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Oh, hey, first up, you have one week to leave me holiday ficlet prompts! So if you would like to do that, this is a friendly reminder.

Also, sob.

Title: Metatext
Author: [livejournal.com profile] poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf/Temeraire (mostly just Iskierka, tbh)
Pairing: Danny/Stiles, Scott/Allison, Iskierka/Blingee
Rating: PG
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 3300.
Summary: AU-ish (no werewolves). And completely AU for Temeraire. Scott finally reads Stiles' favorite webcomic, which inspires them to start their own, about Scott being a werewolf. And Iskierka occasionally shows up to tell Stiles that he is the worst.
Notes: Fun fact: I am contractually obligated to write a dumb fandom AU for every fandom I'm in! Also, this somehow got spoilers for Crucible of Gold in it, despite the fact that it's barely Temeraire fic. Good times.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.



"Hey, I started reading that webcomic you like," Scott says.

Stiles stares at him, and then gapes, and then flails, and then composes himself a little. "Oh," he says, aiming for casual. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," says Scott. "It was pretty cool."

"Yeah?" asks Stiles. "Yeah, it is, right? It's awesome."

Scott shrugs. "It's pretty awesome, yeah. And it doesn't look that hard. I bet we could do something like that."

Stiles falls out of his chair. It's not like he's been dreaming about this or anything. "Really," he says, sticking his head up and resting his chin on the table. "I never thought about that. Would you want to maybe, like, write something for that? You know, just. If you wanted to."

Scott laughs. "It'd be fun, right?"

"Yeah," says Stiles. "I mean, if you're into that."

*

His Majesty's Dragon is, in Stiles' opinion, the most awesome webcomic of all time. Like a lot of web comics, it started off vaguely autobiographical, in that the main characters were based on the writer and the artist, except for the artist being a dragon. Stiles assumes the artist isn't really a dragon. But after the first year of gag-based humor, they changed the name from Will and Teme, brought on another writer, and it became this weird and totally awesome Napoleonic AU. But with dragons.

Stiles might not be its biggest fan, but he's absolutely top five. At least, that's what his comment count in the forum says.

"Okay, we don't want to just rip them off," he says.

"Yeah, that would be really obvious," Scott agrees. "Even if we did, like, the American Revolution with dinosaurs. And I don't really know enough about history. We need it to be set now." He drums his pencil on his notebook. "Is it gonna be us?"

"Of course it's gonna be us, we're awesome." He makes a face. "But it can't just be us going to school, that's boring. No one wants to read about two guys going to high school."

"What if it was't just high school. Like, high school with dragons. But not dragons, obviously. They've got dragons covered."

"Something like dragons," says Stiles. "Something cool. Sexy."

"Vampires?" says Scott.

Stiles snorts. "Vampires? Seriously? No. So overdone."

"I like vampires," Scott mutters. "Werewolves?"

Stiles considers. "I could do werewolves."

*

"Okay, we can't both be werewolves," says Stiles.

"Why not? We could be a pack. Werewolves have packs."

"It creates conflict, duh. Besides, if we both start as werewolves, where are we gonna go?"

"Awesome werewolf places!" says Scott. "If we can't both be werewolves, I get to be the werewolf," he says crossing his arms.

Stiles frowns. "How does that make sense?"

"Hey, I was gonna share," Scott says. "I thought we could both be werewolves. You're the one who's saying no."

It's the annoying kind of Scott logic that isn't very good, but also kind of makes sense. Enough sense that Stiles doesn't know how to argue with it. Stiles huffs. "Fine," he says. "But you're not going to be a cool werewolf."

*

"Why would I make a website for you?" Danny asks.

Stiles doesn't exactly look for excuses to talk to Danny. Mostly because it's so easy to come up with reasons to talk to Danny that it doesn't count looking for excuses. It's not like talking to Lydia; that takes weeks of preparation and research.

"Why wouldn't you?" asks Stiles. "You know how."

"Being a webmaster takes a lot of time," says Danny. "Besides, you know how. Why don't you do it?"

"All the good web comics have creative teams," says Stiles. "I'm already the artist. I can't be the artist and the webmaster."

"Yes, you can," says Danny. "You design the website, come up with an updating queue for the comic. It'll take five minutes. And you'll already be on the site all the time to monitor problems."

Stiles grabs Danny's laptop. Danny makes a feeble attempt to get it back, but he's got his chemistry book open, and it's large enough he can't coordinate around it.

