(no subject)

[longsufferingly]

Title: A Picnic to Hades
Author: chash
Fandom: Supernatural RPS
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: PG
Warnings: Outsider POV, kidfic, mentions/discussion of homophobia.
Word Count: 2400.
Summary: Natalie makes a friend. Third in the Natalie 'verse.
Notes: Title from Tom Stoppard. Also, dedicated to que_divertido, who seems to need it.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.


Natalie has never watched very much TV. Mama thought that TV rotted brains and stunted imaginations, and it was strange moving to Hollywood after living like that.

She knows now only what TV Jared is on, although most of what Jared is on is stuff she wouldn't be allowed to watch anyway, like CSI, which dad and Kyle agree is too mature for her.

"And it sucks," Jared had told her in a loud whisper. "I'm not proud of my acting on that one."

Since none of the names really mean much, she doesn't remember them too well, especially with how long it is between when Jared starts filming something and when it airs. But when he gets a regular job, the uncle on a show called Lucy Gander, she at least knows what it is. He's not a main character, he explains, but he's very recurring, and he gets his own smaller storyline every few episodes.

"Do you like it?" asked Natalie.

"It's okay," he said, shrugging. "It's not Shakespeare, or anything."

"Do you wanna do Shakespeare?" asked Kyle.

"Not particularly. But I'm supposed to."

Jared always has good stories from work--he has an on-off girlfriend on the show named Danneel he really gets along with, and they always seem to be pulling parnks on the rest of the crew. Kyle had seen Danneel in something before and thinks that she's really pretty, so Natalie can always tease him about it. Dad is glad that Jared has a steady job, not because Jared wasn't doing okay, but because it makes Jared happy, and dad is proud of him. Jared used to, dad said, get offers for recurring roles on shows, but they didn't film in L.A., and he never wanted to leave dad behind.

"He's kind of stupid," was how dad explained it.

"Or I love you," Jared pointed out.

"Or that," agreed dad.

So Natalie is very glad that Jared has a steady job, and she's happy for him, and she never meant to screw it up.

*

Natalie doesn't fit in very well at school. She's had a few friends, close friends, but since she came to L.A., she's been mostly an outcast, and she doesn't know how to stop in until she hears Bri Franklin saying, "Yeah, I love Lucy Gander, it's the best."

"Lucy Gander?" asks Natalie shyly. Bri has always been nice to her--they're not friends, but Bri sits next to her and talks to her sometimes.

"Yeah!" says Bri, smiling at her. "Do you like it?"

"Um, I haven't seen it," says Natalie. "But Jared's on it."

"Jared?" asks Irene Hunter, leaning over into the conversation. Irene has never talked to Natalie before, but she looks interested now. "You mean Jared Padalecki? Are you a fan?"

"I guess," says Natalie. She likes Jared a lot, but she's never thought of herself as being a fan. "I mean, I like him a lot," she clarifies. "He's my dad's boyfriend."

Bri and Irene stare at her.

"Your dad's boyfriend," says Irene slowly.

"Yeah," says Natalie. "He's really cool."

"I heard he was dating Danneel Harris," says Bri, looking surprised.

"On the show, yeah," says Natalie. "My brother has a crush on her."

"Jared Padalecki's gay?" asks Irene.

"Yeah," says Natalie. "If you wanted to meet him," she adds hesitantly, more to Bri, "you could come over some time. We have a dog and everything."

"I'd love to come over," says Bri, smiling kindly at her. Natalie brightens.

"I'll ask my dad!" says Natalie. "Maybe you could come this weekend?"

"Yeah," says Bri. "I have swimming on Sunday, so Saturday?"

"I'll ask," says Natalie again. "Did you want to come too, Irene?" she asks, to be polite, but she doesn't think Irene will come, and she doesn't mind. She likes Bri better.

"I'm busy," says Irene absently.

Natalie smiles at Bri, and Bri smiles back, and Natalie thinks that Jared really is awesome.

*

"Dad," she says that night, when they're walking Robin that night. "I was wondering."

"Yeah?" asks dad.

"Could my friend Bri come over this weekend? On Saturday?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Do you need me to pick her up?"

"I'll call her and ask," says Natalie brightly. "She likes Jared's show."

Dad looks at her, a little surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. She was really surprised when I knew him."

