you a parade. But you're not talking about leaving Maris. You're talking about fucking Jensen."
Jared swallows.
"And frankly, he deserves better than that."
"You're right," Jared admits. "I won't--you're right."
*
Jensen's boyfriend is tall and pretty and doesn't lisp. His name is Tom or Tim or something--Jared doesn't think that not learning the guy's name counts as relationship sabotage. It's just laziness.
He has to admit that Jensen sounds happy. He looks happy too, clearly likes Tom, and Jared is left in the unfamiliar position of wanting someone else to be happy more than he wants himself to be happy.
"That is a shocking level of non-self-involvement," says Jeff.
Jared groans. "Shut the fuck up. He'd be happy with me, you know."
"Every boy dreams of being a mostly straight guy's bit on the side," Jeff agrees.
"It's not like that," Jared mutters, but it is.
It'd have to be.
*
Tom breaks up with Jensen about a week after Jared tells Maris he wants a divorce.
He thinks it's the universe's way of telling him he's doing the right thing.
*
Divorce, as it turns out, is messy and expensive. It's draining and long, and Jared ends up going to Jeff's all the time so that his family can tell him he's not a worthless person. Jensen will sometimes give him these amazing massages and he wants to propose marriage, but Jensen must have found the non-lisping gay nightclub in Seattle because he seems to always have a guy he likes that he's dating now. They're all the same basic type--tall, muscular, pretty--and Jared starts going to the gym and buying Herbal Essences in preparation for the day when he'll be single and he can tell Jensen that--that.
He doesn't know exactly what he'll say. He can't exactly ask Jensen to have an affair with him now. Not now that he's getting a divorce so he won't be that guy.
He can't imagine asking Jensen out either, because he doesn't want to be a guy Jensen dates who ends up getting dumped.
"Oh, fuck," he says to Jeff, downing his white wine without savoring it at all. "I'm in love with Jensen."
"I noticed," says Jeff. "We all noticed."
"Did Jensen notice?"
"No."
"That's--good, I guess."
"It's better than you wanting to have an affair with my housekeeper."
"He is not," Jared mutters. "He's dad's physical therapist."
Jeff just looks at him.
"Who cleans," Jared admits.
"Yeah."
*
Jared doesn't lose all his money in the divorce, and his new house is still bigger and nicer than he strictly needs, and his wine rack is full, so he thinks--yes.
Jensen aside, he feels good about this. He feels lighter than he has in years, like a great weight is gone, even though Maris weighed almost nothing.
Jensen has been dating a guy named Donald when the divorce is finalized. Jared thinks, especially with his new work-out regime, that he's hotter and better than Donald.
He brings champagne over to Jeff's when he gets the news, and Jensen opens the door.
"Hey, Dr. Padalecki!" he says, grinning. "You look--good. What happened?"
"I'm officially single," says Jared, grinning back. "Where's Jeff and dad?"
"They're out to dinner. Mr. Padalecki convinced Dr. Padalecki that he deserved a night out."
"They agreed on a place?"
"Somehow."
Jared grins, shakes the champagne. "You want to celebrate with me?"
Jensen flushes, looks down, grins. "Yeah. I've got some celebrating to do myself."
"Really? What happened?"
"Donald," says Jensen. "He, uh. Kind of proposed."
Jared swallows. He was supposed to--Jensen was supposed to break up with him in a few weeks. Jared was supposed to just be able to swoop in, find a single Jensen. He had plans.
"Congratulations," he manages, not quite feeling it.
"We must have, like, wedding karma or something. You get divorced, I get married . . . "
Jared gets a smile on his face, somehow. "Must be."
*
It's so weird, wanting Jensen to be happy. Jared feels antsy in his skin, like he doesn't know what to do. Or doesn't know how to do what he wants.
*
In the end, he owes Jeff. He needs to buy Jeff a fucking boat.
He gets called over to Jeff's apartment, shocked when he sees dad and Jeff headed out.
"Don't fuck this up, Jare," says dad, clapping him on the back.
"I apologize," says Jeff, "but also hopefully don't have to."
Jared blinks. "Uh. Okay."
Inside the apartment is just Jensen.
"Is this an intervention?" asks Jared.
Jensen snorts. "Yeah, I'm worried about your drinking, Dr. Padalecki." But he doesn't smile, just runs his hand through his hair.
"Seriously, everything okay?"
"Not really." Jensen looks up, eyes earnest. "Dr. Padalecki--let something slip."
"You mean Jeff, right?"
"Yeah, Jeff. He, uh." Jensen runs his hand through his hair again. Jared wants to catch his wrist, but he doesn't.
"Jensen. Breathe."
"I'm not getting married," says Jensen.
"Oh," says Jared in a breath.
"And I might be in love with you."
The bottom drops out of Jared's world.
"Might?" he says weakly.
"Yeah. Um. Dr. Padalecki said--he accidentally told me you--liked me. Loved me. And I--thought about it." Jensen smiles, just one side of his mouth tugging up. "I couldn't stop thinking about it."
"And you--really?"
Jensen shrugs jerkily, nothing like the smoothness Jared associates with him. "Unless you're not--"
And that idea is so ridiculous Jared has to just lean forward and kiss him, catches Jensen's lips just to stop him talking, but then he can't stop, and they kiss for a few minutes before Jared finally pulls back.
"I divorced my wife for you."
"You divorced your wife because she was an insane, passive aggressive, anorexic bitch, Dr. Padalecki."
Jared grins. "You can call me Jared, you know."
"Should've been calling you that for months. You Padaleckis are kind of in to this stupid authority thing."
"This might piss off a lot of people," Jared says thoughtfully. "People you know, not just people who care I'm dating the help."
"I broke up with Donald, uh. About a week ago."
Jared goggles at him.
"I was working up my courage," Jensen mutters.
Jared has to kiss him again then, because he's allowed to. It's okay.
He laughs against Jensen's lips, suddenly.
"Somethin' funny?" asks Jensen.
"Maris is going to freak."
Jensen laughs. "I'm gonna enjoy that."
"Yeah," says Jared. "Me too."