"I didn't want to have to do this," he says. "But you leave me no choice."

"Stiles--"

"This," says Stiles, turning the laptop toward Danny, "is His Majesty's Dragon's website."

Danny stares in mute horror. He clicks a few links, and just looks more and more upset. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Iskierka," says Stiles, shuddering. Danny just looks blankly at him. He sometimes forgets that the webmistress's name is not that enlightening to normal people. "Okay, their webmistress was born too late. She missed out on Geocities, which is what she should be designing for. And now we are all suffering for it. Also, once she posted a screenshot of her Internet Explorer browser--yes, she uses Internet Explorer--and her first bookmark was Blingee. So, see, we need an awesome website."

Danny keeps staring at the site. There's a muscle twitching in his jaw. "Okay, email me what pages you need, the overall concept, and some art. Do you want me to run the forum too?"

Stiles pumps his fist under the table, but manages a mostly compose smile when Danny looks back at him. "Yeah, that would be great."

*

Iskierka is the closest Stiles has to a rival. He figures it should be Temeraire, since he's the artist, but Temeraire he has no issues with; from what he can tell, Temeraire is pretty cool. Iskierka, on the other hand, is a demon from hell sent to test Stiles.

She came in to do webdesign for HMD with the new writer. Stiles isn't entirely clear how they're related--he's pretty sure Granby is gay, so she can't be his girlfriend. But she's clearly somehow very close to him, because otherwise they would fire her. Unless they secretly like Blingee. He doesn't want to believe that, because then he would have to lose respect for the entire enterprise.

Most of what Stiles knows about Iskierka is that:

1. She does not take constructive criticism well.
2. She does not take the suggestion that Granby might have ever written a bad sentence in his life well.
3. She doesn't really take anything well, unless it involves money or Blingee.
4. She wants to kill him.

Stiles is not overly critical. He's not! He thins the comic is great. He thinks the forum could use some work--a lot of work--and that not every single thing the comic does is absolutely and 100% perfect. And, yes, maybe he is the only regular who's still willing to call her out on the official forum, which makes him a target, but that's just standing up for what's right. You don't just bow to dictators.

And he might have, at some point, gotten his hands on Granby's private, unposted email, so he has that to hold over her head. From what Stiles has gathered, none of the others even go in the forum, and every time someone manages to get to one of them to look, Iskierka gets a firm talking to.

So, yeah, Stiles has not yet been banned. And, if he's honest, he thinks baiting Iskierka? Is kind of fun.

hey guys, just want to announce I've got a new webcomic starting up! it's called wolf high and it's going to be AWESOME :D, he posts, once they have the website up and functional, and the first ten comics posted.

As he predicted, Iskierka replies in under five minutes: no

no what? this is the promotions thread. i get to promote stuff

it's not going to be awesome. YOU'RE doing it, and granby isn't. it will be terrible. there aren't even any gifs on your homepage

you like my art! remember that anonymous exchange? you told me my drawing was AMAZING, and then when you found out it was me, you said you were just being nice. but we all know that's bullshit, because you're NEVER nice.

As expected, that gets him temp-banned for a day. But when he asks Danny about it, he says they got a bunch of hits from the forum post, so Stiles is counting that as a win.

*

Stiles did not start a webcomic to get girls. He knows that, in general, "I am famous on the internet" is a pickup line that only works with very limited audiences, and that Lydia Martin is not in that audience.

He might have been at least partially motivated by getting guys, and that part is going pretty well. Danny talks to him regularly now, and mostly without hostility. He thinks the comic is "kind of charming," which is more than Stiles ever expected, and when he read the zero-formatting version of HMD (Stiles is pretty sure Iskierka is the only one who reads the regular version; no one else can put up with the Blingee hearts that show up every time Granby appears), he said that was really cool. And Stiles is actually pretty knowledgeable about web comics and design, so they can have discussions that don't end with Danny looking at him like he's an idiot.

Anyway.

Scott does think writing a web comic will get him girls; specifically, Allison Argent. Stiles likes Allison--she's fun and funny and hot, and she seems to appreciate Scott's unique Scottness. He probably doesn't need the help from the webcomic, and Stiles would have advised him to shut up about it, if he'd asked him first.

Instead, Scott says, "Hey, do you want to be in our webcomic?" one day during lunch.