Dad's quiet for a minute. "What exactly did you say?"

"That he was my dad's boyfriend."

"Oh," says dad. "Did you tell Jared you said that?"

"No," says Natalie, not sure why dad thinks she would. "He knows he's your boyfriend."

"Not that," he says. He rubs the back of his neck. "I don't know if they know Jared's gay."

"Who?"

"His employers."

"Why would they care?"

"They shouldn't," says dad, looking sad. "But they might."

"Did I do something bad? I just--I wanted her to like me," says Natalie quietly.

Dad puts his arm around her. "You didn't do anything wrong, and it's fine. We should just warn Jared. He's on the Disney Channel, I dunno how they feel about gay stars."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey," says dad gently, "I meant it when I said you didn't do anything. You're right, there's nothing wrong with Jared being gay, and Jared feels the same. We should just let him know when we get home that he's got a fan coming over."

Natalie nods, worrying her lip. "I didn't mean to mess anything up for Jared."

Dad squeezes her shoulder. "You didn't, I promise."

*

"Jared," says Natalie hesitantly, "I did something."

Jared looks up from playing chess with Kyle. "What happened?"

"There's this nice girl named Bri in my class and she likes your show and I wanted her to be my friend so I tried to talk to her about it and I told her you were my dad's boyfriend and another girl heard and she was really surprised and dad said I should tell you and I'm sorry," she says in a rush, squeezing her eyes shut as soon as she's done.

"Hey, hey," says Jared, and she feels his arm come up and pull her toward him til she's sitting in his lap. "Don't worry about it," he says. "I don't mind. You didn't do anything bad," he assures her.

"I told her she could come over and maybe meet you. And Robin."

"That's fine," says Jared. "I like being famous with nine-year-old girls. It's totally awesome."

Natalie smiles a little, relaxing against Jared.

"You're doing me a favor," he says. "The network says I should start showing up to things with Danneel, and she's awesome, don't get me wrong, but I've got a boyfriend, and I've been meaning to tell them."

"It's not really a Disney Channel thing," says Kyle cautiously. "You know, gay guys. And the show's kind of popular."

"I have a nine-year-old d--kid," says Jared. "She seems okay with gay guys."

"And I bet Bri is too!" says Natalie.

"Exactly," says Jared. "When's she coming?"

"Saturday. Dad said it was okay."

"If she needs a ride I can even pick her up," says Jared. "I'm not too proud."

"Still driving your own car," says dad, shaking his head. "Glad you haven't let fame change you."

Natalie settles closer against Jared's chest as he and Kyle resume their game, Kyle still looking worried.

*

"Natty," says Kyle, when Jared is doing the dishes and dad is using the computer. "I know Jared doesn't mind, but you gotta be careful."

"About telling people about him?"

"Yeah. He's not out."

"Out?"

"People don't know he's gay."

"I don't get why it matters. If he was like dad, and he was married to a girl, then it would be bad if he was gay and no one knew it, but he's not hurting anybody. Why does anyone care?"

"That girl Bri," says Kyle, "did she think Jared was cute?"

"I think Irene did."

"They want girls to think Jared is cute. Not like the Jonas Brothers or anything, but he's not that old, you know."

"I guess not," says Natalie.

"They want him to be about family values and stuff. Wholesome."

"Jared is about family values," says Natalie. "He loves us, and we're not even his."

"I know that," says Kyle. "But I don't think the Disney Channel does."

"So I shouldn't tell anyone he's dad's boyfriend?"

"Just remember, not everybody likes gay people."

"Like you," says Natalie.

Kyle looks sad and a little angry. "Way worse than me," he says.

"I don't think you're bad," says Natalie. And he isn't, he's not a bad person. Just sometimes it's obvious when dad and Jared touch each other that Kyle doesn't like it.

"I know," says Kyle.

"What did I do to Jared?"

"Nothing," says Kyle. "I hope."

Natalie doesn't sleep very well that night.

*

Natalie thinks she should know more about gay people. She's nine, and that isn't too young to know about things. She knows how babies are made (she didn't believe Kyle at first, but dad told her he wasn't lying), and she knows what democrats and republicans are and which one the president is, and she knows that there's something wrong with health care, even if she doesn't know what.

