longsufferingly (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
longsufferingly) wrote2009-04-25 06:47 pm
longsufferingly) wrote2009-04-25 06:47 pm
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This is short, disjointed, and probably somewhat incoherent.
It is also about Sam.
Spoilers for 419.
Sam has nightmares where he graduates Stanford and marries Jess and has children and dies in his sleep of natural causes.
He has a lot of other nightmares too, but he's used to those.
*
When Sam was twelve, Dean snuck him into the movies so they could see Braveheart.
Dean loved it; Sam loved what Dean loved.
He used to think it had a point--"Every man dies, not every man really lives." It was kind of comforting--his life sucked out loud, but at least he was really living.
When he got older he decided what everyone else did--marriage, kids, jobs, turkey on Thanksgiving--was living.
Now all he's really sure about is that everybody dies.
And that doesn't even last sometimes.
*
If they had another brother, Dean wouldn't be alone.
Dean wouldn't have to keep trying to save Sam. He'd have someone else.
It would be nice. Maybe relieve a little pressure.
*
The trickster told Sam Dean was his weakness.
The thing is, Sam thinks at this point, Dean is the only weakness he has.
Everything else is negotiable.
*
If Lilith had asked for Sam, just Sam, he wouldn't have tried to kill her.
He would have agreed, no questions asked.
*
Sam's a selfish guy--he always has been.
He gets it from his father.
If he's not happy, he doesn't think anyone should be sometimes.
Dean was jealous of Adam's past--baseball with dad, hiking and fishing and boy scout badges--but Sam, Sam hated his future.
*
Sam's fucked up.
*
In Sam's dreams, there's no apocalypse.
In Sam's nightmares, there's no Dean.
Everything else is negotiable.
It is also about Sam.
Spoilers for 419.
Sam has nightmares where he graduates Stanford and marries Jess and has children and dies in his sleep of natural causes.
He has a lot of other nightmares too, but he's used to those.
*
When Sam was twelve, Dean snuck him into the movies so they could see Braveheart.
Dean loved it; Sam loved what Dean loved.
He used to think it had a point--"Every man dies, not every man really lives." It was kind of comforting--his life sucked out loud, but at least he was really living.
When he got older he decided what everyone else did--marriage, kids, jobs, turkey on Thanksgiving--was living.
Now all he's really sure about is that everybody dies.
And that doesn't even last sometimes.
*
If they had another brother, Dean wouldn't be alone.
Dean wouldn't have to keep trying to save Sam. He'd have someone else.
It would be nice. Maybe relieve a little pressure.
*
The trickster told Sam Dean was his weakness.
The thing is, Sam thinks at this point, Dean is the only weakness he has.
Everything else is negotiable.
*
If Lilith had asked for Sam, just Sam, he wouldn't have tried to kill her.
He would have agreed, no questions asked.
*
Sam's a selfish guy--he always has been.
He gets it from his father.
If he's not happy, he doesn't think anyone should be sometimes.
Dean was jealous of Adam's past--baseball with dad, hiking and fishing and boy scout badges--but Sam, Sam hated his future.
*
Sam's fucked up.
*
In Sam's dreams, there's no apocalypse.
In Sam's nightmares, there's no Dean.
Everything else is negotiable.