Stiles and Danny were discussing the layout for the archive page--Stiles wants it broken down by storyline, Danny isn't confident in their ability to come up with sustained storylines--but they both look up at that. Stiles assumes Danny is also amazed at how bad a pickup line that is.

Allison crinkles her face up in confusion. "Your webcomic?"

"Yeah, me and Stiles have a webcomic," says Scott. "Danny's the webmaster."

"That's what you guys are always talking about?"

"Not always," says Stiles, at the same time Danny says, "Yes," and Scott says, "Most of the time."

Allison worries her lip. "Is it popular?"

"Kind of," says Scott.

"Getting more popular every day."

"Not by much," says Danny.

"Hey, our number of hits is going up."

"You're still about thirty percent of the daily hits," Danny points out. "Every day. You and that weird stalker person."

"We're doing okay," Scott says firmly. "You can look at it if you want!"

"That sounds really cool," says Allison. "Just--don't make it too obvious?"

"Why not?" asks Scott.

"My dad doesn't like webcomics."

"Wait, what?" says Stiles. "Why does your dad not like webcomics? Webcomics are awesome! Why does he even have an opinion? Does he want the internet to get off his lawn?"

"Yeah, kind of," says Allison. "He's, uh--my grandfather is Gerard Argent. He does, um, The Code?"

Stiles stares. "The Code? Like, that shitty soap opera comic that runs under Mary Worth?"

"It's not that bad," says Allison, looking put out.

"Yeah, come on, Stiles, it's not that bad," says Scott, glaring. Like Scott has ever read and enjoyed The Code. Stiles appreciates his desire to get laid, but there are some lines you do not cross.

"My dad's gonna take over from him someday," says Allison. "He thinks webcomics are a threat to the industry or something." She rolls her eyes. "It's dumb. I just don't want him to get upset. He wants me to help him write it."

Scott lights up. "Really? We should totally talk about it! Maybe you can help me with my writing..."

Stiles groans, but he's kind of secretly glad Allison seems excited. He starts doodling a draft of what Allison could look like in the comic in the margin of his chemistry notes, and Danny nudges him. "What?"

"Am I going to be in the comic?" he asks.

Stiles blinks. "Oh, yeah, definitely! If you want. I actually already have some character design done for you, nothing big."

Danny looks pleased. "Yeah?"

"Obviously," says Stiles. "You're an important part of the team."

Danny ducks his head. "Cool."

*

"This is a little extreme," says Stiles.

"What? No it's not."

"Her dad doesn't like webcomics, so you're making him an evil werewolf hunter?"

"Yeah."

"You don't see anything extreme about that?"

"Allison says we can't show him the comic!"

"Why would you want to?"

"So he'll be impressed with me."

Stiles sighs. "Okay, so, he's not going to know you write a webcomic, so you're going to put him in your webcomic as an evil werewolf hunter."

"Yeah."

"No, that seems totally reasonable. Definitely not an overreaction at all."

"Make his eyebrows scowlier."

"You got it."

*

From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: still no

we are not going to be affiliates
ever
stop emailing me
your comic is not good enough
granby is going to steal your webmaster


From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: still no

wait, what about danny?

*

"So, I got an ISP match for that lurker I was telling you about," Danny is saying. "The one who visits the site even more than you do?"

"Yeah?" says Stiles, absently. He's having trouble paying complete attention, now that he knows Iskierka is trying to steal Danny with fame and glory and sex with Granby.

"Yeah, and get this--it's Mr. Hale."

Stiles blinks. "Mr. Hale? Like--Mr. Hale."

"Yes, Mr. Hale."

"The English teacher who's always talking about Scott's potential like a creeper?"

Danny shrugs. "I got an email from him about our paper, I noticed the ISP looked familiar. Numbers don't lie, Stiles."

"That is so creepy," says Stiles. "Jesus. I'm going to make that werewolf who's creeping on Scott look like him."

Danny raises his eyebrows. "That's subtle."

"If Scott can make his girlfriend's dad into an evil werewolf hunter, I can make our creepy English teacher into a creepy werewolf."

Danny laughs. "Whatever you say."

"Are you gonna quit?" Stiles blurts out.

"Quit what?" asks Danny.

"The comic."

Danny looks over at him, confused. "What? Why would I quit?"

"Because Iskierka is trying to lure you away! With sex and a cut of merch sales! And, I don't know, whatever Iskierka has. Blackmail material, probably."