But she doesn't know why anyone would not like Jared for being gay. Jared is very hard to not like. Kyle tried really, really hard, but he couldn't.

She reads a little about it when she's supposed to be doing her homework. She finds out that it's illegal for gay people to get married in California, but it wasn't always.

She decides that dad won't be angry if she asks him about it. He'll probably be happy.

He and Jared are on the couch reading when Natalie comes in, climbs up in between them and says, "I still don't understand why anyone wouldn't like Jared being gay."

Jared smiles at her. "Because--some people think it's wrong. Lots of reasons why. Not good reasons, or anything, but reasons. Stuff like the bible, and slippery slopes, and stuff."

"And general unnaturalness," says Jensen. "Men should be with women."

"Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."

"You're not helping me understand," says Natalie.

"Bottom line," says Jensen, "people are afraid of what they don't understand. There are a lot of ways people justify it, but that's what it comes down to."

"And people think that if no one is ever exposed to homosexuality, then they won't know they can be gay, so they won't be. Or something," says Jared. "I don't really get it either."

"I didn't know you could be gay until I met you," says Natalie.

"You're nine," says Jared. "It can take a while to realize it. And chances are good you're not gay. Most people aren't. But if you are, you're not going to stop just because you've never seen a gay person." He looks over at dad and smiles wistfully. "It just makes it harder."

"You didn't know any gay people?" asks Natalie.

"I did," says dad. "But my parents thought it was a sin. They still do. They don't talk to me anymore."

"Gramma and gumpa don't talk to you?"

"Not since your mama and I got divorced."

"Are we not gonna see them anymore?" asks Natalie.

"I hope you will," says dad. "I just might not."

"So Jared doesn't tell people he's gay because they won't like it?"

"It's in my contract," says Jared hesitantly.

"What?" asks dad. "I thought you wanted to tell them."

"There's an--appropriateness clause. Not flaunting my personal life. It doesn't say don't be gay, it just says be discreet. And there are generally different levels of discreetness for gay guys."

Dad groans. "You could have warned me."

"You're really not a touchy-feely guy," says Jared. "I wasn't actually worried."

"Still," says dad. "You should have told me."

"I'll take you over a job. You know that, man," says Jared.

Dad cuffs him in the back of the head.

"Anyway," says Jared. "I'm supposed to be family-friendly, and some people think gay people are bad for families."

"But--" Natalie chews her lip. "They--that's what happened to our family, right? Dad realized he was gay, and it broke up our family."

She knows it's the wrong thing to say, but--she has to know. She wants to understand, and she doesn't. Because dad being gay, it was bad for their family.

Dad looks pained, and Natalie hugs him to show him that--she loves him. She does.

Jared says, "It's not because he was gay. It was bad luck. It's bad luck that could happen to anyone. Your dad realized he didn't love your mom. And that's sad, that's terrible for you guys, but you can't help not loving someone, anymore than you can help loving them. And that's--we're one family. It's one person, not all gays."

"Not every gay guy is like me," says dad. "Some guys admit it sooner."

"I didn't mean it bad," she says. "I just don't know much about it. And I feel like I should."

Dad hugs her. "You're doing fine."

She doesn't feel like it, though.

It's been six months, and she still feels like everything is wrong.

*

Bri doesn't need a ride on Saturday; her mom drops her off and she and Natalie take Robin for a walk. They throw Robin's ball for a while and Robin goes crazy for it, because during the weekdays she only gets short walks and she gets so excited when she gets really played with.

"Do you mind that Jared's gay?" asks Natalie finally.

"No," says Bri. "I was just surprised."

Natalie nods. "He's nice. I like him."

"I do too. But you know I didn't come over just because I wanted to meet him, right?"

"I'm glad you came," says Natalie.

"Me too," says Bri.

When they get home, Jared's gardening. There wasn't a garden at all before, and Jared really wants one. Robin keeps trying to dig it up, so it's not working, but he keeps trying. He smiles and laughs when they come over, and he tells Bri how flattered he is that she likes the show, and afterward they go in and play Scrabble, and dad brings them snacks, and when Bri gets picked up they decide to get together again next Saturday.

She's the first real friend Natalie's made her, the first one since mom died, and it feels huge and important and she's so happy.

And then, on Monday, Jared being gay makes it to Us Weekly, and Natalie knows it's her fault.