"Oh," says Danny. "That."

Stiles goggles. "She really did that? I thought she was just messing with me, and you'd be like, Stiles, what are you talking about? You never know what I'm talking about."

"I think she's actually weirder than you are," says Danny ruefully. "Look, it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is! She's trying to steal you! That is totally sabotage. And they're way more popular than us, she doesn't need to steal. They actually have merch sales, and once we do you're totally going to get a cut and--"

"Stiles, I'm not going to quit," says Danny. "Why would I quit?"

"Let's see, their comic is more popular than ours, more profitable than ours, better than ours, you didn't want to do this in the first place, if you quit maybe you could redesign their site and make it not hideous, and that would almost be worth it, and you'd get a date!"

"I like your comic," says Danny, which makes Stiles feel warm all the way down to his toes. "And a date, what? I don't want to date her. I'm gay, remember? And she's terrifying. She uses Internet Explorer."

"She said she was going to give you Granby."

"Uh, Stiles? Granby is almost thirty and lives in Michigan. She wasn't even offering me a date with him, she just said--" he looks away, flushing.

"Hey, what did she say?" asks Stiles. "Dude, come on! This is important. She's the enemy."

"She said I could be in the comic--which I don't think she could do, by the way--and that Granby would be a way better love interest than you."

Stiles blinks.

"Which would be really historically inaccurate," Danny says quickly. "I don't think it would really make sense for the comic."

"I'm a love interest?" asks Stiles.

"Since when do you listen to Iskierka?"

"Since she decided I'm a love interest! This is awesome! I bet we could talk Scott into doing that as a side plot."

"I thought you and Lydia was the side plot," says Danny, warily.

"Yeah, no," says Stiles. "Not even in my fantasies is that happening. We strive for some level of werewolf realism. But me and you--that's kind of plausible, right?" he asks, with a hopeful raise of his eyebrows.

"You'd need to do some serious development," Danny says, but he's smiling a little. "You haven't even established Stiles as gay."

"Bisexual," Stiles corrects. "It's been implied."

"I must have missed that," says Danny.

"Lack of reading comprehension," says Stiles, sadly. "Very sad. Mr. Hale would be disappointed." He looks over at Danny. "So, this is flirting, right? Flirting that will lead to dating? That's what happening right now?"

Danny shakes his head, laughing. "Yeah, Stiles. That's what's happening."

*

"We need another villain," says Scott. "I just met Allison's grandfather. He hates the entire internet. He's going to be our big bad."

"What, her crazy aunt wasn't enough?"

"I thought she was, until I met her crazy grandfather! Her entire family is totally internet-hating werewolf hunters."

"Are you sure you want to date this girl? She's from a family of Luddites."

"What's a Luddite?"

"Never mind. Are you working my romance in there, stud? Or is this going to be all about you and your girlfriend's evil werewolf family?"

"Of course I am," says Scott, affronted. "I bet Danny's family is nice," he mutters.

"Yup," says Stiles smugly. "I had dinner there last week. His mom made pie."

Scott scowls. "I bet someone in his family is a Luddite."

"Yeah, I don't care."

Scott drums his pencil on Stiles' latest page. "Hey, is it just me, or does this new werewolf kind of look like Mr. Hale?"

Stiles chokes. "Nope. Just you."

*

From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: [no subject]

granby says he wants to affiliate with you
this doesn't mean anything
you are still terrible


From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: Re: [no subject]

YES
IN YOUR FACE

I mean

That's very exciting! We're flattered. We're all huge fans of your comic.



From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: Re: [no subject]

of course you are, our comic is the best comic
yours is okay, I guess
granby thinks stiles/danny is cute


i like lydia


From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: Re: [no subject]

I'll be sure and let her know

*

"Who?" asks Lydia. "Why do I care?" And then she leaves.

"I don't really know how you thought that was going to go," says Danny, fondly.

"They can never meet," says Stiles. "Oh my god, can you even imagine? It would be, like, apocalyptic. The world would actually end."

"So you want to do a crossover?" Scott surmises. There is a very good reason Scott is his best friend.

"Oh my god, do you think they'd be into that? That would be amazing. We have got to get that happening."

Danny laughs. "You have to email Iskierka to set it up," he points out.

"Worth it," says Stiles. "Totally worth it." Danny shakes his head and squeezes his hand, and Scott slides over the script for the next comic. Stiles has to smile. "Best idea ever."
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